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XV。

When　Messrs。　Houghton　&　Mifflin　became　owners　of　The　Atlantic　Monthly；
Mr。　Houghton　fancied　having　some　breakfasts　and　dinners；　which　should
bring　the　publisher　and　the　editor　face　to　face　with　the　contributors；
who　were　bidden　from　far　and　near。　　Of　course；　the　subtle　fiend　of
advertising；　who　has　now　grown　so　unblushing　bold；　lurked　under　the
covers　at　these　banquets；　and　the　junior　partner　and　the　young　editor　had
their　joint　and　separate　fine　anguishes　of　misgiving　as　to　the　taste　and
the　principle　of　them；　but　they　were　really　very　simple…hearted　and
honestly　meant　hospitalities；　and　they　prospered　as　they　ought；　and　gave
great　pleasure　and　no　pain。　　I　forget　some　of　the　〃emergent　occasions；〃
but　I　am　sure　of　a　birthday　dinner　most　unexpectedly　accepted　by
Whittier；　and　a　birthday　luncheon　to　Mrs。　Stowe；　and　I　think　a　birthday
dinner　to　Longfellow；　but　the　passing　years　have　left　me　in　the　dark　as
to　the　pretext　of　that　supper　at　which　Clemens　made　his　awful　speech；　and
came　so　near　being　the　death　of　us　all。　　At　the　breakfasts　and　luncheons
we　had　the　pleasure　of　our　lady　contributors'　company；　but　that　night
there　were　only　men；　and　because　of　our　great　strength　we　survived。

I　suppose　the　year　was　about　1879；　but　here　the　almanac　is　unimportant；
and　I　can　only　say　that　it　was　after　Clemens　had　become　a　very　valued
contributor　of　the　magazine；　where　he　found　himself　to　his　own　great
explicit　satisfaction。　　He　had　jubilantly　accepted　our　invitation；　and
had　promised　a　speech；　which　it　appeared　afterward　he　had　prepared　with
unusual　care　and　confidence。　　It　was　his　custom　always　to　think　out　his
speeches；　mentally　wording　them；　and　then　memorizing　them　by　a　peculiar
system　of　mnemonics　which　he　had　invented。　　On　the　dinner…table　a　certain
succession　of　knife；　spoon；　salt…cellar；　and　butter…plate　symbolized　a
train　of　ideas；　and　on　the　billiard…table　a　ball；　a　cue；　and　a　piece　of
chalk　served　the　same　purpose。　　With　a　diagram　of　these　printed　on　the
brain　he　had　full　command　of　the　phrases　which　his　excogitation　had
attached　to　them；　and　which　embodied　the　ideas　in　perfect　form。　　He
believed　he　had　been　particularly　fortunate　in　his　notion　for　the　speech
of　that　evening；　and　he　had　worked　it　out　in　joyous　self…reliance。
It　was　the　notion　of　three　tramps；　three　deadbeats；　visiting　a　California
mining…camp；　and　imposing　themselves　upon　the　innocent　miners　as
respectively　Ralph　Waldo　Emerson；　Henry　Wadsworth　Longfellow；　and　Oliver
Wendell；　Holmes。　　The　humor　of　the　conception　must　prosper　or　must　fail
according　to　the　mood　of　the　hearer；　but　Clemens　felt　sure　of　compelling
this　to　sympathy；　and　he　looked　forward　to　an　unparalleled　triumph。

But　there　were　two　things　that　he　had　not　taken　into　account。　　One　was
the　species　of　religious　veneration　in　which　these　men　were　held　by　those
nearest　them；　a　thing　that　I　should　not　be　able　to　realize　to　people
remote　from　them　in　time　and　place。　　They　were　men　of　extraordinary
dignity；　of　the　thing　called　presence；　for　want　of　some　clearer　word；
so　that　no　one　could　well　approach　them　in　a　personally　light　or　trifling
spirit。　　I　do　not　suppose　that　anybody　more　truly　valued　them　or　more
piously　loved　them　than　Clemens　himself；　but　the　intoxication　of　his
fancy　carried　him　beyond　the　bounds　of　that　regard；　and　emboldened　him　to
the　other　thing　which　he　had　not　taken　into　account…namely；　the　immense
hazard　of　working　his　fancy　out　before　their　faces；　and　expecting　them　to
enter　into　the　delight　of　it。　　If　neither　Emerson；　nor　Longfellow；　nor
Holmes　had　been　there；　the　scheme　might　possibly　have　carried；　but　even
this　is　doubtful；　for　those　who　so　devoutly　honored　them　would　have
overcome　their　horror　with　difficulty；　and　perhaps　would　not　have
overcome　it　at　all。

The　publisher；　with　a　modesty　very　ungrateful　to　me；　had　abdicated　his
office　of　host；　and　I　was　the　hapless　president；　fulfilling　the　abhorred。
function　of　calling　people　to　their　feet　and　making　them　speak。　　When　I
came　to　Clemens　I　introduced　him　with　the　cordial　admiring　I　had　for　him
as　one　of　my　greatest　contributors　and　dearest　friends。　　Here；　I　said；
in　sum；　was　a　humorist　who　never　left　you　hanging　your　head　for　having
enjoyed　his　joke；　and　then　the　amazing　mistake；　the　bewildering　blunder；
the　cruel　catastrophe　was　upon　us。　　I　believe　that　after　the　scope　of　the
burlesque　made　itself　clear；　there　was　no　one　there；　including　the
burlesquer　himself；　who　was　not　smitten　with　a　desolating　dismay。　　There
fell　a　silence；　weighing　many　tons　to　the　square　inch；　which　deepened
from　moment　to　moment；　and　was　broken　only　by　the　hysterical　and　blood…
curdling　laughter　of　a　single　guest；　whose　name　shall　not　be　handed　down
to　infamy。　　Nobody　knew　whether　to　look　at　the　speaker　or　down　at　his
plate。　　I　chose　my　plate　as　the　least　affliction；　and　so　I　do　not　know
how　Clemens　looked；　except　when　I　stole　a　glance　at　him；　and　saw　him
standing　solitary　amid　his　appalled　and　appalling　listeners；　with　his
joke　dead　on　his　hands。　　From　a　first　glance　at　the　great　three　whom　his
jest　had　made　its　theme；　I　was　aware　of　Longfellow　sitting　upright；　and
regarding　the　humorist　with　an　air　of　pensive　puzzle；　of　Holmes　busily
writing　on　his　menu；　with　a　well…feigned　effect　of　preoccupation；　and　of
Emerson；　holding　his　elbows；　and　listening　with　a　sort　of　Jovian　oblivion
of　this　nether　world　in　that　lapse　of　memory　which　saved　him　in　those
later　years　from　so　much　bother。　　Clemens　must　have　dragged　his　joke　to
the　climax　and　left　it　there；　but　I　cannot　say　this　from　any　sense　of　the
fact。　　Of　what　happened　afterward　at　the　table　where　the　immense；　the
wholly　innocent；　the　truly　unimagined　affront　was　offered；　I　have　no
longer　the　least　remembrance。　　I　next　remember　being　in　a　room　of　the
hotel；　where　Clemens　was　not　to　sleep；　but　to　toss　in　despair；　and
Charles　Dudley　Warner's　saying；　in　the　gloom；　〃Well；　Mark；　you're　a　funny
fellow。〃　　It　was　as　well　as　anything　else　he　could　have　said；　but　Clemens
seemed　unable　to　accept　the　tribute。

I　stayed　the　night　with　him；　and　the　next　morning；　after　a　haggard
breakfast；　we　drove　about　and　he　made　some　purchases　of　bric…a…brac　for
his　house　in　Hartford；　with　a　soul　as　far　away　from　bric…a…brac　as　ever
the　soul　of　man　was。　　He　went　home　by　an　early　train；　and　he　lost　no　time
in　writing　back　to　the　three　divine　personalities　which　he　had　so
involuntarily　seemed　to　flout。　　They　all　wrote　back　to　him；　making　it　as
light　for　him　as　they　could。　　I　have　heard　that　Emerson　was　a　good　deal
mystified；　and　in　his　sublime　forgetfulness　asked；　Who　was　this　gentleman
who　appeared　to　think　he　had　offered　him　some　sort　of　annoyance！　　But　I
am　not　sure　that　this　is　accurate。　　What　I　am　sure　of　is　that　Longfellow；
a　few　days　after；　in　my　study；　stopped　before　a　photograph　of　Clemens　and
said；　〃Ah；　he　is　a　wag！〃　and　nothing　more。　　Holmes　told　me；　with　deep
emotion；　such　as　a　brother　humorist　might　well　feel；　that　he　had　not　lost
an　instant　in　replying　to　Clemens's　letter；　and　assuring　him　that　there
had　not　been　the　least　offence；　and　entreating　him　never　to　think　of　the
matter　again。　　〃He　said　that　he　was　a　fool；　but　he　was　God's　fool；〃
Holmes　quoted　from　the　letter；　with　a　true　sense　of　the　pathos　and　the
humor　of　the　self…abasement。

To　me　Clemens　wrote　a　week　later；　〃It　doesn't　get　any　better；　it　burns
like　fire。〃　　But　now　I　understand　that　it　was　not　shame　that　burnt；　but
rage　for　a　blunder　which　he　had　so　incredibly　committed。　　That　to　have
conceived　of　those　men；　the　most　dignified　in　our　literature；　our
civilization；　as　impersonable　by　three　hoboes；　and　then　to　have　imagined
that　he　could　ask　them　personally　to　enjoy　the　monstrous　travesty；　was　a
break；　he　saw　too　late；　for　which　there　was　no　repair。　　Yet　the　time
came；　and　not　so　very　long　afterward；　when　some　mention　was　made　of　the
incident　as　a　mistake；　and　he　said；　with　all　his　fierceness；　〃But　I　don't
admit　that　it　was　a　mistake；〃　and　it　was　not　so　in　the　minds　of　all
witnesses　at　second　hand。　　The　morning　after　the　dreadful　dinner　there
came　a　glowing　note　from　Professor　Child；　who　had　read　the　newspaper
report　of　it；　praising　Clemens's　burlesque　as　the　richest　piece　of　humor
in　the　world；　and　betraying　no　sense　of　incongruity　in　its　perpetration
in　the　presence　of　its　victims。　　I　think　it　must　always　have　ground　in
Clemens's　soul；　that　he　was　the　prey　of　circumstances；　and　that　if　he　had
some　more　favoring　occasion　he　could　retrieve　his　loss　in　it　by　giving
the　thing　the　right　setting。　　Not　more　than　two　or　three　years　ago；　he
came　to　try　me　as　to　trying　it　again　at　a　meeting　of　newspaper　men　in
Washington。　　I　had　to　own　my　fears；　while　I　alleged　Child's　note　on　the
other　hand；　but　in　the　end　he　did　not　try　it　with　the　newspaper　men。　　I
do　not　know　whether　he　has　ever　printed　it　or　not；　but　since　the　thing
happened　I　have　often　wondered　how　much　offence　there　really　was　in　it。
I　am　not　sure　but　the　horror　of　the　spectators　read　more　indignation　into
the　subjects　of　the　hapless　drolling　than　they　felt。　　But　it　must　have
been　difficult　for　them　to　bear　it　with　equanimity。　　To　be　sure；　they
were　not　themselves　mocked；　the　joke