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第6节

fantastic fables-第6节

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himself the Ahkoond of Swat; fell into the baleful habit of 



standing on his head; and swore that the mother who bore him was a 



pragmatic paralogism。  Wherefore he was held in high reverence; and 



when the two other gentlemen were hanged for lying the Theosophists 



elected him to the leadership of their Disastral Body; and after a 



quiet life and an honourable death by the kick of a jackass he was 



reincarnated as a Yellow Dog。  As such he ate the Ashes of Madame 



Blavatsky; and Theosophy was no more。















The Opossum of the Future















ONE day an Opossum who had gone to sleep hanging from the highest 



branch of a tree by the tail; awoke and saw a large Snake wound 



about the limb; between him and the trunk of the tree。







〃If I hold on;〃 he said to himself; 〃I shall be swallowed; if I let 



go I shall break my neck。〃







But suddenly he bethought himself to dissemble。







〃My perfected friend;〃 he said; 〃my parental instinct recognises in 



you a noble evidence and illustration of the theory of development。  



You are the Opossum of the Future; the ultimate Fittest Survivor of 



our species; the ripe result of progressive prehensility … all 



tail!〃







But the Snake; proud of his ancient eminence in Scriptural history; 



was strictly orthodox; and did not accept the scientific view。















The Life…Savers















SEVENTY…FIVE Men presented themselves before the President of the 



Humane Society and demanded the great gold medal for life…saving。







〃Why; yes;〃 said the President; 〃by diligent effort so many men 



must have saved a considerable number of lives。  How many did you 



save?〃







〃Seventy…five; sir;〃 replied their Spokesman。







〃Ah; yes; that is one each … very good work … very good work; 



indeed;〃 the President said。  〃You shall not only have the 



Society's great gold medal; but its recommendation for employment 



at the various life…boat stations along the coast。  But how did you 



save so many lives?〃







The Spokesman of the Men replied:







〃We are officers of the law; and have just returned from the 



pursuit of two murderous outlaws。〃















The Australian Grasshopper















A DISTINGUISHED Naturalist was travelling in Australia; when he saw 



a Kangaroo in session and flung a stone at it。  The Kangaroo 



immediately adjourned; tracing against the sunset sky a parabolic 



curve spanning seven provinces; and evanished below the horizon。  



The Distinguished Naturalist looked interested; but said nothing 



for an hour; then he said to his native Guide:







〃You have pretty wide meadows here; I suppose?〃







〃No; not very wide;〃 the Guide answered; 〃about the same as in 



England and America。〃







After another long silence the Distinguished Naturalist said:







〃The hay which we shall purchase for our horses this evening … I 



shall expect to find the stalks about fifty feet long。  Am I 



right?〃







〃Why; no;〃 said the Guide; 〃a foot or two is about the usual length 



of our hay。  What can you be thinking of?〃







The Distinguished Naturalist made no immediate reply; but later; as 



in the shades of night they journeyed through the desolate vastness 



of the Great Lone Land; he broke the silence:







〃I was thinking;〃 he said; 〃of the uncommon magnitude of that 



grass…hopper。〃















The Pavior















AN Author saw a Labourer hammering stones into the pavement of a 



street; and approaching him said:







〃My friend; you seem weary。  Ambition is a hard taskmaster。〃







〃I'm working for Mr。 Jones; sir;〃 the Labourer replied。







〃Well; cheer up;〃 the Author resumed; 〃fame comes at the most 



unexpected times。  To…day you are poor; obscure; and disheartened; 



and to…morrow the world may be ringing with your name。〃







〃What are you giving me?〃 the Labourer said。  〃Cannot an honest 



pavior perform his work in peace; and get his money for it; and his 



living by it; without others talking rot about ambition and hopes 



of fame?〃







〃Cannot an honest writer?〃 said the Author。















The Tried Assassin















AN Assassin being put upon trial in a New England court; his 



Counsel rose and said: 〃Your Honour; I move for a discharge on the 



ground of 'once in jeopardy': my client has been already tried for 



that murder and acquitted。〃







〃In what court?〃 asked the Judge。







〃In the Superior Court of San Francisco;〃 the Counsel replied。







〃Let the trial proceed … your motion is denied;〃 said the Judge。  



〃An Assassin is not in jeopardy when tried in California。〃















The Bumbo of Jiam















THE Pahdour of Patagascar and the Gookul of Madagonia were 



disputing about an island which both claimed。  Finally; at the 



suggestion of the International League of Cannon Founders; which 



had important branches in both countries; they decided to refer 



their claims to the Bumbo of Jiam; and abide by his judgment。  In 



settling the preliminaries of the arbitration they had; however; 



the misfortune to disagree; and appealed to arms。  At the end of a 



long and disastrous war; when both sides were exhausted and 



bankrupt; the Bumbo of Jiam intervened in the interest of peace。







〃My great and good friends;〃 he said to his brother sovereigns; 〃it 



will be advantageous to you to learn that some questions are more 



complex and perilous than others; presenting a greater number of 



points upon which it is possible to differ。  For four generations 



your royal predecessors disputed about possession of that island; 



without falling out。  Beware; oh; beware the perils of 



international arbitration! … against which I feel it my duty to 



protect you henceforth。〃







So saying; he annexed both countries; and after a long; peaceful; 



and happy reign was poisoned by his Prime Minister。















The Two Poets















Two Poets were quarrelling for the Apple of Discord and the Bone of 



Contention; for they were very hungry。







〃My sons;〃 said Apollo; 〃I will part the prizes between you。  You;〃 



he said to the First Poet; 〃excel in Art … take the Apple。  And 



you;〃 he said to the Second Poet; 〃in Imagination … take the Bone。〃







〃To Art the best prize!〃 said the First Poet; triumphantly; and 



endeavouring to devour his award broke all his teeth。  The Apple 



was a work of Art。







〃That shows our Master's contempt for mere Art;〃 said the Second 



Poet; grinning。







Thereupon he attempted to gnaw his Bone; but his teeth passed 



through it without resistance。  It was an imaginary Bone。















The Thistles upon the Grave















A MIND Reader made a wager that he would be buried alive and remain 



so for six months; then be dug up alive。  In order to secure the 



grave against secret disturbance; it was sown with thistles。  At 



the end of three months; the Mind Reader lost his money。  He had 



come up to eat the thistles。















The Shadow of the Leader















A POLITICAL Leader was walking out one sunny day; when he observed 



his Shadow leaving him and walking rapidly away。







〃Come back here; you scoundrel;〃 he cried。







〃If I had been a scoundrel;〃 answered the Shadow; increasing its 



speed; 〃I should not have left you。〃















The Sagacious Rat















A RAT that was about to emerge from his hole caught a glimpse of a 



Cat waiting for him; and descending to the colony at the bottom of 



the hole invited a Friend to join him in a visit to a neighbouring 



corn…bin。  〃I would have gone alone;〃 he said; 〃but could not deny 



myself the pleasure of such distinguished company。〃







〃Very well;〃 said the Friend; 〃I will go with you。  Lead on。〃







〃Lead?〃 exclaimed the other。  〃What!  I precede so great and 



illustrious a rat as you? No; indeed … after you; sir; after you。〃







Pleased with this great show of deference; the Friend went ahead; 



and; leaving the hole first; was caught by the Cat; who immediately 



trotted away with him。  The other then went out unmolested。















The Member and the Soap















A MEMBER of the Kansas Legislature meeting a Cake of Soap was 



passing it by without recognition; but the Cake of Soap insisted on 





stopping and shaking hands。  Thinking it might possibly be in the 



enjoyment of the elective franchise; he gave it a cordial and 



earnest grasp。  On letting it go he observed that a portion of it 



adhered to his fingers; and running to a brook in great alarm he 



proceeded to wash it off。  In doing so he necessarily got some on 



the 

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