barnaby rudge(巴纳比·卢杰)-第189节
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‘Because I am sorry that he is alive； sorry that he has come
back； and sorry that he and you have ever met。 Because； dear
Barnaby； the endeavour of my life has been to keep you two
asunder。’
‘Father and son asunder！ Why？’
‘He has；’ she whispered in his ear； ‘he has shed blood。 The time
has come when you must know it。 He has shed the blood of one
who loved him well； and trusted him； and never did him wrong in
word or deed。’
Barnaby recoiled in horror； and glancing at his stained wrist for
an instant； wrapped it； shuddering； in his dress。
‘But；’ she added hastily as the key turned in the lock； ‘although
we shun him； he is your father； dearest； and I am his wretched
wife。 They seek his life； and he will lose it。 It must not be by our
means； nay； if we could win him back to penitence； we should be
bound to love him yet。 Do not seem to know him； except as one
who fled with you from the jail； and if they question you about
him； do not answer them。 God be with you through the night； dear
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boy！ God be with you！’
She tore herself away； and in a few seconds Barnaby was alone。
He stood for a long time rooted to the spot； with his face hidden in
his hands； then flung himself； sobbing； on his miserable bed。
But the moon came slowly up in all her gentle glory； and the
stars looked out； and through the small compass of the grated
window； as through the narrow crevice of one good deed in a
murky life of guilt； the face of Heaven shone bright and merciful。
He raised his head； gazed upward at the quiet sky； which seemed
to smile upon the earth in sadness； as if the night； more thoughtful
than the day； looked down in sorrow on the sufferings and evil
deeds of men； and felt its peace sink deep into his heart。 He； a
poor idiot； caged in his narrow cell； was as much lifted up to God；
while gazing on the mild light； as the freest and most favoured
man in all the spacious city； and in his ill…remembered prayer； and
in the fragment of the childish hymn； with which he sung and
crooned himself asleep； there breathed as true a spirit as ever
studied homily expressed； or old cathedral arches echoed。
As his mother crossed a yard on her way out； she saw； through
a grated door which separated it from another court； her husband；
walking round and round； with his hands folded on his breast； and
his head hung down。 She asked the man who conducted her； if she
might speak a word with this prisoner。 Yes； but she must be quick
for he was locking up for the night； and there was but a minute or
so to spare。 Saying this； he unlocked the door； and bade her go in。
It grated harshly as it turned upon its hinges； but he was deaf to
the noise； and still walked round and round the little court；
without raising his head or changing his attitude in the least。 She
spoke to him； but her voice was weak； and failed her。 At length she
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put herself in his track； and when he came near； stretched out her
hand and touched him。
He started backward； trembling from head to foot； but seeing
who it was； demanded why she came there。 Before she could
reply； he spoke again。
‘Am I to live or die？ Do you murder too； or spare？’
‘My son—our son；’ she answered； ‘is in this prison。’
‘What is that to me？’ he cried； stamping impatiently on the
stone pavement。 ‘I know it。 He can no more aid me than I can aid
him。 If you are come to talk of him； begone！’
As he spoke he resumed his walk； and hurried round the court
as before。 When he came again to where she stood； he stopped；
and said；
‘Am I to live or die？ Do you repent？’
‘Oh！—do you？’ she answered。 ‘Will you； while time remains？ Do
not believe that I could save you； if I dared。’
‘Say if you would；’ he answered with an oath； as he tried to
disengage himself and pass on。 ‘Say if you would。’
‘Listen to me for one moment；’ she returned； ‘for but a moment。
I am but newly risen from a sick…bed； from which I never hoped to
rise again。 The best among us think； at such a time； of good
intentions half…performed and duties left undone。 If I have ever；
since that fatal night； omitted to pray for your repentance before
death—if I omitted； even then； anything which might tend to urge
it on you when the horror of your crime was fresh—if； in our later
meeting； I yielded to the dread that was upon me； and forgot to fall
upon my knees and solemnly adjure you； in the name of him you
sent to his account with Heaven； to prepare for the retribution
which must come； and which is stealing on you now—I humbly
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before you； and in the agony of supplication in which you see me；
beseech that you will let me make atonement。’
‘What is the meaning of your canting words？’ he answered
roughly。 ‘Speak so that I may understand you。’
‘I will；’ she answered； ‘I desire to。 Bear with me for a moment
more。 The hand of Him who set His curse on murder； is heavy on
us now。 You cannot doubt it。 Our son； our innocent boy； on whom
His anger fell before his birth； is in this place in peril of his life—
brought here by your guilt； yes； by that alone； as Heaven sees and
knows； for he has been led astray in the darkness of his intellect；
and that is the terrible consequence of your crime。’
‘If you come； woman…like； to load me with reproaches—’ he
muttered； again endeavouring to break away。
‘I do not。 I have a different purpose。 You must hear it。 If not to…
night； to…morrow； if not to…morrow； at another time。 You must hear
it。 Husband； escape is hopeless—impossible。’
‘You tell me so； do you？’ he said； raising his manacled hand；
and shaking it。 ‘You！’
‘Yes；’ she said； with indescribable earnestness。 ‘But why？’
‘To make me easy in this jail。 To make the time ’twixt this and
death； pass pleasantly。 For my good—yes； for my good； of course；’
he said； grinding his teeth； and smiling at her with a livid face。
‘Not to load you with reproaches；’ she replied； ‘not to aggravate
the tortures and miseries of your condition； not to give you one
hard word； but to restore you to peace and hope。 Husband； dear
husband； if you will but confess this dreadful crime； if you will but
implore forgiveness of Heaven and of those whom you have
wronged on earth； if you will dismiss these vain uneasy thoughts；
which never can be realised； and will rely on Penitence and on the
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Truth； I promise you； in the great name of the Creator； whose
image you have defaced； that He will comfort and console you。
And for myself；’ she cried； clasping her hands； and looking
upward； ‘I swear before Him； as He knows my heart and reads it
now； that from that hour I will love and cherish you as I did of old；
and watch you night and day in the short interval that will remain
to us； and soothe you with my truest love and duty； and pray with
you； that one threatening judgment may be arrested； and that our
boy may be spared to bless God； in his poor way； in the free air
and light！’
He fell back and gazed at her while she poured out these words；
as though he were for a moment awed by her manner； and knew
not what to do。 But anger and fear soon got the mastery of him；
and he spurned her from him。
‘Begone！’ he cried。 ‘Leave me！ You plot； do you！ You
