poor miss finch-第28节

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during　the　day。　She　had　no　second　spare…room　at　her　disposalso　we
settled　that　I　was　to　sleep　at　a　lodging…house　in　the　neighborhood。　In
this　same　house；　Oscar　was　also　to　be　accommodated；　when　the　doctors
sanctioned　his　removal　to　London。　It　was　now　thought　likelyif　all　went
wellthat　the　marriage　might　be　celebrated　at　the　end　of　the　three
months；　from　Miss　Batchford's　residence　in　town。

Three　days　before　the　date　of　Lucilla's　departure；　these　plansso　far　as
I　was　concerned　in　themwere　all　over…thrown。

　A　letter　from　Paris　reached　me；　with　more　bad　news。　My　absence　had
produced　the　worst　possible　effect　on　good　Papa。

The　moment　my　influence　had　been　removed；　he　had　become　perfectly
unmanageable。　My　sisters　assured　me　that　the　abominable　woman　from　whom　I
had　rescued　him；　would　most　certainly　end　in　marrying　him　after　all；
unless　I　reappeared　immediately　on　the　scene。　What　was　to　be　done？
Nothing　was　to　be　done；　but　to　fly　into　a　rageto　grind　my　teeth；　and
throw　down　all　my　things；　in　the　solitude　of　my　own　roomand　then　to　go
back　to　Paris。

Lucilla　behaved　charmingly。　When　she　saw　how　angry　and　how　distressed　I
was；　she　suppressed　all　exhibition　of　disappointment　on　her　side；　with
the　truest　and　kindest　consideration　for　my　feelings。　〃Write　to　me
often；〃　said　the　charming　creature；　〃and　come　back　to　me　as　soon　as　you
can。〃　Her　father　took　her　to　London。　Two　days　before　they　left；　I　said
good…bye　at　the　rectory　and　at　Browndown；　and　startedonce　more　by　the
Newhaven　and　Dieppe　routefor　Paris。

I　was　in　no　humour　（as　your　English　saying　is）　to　mince　matters；　in
controlling　this　new　outbreak　on　the　part　of　my　evergreen　parent。　I
insisted　on　instantly　removing　him　from　Paris；　and　taking　him　on　a
continental　tour。　I　was　proof　against　his　paternal　embraces；　I　was　deaf
to　his　noble　sentiments。　He　declared　he　should　die　on　the　road。　When　I
look　back　at　it　now；　I　am　amazed　at　my　own　cruelty。　I　said；　〃En　route；
Papa！〃and　packed　him　up；　and　took　him　to　Italy。

He　became　enamored；　at　intervals；　now　of　one　fair　traveler　and　now　of
another；　all　through　the　journey　from　Paris　to　Rome。　（Wonderful　old　man！）
Arrived　at　Romethat　hotbed　of　the　enemies　of　mankindI　saw　my　way　to
putting　a　moral　extinguisher　on　the　author　of　my　being。　The　Eternal　City
contains　three　hundred　and　sixty…five　churches；　and　（say）　three　million
and　sixty…five　pictures。　I　insisted　on　his　seeing　them　allat　the
advanced　age　of　seventy…five　years！　The　sedative　result　followed；　exactly
as　I　had　anticipated。　I　stupefied　good　Papa　with　churches　and
picturesand　then　I　tried　him　with　a　marble　woman　to　begin　with。　He　fell
asleep　before　the　Venus　of　the　Capitol。　When　I　saw　that；　I　said　to
myself；　Now　he　will　do；　Don　Juan　is　reformed　at　last。

Lucilla's　correspondence　with　meat　first　cheerfulgradually　assumed　a
desponding　tone。

Six　weeks　had　passed　since　her　departure　from　Dimchurch；　and　still
Oscar's　letters　held　out　no　hope　of　his　being　able　to　join　her　in　London。
His　recovery　was　advancing；　but　not　so　rapidly　as　his　medical　adviser　had
anticipated。　It　was　possibleto　look　the　worst　in　the　face　boldlythat
he　might　not　get　the　doctor's　permission　to　leave　Browndown　before　the
time　arrived　for　Lucilla's　return　to　the　rectory。　In　this　event；　he　could
only　entreat　her　to　be　patient；　and　to　remember　that　though　he　was
gaining　ground　but　slowly；　he　was　still　getting　on。　Under　these
circumstances；　Lucilla　was　naturally　vexed　and　dejected。　She　had　never
（she　wrote）；　from　her　girlhood　upward；　spent　such　a　miserable　time　with
her　aunt　as　she　was　spending　now。

On　reading　this　letter；　I　instantly　smelt　something　wrong。

I　corresponded　with　Oscar　almost　as　frequently　as　with　Lucilla。　His　last
letter　to　me　flatly　contradicted　his　last　letter　to　his　promised　wife。　In
writing　to　my　address；　he　declared　himself　to　be　rapidly　advancing
towards　recovery。　Under　the　new　treatment；　the　fits　succeeded　each　other
at　longer　and　longer　intervals；　and　endured　a　shorter　and　shorter　time。
Here　then　was　plainly　a　depressing　report　sent　to　Lucilla；　and　an
encouraging　report　sent　to　me。

What　did　it　mean？

Oscar's　next　letter　to　me　answered　the　question。

〃I　told　you　in　my　last〃　（he　wrote）；　〃that　the　discoloration　of　my　skin
had　begun。　The　complexion　which　you　were　once　so　good　as　to　admire；　has
disappeared　for　ever。　I　am　now　of　a　livid　ashen　colorso　like　death；
that　I　sometimes　startle　myself　when　I　look　in　the　glass。　In　about　six
weeks　more；　as　the　doctor　calculates；　this　will　deepen　to　a　blackish
blue；　and　then；　'the　saturation'　（as　he　calls　it）　will　be　complete。

〃So　far　from　feeling　any　useless　regrets　at　having　taken　the　medicine
which　is　producing　these　ugly　effects；　I　am　more　grateful　to　my　Nitrate
of　Silver　than　words　can　say。　If　you　ask　for　the　secret　of　this
extraordinary　exhibition　of　philosophy　on　my　part；　I　can　give　it　in　one
line。　For　the　last　ten　days；　I　have　not　had　a　fit。　In　other　words；　for
the　last　ten　days；　I　have　lived　in　Paradise。　I　declare　I　would　have
cheerfully　lost　an　arm　or　a　leg　to　gain　the　blessed　peace　of　mind；　the
intoxicating　confidence　in　the　futureit　is　nothing　lessthat　I　feel
now。

〃Still　there　is　a　drawback　which　prevents　me　from　enjoying　perfect
tranquillity　even　yet。　When　was　there　ever　a　pleasure　in　this　world；
without　a　lurking　possibility　of　pain　hidden　away　in　it　somewhere？

〃I　have　lately　discovered　a　peculiarity　in　Lucilla　which　is　new　to　me；
and　which　has　produced　a　very　unpleasant　impression　on　my　mind。　My
proposed　avowal　to　her　of　the　change　in　my　personal　appearance；　has　now
become　a　matter　of　far　more　serious　difficulty　than　I　had　anticipated
when　the　question　was　discussed　between　you　and　me　at　Browndown。

〃Have　you　ever　found　out　that　the　strongest　antipathy　she　has；　is　her
purely　imaginary　antipathy　to　dark　people　and　to　dark　shades　of　color　of
all　kinds？　This　strange　prejudice　is　the　result；　as　I　suppose；　of　some
morbid　growth　of　her　blindness；　quite　as　inexplicable　to　herself　as　to
other　people。　Explicable；　or　not；　there　it　is　in　her。　Read　the　extract
that　follows　from　one　of　her　letters　to　her　father；　which　her　father
showed　to　meand　you　will　not　be　surprised　to　hear　that　I　tremble　for
myself　when　the　time　comes　for　telling　her　what　I　have　done。

〃Thus　she　writes　to　Mr。　Finch：

〃　'I　am　sorry　to　say；　I　have　had　a　little　quarrel　with　my　aunt。　It　is　all
made　up　now；　but　it　has　hardly　left　us　such　good　friends　as　we　were
before。　Last　week；　there　was　a　dinner…party　here；　and；　among　the　guests；
was　a　Hindoo　gentleman　（converted　to　Christianity）　to　whom　my　aunt　has
taken　a　great　fancy。　While　the　maid　was　dressing　me；　I　unluckily　inquired
if　she　had　seen　the　Hindooand；　hearing　that　she　had；　I　still　more
unfortunately　asked　her　to　tell　me　what　he　was　like。　She　described　him　as
being　very　tall　and　lean；　with　a　dark　brown　complexion　and　glittering
black　eyes。　My　mischievous　fancy　instantly　set　to　work　on　this　horrid
combination　of　darknesses。　Try　as　I　might　to　resist　it；　my　mind　drew　a
dreadful　picture　of　the　Hindoo；　as　a　kind　of　monster　in　human　form。　I
would　have　given　worlds　to　have　been　excused　from　going　down　into　the
drawing…room。　At　the　last　moment　I　was　sent　for；　and　the　Hindoo　was
introduced　to　me。　The　instant　I　felt　him　approaching；　my　darkness　was
peopled　with　brown　demons。　He　took　my　hand。　I　tried　hard　to　control
myselfbut　I　really　could　not　help　shuddering　and　starting　back　when　he
touched　me。　To　make　matters　worse；　he　sat　next　to　me　at　dinner。　In　five
minutes　I　had　long；　lean；　black…eyed　beings　all　round　me；　perpetually
growing　in　numbers；　and　pressing　closer　and　closer　on　me　as　they　grew。　It
ended　in　my　being　obliged　to　leave　the　table。　When　the　guests　were　all
gone；　my　aunt　was　furious。　I　admitted　my　conduct　was　unreasonable　in　the
last　degree。　At　the　same　time；　I　begged　her　to　make　allowances　for　me。　I
reminded　her　that　I　was　blind　at　a　year　old；　and　that　I　had　really　no
idea　of　what　any　person　was　like；　except　by　drawing　pictures　of　them　in
my　imagination；　from　description；　and　from　my　own　knowledge　obtained　by
touch。　I　appealed　to　her　to　remember　that；　situated　as　I　am；　my　fancy　is
peculiarly　liable　to　play　me　tricks；　and　that　I　have　no　sight　to　see
with；　and　to　show　meas　other　people's　eyes　show　_them_when　they　have
taken　a　false　view　of　persons　and　things。　It　was　all　in　vain。　My　aunt
would　admit　of　no　excuse　for　me。　I　was　so　irritated　by　her　injustice；
that　I　reminded　her　of　an　antipathy　of　her　own；　quite　as　ridiculous　as
minean　antipathy　to　cats。　She；　who　can　see　that　cats　are　harmless；
shudders　and　turns　pale；　for　all　that；　if　a　cat　is　in　the　same　room　with
her。　Set　my　senseless　horror　of　dark　people　against　her　senseless　horror
of　catsand　say　which　of　us　has　the　right　to　be　angry　with　the　other？'　〃

Such　was　the　quotation　from　Lucilla's　letter　to　her　father。　At　the　end　of
it；　Oscar　resumed；　as　follows：

〃I　wonder　whether　you　will　now　understand　me；　if　I　own　to　you　that　I　have
made　the　worst　of　my　case　in　writing　to　Lucilla？　It　is　the　only　excuse　I
can　produce　for　not　joining　her　in　London。　Weary　as　I　am　of　our　long
separation；　I　cannot　prevail　on　myself　to　run　the　risk　of　meeting　her　in
the　presen