amours de voyage(出航)-第10节
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You are quite sure； you say； he asked you about our intentions； You had
not heard as yet of Lucerne； but told him of Como。 Well； perhaps he will
come； however； I will not expect it。 Though you say you are sure；if he
can； he will； you are certain。 O my dear； many thanks from your ever
affectionate Mary。
II。 Claude to Eustace。
Florence。 Action will furnish belief；but will that belief be the
true one？ This is the point； you know。 However； it doesn't much matter。
What one wants； I suppose； is to predetermine the action； So as to make it
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entail； not a chance belief； but the true one。 Out of the question； you say； if
a thing isn't wrong we may do it。 Ah！ but this WRONG； you seebut I do
not know that it matters。 Eustace； the Ropers are gone； and no one can tell
me about them。
Pisa。 Pisa；
they say they think； and so I follow to Pisa； Hither and thither inquiring。
I weary of making inquiries。 I am ashamed； I declare； of asking people
about it。 Who are your friends？ You said you had friends who would
certainly know them。
Florence。
But it is idle； moping； and thinking； and trying to fix her Image once more
and more in； to write the whole perfect inscription Over and over again
upon every page of remembrance。 I have settled to stay at Florence to
wait for your answer。 Who are your friends？ Write quickly and tell me。
I wait for your answer。
III。 Mary Trevellyn to Miss Roper。at Lucca Baths。
You are at Lucca baths； you tell me； to stay for the summer； Florence
was quite too hot； you can't move further at present。 Will you not come； do
you think； before the summer is over？ Mr。 C。 got you out with very
considerable trouble； And he was useful and kind； and seemed so happy to
serve you。 Didn't stay with you long； but talked very openly to you； Made
you almost his confessor； without appearing to know it； What about？
and you say you didn't need his confessions。 O my dear Miss Roper； I dare
not trust what you tell me！ Will he come； do you think？ I am really so
sorry for him。 They didn't give him my letter at Milan； I feel pretty certain。
You had told him Bellaggio。 We didn't go to Bellaggio； So he would
miss our track； and perhaps never come to Lugano； Where we were
written in full； To Lucerne across the St。 Gothard。 But he could write to
you；you would tell him where you were going。
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IV。 Claude to Eustace。
Let me； then； bear to forget her。 I will not cling to her falsely：
Nothing factitious or forced shall impair the old happy relation。 I will let
myself go； forget； not try to remember； I will walk on my way； accept the
chances that meet me； Freely encounter the world； imbibe these alien airs；
and Never ask if new feelings and thoughts are of her or of others。 Is she
not changing herself？the old image would only delude me。 I will be bold；
too； and change；if it must be。 Yet if in all things； Yet if I do but aspire
evermore to the Absolute only； I shall be doing； I think； somehow； what
she will be doing； I shall be thine； O my child； some way； though I know
not in what way； Let me submit to forget her； I must； I already forget her。
V。 Claude to Eustace。
Utterly vain is； alas！ this attempt at the Absolute；wholly！ I； who
believed not in her； because I would fain believe nothing； Have to believe
as I may； with a wilful； unmeaning acceptance。 I； who refused to enfasten
the roots of my floating existence In the rich earth； cling now to the hard；
naked rock that is left me； Ah！ she was worthy； Eustace；and that；
indeed； is my comfort； Worthy a nobler heart than a fool such as I could
have given her。
Yes； it relieves me to write； though I do not send； and the chance that
Takes may destroy my fragments。 But as men pray； without asking
Whether One really exist to hear or do anything for them； Simply
impelled by the need of the moment to turn to a Being In a conception of
whom there is freedom from all limitation； So in your image I turn to an
ens rationis of friendship； Even so write in your name I know not to whom
nor in what wise。
There was a time； methought it was but lately departed； When； if a
thing was denied me； I felt I was bound to attempt it； Choice alone should
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take； and choice alone should surrender。 There was a time； indeed； when I
had not retired thus early； Languidly thus； from pursuit of a purpose I once
had adopted； But it is all over； all that！ I have slunk from the perilous
field in Whose wild struggle of forces the prizes of life are contested。 It
is over； all that！ I am a coward； and know it。 Courage in me could be
only factitious； unnatural； useless。
Comfort has come to me here in the dreary streets of the city； Comfort…
…how do you think？with a barrel…organ to bring it。 Moping along the
streets； and cursing my day as I wandered； All of a sudden my ear met the
sound of an English psalm…tune； Comfort me it did； till indeed I was very
near crying。 Ah； there is some great truth； partial； very
likely； but needful； Lodged； I am strangely sure； in the tones of the English
psalm…tune。 Comfort it was at least； and I must take without question
Comfort； however it come； in the dreary streets of the city。
What with trusting myself and seeking support from within me；
Almost I could believe I had gained a religious assurance； Formed in my
own poor soul a great moral basis to rest on。 Ah； but indeed I see； I feel it
factitious entirely； I refuse； reject； and put it utterly from me； I will look
straight out； see things； not try to evade them； Fact shall be fact for me；
and the Truth the Truth as ever； Flexible； changeable； vague； and
multiform； and doubtful。… Off； and depart to the void； thou subtle； fanatical
tempter！
I shall behold thee again （is it so？） at a new visitation； O ill genius
thou！ I shall at my life's dissolution （When the pulses are weak； and
the feeble light of the reason Flickers； an unfed flame retiring slow from
the socket）； Low on a sick…bed laid； hear one； as it were； at the doorway；
And； looking up； see thee standing by； looking emptily at me； I shall
entreat thee then； though now I dare to refuse thee； Pale and pitiful now；
but terrible then to the dying。 Well； I will see thee again； and while I can；
will repel thee。
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VI。 Claude to Eustace。
Rome is fallen； I hear； the gallant Medici taken； Noble Manara slain；
and Garibaldi has lost il Moro； Rome is fallen； and fallen； or falling；
heroical Venice。 I； meanwhile； for the loss of a single small chit of a girl；
sit Moping and mourning here；for her； and myself much smaller。
Whither depart the souls of the brave that die in the battle； Die in the lost；
lost fight； for the cause that perishes with them？ Are they upborne from
the field on the slumberous pinions of angels Unto a far…off home； where
the weary rest from their labour； And the deep wounds are
healed； and the bitter and burning moisture Wiped from the generous eyes？
or do they linger； unhappy； Pining； and haunting the grave of their by…gone
hope and endeavour？ All declamation； alas！ though I talk； I care not for
Rome nor Italy； feebly and faintly； and but with the lips； can lament the
Wreck of the Lombard youth； and the victory of the oppressor。 Whither
depart the brave？God knows； I certainly do not。
