the sorrows of young werther(少年维特的烦恼)-第19节

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a　passage　in　an　ancient　poet；　and　I　seem　to　understand　my　own
heart。　　I　have　so　much　to　endure！　　Have　men　before　me　ever　been
so　wretched？

NOVEMBER　30。

I　shall　never　be　myself　again！　　Wherever　I　go；　some　fatality　occurs
to　distract　me。　　Even　to…day　alas　　for　our　destiny！　alas　for
human　nature！

About　dinner…time　I　went　to　walk　by　the　river…side；　for　I　had　no
appetite。　　Everything　around　seemed　gloomy：　a　cold　and　damp　easterly
wind　blew　from　the　mountains；　and　black；　heavy　clouds　spread　over
the　plain。　　I　observed　at　a　distance　a　man　in　a　tattered　coat：　he
was　wandering　among　the　rocks；　and　seemed　to　be　looking　for　plants。
When　I　approached；　he　turned　round　at　the　noise；　and　I　saw　that
he　had　an　interesting　countenance　in　which　a　settled　melancholy；
strongly　marked　by　benevolence；　formed　the　principal　feature。
His　long　black　hair　was　divided；　and　flowed　over　his　shoulders。
As　his　garb　betokened　a　person　of　the　lower　order；　I　thought　he
would　not　take　it　ill　if　I　inquired　about　his　business；　and　I
therefore　asked　what　he　was　seeking。　　He　replied；　with　a　deep　sigh；
that　he　was　looking　for　flowers；　and　could　find　none。　　〃But　it　is
not　the　season；〃　I　observed；　with　a　smile。　　〃Oh；　there　are　so　many
flowers！〃　he　answered；　as　he　came　nearer　to　me。　　〃In　my　garden
there　are　roses　and　honeysuckles　of　two　sorts：　one　sort　was　given
to　me　by　my　father！　they　grow　as　plentifully　as　weeds；　I　have　been
looking　for　them　these　two　days；　and　cannot　find　them。　　There　are
flowers　out　there；　yellow；　blue；　and　red；　and　that　centaury　has　a
very　pretty　blossom：　but　I　can　find　none　of　them。〃　　I　observed　his
peculiarity；　and　therefore　asked　him；　with　an　air　of　indifference；
what　he　intended　to　do　with　his　flowers。　　A　strange　smile　overspread
his　countenance。　　Holding　his　finger　to　his　mouth；　he　expressed　a
hope　that　I　would　not　betray　him；　and　he　then　informed　me　that　he
had　promised　to　gather　a　nosegay　for　his　mistress。　　〃That　is　right；〃
said　I。　　〃Oh！〃　he　replied；　〃she　possesses　many　other　things　as
well：　she　is　very　rich。〃　　〃And　yet；〃　I　continued；　〃she　likes　your
nosegays。〃　　〃Oh；　she　has　jewels　and　crowns！〃　he　exclaimed。　　I　asked
who　she　was。　　〃If　the　states…general　would　but　pay　me；〃　he　added；
〃I　should　be　quite　another　man。　Alas！　there　was　a　time　when　I　was
so　happy；　but　that　is　past；　and　I　am　now〃　　He　raised　his　swimming
eyes　to　heaven。　　〃And　you　were　happy　once？〃　　I　observed。　　〃Ah；
would　I　were　so　still！〃　was　his　reply。　　〃I　was　then　as　gay　and
contented　as　a　man　can　be。〃　　An　old　woman；　who　was　coming　toward
us；　now　called　out；　〃Henry；　Henry！　where　are　you？　　We　have　been
looking　for　you　everywhere：　come　to　dinner。〃　　〃Is　he　your　son？〃
I　inquired；　as　I　went　toward　her。　〃Yes；〃　she　said：　〃he　is　my　poor；
unfortunate　son。　　The　Lord　has　sent　me　a　heavy　affliction。〃　　I　asked
whether　he　had　been　long　in　this　state。　　She　answered；　〃He　has　been
as　calm　as　he　is　at　present　for　about　six　months。　　I　thank　Heaven
that　he　has　so　far　recovered：　he　was　for　one　whole　year　quite　raving；
and　chained　down　in　a　madhouse。　　Now　he　injures　no　one；　but　talks
of　nothing　else　than　kings　and　queens。　　He　used　to　be　a　very　good；
quiet　youth；　and　helped　to　maintain　me；　he　wrote　a　very　fine　hand；
but　all　at　once　he　became　melancholy；　was　seized　with　a　violent
fever；　grew　distracted；　and　is　now　as　you　see。　　If　I　were　only　to
tell　you；　sir〃　　I　interrupted　her　by　asking　what　period　it　was
in　which　he　boasted　of　having　been　so　happy。　　〃Poor　boy！〃　she
exclaimed；　with　a　smile　of　cormpassion；　〃he　means　the　time　when
he　was　completely　deranged；　a　time　he　never　ceases　to　regret；
when　he　was　in　the　madhouse；　and　unconscious　of　everything。〃　　I
was　thunderstruck：　I　placed　a　piece　of　money　in　her　hand；　and
hastened　away。

〃You　were　happy！〃　　I　exclaimed；　as　I　returned　quickly　to　the
town；　〃'as　gay　and　contented　as　a　man　can　be！'〃　　God　of　heaven！
and　is　this　the　destiny　of　man？　　Is　he　only　happy　before　he　has
acquired　his　reason；　or　after　he　has　lost　it？　　Unfortunate　being！
And　yet　I　envy　your　fate：　I　envy　the　delusion　to　which　you　are　a
victim。　　You　go　forth　with　joy　to　gather　flowers　for　your　princess；
　in　winter；　　and　grieve　when　you　can　find　none；　and　cannot
understand　why　they　do　not　grow。　　But　I　wander　forth　without　joy；
without　hope；　without　design；　and　I　return　as　I　came。　　You　fancy
what　a　man　you　would　be　if　the　states　general　paid　you。　　Happy
mortal；　who　can　ascribe　your　wretchedness　to　an　earthly　cause！
You　do　not　know；　you　do　not　feel；　that　in　your　own　distracted
heart　and　disordered　brain　dwells　the　source　of　that　unhappiness
which　all　the　potentates　on　earth　cannot　relieve。

Let　that　man　die　unconsoled　who　can　deride　the　invalid　for　undertaking
a　journey　to　distant；　healthful　springs；　where　he　often　finds　only
a　heavier　disease　and　a　more　painful　death；　or　who　can　exult　over
the　despairing　mind　of　a　sinner；　who；　to　obtain　peace　of　conscience
and　an　alleviation　of　misery；　makes　a　pilgrimage　to　the　Holy
Sepulchre。　　Each　laborious　step　which　galls　his　wounded　feet　in
rough　and　untrodden　paths　pours　a　drop　of　balm　into　his　troubled
soul；　and　the　journey　of　many　a　weary　day　brings　a　nightly　relief
to　his　anguished　heart。　　Will　you　dare　call　this　enthusiasm；　ye
crowd　of　pompous　declaimers？　　Enthusiasm！　　0　God！　thou　seest　my
tears。　　Thou　hast　allotted　us　our　portion　of　misery：　must　we　also
have　brethren　to　persecute　us；　to　deprive　us　of　our　consolation；
of　our　trust　in　thee；　and　in　thy　love　and　mercy？　　For　our　trust　in
the　virtue　of　the　healing　root；　or　in　the　strength　of　the　vine；
what　is　it　else　than　a　belief　in　thee　from　whom　all　that　surrounds
us　derives　its　healing　and　restoring　powers？　　Father；　whom　I　know
not；　　who　wert　once　wont　to　fill　my　soul；　but　who　now　hidest　thy
face　from　me；　　call　me　back　to　thee；　be　silent　no　longer；　thy
silence　shall　not　delay　a　soul　which　thirsts　after　thee。　　What　man；
what　father；　could　be　angry　with　a　son　for　returning　to　him　suddenly；
for　falling　on　his　neck；　and　exclaiming；　〃I　am　here　again；　my
father！　forgive　me　if　I　have　anticipated　my　journey；　and　returned
before　the　appointed　time！　　The　world　is　everywhere　the　same；　
a　scene　of　labour　and　pain；　of　pleasure　and　reward；　but　what　does
it　all　avail？　　I　am　happy　only　where　thou　art；　and　in　thy　presence
am　I　content　to　suffer　or　enjoy。〃　　And　wouldst　thou；　heavenly　Father；
banish　such　a　child　from　thy　presence？

DECEMBER　1。

Wilhelm；　the　man　about　whom　I　wrote　to　you　　that　man　so　enviable
in　his　misfortunes　　was　secretary　to　Charlotte's　father；　and　an
unhappy　passion　for　her　which　he　cherished；　concealed；　and　at
length　discovered；　caused　him　to　be　dismissed　from　his　situation。
This　made　him　mad。　　Think；　whilst　you　peruse　this　plain　narration；
what　an　impression　the　circumstance　has　made　upon　me！　　But　it　was
related　to　me　by　Albert　with　as　much　calmness　as　you　will　probably
peruse　it。

DECEMBER　4。

I　implore　your　attention。　　It　is　all　over　with　me。　　I　can　support
this　state　no　longer。　　To…day　I　was　sitting　by　Charlotte。　　She　was
playing　upon　her　piano　a　succession　of　delightful　melodies；　with
such　intense　expression！　　Her　little　sister　was　dressing　her　doll
upon　my　lap。　　The　tears　came　into　my　eyes。　　I　leaned　down；　and
looked　intently　at　her　wedding…ring：　my　tears　fell　　immediately
she　began　to　play　that　favourite；　that　divine；　air　which　has　so
often　enchanted　me。　　I　felt　comfort　from　a　recollection　of　the
past；　of　those　bygone　days　when　that　air　was　familiar　to　me；　and
then　I　recalled　all　the　sorrows　and　the　disappointments　which　I
had　since　endured。　　I　paced　with　hasty　strides　through　the　room；
my　heart　became　convulsed　with　painful　emotions。　　At　length　I
went　up　to　her；　and　exclaimed　With　eagerness；　〃For　Heaven's　sake；
play　that　air　no　longer！〃　　She　stopped；　and　looked　steadfastly　at
me。　　She　then　said；　with　a　smile　which　sunk　deep　into　my　heart；
〃Werther；　you　are　ill：　your　dearest　food　is　distasteful　to　you。
But　go；　I　entreat　you；　and　endeavour　to　compose　yourself。〃　　I
tore　myself　away。　　God；　thou　seest　my　torments；　and　wilt　end　them！

DECEMBER　6。

How　her　image　haunts　me！　　Waking　or　asleep；　she　fills　my　entire
soul！　　Soon　as　I　close　my　eyes；　here；　in　my　brain；　where　all　the
nerves　of　vision　are　concentrated；　her　dark　eyes　are　imprinted。
Here　　I　do　not　know　how　to　describe　it；　but；　if　I　shut　my　eyes；
hers　are　immediately　before　me：　dark　as　an　abyss　they　open　upon
me；　and　absorb　my　senses。

And　what　is　man　　that　boasted　demigod？　　Do　not　his　powers　fail
when　he　most　requires　their　use？　　And　whether　he　soar　in　joy；　or
sink　in　sorrow；　is　not　his　career　in　both　inevitably　arrested？
And；　whilst　he　fondly　dreams　that　he　is　grasping　at　infinity；
does　he　not　feel　compelled　to　return　to　a　consciousness　of　his
cold；　monotonous　existence？

THE　EDITOR　TO　THE　READER。

It　is　a　matter　of　extreme　regret　that　we　want　original　evidence
of　the　last　remarkable　days　of　our　friend；　and　we　are；　therefore；
obliged　to　interrupt　the　progress　of　his　correspondence；　and　to
supply　the　deficiency　by　a　connected　narration。

I　have　felt　it　my　duty　to　collect　accurate　information　from　the
mouths　of　persons　well　acquainted　with　his　history。　　The　story
is　simple；　and　all　the　accounts　agr