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第11节

fantastic fables-第11节

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represent us in your Cabinet。〃







〃Then;〃 said the New President; 〃I shall have to lock you up until 



you do agree。〃







So the Delegation was cast into the deepest dungeon beneath the 



moat; where it maintained a divided mind for many weeks; but 



finally reconciled its differences and asked to be taken before the 



New President。







〃My child;〃 said he; 〃nothing is so beautiful as harmony。  My 



Cabinet Selections were all made before our former interview; but 



you have supplied a noble instance of patriotism in subordinating 



your personal preferences to the general good。  Go now to your 



beautiful homes and be happy。〃







It is not recorded that the Delegation was happy。















A Forfeited Right















THE Chief of the Weather Bureau having predicted a fine day; a 



Thrifty Person hastened to lay in a large stock of umbrellas; which 



he exposed for sale on the sidewalk; but the weather remained 



clear; and nobody would buy。  Thereupon the Thrifty Person brought 



an action against the Chief of the Weather Bureau for the cost of 



the umbrellas。







〃Your Honour;〃 said the defendant's attorney; when the case was 



called; 〃I move that this astonishing action be dismissed。  Not 



only is my client in no way responsible for the loss; but he 



distinctly foreshadowed the very thing that caused it。〃







〃That is just it; your Honour;〃 replied the counsel for the 



plaintiff; 〃the defendant by making a correct forecast fooled my 



client in the only way that he could do so。  He has lied so much 



and so notoriously that he has neither the legal nor moral right to 



tell the truth。〃







Judgment for the plaintiff。















Revenge















AN Insurance Agent was trying to induce a Hard Man to Deal With to 



take out a policy on his house。  After listening to him for an 



hour; while he painted in vivid colours the extreme danger of fire 



consuming the house; the Hard Man to Deal With said:







〃Do you really think it likely that my house will burn down inside 



the time that policy will run?〃







〃Certainly;〃 replied the Insurance Agent; 〃have I not been trying 



all this time to convince you that I do?〃







〃Then;〃 said the Hard Man to Deal With; 〃why are you so anxious to 



have your Company bet me money that it will not?〃







The Agent was silent and thoughtful for a moment; then he drew the 



other apart into an unfrequented place and whispered in his ear:







〃My friend; I will impart to you a dark secret。  Years ago the 



Company betrayed my sweetheart by promise of marriage。  Under an 



assumed name I have wormed myself into its service for revenge; and 



as there is a heaven above us; I will have its heart's blood!〃















An Optimist















Two Frogs in the belly of a snake were considering their altered 



circumstances。







〃This is pretty hard luck;〃 said one。







〃Don't jump to conclusions;〃 the other said; 〃we are out of the wet 



and provided with board and lodging。〃







〃With lodging; certainly;〃 said the First Frog; 〃but I don't see 



the board。〃







〃You are a croaker;〃 the other explained。  〃We are ourselves the 



board。〃















A Valuable Suggestion















A BIG Nation having a quarrel with a Little Nation; resolved to 



terrify its antagonist by a grand naval demonstration in the 



latter's principal port。  So the Big Nation assembled all its ships 



of war from all over the world; and was about to send them three 



hundred and fifty thousand miles to the place of rendezvous; when 



the President of the Big Nation received the following note from 



the President of the Little Nation:







〃My great and good friend; I hear that you are going to show us 



your navy; in order to impress us with a sense of your power。  How 



needless the expense!  To prove to you that we already know all 



about it; I inclose herewith a list and description of all the 



ships you have。〃







The great and good friend was so struck by the hard sense of the 



letter that he kept his navy at home; and saved one thousand 



million dollars。  This economy enabled him to buy a satisfactory 



decision when the cause of the quarrel was submitted to 



arbitration。















Two Footpads















Two Footpads sat at their grog in a roadside resort; comparing the 



evening's adventures。







〃I stood up the Chief of Police;〃 said the First Footpad; 〃and I 



got away with what he had。〃







〃And I;〃 said the Second Footpad; 〃stood up the United States 



District Attorney; and got away with … 〃







〃Good Lord!〃 interrupted the other in astonishment and admiration … 



〃you got away with what that fellow had?〃







〃No;〃 the unfortunate narrator explained … 〃with a small part of 



what I had。〃















Equipped for Service















DURING the Civil War a Patriot was passing through the State of 



Maryland with a pass from the President to join Grant's army and 



see the fighting。  Stopping a day at Annapolis; he visited the shop 



of a well…known optician and ordered seven powerful telescopes; one 



for every day in the week。  In recognition of this munificent 



patronage of the State's languishing industries; the Governor 



commissioned him a colonel。















The Basking Cyclone















A NEGRO in a boat; gathering driftwood; saw a sleeping Alligator; 



and; thinking it was a log; fell to estimating the number of 



shingles it would make for his new cabin。  Having satisfied his 



mind on that point; he stuck his boat…hook into the beast's back to 



harvest his good fortune。  Thereupon the saurian emerged from his 



dream and took to the water; greatly to the surprise of the man…



and…brother。







〃I never befo' seen such a cyclone as dat;〃 he exclaimed as soon as 



he had recovered his breath。  〃It done carry away de ruf of my 



house!〃















At the Pole















AFTER a great expenditure of life and treasure a Daring Explorer 



had succeeded in reaching the North Pole; when he was approached by 



a Native Galeut who lived there。







〃Good morning;〃 said the Native Galeut。  〃I'm very glad to see you; 



but why did you come here?〃







〃Glory;〃 said the Daring Explorer; curtly。







〃Yes; yes; I know;〃 the other persisted; 〃but of what benefit to 



man is your discovery?  To what truths does it give access which 



were inaccessible before? … facts; I mean; having a scientific 



value?〃







〃I'll be Tom scatted if I know;〃 the great man replied; frankly; 



〃you will have to ask the Scientist of the Expedition。〃







But the Scientist of the Expedition explained that he had been so 



engrossed with the care of his instruments and the study of his 



tables that he had found no time to think of it。















The Optimist and the Cynic















A MAN who had experienced the favours of fortune and was an 



Optimist; met a man who had experienced an optimist and was a 



Cynic。  So the Cynic turned out of the road to let the Optimist 



roll by in his gold carriage。







〃My son;〃 said the Optimist; stopping the gold carriage; 〃you look 



as if you had not a friend in the world。〃







〃I don't know if I have or not;〃 replied the Cynic; 〃for you have 



the world。〃















The Poet and the Editor















〃MY dear sir;〃 said the editor to the man; who had called to see 



about his poem; 〃I regret to say that owing to an unfortunate 



altercation in this office the greater part of your manuscript is 



illegible; a bottle of ink was upset upon it; blotting out all but 



the first line … that is to say … 〃







〃'The autumn leaves were falling; falling。'







〃Unluckily; not having read the poem; I was unable to supply the 



incidents that followed; otherwise we could have given them in our 



own words。  If the news is not stale; and has not already appeared 



in the other papers; perhaps you will kindly relate what occurred; 



while I make notes of it。







〃'The autumn leaves were falling; falling;'







〃Go on。〃







〃What!〃 said the poet; 〃do you expect me to reproduce the entire 



poem from memory?〃







〃Only the substance of it … just the leading facts。  We will add 



whatever is necessary in the way of amplification and 



embellishment。  It will detain you but a moment。







〃'The autumn leaves were falling; falling … '







〃Now; then。〃







There was a sound of a slow getting up and going away。  The 



chronicler of passing events sat through it; motionless; with 



suspended pen; and when the movement was complete Poesy was 



represented 

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