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第13节

fantastic fables-第13节

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disturbed。







〃I am wealth; I am respectability;〃 the Fortune explained; 〃I am 



elegant houses; a yacht; and a clean shirt every day。  I am 



leisure; I am travel; wine; a shiny hat; and an unshiny coat。  I am 



enough to eat。〃







〃All right;〃 said the Writer of Fables; in a whisper; 〃but for 



goodness' sake speak lower。〃







〃Why so?〃 the Fortune asked; in surprise。







〃So as not to wake me;〃 replied the Writer of Fables; a holy calm 



brooding upon his beautiful face。















A Smiling Idol















AN Idol said to a Missionary; 〃My friend; why do you seek to bring 



me into contempt?  If it had not been for me; what would you have 



been?  Remember thy creator that thy days be long in the land。〃







〃I confess;〃 replied the Missionary; fingering a number of ten…cent 



pieces which a Sunday…school in his own country had forwarded to 



him; 〃that I am a product of you; but I protest that you cannot 



quote Scripture with accuracy and point。  Therefore will I continue 



to go up against you with the Sword of the Spirit。〃







Shortly afterwards the Idol's worshippers held a great religious 



ceremony at the base of his pedestal; and as a part of the rites 



the Missionary was roasted whole。  As the tongue was removed for 



the high priest's table; 〃Ah;〃 said the Idol to himself; 〃that is 



the Sword of the Spirit … the only Sword that is less dangerous 



when unsheathed。〃







And he smiled so pleasantly at his own wit that the provinces of 



Ghargaroo; M'gwana; and Scowow were affected with a blight。















Philosophers Three















A BEAR; a Fox; and an Opossum were attacked by an inundation。







〃Death loves a coward;〃 said the Bear; and went forward to fight 



the flood。







〃What a fool!〃 said the Fox。  〃I know a trick worth two of that。〃  



And he slipped into a hollow stump。







〃There are malevolent forces;〃 said the Opossum; 〃which the wise 



will neither confront nor avoid。  The thing is to know the nature 



of your antagonist。〃







So saying the Opossum lay down and pretended to be dead。















The Boneless King















SOME Apes who had deposed their king fell at once into dissension 



and anarchy。  In this strait they sent a Deputation to a 



neighbouring tribe to consult the Oldest and Wisest Ape in All the 



World。







〃My children;〃 said the Oldest and Wisest Ape in All the World; 



when he had heard the Deputation; 〃you did right in ridding 



yourselves of tyranny; but your tribe is not sufficiently advanced 



to dispense with the forms of monarchy。  Entice the tyrant back 



with fair promises; kill him and enthrone。  The skeleton of even 



the most lawless despot makes a good constitutional sovereign。〃







At this the Deputation was greatly abashed。  〃It is impossible;〃 



they said; moving away; 〃our king has no skeleton; he was stuffed。〃















Uncalculating Zeal















A MAN…EATING tiger was ravaging the Kingdom of Damnasia; and the 



King; greatly concerned for the lives and limbs of his Royal 



subjects; promised his daughter Zodroulra to any man who would kill 



the animal。  After some days Camaraladdin appeared before the King 



and claimed the reward。







〃But where is the tiger?〃 the King asked。







〃May jackasses sing above my uncle's grave;〃 replied Camaraladdin; 



〃if I dared go within a league of him!〃







〃Wretch!〃 cried the King; unsheathing his consoler…under…



disappointment; 〃how dare you claim my daughter when you have done 



nothing to earn her?〃







〃Thou art wiser; O King; than Solyman the Great; and thy servant is 



as dust in the tomb of thy dog; yet thou errest。  I did not; it is 



true; kill the tiger; but behold!  I have brought thee the scalp of 



the man who had accumulated five million pieces of gold and was 



after more。〃







The King drew his consoler…under…disappointment; and; flicking off 



Camaraladdin's head; said:







〃Learn; caitiff; the expediency of uncalculating zeal。  If the 



millionaire had been let alone he would have devoured the tiger。〃















A Transposition















TRAVELLING through the sage…brush country a Jackass met a rabbit; 



who exclaimed in great astonishment:







〃Good heavens! how did you grow so big?  You are doubtless the 



largest rabbit living。〃







〃No;〃 said the Jackass; 〃you are the smallest donkey。〃







After a good deal of fruitless argument the question was referred 



for decision to a passing Coyote; who was a bit of a demagogue and 



desirous to stand well with both。







〃Gentlemen;〃 said he; 〃you are both right; as was to have been 



expected by persons so gifted with appliances for receiving 



instruction from the wise。  You; sir;〃 … turning to the superior 



animal … 〃are; as he has accurately observed; a rabbit。  And you〃 … 



to the other … 〃are correctly described as a jackass。  In 



transposing your names man has acted with incredible folly。〃







They were so pleased with the decision that they declared the 



Coyote their candidate for the Grizzly Bearship; but whether he 



ever obtained the office history does not relate。















The Honest Citizen















A POLITICAL Preferment; labelled with its price; was canvassing the 



State to find a purchaser。  One day it offered itself to a Truly 



Good Man; who; after examining the label and finding the price was 



exactly twice as great as he was willing to pay; spurned the 



Political Preferment from his door。  Then the People said: 〃Behold; 



this is an honest citizen!〃  And the Truly Good Man humbly 



confessed that it was so。















A Creaking Tail















AN American Statesman who had twisted the tail of the British Lion 



until his arms ached was at last rewarded by a sharp; rasping 



sound。







〃I knew your fortitude would give out after a while;〃 said the 



American Statesman; delighted; 〃your agony attests my political 



power。〃







〃Agony I know not!〃 said the British Lion; yawning; 〃the swivel in 



my tail needs a few drops of oil; that is all。〃















Wasted Sweets















A CANDIDATE canvassing his district met a Nurse wheeling a Baby in 



a carriage; and; stooping; imprinted a kiss upon the Baby's clammy 



muzzle。  Rising; he saw a Man; who laughed。







〃Why do you laugh?〃 asked the Candidate。







〃Because;〃 replied the Man; 〃the Baby belongs to the Orphan 



Asylum。〃







〃But the Nurse;〃 said the Candidate … 〃the Nurse will surely relate 



the touching incident wherever she goes; and perhaps write to her 



former master。〃







〃The Nurse;〃 said the Man who had laughed; 〃is an inmate of the 



Institution for the Illiterate…Deaf…and…Dumb。〃















Six and One















THE Committee on Gerrymander worked late; drawing intricate lines 



on a map of the State; and being weary sought repose in a game of 



poker。  At the close of the game the six Republican members were 



bankrupt and the single Democrat had all the money。  On the next 



day; when the Committee was called to order for business; one of 



the luckless six mounted his legs; and said:







〃Mr。 Chairman; before we bend to our noble task of purifying 



politics; in the interest of good government I wish to say a word 



of the untoward events of last evening。  If my memory serves me the 



disasters which overtook the Majority of this honourable body 



always befell when it was the Minority's deal。  It is my solemn 



conviction; Mr。 Chairman; and to its affirmation I pledge my life; 



my fortune; and my sacred honour; that that wicked and unscrupulous 



Minority redistricted the cards!〃















The Sportsman and the Squirrel















A SPORTSMAN who had wounded a Squirrel; which was making desperate 



efforts to drag itself away; ran after it with a stick; exclaiming:







〃Poor thing!  I will put it out of its misery。〃







At that moment the Squirrels stopped from exhaustion; and looking 



up at its enemy; said:







〃I don't venture to doubt the sincerity of your compassion; though 



it comes rather late; but you seem to lack the faculty of 



observation。  Do you not perceive by my actions that the dearest 



wish of my heart is to continue in my misery?〃







At this exposure of his hypocrisy; the Sportsman was so overcome 



with shame and remorse that he would not strike the Squirrel; but 



pointing it out to his dog; walked thoughtfully away。















The Fogy and the Sheik















A FOGY who lived in a cave near a great caravan route returned to 



his home one day and saw; near by; a great concourse of m

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