introductory-第9节

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circumstance。　The　wiser　effort　would　have　been；　to　diffuse　thought　and

imagination　through　the　opaque　substance　of　to…day；　and　thus　to　make

it　a　bright　transparency；　to　spiritualise　the　burden　that　began　to

weigh　so　heavily；　to　seek；　resolutely；　the　true　and　indestructible

value　that　lay　hidden　in　the　petty　and　wearisome　incidents；　and

ordinary　characters；　with　which　I　was　now　conversant。　The　fault　was

mine。　The　page　of　life　that　was　spread　out　before　me　seemed　dull　and

commonplace；　only　because　I　had　not　fathomed　its　deeper　import。　A

better　book　than　I　shall　ever　write　was　there；　leaf　after　leaf

presenting　itself　to　me；　just　as　it　was　written　out　by　the　reality

of　the　flitting　hour；　and　vanishing　as　fast　as　written；　only　because

my　brain　wanted　the　insight　and　my　hand　the　cunning　to　transcribe

it。　At　some　future　day；　it　may　be；　I　shall　remember　a　few　scattered

fragments　and　broken　paragraphs；　and　write　them　down；　and　find　the

letters　turn　to　gold　upon　the　page。

　　These　perceptions　have　come　too　late。　At　the　instant；　I　was　only

conscious　that　what　would　have　been　a　pleasure　once　was　now　a　hopeless

toil。　There　was　no　occasion　to　make　much　moan　about　this　state　of

affairs。　I　had　ceased　to　be　a　writer　of　tolerably　poor　tales　and

essays；　and　had　become　a　tolerably　good　Surveyor　of　the　Customs。

That　was　all。　But；　nevertheless；　it　is　anything　but　agreeable　to　be

haunted　by　a　suspicion　that　one's　intellect　is　dwindling　away；　or

exhaling；　without　your　consciousness；　like　ether　out　of　a　phial；　so

that；　at　every　glance；　you　find　a　smaller　and　less　volatile

residuum。　Of　the　fact　there　could　be　no　doubt；　and；　examining　myself

and　others；　I　was　led　to　conclusions；　in　reference　to　the　effect　of

public　office　on　the　character；　not　very　favourable　to　the　mode　of

life　in　question。　In　some　other　form；　perhaps；　I　may　hereafter　develop

these　effects。　Suffice　it　here　to　say；　that　a　Custom…House　officer；　of

long　continuance；　can　hardly　be　a　very　praiseworthy　or　respectable

personage；　for　many　reasons；　one　of　them；　the　tenure　by　which　he　holds

his　situation；　and　another；　the　very　nature　of　his　business；　which…

though；　I　trust；　an　honest　one…　is　of　such　a　sort　that　he　does　not

share　in　the　united　effort　of　mankind。

　　An　effect…　which　I　believe　to　be　observable；　more　or　less；　in

every　individual　who　has　occupied　the　position…　is；　that；　while　he

leans　on　the　mighty　arm　of　the　Republic；　his　own　proper　strength

departs　from　him。　He　loses；　in　an　extent　proportioned　to　the

weakness　or　force　of　his　original　nature；　the　capability　of

self…support。　If　he　possess　an　unusual　share　of　native　energy；　or

the　enervating　magic　of　place　do　not　operate　too　long　upon　him；　his

forfeited　powers　may　be　redeemable。　The　ejected　officer…　fortunate

in　the　unkindly　shove　that　sends　him　forth　betimes；　to　struggle　amid　a

struggling　world…　may　return　to　himself；　and　become　all　that　he　has

ever　been。　But　this　seldom　happens。　He　usually　keeps　his　ground　just

long　enough　for　his　own　ruin；　and　is　then　thrust　out；　with　sinews

all　unstrung；　to　totter　along　the　difficult　footpath　of　life　as　he

best　may。　Conscious　of　his　own　infirmity…　that　his　tempered　steel

and　elasticity　are　lost…　he　forever　afterwards　looks　wistfully　about

him　in　quest　of　support　external　to　himself。　His　pervading　and

continual　hope…　a　hallucination；　which；　in　the　face　of　all

discouragement；　and　making　light　of　impossibilities；　haunts　him

while　he　lives；　and；　I　fancy；　like　the　convulsive　throes　of　the

cholera；　torments　him　for　a　brief　space　after　death…　is；　that　finally；

and　in　no　long　time；　by　some　happy　coincidence　of　circumstances；　he

shall　be　restored　to　office。　This　faith；　more　than　anything　else；

steals　the　pith　and　availability　out　of　whatever　enterprise　he　may

dream　of　undertaking。　Why　should　he　toil　and　moil；　and　be　at　so　much

trouble　to　pick　himself　up　out　of　the　mud；　when；　in　a　little　while

hence；　the　strong　arm　of　his　Uncle　will　raise　and　support　him？　Why

should　he　work　for　his　living　here；　or　go　to　dig　gold　in　California；

when　he　is　so　soon　to　be　made　happy；　at　monthly　intervals；　with　a

little　pile　of　glittering　coin　out　of　his　Uncle's　pocket？　It　is

sadly　curious　to　observe　how　slight　a　taste　of　office　suffices　to

infect　a　poor　fellow　with　this　singular　disease。　Uncle　Sam's　gold…

meaning　no　disrespect　to　the　worthy　old　gentleman…　has；　in　this

respect；　a　quality　of　enchantment　like　that　of　the　Devil's　wages。

Whoever　touches　it　should　look　well　to　himself；　or　he　may　find　the

bargain　to　go　hard　against　him；　involving；　if　not　his　soul；　yet　many

of　its　better　attributes；　its　sturdy　force；　its　courage　and　constancy；

its　truth；　its　self…reliance；　and　all　that　gives　the　emphasis　to　manly

character。

　　Here　was　a　fine　prospect　in　the　distance！　Not　that　the　Surveyor

brought　the　lesson　home　to　himself；　or　admitted　that　he　could　be　so

utterly　undone；　either　by　continuance　in　office；　or　ejectment。　Yet

my　reflections　were　not　the　most　comfortable。　I　began　to　grow

melancholy　and　restless；　continually　prying　into　my　mind；　to

discover　which　of　its　poor　properties　were　gone；　and　what　degree　of

detriment　had　already　accrued　to　the　remainder。　I　endeavoured　to

calculate　how　much　longer　I　could　stay　in　the　Custom…House；　and　yet　go

forth　a　man。　To　confess　the　truth；　it　was　my　greatest　apprehension…　as

it　would　never　be　a　measure　of　policy　to　turn　out　so　quiet　an

individual　as　myself；　and　it　being　hardly　in　the　nature　of　a　public

officer　to　resign…　it　was　my　chief　trouble；　therefore；　that　I　was

likely　to　grow　grey　and　decrepit　in　the　Surveyorship；　and　become

much　such　another　animal　as　the　old　Inspector。　Might　it　not；　in　the

tedious　lapse　of　official　life　that　lay　before　me；　finally　be　with

me　as　it　was　with　this　venerable　friend…　to　make　the　dinner…hour　the

nucleus　of　the　day；　and　to　spend　the　rest　of　it；　as　an　old　dog

spends　it；　asleep　in　the　sunshine　or　in　the　shade？　A　dreary　look

forward　this；　for　a　man　who　felt　it　to　be　the　best　definition　of

happiness　to　live　throughout　the　whole　range　of　his　faculties　and

sensibilities！　But；　all　this　while；　I　was　giving　myself　very

unnecessary　alarm。　Providence　had　meditated　better　things　for　me

than　I　could　possibly　imagine　for　myself。

　　A　remarkable　event　of　the　third　year　of　my　Surveyorship…　to　adopt

the　tone　of　〃P。　P。〃…　was　the　election　of　General　Taylor　to　the

Presidency。　It　is　essential；　in　order　to　a　complete　estimate　of　the

advantages　of　official　life；　to　view　the　incumbent　at　the　incoming

of　a　hostile　administration。　His　position　is　then　one　of　the　most

singularly　irksome；　and；　in　every　contingency；　disagreeable；　that　a

wretched　mortal　can　possibly　occupy；　with　seldom　an　alternative　of

good；　on　either　hand；　although　what　presents　itself　to　him　as　the

worst　event　may　very　probably　be　the　best。　But　it　is　a　strange

experience；　to　a　man　of　pride　and　sensibility；　to　know　that　his

interests　are　within　the　control　of　individuals　who　neither　love　nor

understand　him；　and　by　whom；　since　one　or　the　other　must　needs　happen；

he　would　rather　be　injured　than　obliged。　Strange；　too；　for　one　who　has

kept　his　calmness　throughout　the　contest；　to　observe　the

bloodthirstiness　that　is　developed　in　the　hour　of　triumph；　and　to　be

conscious　that　he　is　himself　among　its　objects！　There　are　few　uglier

traits　of　human　nature　than　this　tendency…　which　I　now　witnessed　in

men　no　worse　than　their　neighbours…　to　grow　cruel；　merely　because　they

possessed　the　power　of　inflicting　harm。　If　the　guillotine；　as

applied　to　office…holders；　were　a　literal　fact；　instead　of　one　of

the　most　apt　of　metaphors；　it　is　my　sincere　belief；　that　the　active

members　of　the　victorious　party　were　sufficiently　excited　to　have

chopped　off　all　our　heads；　and　have　thanked　Heaven　for　the

opportunity！　It　appears　to　me…　who　have　been　a　calm　and　curious

observer；　as　well　in　victory　as　defeat…　that　this　fierce　and　bitter

spirit　of　malice　and　revenge　has　never　distinguished　the　many　triumphs

of　my　own　party　as　it　now　did　that　of　the　Whigs。　The　Democrats　take

the　offices；　as　a　general　rule；　because　they　need　them；　and　because

the　practice　of　many　years　has　made　it　the　law　of　political　warfare；

which；　unless　a　different　system　be　proclaimed；　it　were　weakness　and

cowardice　to　murmur　at。　But　the　long　habit　of　victory　has　made　them

generous。　They　know　how　to　spare；　when　they　see　occasion；　and　when

they　strike；　the　axe　may　be　sharp；　indeed；　but　its　edge　is　seldom

poisoned　with　ill…will；　nor　is　it　their　custom　ignominously　to　kick

the　head　which　they　have　just　struck　off。

　　In　short；　unpleasant　as　was　my　predicament；　at　best；　I　saw　much

reason　to　congratulate　myself　that　I　was　on　the　losing　side；　rather

than　the　triumphant　one。　if；　heretofore；　I　had　been　none　of　the

warmest　of　partisans；　I　began　now；　at　this　season　of　peril　and

adversity；　to　be　pretty　acutely　sensible　with　which　party　my

predilections　lay；　nor　was　it　without　something　like　regret　and　shame；

that；　a