the sorrows of young werther(少年维特的烦恼)-第15节

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delighted；〃　he　added；　〃that　you　take　it　so　lightly。　　I　am　only
sorry　that　it　is　already　so　much　spoken　of。〃　　The　circumstance
then　began　to　pain　me。　I　fancied　that　every　one　who　sat　down；　and
even　looked　at　me；　was　thinking　of　this　incident；　and　my　heart
became　embittered。

And　now　I　could　plunge　a　dagger　into　my　bosom；　when　I　hear　myself
everywhere　pitied；　and　observe　the　triumph　of　my　enemies；　who　say
that　this　is　always　the　case　with　vain　persons；　whose　heads　are
turned　with　conceit；　who　affect　to　despise　forms　and　such　petty；
idle　nonsense。

Say　what　you　will　of　fortitude；　but　show　me　the　man　who　can　patiently
endure　the　laughter　of　fools；　when　they　have　obtained　an　advantage
over　him。　　'Tis　only　when　their　nonsense　is　without　foundation
that　one　can　suffer　it　without　complaint。

March　16。　

Everything　conspires　against　me。　　I　met　Miss　B　walking　to…day。
I　could　not　help　joining　her；　and；　when　we　were　at　a　little　distance
from　her　companions；　I　expressed　my　sense　of　her　altered　manner
toward　me。　　〃O　Werther！〃　she　said；　in　a　tone　of　emotion；　〃you；　who
know　my　heart；　how　could　you　so　ill　interpret　my　distress？　　What
did　I　not　suffer　for　you；　from　the　moment　you　entered　the　room！
I　foresaw　it　all；　a　hundred　times　was　I　on　the　point　of　mentioning
it　to　you。　　I　knew　that　the　Ss　and　Ts；　with　their　husbands；
would　quit　the　room；　rather　than　remain　in　your　company。　　I　knew
that　the　count　would　not　break　with　them：　and　now　so　much　is　said
about　it。〃　　〃How！〃　I　exclaimed；　and　endeavoured　to　conceal　my
emotion；　for　all　that　Adelin　had　mentioned　to　me　yesterday　recurred
to　me　painfully　at　that　moment。　　〃Oh；　how　much　it　has　already　cost
me！〃　said　this　amiable　girl；　while　her　eyes　filled　with　tears。　　I
could　scarcely　contain　myself；　and　was　ready　to　throw　myself　at
her　feet。　　〃Explain　yourself！〃　　I　cried。　　Tears　flowed　down　her
cheeks。　　I　became　quite　frantic。　　She　wiped　them　away；　without
attempting　to　conceal　them。　　〃You　know　my　aunt；〃　she　continued；
〃she　was　present：　and　in　what　light　does　she　consider　the　affair！
Last　night；　and　this　morning；　Werther；　I　was　compelled　to　listen
to　a　lecture　upon　my；　acquaintance　with　you。　　I　have　been　obliged
to　hear　you　condemned　and　depreciated；　and　I　could　not　　I　dared
not　　say　much　in　your　defence。〃

Every　word　she　uttered　was　a　dagger　to　my　heart。　　She　did　not　feel
what　a　mercy　it　would　have　been　to　conceal　everything　from　me。
She　told　me；　in　addition；　all　the　impertinence　that　would　be　further
circulated；　and　how　the　malicious　would　triumph；　how　they　would
rejoice　over　the　punishment　of　my　pride；　over　my　humiliation　for
that　want　of　esteem　for　others　with　which　I　had　often　been　reproached。
To　hear　all　this；　Wilhelm；　uttered　by　her　in　a　voice　of　the　most
sincere　sympathy；　awakened　all　my　passions；　and　I　am　still　in　a
state　of　extreme　excitement。　　I　wish　I　could　find　a　man　to　jeer
me　about　this　event。　　I　would　sacrifice　him　to　my　resentment。　　The
sight　of　his　blood　might　possibly　be　a　relief　to　my　fury。　　A　hundred
times　have　I　seized　a　dagger；　to　give　ease　to　this　oppressed　heart。
Naturalists　tell　of　a　noble　race　of　horses　that　instinctively　open
a　vein　with　their　teeth；　when　heated　and　exhausted　by　a　long　course；
in　order　to　breathe　more　freely。　　I　am　often　tempted　to　open　a
vein；　to　procure　for　myself　everlasting　liberty。

MARCH　24。　

I　have　tendered　my　resignation　to　the　court。　　I　hope　it　will　be
accepted；　and　you　will　forgive　me　for　not　having　previously　consulted
you。　　It　is　necessary　I　should　leave　this　place。　　I　know　all　you
will　urge　me　to　stay；　and　therefore　I　beg　you　will　soften　this
news　to　my　mother。　　I　am　unable　to　do　anything　for　myself：　how；
then；　should　I　be　competent　to　assist　others？　　It　will　afflict　her
that　I　should　have　interrupted　that　career　which　would　have　made
me　first　a　privy　councillor；　and　then　minister；　and　that　I　should
look　behind　me；　in　place　of　advancing。　　Argue　as　you　will；　combine
all　the　reasons　which　should　have　induced　me　to　remain；　I　am　going：
that　is　sufficient。　　But；　that　you　may　not　be　ignorant　of　my
destination；　I　may　mention　that　the　Prince　of　　is　here。　　He　is
much　pleased　with　my　company；　and；　having　heard　of　my　intention
to　resign；　he　has　invited　me　to　his　country　house；　to　pass　the
spring　months　with　him。　I　shall　be　left　completely　my　own　master；
and；　as　we　agree　on　all　subjects　but　one；　I　shall　try　my　fortune；
and　accompany　him。

APRIL　l9。

Thanks　for　both　your　letters。　　I　delayed　my　reply；　and　withheld
this　letter；　till　I　should　obtain　an　answer　from　the　court。　　I
feared　my　mother　might　apply　to　the　minister　to　defeat　my　purpose。
But　my　request　is　granted；　my　resignation　is　accepted。　　I　shall
not　recount　with　what　reluctance　it　was　accorded；　nor　relate　what
the　minister　has　written：　you　would　only　renew　your　lamentations。
The　crown　prince　has　sent　me　a　present　of　five　and　twenty　ducats；
and；　indeed；　such　goodness　has　affected　me　to　tears。　　For　this
reason　I　shall　not　require　from　my　mother　the　money　for　which　I
lately　applied。

MAY　5。　

I　leave　this　place　to…morrow；　and；　as　my　native　place　is　only　six
miles　from　the　high　road；　I　intend　to　visit　it　once　more；　and
recall　the　happy　dreams　of　my　childhood。　　I　shall　enter　at　the
same　gate　through　which　I　came　with　my　mother；　when；　after　my
father's　death；　she　left　that　delightful　retreat　to　immure　herself
in　your　melancholy　town。　　Adieu；　my　dear　friend：　you　shall　hear　of
my　future　career。

MAY　9。

I　have　paid　my　visit　to　my　native　place　with　all　the　devotion　of
a　pilgrim；　and　have　experienced　many　unexpected　emotions。　　Near
the　great　elm　tree；　which　is　a　quarter　of　a　league　from　the　village；
I　got　out　of　the　carriage；　and　sent　it　on　before；　that　alone；　and
on　foot；　I　might　enjoy　vividly　and　heartily　all　the　pleasure　of
my　recollections。　　I　stood　there　under　that　same　elm　which　was
formerly　the　term　and　object　of　my　walks。　　How　things　have　since
changed！　　Then；　in　happy　ignorance；　I　sighed　for　a　world　I　did　not
know；　where　I　hoped　to　find　every　pleasure　and　enjoyment　which　my
heart　could　desire；　and　now；　on　my　return　from　that　wide　world；　O
my　friend；　how　many　disappointed　hopes　and　unsuccessful　plans　have
I　brought　back！

As　I　contemplated　the　mountains　which　lay　stretched　out　before　me；
I　thought　how　often　they　had　been　the　object　of　my　dearest　desires。
Here　used　I　to　sit　for　hours　together　with　my　eyes　bent　upon　them；
ardently　longing　to　wander　in　the　shade　of　those　woods；　to　lose
myself　in　those　valleys；　which　form　so　delightful　an　object　in　the
distance。　　With　what　reluctance　did　I　leave　this　charming　spot；
when　my　hour　of　recreation　was　over；　and　my　leave　of　absence
expired！　　I　drew　near　to　the　village：　all　the　well…known　old
summerhouses　and　gardens　were　recognised　again；　I　disliked　the　new
ones；　and　all　other　alterations　which　had　taken　place。　　I　entered
the　village；　and　all　my　former　feelings　returned。　　I　cannot；　my
dear　friend；　enter　into　details；　charming　as　were　my　sensations：
they　would　be　dull　in　the　narration。　　I　had　intended　to　lodge　in
the　market…place；　near　our　old　house。　　As　soon　as　I　entered；　I
perceived　that　the　schoolroom；　where　our　childhood　had　been　taught
by　that　good　old　woman；　was　converted　into　a　shop。　　I　called　to
mind　the　sorrow；　the　heaviness；　the　tears；　and　oppression　of　heart；
which　I　experienced　in　that　confinement。　　Every　step　produced　some
particular　impression。　　A　pilgrim　in　the　Holy　Land　does　not　meet
so　many　spots　pregnant　with　tender　recollections；　and　his　soul　is
hardly　moved　with　greater　devotion。　　One　incident　will　serve　for
illustration。　　I　followed　the　course　of　a　stream　to　a　farm；　formerly
a　delightful　walk　of　mine；　and　paused　at　the　spot；　where；　when
boys；　we　used　to　amuse　ourselves　making　ducks　and　drakes　upon　the
water。　　I　recollected　so　well　how　I　used　formerly　to　watch　the
course　of　that　same　stream；　following　it　with　inquiring　eagerness；
forming　romantic　ideas　of　the　countries　it　was　to　pass　through；
but　my　imagination　was　soon　exhausted：　while　the　water　continued
flowing　farther　and　farther　on；　till　my　fancy　became　bewildered
by　the　contemplation　of　an　invisible　distance。　　Exactly　such；　my
dear　friend；　so　happy　and　so　confined；　were　the　thoughts　of　our
good　ancestors。　　Their　feelings　and　their　poetry　were　fresh　as
childhood。　　And；　when　Ulysses　talks　of　the　immeasurable　sea　and
boundless　earth；　his　epithets　are　true；　natural；　deeply　felt；　and
mysterious。　　Of　what　importance　is　it　that　I　have　learned；　with
every　schoolboy；　that　the　world　is　round？　　Man　needs　but　little
earth　for　enjoyment；　and　still　less　for　his　final　repose。

I　am　at　present　with　the　prince　at　his　hunting　lodge。　　He　is　a　man
with　whom　one　can　live　happily。　He　is　honest　and　unaffected。　　There
are；　however；　some　strange　characters　about　him；　whom　I　cannot　at
all　understand。　　They　do　not　seem　vicious；　and　yet　they　do　not
carry　the　appearance　of　thoroughly　honest　men。　　Sometimes　I　am
disposed　to　believe　them　honest；　and　yet　I　cannot　persuade　myself
to　confide　in　them。　　It　grieves　me　to　hear　the　prince　occasionally
talk　of　things　which　he　has　only　read　or　heard　of；　and　always　with
the　same　view　in　which　they　have　been　represented　by　others。