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第12节

fantastic fables-第12节

小说: fantastic fables 字数: 每页4000字

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chronicler of passing events sat through it; motionless; with 



suspended pen; and when the movement was complete Poesy was 



represented in that place by nothing but a warm spot on the wooden 



chair。















The Taken Hand















A SUCCESSFUL Man of Business; having occasion to write to a Thief; 



expressed a wish to see him and shake hands。







〃No;〃 replied the Thief; 〃there are some things which I will not 



take … among them your hand。〃







〃You must use a little strategy;〃 said a Philosopher to whom the 



Successful Man of Business had reported the Thief's haughty reply。  



〃Leave your hand out some night; and he will take it。〃







So one night the Successful Man of Business left his hand out of 



his neighbour's pocket; and the Thief took it with avidity。















An Unspeakable Imbecile















A JUDGE said to a Convicted Assassin:







〃Prisoner at the bar; have you anything to say why the death…



sentence should not be passed upon you?〃







〃Will what I say make any difference?〃 asked the Convicted 



Assassin。







〃I do not see how it can;〃 the Judge answered; reflectively。  〃No; 



it will not。〃







〃Then;〃 said the doomed one; 〃I should just like to remark that you 



are the most unspeakable old imbecile in seven States and the 



District of Columbia。〃















A Needful War















THE people of Madagonia had an antipathy to the people of Novakatka 



and set upon some sailors of a Novakatkan vessel; killing two and 



wounding twelve。  The King of Madagonia having refused either to 



apologise or pay; the King of Novakatka made war upon him; saying 



that it was necessary to show that Novakatkans must not be 



slaughtered。  In the battles which ensued the people of Madagonia 



slaughtered two thousand Novakatkans and wounded twelve thousand。  



But the Madagonians were unsuccessful; which so chagrined them that 



never thereafter in all their land was a Novakatkan secure in 



property or life。















The Mine Owner and the Jackass















WHILE the Owner of a Silver Mine was on his way to attend a 



convention of his species he was accosted by a Jackass; who said:







〃By an unjust discrimination against quadrupeds I am made 



ineligible to a seat in your convention; so I am compelled to seek 



representation through you。〃







〃It will give me great pleasure; sir;〃 said the Owner of a Silver 



Mine; 〃to serve one so closely allied to me in … in … well; you 



know;〃 he added; with a significant gesture of his two hands upward 



from the sides of his head。  〃What do you want?〃







〃Oh; nothing … nothing at all for myself individually;〃 replied the 



Donkey; 〃but his country's welfare should be a patriot's supreme 



care。  If Americans are to retain the sacred liberties for which 



their fathers strove; Congress must declare our independence of 



European dictation by maintaining the price of mules。〃















The Dog and the Physician















A DOG that had seen a Physician attending the burial of a wealthy 



patient; said: 〃When do you expect to dig it up?〃







〃Why should I dig it up?〃 the Physician asked。







〃When I bury a bone;〃 said the Dog; 〃it is with an intention to 



uncover it later and pick it。〃







〃The bones that I bury;〃 said the Physician; 〃are those that I can 



no longer pick。〃















The Party Manager and the Gentleman















A PARTY Manager said to a Gentleman whom he saw minding his own 



business:







〃How much will you pay for a nomination to office?〃







〃Nothing;〃 the Gentleman replied。







〃But you will contribute something to the campaign fund to assist 



in your election; will you not?〃 asked the Party Manager; winking。







〃Oh; no;〃 said the Gentleman; gravely。  〃If the people wish me to 



work for them; they must hire me without solicitation。  I am very 



comfortable without office。〃







〃But;〃 urged the Party Manager; 〃an election is a thing to be 



desired。  It is a high honour to be a servant of the people。〃







〃If servitude is a high honour;〃 the Gentleman said; 〃it would be 



indecent for me to seek it; and if obtained by my own exertion it 



would be no honour。〃







〃Well;〃 persisted the Party Manager; 〃you will at least; I hope; 



indorse the party platform。〃







The Gentleman replied: 〃It is improbable that its authors have 



accurately expressed my views without consulting me; and if I 



indorsed their work without approving it I should be a liar。〃







〃You are a detestable hypocrite and an idiot!〃 shouted the Party 



Manager。







〃Even your good opinion of my fitness;〃 replied the Gentleman; 



〃shall not persuade me。〃















The Legislator and the Citizen















AN ex…Legislator asked a Most Respectable Citizen for a letter to 



the Governor recommending him for appointment as Commissioner of 



Shrimps and Crabs。







〃Sir;〃 said the Most Respectable Citizen; austerely; 〃were you not 



once in the State Senate?〃







〃Not so bad as that; sir; I assure you;〃 was the reply。  〃I was a 



member of the Slower House。  I was expelled for selling my 



influence for money。〃







〃And you dare to ask for mine!〃 shouted the Most Respectable 



Citizen。  〃You have the impudence?  A man who will accept bribes 



will probably offer them。   Do you mean to … 〃







〃I should not think of making a corrupt proposal to you; sir; but 



if I were Commissioner of Shrimps and Crabs; I might have some 



influence with the water…front population; and be able to help you 



make your fight for Coroner。〃







〃In that case I do not feel justified in denying you the letter。〃







So he took his pen; and; some demon guiding his hand; he wrote; 



greatly to his astonishment:







〃Who sells his influence should stop it;



An honest man will only swap it。〃















The Rainmaker















AN Officer of the Government; with a great outfit of mule…waggons 



loaded with balloons; kites; dynamite bombs; and electrical 



apparatus; halted in the midst of a desert; where there had been no 



rain for ten years; and set up a camp。  After several months of 



preparation and an expenditure of a million dollars all was in 



readiness; and a series of tremendous explosions occurred on the 



earth and in the sky。  This was followed by a great down…pour of 



rain; which washed the unfortunate Officer of the Government and 



the outfit off the face of creation and affected the agricultural 



heart with joy too deep for utterance。  A Newspaper Reporter who 



had just arrived escaped by climbing a hill near by; and there he 



found the Sole Survivor of the expedition … a mule…driver … down on 



his knees behind a mesquite bush; praying with extreme fervour。







〃Oh; you can't stop it that way;〃 said the Reporter。







〃My fellow…traveller to the bar of God;〃 replied the Sole Survivor; 



looking up over his shoulder; 〃your understanding is in darkness。  



I am not stopping this great blessing; under Providence; I am 



bringing it。〃







〃That is a pretty good joke;〃 said the Reporter; laughing as well 



as he could in the strangling rain … 〃a mule driver's prayer 



answered!〃







〃Child of levity and scoffing;〃 replied the other; 〃you err again; 



misled by these humble habiliments。  I am the Rev。 Ezekiel Thrifft; 



a minister of the gospel; now in the service of the great 



manufacturing firm of Skinn & Sheer。  They make balloons; kites; 



dynamite bombs; and electrical apparatus。〃















The Citizen and the Snakes















A PUBLIC…SPIRITED Citizen who had failed miserably in trying to 



secure a National political convention for his city suffered 



acutely from dejection。  While in that frame of mind he leaned 



thoughtlessly against a druggist's show…window; wherein were one 



hundred and fifty kinds of assorted snakes。  The glass breaking; 



the reptiles all escaped into the street。







〃When you can't do what you wish;〃 said the Public…spirited 



Citizen; 〃it is worth while to do what you can。〃















Fortune and the Fabulist















A WRITER of Fables was passing through a lonely forest when he met 



a Fortune。  Greatly alarmed; he tried to climb a tree; but the 



Fortune pulled him down and bestowed itself upon him with cruel 



persistence。







〃Why did you try to run away?〃 said the Fortune; when his struggles 



had ceased and his screams were stilled。  〃Why do you glare at me 



so inhospitably?〃







〃I don't know what you are;〃 replied the Writer of Fables; deeply 



disturbed。







〃I am wealth; I am respectability;〃 the For

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