the sorrows of young werther(少年维特的烦恼)-第8节

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money　from　you　without　an　observation；　but　made　up　the　weekly
deficiency　from　the　money…chest；　as　nobody　would　suspect　your　wife
of　robbing　the　household　bank。　　But　I　have　wasted　nothing；　and
should　have　been　content　to　meet　my　eternal　Judge　without　this
confession；　if　she；　upon　whom　the　management　of　your　establishment
will　devolve　after　my　decease；　would　be　free　from　embarrassment
upon　your　insisting　that　the　allowance　made　to　me；　your　former
wife；　was　sufficient。〃

I　talked　with　Charlotte　of　the　inconceivable　manner　in　which　men
allow　themselves　to　be　blinded；　how　any　one　could　avoid　suspecting
some　deception；　when　seven　florins　only　were　allowed　to　defray
expenses　twice　as　great。　　But　I　have　myself　known　people　who
believed；　without　any　visible　astonishment；　that　their　house
possessed　the　prophet's　never…failing　cruse　of　oil。

JULY　13。

No；　I　am　not　deceived。　　In　her　dark　eyes　I　read　a　genuine　interest
in　me　and　in　my　fortunes。　　Yes；　I　feel　it；　and　I　may　believe　my
own　heart　which　tells　me　　dare　I　say　it？　　dare　I　pronounce
the　divine　words？　　that　she　loves　me！

That　she　loves　me！　　How　the　idea　exalts　me　in　my　own　eyes！　　And；
as　you　can　understand　my　feelings；　I　may　say　to　you；　how　I　honour
myself　since　she　loves　me！

Is　this　presumption；　or　is　it　a　consciousness　of　the　truth？　　I　do
not　know　a　man　able　to　supplant　me　in　the　heart　of　Charlotte；　and
yet　when　she　speaks　of　her　betrothed　with　so　much　warmth　and
affection；　I　feel　like　the　soldier　who　has　been　stripped　of　his
honours　and　titles；　and　deprived　of　his　sword。

JULY　16。

How　my　heart　beats　when　by　accident　I　touch　her　finger；　or　my　feet
meet　hers　under　the　table！　　I　draw　back　as　if　from　a　furnace；　but
a　secret　force　impels　me　forward　again；　and　my　senses　become
disordered。　　Her　innocent；　unconscious　heart　never　knows　what　agony
these　little　familiarities　inflict　upon　me。　　Sometimes　when　we
are　talking　she　Iays　her　hand　upon　mine；　and　in　the　eagerness　of
conversation　comes　closer　to　me；　and　her　balmy　breath　reaches　my
lips；　　when　I　feel　as　if　lightning　had　struck　me；　and　that　I
could　sink　into　the　earth。　　And　yet；　Wilhelm；　with　all　this　heavenly
confidence；　　if　I　know　myself；　and　should　ever　dare　　you
understand　me。　　No；　no！　　my　heart　is　not　so　corrupt；　it　is　weak；
weak　enough　but　is　not　that　a　degree　of　corruption？

She　is　to　me　a　sacred　being。　　All　passion　is　still　in　her　presence：
I　cannot　express　my　sensations　when　I　am　near　her。　　I　feel　as　if
my　soul　beat　in　every　nerve　of　my　body。　　There　is　a　melody　which
she　plays　on　the　piano　with　angelic　skill；　　so　simple　is　it；
and　yet　so　spiritual！　　It　is　her　favourite　air；　and；　when　she
plays　the　first　note；　all　pain；　care；　and　sorrow　disappear　from
me　in　a　moment。

I　believe　every　word　that　is　said　of　the　magic　of　ancient　music。
How　her　simple　song　enchants　me！　　Sometimes；　when　I　am　ready　to
commit　suicide；　she　sings　that　air；　and　instantly　the　gloom　and
madness　which　hung　over　me　are　dispersed；　and　I　breathe　freely
again。

JULY　18。

Wilhelm；　what　is　the　world　to　our　hearts　without　love？　　What　is
a　magic…lantern　without　light？　　You　have　but　to　kindle　the　flame
within；　and　the　brightest　figures　shine　on　the　white　wall；　and；
if　love　only　show　us　fleeting　shadows；　we　are　yet　happy；　when；
like　mere　children；　we　behold　them；　and　are　transported　with　the
splendid　phantoms。　　I　have　not　been　able　to　see　Charlotte　to…day。
I　was　prevented　by　company　from　which　I　could　not　disengage　myself。
What　was　to　be　done？　　I　sent　my　servant　to　her　house；　that　I　might
at　least　see　somebody　to…day　who　had　been　near　her。　　Oh；　the
impatience　with　which　I　waited　for　his　return！　　the　joy　with　which
I　welcomed　him！　　I　should　certainly　have　caught　him　in　my　arms；
and　kissed　him；　if　I　had　not　been　ashamed。

It　is　said　that　the　Bonona　stone；　when　placed　in　the　sun；　attracts
the　rays；　and　for　a　time　appears　luminous　in　the　dark。　　So　was　it
with　me　and　this　servant。　　The　idea　that　Charlotte's　eyes　had　dwelt
on　his　countenance；　his　cheek；　his　very　apparel；　endeared　them　all
inestimably　to　me；　so　that　at　the　moment　I　would　not　have　parted
from　him　for　a　thousand　crowns。　　His　presence　made　me　so　happy！
Beware　of　laughing　at　me；　Wilhelm。　　Can　that　be　a　delusion　which
makes　us　happy？

JULY　19。

〃I　shall　see　her　today！〃　I　exclaim　with　delight；　when　I　rise　in
the　morning；　and　look　out　with　gladness　of　heart　at　the　bright；
beautiful　sun。　　〃I　shall　see　her　today！〃　　And　then　I　have　no
further　wish　to　form：　all；　all　is　included　in　that　one　thought。

JULY　2O。

I　cannot　assent　to　your　proposal　that　I　should　accompany　the
ambassador　to　_______。　　I　do　not　love　subordination；　and　we　all
know　that　he　is　a　rough；　disagreeable　person　to　be　connected　with。
You　say　my　mother　wishes　me　to　be　employed。　　I　could　not　help
laughing　at　that。　　Am　I　not　sufficiently　employed？　　And　is　it　not
in　reality　the　same；　whether　I　shell　peas　or　count　lentils？　　The
world　runs　on　from　one　folly　to　another；　and　the　man　who；　solely
from　regard　to　the　opinion　of　others；　and　without　any　wish　or
necessity　of　his　own；　toils　after　gold；　honour；　or　any　other
phantom；　is　no　better　than　a　fool。

JULY　24。

You　insist　so　much　on　my　not　neglecting　my　drawing；　that　it　would
be　as　well　for　me　to　say　nothing　as　to　confess　how　little　I　have
lately　done。

I　never　felt　happier；　I　never　understood　nature　better；　even　down
to　the　veriest　stem　or　smallest　blade　of　grass　；　and　yet　I　am
unable　to　express　myself：　my　powers　of　execution　are　so　weak；
everything　seems　to　swim　and　float　before　me；　so　that　I　cannot
make　a　clear；　bold　outline。　　But　I　fancy　I　should　succeed　better
if　I　had　some　clay　or　wax　to　model。　　I　shall　try；　if　this　state
of　mind　continues　much　longer；　and　will　take　to　modelling；　if　I
only　knead　dough。

I　have　commenced　Charlotte's　portrait　three　times；　and　have　as
often　disgraced　myself。　　This　is　the　more　annoying；　as　I　was
formerly　very　happy　in　taking　likenesses。　　I　have　since　sketched
her　profile；　and　must　content　myself　with　that。

JULY　25。

Yes；　dear　Charlotte！　　I　will　order　and　arrange　everything。　　Only
give　me　more　commissions；　the　more　the　better。　　One　thing；　however；
I　must　request：　use　no　more　writing…sand　with　the　dear　notes　you
send　me。　　Today　I　raised　your　letter　hastily　to　my　lips；　and　it
set　my　teeth　on　edge。

JULY　26。

I　have　often　determined　not　to　see　her　so　frequently。　　But　who
could　keep　such　a　resolution？　　Every　day　I　am　exposed　to　the
temptation；　and　promise　faithfully　that　to…morrow　I　will　really
stay　away：　but；　when　tomorrow　comes；　I　find　some　irresistible
reason　for　seeing　her；　and；　before　I　can　account　for　it；　I　am　with
her　again。　　Either　she　has　said　on　the　previous　evening　〃You　will
be　sure　to　call　to…morrow；〃　　and　who　could　stay　away　then？　or
she　gives　me　some　commission；　and　I　find　it　essential　to　take
her　the　answer　in　person；　or　the　day　is　fine；　and　I　walk　to　Walheim；
and；　when　I　am　there；　it　is　only　half　a　league　farther　to　her。　　I
am　within　the　charmed　atmosphere；　and　soon　find　myself　at　her　side。
My　grandmother　used　to　tell　us　a　story　of　a　mountain　of　loadstone。
When　any　vessels　came　near　it；　they　were　instantly　deprived　of
their　ironwork：　the　nails　flew　to　the　mountain；　and　the　unhappy
crew　perished　amidst　the　disjointed　planks。

JULY　30。

Albert　is　arrived；　and　I　must　take　my　departure。　　Were　he　the　best
and　noblest　of　men；　and　I　in　every　respect　his　inferior；　I　could
not　endure　to　see　him　in　possession　of　such　a　perfect　being。
Possession！　　enough；　Wilhelm：　　her　betrothed　is　here；　　a　fine；
worthy　fellow；　whom　one　cannot　help　liking。　　Fortunately　I　was　not
present　at　their　meeting。　　It　would　have　broken　my　heart！　　And　he
is　so　considerate：　he　has　not　given　Charlotte　one　kiss　in　my
presence。　　Heaven　reward　him　for　it！　　I　must　love　him　for　the
respect　with　which　he　treats　her。　　He　shows　a　regard　for　me；　but
for　this　I　suspect　I　am　more　indebted　to　Charlotte　than　to　his　own
fancy　for　me。　　Women　have　a　delicate　tact　in　such　matters；　and　it
should　be　so。　　They　cannot　always　succeed　in　keeping　two　rivals
on　terms　with　each　other；　but；　when　they　do；　they　are　the　only
gainers。

I　cannot　help　esteeming　Albert。　　The　coolness　of　his　temper　contrasts
strongly　with　the　impetuosity　of　mine；　which　I　cannot　conceal。
He　has　a　great　deal　of　feeling；　and　is　fully　sensible　of　the
treasure　he　possesses　in　Charlotte。　　He　is　free　from　ill…humour；
which　you　know　is　the　fault　I　detest　most。

He　regards　me　as　a　man　of　sense；　and　my　attachment　to　Charlotte；
and　the　interest　I　take　in　all　that　concerns　her；　augment　his
triumph　and　his　love。　　I　shall　not　inquire　whether　he　may　not　at
times　tease　her　with　some　little　jealousies；　as　I　know；　that；　were
I　in　his　place；　I　should　not　be　entirely　free　from　such　sensations。

But；　be　that　as　it　may；　my　pleasure　with　Charlotte　is　over。　　Call
it　folly　or　infatuation；　what　signifies　a　name？　　The　thing　speaks
for　itself。　　Before　Albert　came；　I　knew　all　that　I　know　now。　　I
knew　I　could　make　no　pretensions　to　her；　nor　did　I　offer　any；　that
is；　as　far　as　it　was　possible；　in　the　presence　of　so　much　loveliness；
not　to　pant　for　its　enjoyment。　　And　now；　behold　me　like　a　silly
fellow；　staring　with