amours de voyage(出航)-第11节
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
depart the brave？God knows； I certainly do not。
VII。 Mary Trevellyn to Miss Roper。
He has not come as yet； and now I must not expect it。 You have
written； you say； to friends at Florence； to see him； If he perhaps should
return；but that is surely unlikely。 Has he not written to you？he did
not know your direction。 Oh； how strange never once to have told him
where you were going！ Yet if he only wrote to Florence； that would
have reached you。 If what you say he said was true； why has he not
done so？ Is he gone back to Rome； do you think； to his Vatican
marbles？ O my dear Miss Roper； forgive me！ do not be angry！ You
have written to Florence；your friends would certainly find him。 Might
you not write to him ？but yet it is so little likely！ I shall expect nothing
more。Ever yours； your affectionate Mary。
37
… Page 38…
AMOURS DE VOYAGE。
VIII。 Claude to Eustace。
I cannot stay at Florence； not even to wait for a letter。
Galleries only oppress me。 Remembrance of hope I had cherished
（Almost more than as hope； when I passed through Florence the first time）
Lies like a sword in my soul。 I am more a coward than ever； Chicken…
hearted； past thought。 The caffes and waiters distress me。 All is unkind；
and； alas！ I am ready for anyone's kindness。 Oh； I knew it of old； and knew
it； I thought； to perfection； If there is any one thing in the world to
preclude all kindness It is the need of it；it is this sad； self…defeating
dependence。 Why is this； Eustace？ Myself； were I stronger； I think I
could tell you。 But it is odd when it comes。 So plumb I the deeps of
depression； Daily in deeper； and find no support； no will； no purpose。 All
my old strengths are gone。 And yet I shall have to do something。 Ah； the
key of our life； that passes all wards； opens all locks； Is not I WILL； but I
MUST。 I must；I must；and I do it。
After all； do I know that I really cared so about her？ Do whatever I
will； I cannot call up her image； For when I close my eyes； I see； very
likely； St。 Peter's； Or the Pantheon facade； or Michel Angelo's figures； Or；
at a wish； when I please； the Alban hills and the Forum； But that face；
those eyes；ah； no； never anything like them； Only； try as I will； a sort of
featureless outline； And a pale blank orb； which no recollection will add to。
After all； perhaps there was something factitious about it； I have had pain；
it is true： I have wept； and so have the actors。
At the last moment I have your letter； for which I was waiting； I have
taken my place； and see no good in inquiries。 Do nothing more； good
Eustace； I pray you。 It only will vex me。 Take no measures。 Indeed；
should we meet； I could not be certain； All might be changed； you know。
Or perhaps there was nothing to be changed。 It is a curious history； this；
and yet I foresaw it； I could have told it before。 The Fates； it is clear； are
38
… Page 39…
AMOURS DE VOYAGE。
against us； For it is certain enough I met with the people you mention；
They were at Florence the day I returned there； and spoke to me even；
Stayed a week； saw me often； departed； and whither I know not。 Great
is Fate； and is best。 I believe in Providence partly。 What is ordained is
right； and all that happens is ordered。 Ah； no； that isn't it。 But yet I retain
my conclusion。 I will go where I am led； and will not dictate to the
chances。 Do nothing more； I beg。 If you love me； forbear interfering。
IX。 Claude to Eustace。
Shall we come out of it all； some day； as one does from a tunnel？ Will
it be all at once； without our doing or asking； We shall behold clear day；
the trees and meadows about us； And the faces of friends； and the eyes we
loved looking at us？ Who knows？ Who can say？ It will not do to
suppose it。
X。 Claude to Eustace；…from Rome。
Rome will not suit me； Eustace； the priests and soldiers possess it；
Priests and soldiers：and； ah！ which is the worst； the priest or the soldier？
Politics； farewell； however！ For what could I do？ with inquiring；
Talking； collating the journals； go fever my brain about things o'er
Which I can have no control。 No； happen whatever may happen； Time；
I suppose； will subsist； the earth will revolve on its axis； People will
travel； the stranger will wander as now in the city； Rome will be here；
and the Pope the custode of Vatican marbles。 I have no heart； however；
for any marble or fresco； I have essayed it in vain； 'tis in vain as yet to
essay it： But I may haply resume some day my studies in this kind； Not as
the Scripture says； is； I think； the fact。 Ere our death…day； Faith； I think；
does pass； and Love； but Knowledge abideth。 Let us seek Knowledge；the
rest may come and go as it happens。 Knowledge is hard to seek； and
harder yet to adhere to。 Knowledge is painful often； and yet when we
know we are happy。 Seek it； and leave mere Faith and Love to come with
39
… Page 40…
AMOURS DE VOYAGE。
the chances。 As for Hope；to…morrow I hope to be starting for Naples。
Rome will not do； I see； for many very good reasons。 Eastward； then； I
suppose； with the coming of winter； to Egypt。
XI。 Mary Trevellyn to Miss Roper。
You have heard nothing； of course I know you can have heard
nothing。 Ah； well； more than once I have broken my purpose； and
sometimes； Only too often； have looked for the little lake steamer to
bring him。 But it is only fancy；I do not really expect it。 Oh； and you
see I know so exactly how he would take it： Finding the chances prevail
against meeting again； he would banish Forthwith every thought of the
poor little possible hope； which I myself could not help； perhaps；
thinking only too much of； He would resign himself； and go。 I see it
exactly。 So I also submit； although in a different manner。 Can you not
really come？ We go very shortly to England。
So go forth to the world； to the good report and the evil！ Go； little
book！ thy tale； is it not evil and good？ Go； and if strangers revile； pass
quietly by without answer。 Go； and if curious friends ask of thy rearing
and age； Say； 'I am flitting about many years from brain unto brain of
Feeble and restless youths born to inglorious days： But；' so finish the word；
'I was writ in a Roman chamber； When from Janiculan heights
thundered the cannon of France。'
40
