the professor at the breakfast table-第4节

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of　eloquence；　for；　by　the　mortar　in　which　Anaxarchus　was　pounded！　　I

did　not　bring　home　Schenckius　and　Forestus　and　Hildanus；　and　all　the

old　folios　in　calf　and　vellum　I　will　show　you；　to　be　bullied　by　the

proprietor；　of　a　〃Wood　and　Bache；〃　and　a　shelf　of　peppered　sheepskin

reprints　by　Philadelphia　Editors。　　Besides；　many　of　the　profession

and　I　know　a　little　something　of　each　other；　and　you　don't　think　I　am

such　a　simpleton　as　to　lose　their　good　opinion　by　saying　what　the

better　heads　among　them　would　condemn　as　unfair　and　untrue？　　Now　mark

how　the　great　plague　came　on　the　generation　of　drugging　doctors；　and

in　what　form　it　fell。



A　scheming　drug…vender；　（inventive　genius；）　an　utterly　untrustworthy

and　incompetent　observer；　（profound　searcher　of　Nature；）　a　shallow

dabbler　in　erudition；　（sagacious　scholar；）　started　the　monstrous

fiction　（founded　the　immortal　system）　of　Homoeopathy。　　I　am　very

fair；　you　see；…you　can　help　yourself　to　either　of　these　sets　of

phrases。



All　the　reason　in　the　world　would　not　have　had　so　rapid　and　general

an　effect　on　the　public　mind　to　disabuse　it　of　the　idea　that　a　drug

is　a　good　thing　in　itself；　instead　of　being；　as　it　is；　a　bad　thing；

as　was　produced　by　the　trick　（system）　of　this　German　charlatan

（theorist）。　　Not　that　the　wiser　part　of　the　profession　needed　him　to

teach　them；　but　the　routinists　and　their　employers；　the　〃general

practitioners；〃　who　lived　by　selling　pills　and　mixtures；　and　their

drug…consuming　customers；　had　to　recognize　that　people　could　get

well；　unpoisoned。　　These　dumb　cattle　would　not　learn　it　of

themselves；　and　so　the　murrain　of　Homoeopathy　fell　on　them。



You　don't　know　what　plague　has　fallen　on　the　practitioners　of

theology？　　I　will　tell　you；　then。　　It　is　Spiritualism。　　While　some

are　crying　out　against　it　as　a　delusion　of　the　Devil；　and　some　are

laughing　at　it　as　an　hysteric　folly；　and　some　are　getting　angry　with

it　as　a　mere　trick　of　interested　or　mischievous　persons；　Spiritualism

is　quietly　undermining　the　traditional　ideas　of　the　future　state

which　have　been　and　are　still　accepted；not　merely　in　those　who

believe　in　it；　but　in　the　general　sentiment　of　the　community；　to　a

larger　extent　than　most　good　people　seem　to　be　aware　of。　　It　need　n't

be　true；　to　do　this；　any　more　than　Homoeopathy　need；　to　do　its　work。

The　Spiritualists　have　some　pretty　strong　instincts　to　pry　over；

which　no　doubt　have　been　roughly　handled　by　theologians　at　different

times。　　And　the　Nemesis　of　the　pulpit　comes；　in　a　shape　it　little

thought　of；　beginning　with　the　snap　of　a　toe…joint；　and　ending　with

such　a　crack　of　old　beliefs　that　the　roar　of　it　is　heard　in　all　the

ministers'　studies　of　Christendom？　　Sir；　you　cannot　have　people　of

cultivation；　of　pure　character；　sensible　enough　in　common　things；

large…hearted　women；　grave　judges；　shrewd　business…men；　men　of

science；　professing　to　be　in　communication　with　the　spiritual　world

and　keeping　up　constant　intercourse　with　it；　without　its　gradually

reacting　on　the　whole　conception　of　that　other　life。　　It　is　the　folly

of　the　world；　constantly；　which　confounds　its　wisdom。　　Not　only　out

of　the　mouths　of　babes　and　sucklings；　but　out　of　the　mouths　of　fools

and　cheats；　we　may　often　get　our　truest　lessons。　　For　the　fool's

judgment　is　a　dog…vane　that　turns　with　a　breath；　and　the　cheat

watches　the　clouds　and　sets　his　weathercock　by　them；so　that　one

shall　often　see　by　their　pointing　which　way　the　winds　of　heaven　are

blowing；　when　the　slow…wheeling　arrows　and　feathers　of　what　we　call

the　Temples　of　Wisdom　are　turning　to　all　points　of　the　compass。



Amen！　said　the　young　fellow　called　John　Ten　minutes　by　the

watch。　　Those　that　are　unanimous　will　please　to　signify　by　holding　up

their　left　foot！



I　looked　this　young　man　steadily　in　the　face　for　about　thirty

seconds。　　His　countenance　was　as　calm　as　that　of　a　reposing　infant。

I　think　it　was　simplicity；　rather　than　mischief；　with　perhaps　a

youthful　playfulness；　that　led　him　to　this　outbreak。　　I　have　often

noticed　that　even　quiet　horses；　on　a　sharp　November　morning；　when

their　coats　are　beginning　to　get　the　winter　roughness；　will　give

little　sportive　demi…kicks；　with　slight　sudden　elevation　of　the

subsequent　region　of　the　body；　and　a　sharp　short　whinny；by　no　means

intending　to　put　their　heels　through　the　dasher；　or　to　address　the

driver　rudely；　but　feeling；　to　use　a　familiar　word；　frisky。　　This；　I

think；　is　the　physiological　condition　of　the　young　person；　John。　　I

noticed；　however；　what　I　should　call　a　palpebral　spasm；　affecting　the

eyelid　and　muscles　of　one　side；　which；　if　it　were　intended　for　the

facial　gesture　called　a　wink；　might　lead　me　to　suspect　a　disposition

to　be　satirical　on　his　part。



Resuming　the　conversation；　I　remarked；I　am；　ex　officio；　as　a

Professor；　a　conservative。　　For　I　don't　know　any　fruit　that　clings　to

its　tree　so　faithfully；　not　even　a　〃froze…'n'…thaw〃　winter…apple；　as

a　Professor　to　the　bough　of　which　his　chair　is　made。　　You　can't　shake

him　off；　and　it　is　as　much　as　you　can　do　to　pull　him　off。　　Hence；　by

a　chain　of　induction　I　need　not　unwind；　he　tends　to　conservatism

generally。



But　then；　you　know；　if　you　are　sailing　the　Atlantic；　and　all　at　once

find　yourself　in　a　current；　and　the　sea　covered　with　weeds；　and　drop

your　Fahrenheit　over　the　side　and　find　it　eight　or　ten　degrees　higher

than　in　the　ocean　generally；　there　is　no　use　in　flying　in　the　face　of

facts　and　swearing　there　is　no　such　thing　as　a　Gulf…Stream；　when　you

are　in　it。



You　can't　keep　gas　in　a　bladder；　and　you　can't　keep　knowledge　tight

in　a　profession。　　Hydrogen　will　leak　out；　and　air　will　leak　in；

through　India…rubber；　and　special　knowledge　will　leak　out；　and

general　knowledge　will　leak　in；　though　a　profession　were　covered　with

twenty　thicknesses　of　sheepskin　diplomas。



By　Jove；　Sir；　till　common　sense　is　well　mixed　up　with　medicine；　and

common　manhood　with　theology；　and　common　honesty　with　law；　We　the

people；　Sir；　some　of　us　with　nut…crackers；　and　some　of　us　with　trip…

hammers；　and　some　of　us　with　pile…drivers；　and　some　of　us　coming　with

a　whish！　like　air…stones　out　of　a　lunar　volcano；　will　crash　down　on

the　lumps　of　nonsense　in　all　of　them　till　we　have　made　powder　of

themlike　Aaron's　calf



＇See　Holmes　poem：　〃When　doctor's　take　what　they　would　give　and

lawyers　give　what　they　would　take　and　strawberries　grow　larger　down

through　the　box。〃　　　D。W。＇



If　to　be　a　conservative　is　to　let　all　the　drains　of　thought　choke　up

and　keep　all　the　soul's　windows　down；to　shut　out　the　sun　from　the

east　and　the　wind　from　the　west；to　let　the　rats　run　free　in　the

cellar；　and　the　moths　feed　their　fill　in　the　chambers；　and　the

spiders　weave　their　lace　before　the　mirrors；　till　the　soul's　typhus

is　bred　out　of　our　neglect；　and　we　begin　to　snore　in　its　coma　or　rave

in　its　delirium；I；　Sir；　am　a　bonnet…rouge；　a　red　cap　of　the

barricades；　my　friends；　rather　than　a　conservative。



Were　you　born　in　Boston；　Sir？said　the　little　man；looking　eager

and　excited。



I　was　not；I　replied。



It's　a　pity；it's　a　pity；said　the　little　man；it　's　the　place　to

be　born　in。　　But　if　you　can't　fix　it　so　as　to　be　born　here；　you　can

come　and　live　here。　　Old　Ben　Franklin；　the　father　of　American　science

and　the　American　Union；　was　n't　ashamed　to　be　born　here。　　Jim　Otis；

the　father　of　American　Independence；　bothered　about　in　the　Cape　Cod

marshes　awhile；　but　he　came　to　Boston　as　soon　as　he　got　big　enough。

Joe　Warren；　the　first　bloody　ruffed…shirt　of　the　Revolution；　was　as

good　as　born　here。　　Parson　Charming　strolled　along　this　way　from

Newport；　and　stayed　here。　　Pity　old　Sam　Hopkins　hadn't　come；　too；

we'd　have　made　a　man　of　him；poor；　dear；　good　old　Christian　heathen！

There　he　lies；　as　peaceful　as　a　young　baby；　in　the　old　burying…

ground！　　I've　stood　on　the　slab　many　a　time。　　Meant　well；meant

well。　　Juggernaut。　　Parson　Charming　put　a　little　oil　on　one　linchpin；

and　slipped　it　out　so　softly；　the　first　thing　they　knew　about　it　was

the　wheel　of　that　side　was　down。　　T'　other　fellow's　at　work　now；　but

he　makes　more　noise　about　it。　　When　the　linchpin　comes　out　on　his

side；　there'll　be　a　jerk；　I　tell　you！　Some　think　it　will　spoil　the

old　cart；　and　they　pretend　to　say　that　there　are　valuable　things　in

it　which　may　get　hurt。　　Hope　not；hope　not。　　But　this　is　the　great

Macadamizing　place；always　cracking　up　something。



Cracking　up　Boston　folks；said　the　gentleman　with　the　diamond…pin；

whom；　for　convenience'　sake；　I　shall　hereafter　call　the　Koh…i…noor。



The　little　man　turned　round　mechanically　towards　him；　as　Maelzel's

Turk　used　to　turn；　carrying　his　head　slowly　and　horizontally；　as　if

it　went　by　cogwheels。　Cracking　up　all　sorts　of　things；native　and

foreign　vermin　included；said　the　little　man。



This　remark　was　thought　by　some　of　us　to　have　a　hidden　personal

application；　and　to　afford　a　fair　opening　for　a　lively　rejoinder；　if

the　Koh…i…noor　had　been　so　disposed。　　The　l