fantastic fables-第13节
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disturbed。
〃I am wealth； I am respectability；〃 the Fortune explained； 〃I am
elegant houses； a yacht； and a clean shirt every day。 I am
leisure； I am travel； wine； a shiny hat； and an unshiny coat。 I am
enough to eat。〃
〃All right；〃 said the Writer of Fables； in a whisper； 〃but for
goodness' sake speak lower。〃
〃Why so？〃 the Fortune asked； in surprise。
〃So as not to wake me；〃 replied the Writer of Fables； a holy calm
brooding upon his beautiful face。
A Smiling Idol
AN Idol said to a Missionary； 〃My friend； why do you seek to bring
me into contempt？ If it had not been for me； what would you have
been？ Remember thy creator that thy days be long in the land。〃
〃I confess；〃 replied the Missionary； fingering a number of ten…cent
pieces which a Sunday…school in his own country had forwarded to
him； 〃that I am a product of you； but I protest that you cannot
quote Scripture with accuracy and point。 Therefore will I continue
to go up against you with the Sword of the Spirit。〃
Shortly afterwards the Idol's worshippers held a great religious
ceremony at the base of his pedestal； and as a part of the rites
the Missionary was roasted whole。 As the tongue was removed for
the high priest's table； 〃Ah；〃 said the Idol to himself； 〃that is
the Sword of the Spirit … the only Sword that is less dangerous
when unsheathed。〃
And he smiled so pleasantly at his own wit that the provinces of
Ghargaroo； M'gwana； and Scowow were affected with a blight。
Philosophers Three
A BEAR； a Fox； and an Opossum were attacked by an inundation。
〃Death loves a coward；〃 said the Bear； and went forward to fight
the flood。
〃What a fool！〃 said the Fox。 〃I know a trick worth two of that。〃
And he slipped into a hollow stump。
〃There are malevolent forces；〃 said the Opossum； 〃which the wise
will neither confront nor avoid。 The thing is to know the nature
of your antagonist。〃
So saying the Opossum lay down and pretended to be dead。
The Boneless King
SOME Apes who had deposed their king fell at once into dissension
and anarchy。 In this strait they sent a Deputation to a
neighbouring tribe to consult the Oldest and Wisest Ape in All the
World。
〃My children；〃 said the Oldest and Wisest Ape in All the World；
when he had heard the Deputation； 〃you did right in ridding
yourselves of tyranny； but your tribe is not sufficiently advanced
to dispense with the forms of monarchy。 Entice the tyrant back
with fair promises； kill him and enthrone。 The skeleton of even
the most lawless despot makes a good constitutional sovereign。〃
At this the Deputation was greatly abashed。 〃It is impossible；〃
they said； moving away； 〃our king has no skeleton； he was stuffed。〃
Uncalculating Zeal
A MAN…EATING tiger was ravaging the Kingdom of Damnasia； and the
King； greatly concerned for the lives and limbs of his Royal
subjects； promised his daughter Zodroulra to any man who would kill
the animal。 After some days Camaraladdin appeared before the King
and claimed the reward。
〃But where is the tiger？〃 the King asked。
〃May jackasses sing above my uncle's grave；〃 replied Camaraladdin；
〃if I dared go within a league of him！〃
〃Wretch！〃 cried the King； unsheathing his consoler…under…
disappointment； 〃how dare you claim my daughter when you have done
nothing to earn her？〃
〃Thou art wiser； O King； than Solyman the Great； and thy servant is
as dust in the tomb of thy dog； yet thou errest。 I did not； it is
true； kill the tiger； but behold！ I have brought thee the scalp of
the man who had accumulated five million pieces of gold and was
after more。〃
The King drew his consoler…under…disappointment； and； flicking off
Camaraladdin's head； said：
〃Learn； caitiff； the expediency of uncalculating zeal。 If the
millionaire had been let alone he would have devoured the tiger。〃
A Transposition
TRAVELLING through the sage…brush country a Jackass met a rabbit；
who exclaimed in great astonishment：
〃Good heavens！ how did you grow so big？ You are doubtless the
largest rabbit living。〃
〃No；〃 said the Jackass； 〃you are the smallest donkey。〃
After a good deal of fruitless argument the question was referred
for decision to a passing Coyote； who was a bit of a demagogue and
desirous to stand well with both。
〃Gentlemen；〃 said he； 〃you are both right； as was to have been
expected by persons so gifted with appliances for receiving
instruction from the wise。 You； sir；〃 … turning to the superior
animal … 〃are； as he has accurately observed； a rabbit。 And you〃 …
to the other … 〃are correctly described as a jackass。 In
transposing your names man has acted with incredible folly。〃
They were so pleased with the decision that they declared the
Coyote their candidate for the Grizzly Bearship； but whether he
ever obtained the office history does not relate。
The Honest Citizen
A POLITICAL Preferment； labelled with its price； was canvassing the
State to find a purchaser。 One day it offered itself to a Truly
Good Man； who； after examining the label and finding the price was
exactly twice as great as he was willing to pay； spurned the
Political Preferment from his door。 Then the People said： 〃Behold；
this is an honest citizen！〃 And the Truly Good Man humbly
confessed that it was so。
A Creaking Tail
AN American Statesman who had twisted the tail of the British Lion
until his arms ached was at last rewarded by a sharp； rasping
sound。
〃I knew your fortitude would give out after a while；〃 said the
American Statesman； delighted； 〃your agony attests my political
power。〃
〃Agony I know not！〃 said the British Lion； yawning； 〃the swivel in
my tail needs a few drops of oil； that is all。〃
Wasted Sweets
A CANDIDATE canvassing his district met a Nurse wheeling a Baby in
a carriage； and； stooping； imprinted a kiss upon the Baby's clammy
muzzle。 Rising； he saw a Man； who laughed。
〃Why do you laugh？〃 asked the Candidate。
〃Because；〃 replied the Man； 〃the Baby belongs to the Orphan
Asylum。〃
〃But the Nurse；〃 said the Candidate … 〃the Nurse will surely relate
the touching incident wherever she goes； and perhaps write to her
former master。〃
〃The Nurse；〃 said the Man who had laughed； 〃is an inmate of the
Institution for the Illiterate…Deaf…and…Dumb。〃
Six and One
THE Committee on Gerrymander worked late； drawing intricate lines
on a map of the State； and being weary sought repose in a game of
poker。 At the close of the game the six Republican members were
bankrupt and the single Democrat had all the money。 On the next
day； when the Committee was called to order for business； one of
the luckless six mounted his legs； and said：
〃Mr。 Chairman； before we bend to our noble task of purifying
politics； in the interest of good government I wish to say a word
of the untoward events of last evening。 If my memory serves me the
disasters which overtook the Majority of this honourable body
always befell when it was the Minority's deal。 It is my solemn
conviction； Mr。 Chairman； and to its affirmation I pledge my life；
my fortune； and my sacred honour； that that wicked and unscrupulous
Minority redistricted the cards！〃
The Sportsman and the Squirrel
A SPORTSMAN who had wounded a Squirrel； which was making desperate
efforts to drag itself away； ran after it with a stick； exclaiming：
〃Poor thing！ I will put it out of its misery。〃
At that moment the Squirrels stopped from exhaustion； and looking
up at its enemy； said：
〃I don't venture to doubt the sincerity of your compassion； though
it comes rather late； but you seem to lack the faculty of
observation。 Do you not perceive by my actions that the dearest
wish of my heart is to continue in my misery？〃
At this exposure of his hypocrisy； the Sportsman was so overcome
with shame and remorse that he would not strike the Squirrel； but
pointing it out to his dog； walked thoughtfully away。
The Fogy and the Sheik
A FOGY who lived in a cave near a great caravan route returned to
his home one day and saw； near by； a great concourse of m
