poor miss finch-第26节

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（to　that　small　extent）　a　profit　out　of　our　calamity　to　set　against　the
loss。　Do　what　one　may　in　the　detestable　system　of　modern　society；　the
pivot　on　which　it　all　turns　is　Money。　Money；　when　you　are　saving　Freedom！
Money；　when　you　are　saving　Papa！　Is　there　no　remedy　for　this？　A　word　in
your　ear。　Wait　till　the　next　revolution！

During　the　time　of　my　absence；　I　had　of　course　corresponded　with　Lucilla。

Her　letters　to　mevery　sad　and　very　shortreported　a　melancholy　state
of　things　at　Dimchurch。　While　I　had　been　away；　the　dreadful　epileptic
seizures　had　attacked　Oscar　with　increasing　frequency　and　increasing
severity。　The　moment　I　could　see　my　way　to　getting　back　to　England；　I
wrote　to　Lucilla　to　cheer　her　with　the　intimation　of　my　return。　Two　days
only　before　my　departure　from　Paris；　I　received　another　letter　from　her。
I　was　weak　enough　to　be　almost　afraid　to　open　it。　Her　writing　to　me
again；　when　she　knew　that　we　should　be　re…united　at　such　an　early　date；
suggested　that　she　must　have　some　very　startling　news　to　communicate。　My
mind　misgave　me　that　it　would　prove　to　be　news　of　the　worst　sort。

I　summoned　courage　to　open　the　envelope。　Ah；　what　fools　we　are！　For　once
that　our　presentments　come　right；　they　prove　a　hundred　times　to　be　wrong。
Instead　of　distressing　me；　the　letter　delighted　me。　Our　gloomy　prospect
was　brightening　at　last。

Thusfeeling　her　way　over　the　paper；　in　her　large　childish
charactersLucilla　wrote：

〃DEAREST　FRIEND　AND　SISTER；I　cannot　wait　until　we　meet；　to　tell　you　my
good　news。　The　Brighton　doctor　has　been　dismissed；　and　a　doctor　from
London　has　been　tried　instead。　My　dear！　for　intellect　there　is　nothing
like　London。　The　new　man　sees；　thinks；　and　makes　up　his　mind　on　the　spot。
He　has　a　way　of　his　own　of　treating　Oscar's　case；　and　he　answers　for
curing　him　of　the　horrible　fits。　There　is　news　for　you！　Come　back；　and
let　us　jump　for　joy　together。　How　wrong　I　was　to　doubt　the　future！　Never；
never；　never　will　I　doubt　it　again。　This　is　the　longest　letter　I　have
ever　written。

〃Your　affectionate；

〃LUCILLA。〃

To　this；　a　postscript　was　added；　in　Oscar's　handwriting；　as　follows：

〃Lucilla　has　told　you　that　there　is　some　hope　for　me　at　last。　What　I
write　in　this　place　is　written　without　her　knowledgefor　your　private
ear　only。　Take　the　first　opportunity　you　can　find　of　coming　to　see　me　at
Browndown；　without　allowing　Lucilla　to　hear　of　it。　I　have　a　great　favor
to　ask　of　you。　My　happiness　depends　on　your　granting　it。　You　shall　know
what　it　is；　when　we　meet。

〃OSCAR。〃

This　postscript　puzzled　me。

It　was　not　in　harmony　with　the　implicit　confidence　which　I　had　observed
Oscar　to　place　habitually　in　Lucilla。　It　jarred　on　my　experience　of　his
character；　which　presented　him　to　me　as　the　reverse　of　a　reserved
secretive　man。　His　concealment　of　his　identity；　when　he　first　came　among
us；　had　been　a　forced　concealmentdue　entirely　to　his　horror　of　being
identified　with　the　hero　of　the　trial。　In　all　the　ordinary　relations　of
life；　he　was　open　and　unreserved　to　a　fault。　That　he　could　have　a　secret
to　keep　from　Lucilla；　and　to　confide　to　me；　was　something　perfectly
unintelligible　to　my　mind。　It　highly　excited　my　curiosity；　it　gave　me　a
new　reason　for　longing　to　get　back。

I　was　able　to　make　all　my　arrangements；　and　to　bid　adieu　to　my　father　and
my　sisters　on　the　evening　of　the　twenty…third。　Early　on　the　morning　of
the　twenty…fourth；　I　left　Paris；　and　reached　Dimchurch　in　time　for　the
final　festivities　in　celebration　of　Christmas　Eve。

The　first　hour　of　Christmas　Day　had　struck　on　the　clock　in　our　own　pretty
sitting…room；　before　I　could　prevail　upon　Lucilla　to　let　me　rest；　after
my　journey；　in　bed。　She　was　now　once　more　the　joyous　light…hearted
creature　of　our　happier　time；　and　she　had　so　much　to　say　to　me；　that　not
even　her　father　himself　（on　this　occasion）　could　have　talked　her　down。
The　next　morning　she　paid　the　penalty　of　exciting　herself　over…night。
When　I　went　into　her　room；　she　was　suffering　from　a　nervous　head…ache；
and　was　not　able　to　rise　at　her　usual　hour。　She　proposed　of　her　own
accord　that　I　should　go　alone　to　Browndown　to　see　Oscar　on　my　return。　It
is　only　doing　common　justice　to　myself　to　say　that　this　was　a　relief　to
me。　If　she　had　had　the　use　of　her　eyes；　my　conscience　would　have　been
easy　enoughbut　I　shrank　from　deceiving　my　dear　blind　girl；　even　in　the
slightest　things。

So；　with　Lucilla's　knowledge　and　approval；　I　went　to　Oscar　alone。

I　found　him　fretful　and　anxiousready　to　flame　out　into　one　of　his
sudden　passions；　on　the　smallest　provocation。　Not　the　slightest
reflection　of　Lucilla's　recovered　cheerfulness　appeared　in　Lucilla's
lover。

〃Has　she　said　anything　to　you　about　the　new　doctor？〃　were　the　first　words
he　addressed　to　me。

〃She　has　told　me　that　she　feels　the　greatest　faith　in　him；〃　I　answered。
〃She　firmly　believes　that　he　speaks　the　truth　in　saying　he　can　cure　you。〃

〃Did　she　show　any　curiosity　to　know　_how_　he　is　curing　me？〃

〃Not　the　slightest　curiosity　that　I　could　see。　It　is　enough　for　her　that
you　_are_　to　be　cured。　The　rest　she　leaves　to　the　doctor。〃

My　last　answer　appeared　to　relieve　him。　He　sighed；　and　leaned　back　in　his
chair。　〃That's　right！〃　he　said　to　himself。　〃I'm　glad　to　hear　that。〃

〃Is　the　doctor's　treatment　of　you　a　secret？〃　I　asked。

〃It　must　be　a　secret　from　Lucilla；〃　he　said；　speaking　very　earnestly。　〃If
she　attempts　to　find　it　out；　she　must　be　keptfor　the　present；　at
leastfrom　all　knowledge　of　it。　Nobody　has　any　influence　over　her　but
you。　I　look　to　you　to　help　me。〃

〃Is　this　the　favor　you　had　to　ask　me？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Am　I　to　know　the　secret　of　the　medical　treatment？〃

〃Certainly！　How　can　I　expect　you　to　help　me　unless　you　know　what　a
serious　reason　there　is　for　keeping　Lucilla　in　the　dark。〃

He　laid　a　strong　emphasis　on　the　two　words　〃serious　reason。　I　began　to
feel　a　little　uneasy。　I　had　never　yet　taken　the　slightest　advantage　of　my
poor　Lucilla's　blindness。　And　here　was　her　promised　husbandof　all　the
people　in　the　worldproposing　to　me　to　keep　her　in　the　dark。

〃Is　the　new　doctor's　treatment　dangerous？〃　I　inquired。

〃Not　in　the　least。〃

〃Is　it　not　so　certain　as　he　has　led　Lucilla　to　believe？〃

〃It　is　quite　certain。

〃Did　the　other　doctors　know　of　it？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Why　did　they　not　try　it？〃

〃They　were　afraid。〃

〃Afraid？　What　_is_　the　treatment？〃

〃Medicine。〃

〃Many　medicines？　or　one？〃

〃Only　one。〃

〃What　is　the　name　of　it？〃

〃Nitrate　of　Silver。〃

I　started　to　my　feet；　looked　at　him；　and　dropped　back　into　my　chair。

My　mind　reverted；　the　instant　I　recovered　myself；　to　the　effect　produced
on　me　when　the　blue　man　in　Paris　first　entered　my　presence。　In　informing
me　of　the　effect　of　the　medicine；　he　had　（you　will　remember）　concealed
from　me　the　malady　for　which　he　had　taken　it。　It　had　been　left　to　Oscar；
of　all　the　people　in　the　world；　to　enlighten　meand　that　by　a　reference
to　his　own　case！　I　was　so　shocked　that　I　sat　speechless。

With　his　quick　sensibilities；　there　was　no　need　for　me　to　express　myself
in　words。　My　face　revealed　to　him　what　was　passing　in　my　mind。

〃You　have　seen　a　person　who　has　taken　Nitrate　of　Silver！〃　he　exclaimed。

〃Have　_you？_〃　I　asked。

〃I　know　the　price　I　pay　for　being　cured；〃　he　answered　quietly。

His　composure　staggered　me。　〃How　long　have　you　been　taking　this　horrible
drug？〃　I　inquired。

〃A　little　more　than　a　week。〃

〃I　see　no　change　in　you　yet。〃

〃The　doctor　tells　me　there　will　be　no　visible　change　for　weeks　and　weeks
to　come。〃

Those　words　roused　a　momentary　hope　in　me。　〃There　is　time　to　alter　your
mind；〃　I　said。　〃For　heaven's　sake　reconsider　your　resolution　before　it　is
too　late！〃

He　smiled　bitterly。　〃Weak　as　I　am；〃　he　answered；　〃for　once；　my　mind　is
made　up。〃

I　suppose　I　took　a　woman's　view　of　the　matter。　I　lost　my　temper　when　I
looked　at　his　beautiful　complexion　and　thought　of　the　future。

〃Are　you　in　your　right　senses？〃　I　burst　out。　〃Do　you　mean　to　tell　me　that
you　are　deliberately　bent　on　making　yourself　an　object　of　horror　to
everybody　who　sees　you？〃

〃The　one　person　whose　opinion　I　care　for；〃　he　replied；　〃will　never　see
me。〃

I　understood　him　at　last。　_That_　was　the　consideration　which　had
reconciled　him　to　it！

Lucilla's　horror　of　dark　people　and　dark　shades　of　color；　of　all　kinds；
was；　it　is　needless　to　say；　recalled　to　my　memory　by　the　turn　the
conversation　was　taking　now。　Had　she　confessed　it　to　him；　as　she　had
confessed　it　to　me？　No！　I　remembered　that　she　had　expressly　warned　me　not
to　admit　him　into　our　confidence　in　this　matter。　At　an　early　period　of
their　acquaintance；　she　had　asked　him　which　of　his　parents　he　resembled。
This　led　him　into　telling　her　that　his　father　had　been　a　dark　man。
Lucilla's　delicacy　had　at　once　taken　the　alarm。　〃He　speaks　very　tenderly
of　his　dead　father；〃　she　said　to　me。　〃It　may　hurt　him　if　he　finds　out　the
antipathy　I　have　to　dark　people。　Let　us　keep　it　to　ourselves。〃　As　things
now　were；　it　was　on　the　tip　of　my　tongue　to　remind　him；　that　Lucilla
would　hear　of　his　disfigurement　from　other　people；　and　then　to　warn　him
of　the　unpleasant　result　that　might　follow。　On　reflection；　however；　I
thought　it　wiser　to　wait　a　little　and　sound　his