poor miss finch-第29节

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separation；　I　cannot　prevail　on　myself　to　run　the　risk　of　meeting　her　in
the　presence　of　strangers；　who　would　instantly　notice　my　frightful　color；
and　betray　it　to　her。　Think　of　her　shuddering　and　starting　back　from　my
hand　when　it　took　hers！　No！　no！　I　must　choose　my　own　opportunity；　in　this
quiet　place；　of　telling　her　what　（I　suppose）　must　be　toldwith　time
before　me　to　prepare　her　mind　for　the　disclosure　（if　it　must　come）；　and
with　nobody　but　you　near　to　see　the　first　mortifying　effect　of　the　shock
which　I　shall　inflict　on　her。

〃I　have　only　to　add；　before　I　release　you；　that　I　write　these　lines　in
the　strictest　confidence。　You　have　promised　not　to　mention　my
disfigurement　to　Lucilla；　unless　I　first　give　you　leave。　I　now；　more　than
ever；　hold　you　to　that　promise。　The　few　people　about　me　here；　are　all
pledged　to　secrecy　as　you　are。　If　it　is　really　inevitable　that　she　should
know　the　truthI　alone　must　tell　it；　in　my　own　way；　and　at　my　own　time。〃



〃If　it　must　come；〃　〃if　it　is　really　inevitable〃these　phrases　in　Oscar's
letter　satisfied　me　that　he　was　already　beginning　to　comfort　himself　with
an　insanely　delusive　ideathe　idea　that　it　might　be　possible　permanently
to　conceal　the　ugly　personal　change　in　him　from　Lucilla's　knowledge。

If　I　had　been　at　Dimchurch；　I　have　no　doubt　I　should　have　begun　to　feel
seriously　uneasy　at　the　turn　which　things　appeared　to　be　taking　now。

But　distance　has　a　very　strange　effect　in　altering　one's　customary　way　of
thinking　of　affairs　at　home。　Being　in　Italy　instead　of　in　England；　I
dismissed　Lucilla's　antipathies　and　Oscar's　scruples；　as　both　alike
unworthy　of　serious　consideration。　Sooner　or　later；　time　（I　considered）
would　bring　these　two　troublesome　young　people　to　their　senses。　Their
marriage　would　follow；　and　there　would　be　an　end　of　it！　In　the　meanwhile；
I　continued　to　feast　good　Papa　on　Holy　Families　and　churches。　Ah；　poor
dear；　how　he　yawned　over　Caraccis　and　cupolas！　and　how　fervently　he
promised　never　to　fall　in　love　again；　if　I　would　only　take　him　back　to
Paris！

We　set　our　faces　homeward　a　day　or　two　after　the　receipt　of　Oscar's
letter。　I　left　my　reformed　father；　resting　his　aching　old　bones　in　his
own　easy…chair；　capable　perhaps；　even　yet；　of　contracting　a　Platonic
attachment　to　a　lady　of　his　own　time　of　lifebut　capable　（as　I　firmly
believed）　of　nothing　more。　〃Oh；　my　child；　let　me　rest！〃　he　said；　when　I
wished　him　good…bye。　〃And　never　show　me　a　church　or　a　picture　again　as
long　as　I　live！〃

CHAPTER　THE　TWENTY…FIRST

Madame　Pratolungo　Returns　to　Dimchurch

I　REACHED　London　in　the　last　week　of　Lucilla's　residence　under　her　aunt's
roof；　and　waited　in　town　until　it　was　time　to　take　her　back　to　Dimchurch。

As　soon　as　it　had　become　obviously　too　late　for　Oscar　to　risk　the　dreaded
meeting　with　Lucilla　before　strangers；　his　correspondence　had；　as　a
matter　of　course；　assumed　a　brighter　tone。　She　was　in　high　spirits　once
more；　poor　thing；　when　we　metand　full　of　delight　at　having　me　near　her
again。　We　thoroughly　enjoyed　our　few　days　in　Londonand　took　our　fill　of
music　at　operas　and　concerts。　I　got　on　excellently　well　with　the　aunt
until　the　last　day；　when　something　happened　which　betrayed　me　into　an
avowal　of　my　political　convictions。

The　old　lady's　consternation；　when　she　discovered　that　I　looked　hopefully
forward　to　a　coming　extermination　of　kings　and　priests；　and　a　general
re…distribution　of　property　all　over　the　civilized　globe；　is　unutterable
in　words。　On　that　occasion；　I　made　one　more　aristocrat　tremble。　I　also
closed　Miss　Batchford's　door　on　me　for　the　rest　of　my　life。　No　matter！
The　day　is　coming　when　the　Batchford　branch　of　humanity　will　not　possess
a　door　to　close。　All　Europe　is　drifting　nearer　and　nearer　to　the
Pratolungo　programme。　Cheer　up；　my　brothers　without　land；　and　my　sisters
without　money　in　the　Funds！　We　will　have　it　out　with　the　infamous　rich
yet。　Long　live　the　Republic！

Early　in　the　month　of　April；　Lucilla　and　I　took　leave　of　the　Metropolis；
and　went　back　to　Dimchurch。

As　we　drew　nearer　and　nearer　to　the　rectory；　as　Lucilla　began　to　flush
and　fidget　in　eager　anticipation　of　her　re…union　with　Oscar；　that
uneasiness　of　mind　which　I　had　so　readily　dismissed　while　I　was　in　Italy；
began　to　find　its　way　back　to　me　again。　My　imagination　now　set　to　work　at
drawing　picturesstartling　pictures　of　Oscar　as　a　changed　being；　as　a
Medusa's　head　too　terrible　to　be　contemplated　by　mortal　eyes。　Where　would
he　meet　us？　At　the　entrance　to　the　village？　No。　At　the　rectory　gate？　No。
In　the　quieter　part　of　the　garden　which　was　at　the　back　of　the　house？
Yes！　There　he　stood　waiting　for　usalone！

Lucilla　flew　into　his　arms　with　a　cry　of　delight。　I　stood　behind　and
looked　at　them。

Ah；　how　vividly　I　rememberat　the　moment　when　she　embraced　himthe
first　shock　of　seeing　the　two　faces　together！　The　drug　had　done　its　work。
I　saw　her　fair　cheek　laid　innocently　against　the　livid　blackish　blue　of
_his_　discolored　skin。　Heavens；　how　cruelly　that　first　embrace　marked　the
contrast　between　what　he　had　been　when　I　left　him；　and　what　he　had
changed　to　when　I　saw　him　now！　His　eyes　turned　from　her　face　to　mine；　in
silent　appeal　to　me　while　he　held　her　in　his　arms。　Their　look　told　me　the
thought　in　him；　as　eloquently　as　if　he　had　put　it　into　words。　〃You；　who
love　her；　saycan　we　ever　be　cruel　enough　to　tell　her　of　_this？_〃

I　approached　to　take　his　hand。　At　the　same　moment；　Lucilla　suddenly　drew
back　from　him；　laid　her　left　hand　on　his　shoulder；　and　passed　her　right
hand　rapidly　over　his　face。

For　an　instant　I　felt　my　heart　stand　still。　Her　miraculous　sensitiveness
of　touch　had　detected　the　dark　color　of　my　dress；　on　the　day　when　we
first　met。　Would　it　serve　her；　this　time；　as　truly　as　it　had　served　her
then？

She　paused；　after　the　first　passage　of　her　fingers　over　his　face；　with
the　breathless　attention　to　what　she　was　about；　which；　in　my　own　case；　I
remembered　so　well。　A　second　time；　she　passed　her　hand　over
himconsidered　againand　turned　my　way　next。

〃What　does　his　face　tell　_you？_〃　she　asked。　〃It　tells　_me_　that　he　has
something　on　his　mind。　What　is　it？〃

We　were　safeso　far！　The　hateful　medicine；　in　altering　the　color；　had
not　affected　the　texture；　of　his　skin。　As　her　touch　had　left　it　on　her
departure；　so　her　touch　found　it　again；　on　her　return。

Before　I　could　reply　to　Lucilla；　Oscar　answered　for　himself。

〃Nothing　is　wrong；　my　darling；〃　he　said。　〃My　nerves　are　a　little　out　of
order　to…day；　and　the　joy　of　seeing　you　again　has　overcome　me　for　the
momentthat　is　all。〃

She　shook　her　head　impatiently。

〃No；〃　she　said；　〃it's　not　all。〃　She　touched　his　heart。　〃Why　is　it　beating
so　fast？〃　She　took　his　hand　in　hers。　〃Why　has　it　turned　so　cold？　I　must
know。　I　_will_　know！　Come　indoors。〃

At　that　awkward　moment；　the　most　wearisome　of　living　men　suddenly　proved
himself　to　be　the　most　welcome　of　living　men。　The　rector　appeared　in　the
garden；　to　receive　his　daughter　on　her　return。　Enfolded　in　Reverend
Finch's　paternal　embraces；　harangued　by　Reverend　Finch's　prodigious
voice；　Lucilla　was　effectually　silencedthe　subject　was　inevitably
changed。　Oscar　drew　me　aside　out　of　hearing；　while　her　attention　was
diverted　from　him。

〃I　saw　you；〃　he　said。　〃_You_　were　horrified　at　the　first　sight　of　me。
_You_　were　relieved　when　you　found　that　her　touch　told　her　nothing。　Help
me　to　keep　her　from　suspecting　it；　for　two　months　moreand　you　will　be
the　best　friend　that　ever　man　had。〃

〃Two　months？〃　I　repeated。

〃Yes。　If　there　is　no　return　of　the　fits　in　two　months；　the　doctor　will
consider　my　recovery　complete。　Lucilla　and　I　may　be　married　at　the　end　of
the　time。〃

〃My　friend　Oscar；　are　you　contemplating　a　fraud　on　Lucilla？〃

〃What　do　you　mean？〃

〃Come！　come！　you　know　what　I　mean！　Is　it　honorable　first　to　entrap　her
into　marrying　youand　then　to　confess　to　her　the　color　of　your　face？〃

He　sighed　bitterly。

〃I　shall　fill　her　with　horror　of　me；　if　I　confess　it。　Look　at　me！　look　at
me！〃　he　said；　lifting　his　ghastly　hands　in　despair　to　his　blue　face。

I　was　determined　not　to　give　wayeven　to　that。

〃Be　a　man！〃　I　said。　〃Own　it　boldly。　What　is　she　going　to　marry　you　for？
For　your　face　that　she　can　never　see？　No！　For　your　heart　that　is　one　with
her　own。　Trust　to　her　natural　good　senseand；　better　than　that；　to　the
devoted　love　that　you　have　inspired　in　her。　She　will　see　her　stupid
prejudice　in　its　true　light；　when　she　feels　it　trying　to　part　her　from
_you。_〃

〃No！　no！　no！　Remember　her　letter　to　her　father。　I　shall　lose　her　for
ever；　if　I　tell　her　now！〃

I　took　his　arm；　and　endeavored　to　lead　him　to　Lucilla。　She　as　already
trying　to　escape　from　her　father；　she　was　already　longing　to　hear　the
sound　of　Oscar's　voice　again。

He　obstinately　shrank　back。　I　began　to　feel　angry　with　him。　In　another
moment；　I　should　have　said　or　done　something　that　I　might　have　repented
of　afterwardsif　a　new　interruption　had　not　happened　before　I　could　open
my　lips。

Another　person　appeared　in　the　gardenthe　man…servant　from　Browndown；
with　a　letter　for　his　master　in　his　hand。

〃This　has　just　come；　sir；〃　said　the　man；　〃by　the　afternoon　post。　It　is
marked　'Immediate。'　I　thought　I　had　better　bring　it　to　you　her