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第7节

50 bab ballads(50篇巴布歌谣)-第7节

小说: 50 bab ballads(50篇巴布歌谣) 字数: 每页4000字

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you); A holy man appeared; and said; 〃Oh; ROBERT; I'm ashamed of 
you。〃 

He laid his hand on ROBERT'S beer Before he could drink up any; 
And on the floor; with sigh and tear; He poured the pot of 〃thruppenny。〃 

〃Oh; ROBERT; at this very bar A truth you'll be discovering; A good 
and evil genius are Around your noddle hovering。 

〃They both are here to bid you shun The other one's society; For Total 
Abstinence is one; The other; Inebriety。〃 

He waved his hand … a vapour came … A wizard POLTER reckoned him; 
A bogy rose and called his name; And with his finger beckoned him。 

The monster's salient points to sum; … His heavy breath was portery: 
His glowing nose suggested rum: His eyes were gin…and…WORtery。 

His dress was torn … for dregs of ale And slops of gin had rusted it; His 
pimpled face was wan and pale; Where filth had not encrusted it。 

〃Come; POLTER;〃 said the fiend; 〃begin; And keep the bowl a…
flowing on … A working man needs pints of gin To keep his clockwork 
going on。〃 

BOB shuddered: 〃Ah; you've made a miss If you take me for one of 
you: You filthy beast; get out of this … BOB POLTER don't wan't none of 
you。〃 

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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

〃In me; as your adviser hints; Of Abstinence you've got a type … Of MR。 
TWEEDIE'S pretty prints I am the happy prototype。 

〃If you abjure the social toast; And pipes; and such frivolities; You 
possibly some day may boast My prepossessing qualities!〃 

BOB rubbed his eyes; and made 'em blink: 〃You almost make me 
tremble; you! If I abjure fermented drink; Shall I; indeed; resemble you? 

〃And will my whiskers curl so tight? My cheeks grow smug and 
muttony? My face become so red and white? My coat so blue and 
buttony? 

〃Will trousers; such as yours; array Extremities inferior? Will 
chubbiness assert its sway All over my exterior? 

〃In this; my unenlightened state; To work in heavy boots I comes; Will 
pumps henceforward decorate My tiddle toddle tootsicums? 

〃And shall I get so plump and fresh; And look no longer seedily? My 
skin will henceforth fit my flesh So tightly and so TWEEDIE…ly?〃 

The phantom said; 〃You'll have all this; You'll know no kind of 
huffiness; Your life will be one chubby bliss; One long unruffled 
puffiness!〃 

〃Be off!〃 said irritated BOB。 〃Why come you here to bother one? You 
pharisaical old snob; You're wuss almost than t'other one! 

〃I takes my pipe … I takes my pot; And drunk I'm never seen to be: I'm 
no teetotaller or sot; And as I am I mean to be!〃 

39 



Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 
E 
AGIB。 


STRIKE the concertina's melancholy string! Blow the spirit…stirring 
harp like anything! Let the piano's martial blast Rouse the Echoes of the 
Past; For of AGIB; PRINCE OF TARTARY; I sing! 

Of AGIB; who; amid Tartaric scenes; Wrote a lot of ballet music in his 
teens: His gentle spirit rolls In the melody of souls … Which is pretty; but I 
don't know what it means。 

Of AGIB; who could readily; at sight; Strum a march upon the loud 
Theodolite。 He would diligently play On the Zoetrope all day; And blow 
the gay Pantechnicon all night。 

One winter … I am shaky in my dates … Came two starving Tartar 
minstrels to his gates; Oh; ALLAH be obeyed; How infernally they played! 
I remember that they called themselves the 〃O乤 
its。〃 

Oh! that day of sorrow; misery; and rage; I shall carry to the 
Catacombs of Age; Photographically lined On the tablet of my mind; 
When a yesterday has faded from its page! 

Alas! PRINCE AGIB went and asked them in; Gave them beer; and 
eggs; and sweets; and scent; and tin。 And when (as snobs would say) They 
had 〃put it all away;〃 He requested them to tune up and begin。 

Though its icy horror chill you to the core; I will tell you what I never 
told before; … The consequences true Of that awful interview; FOR I 
LISTENED AT THE KEYHOLE IN THE DOOR! 

They played him a sonata … let me see! 〃MEDULLA OBLONGATA〃 key 
of G。 Then they began to sing That extremely lovely thing; 
SCHERZANDO! MA NON TROPPO; PPP。〃 

He gave them money; more than they could count; Scent from a most 
ingenious little fount; More beer; in little kegs; Many dozen hard…boiled 
eggs; And goodies to a fabulous amount。 

Now follows the dim horror of my tale; And I feel I'm growing 
gradually pale; For; even at this day; Though its sting has passed away; 

40 



Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

The elder of the brothers gave a squeal; All…overish it made me for to 
feel; 〃Oh; PRINCE;〃 he says; says he; 〃IF A PRINCE INDEED YOU BE; 
I've a mystery I'm going to reveal! 

〃Oh; listen; if you'd shun a horrid death; To what the gent who's 
speaking to you saith: No 'O乤 
its' in truth are we; As you fancy that we be; 
For (ter…remble!) I am ALECK … this is BETH!〃 

Said AGIB; 〃Oh! accursed of your kind; I have heard that ye are men 
of evil mind!〃 BETH gave a dreadful shriek … But before he'd time to 
speak I was mercilessly collared from behind。 

In number ten or twelve; or even more; They fastened me full length 
upon the floor。 On my face extended flat; I was walloped with a cat For 
listening at the keyhole of a door。 

Oh! the horror of that agonizing thrill! (I can feel the place in frosty 
weather still)。 For a week from ten to four I was fastened to the floor; 
While a mercenary wopped me with a will 

They branded me and broke me on a wheel; And they left me in an 
hospital to heal; And; upon my solemn word; I have never never heard 
What those Tartars had determined to reveal。 

But that day of sorrow; misery; and rage; I shall carry to the Catacombs 
of Age; Photographically lined On the tablet of my mind; When a 
yesterday has faded from its page 

41 



Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 
S 
ABERDEEN。 


MACPHAIRSON CLONGLOCKETTY ANGUS McCLAN Was the 
son of an elderly labouring man; You've guessed him a Scotchman; shrewd 
reader; at sight; And p'r'aps altogether; shrewd reader; you're right。 

From the bonnie blue Forth to the lovely Deeside; Round by Dingwall 
and Wrath to the mouth of the Clyde; There wasn't a child or a woman or 
man Who could pipe with CLONGLOCKETTY ANGUS McCLAN。 

No other could wake such detestable groans; With reed and with 
chaunter … with bag and with drones: All day and ill night he delighted the 
chiels With sniggering pibrochs and jiggety reels。 

He'd clamber a mountain and squat on the ground; And the 
neighbouring maidens would gather around To list to the pipes and to gaze 
in his een; Especially ELLEN McJONES ABERDEEN。 

All loved their McCLAN; save a Sassenach brute; Who came to the 
Highlands to fish and to shoot; He dressed himself up in a Highlander way; 
Tho' his name it was PATTISON CORBY TORBAY。 

TORBAY had incurred a good deal of expense To make him a 
Scotchman in every sense; But this is a matter; you'll readily own; That 
isn't a question of tailors alone。 

A Sassenach chief may be bonily built; He may purchase a sporran; a 
bonnet; and kilt; Stick a ske刵 
in his hose … wear an acre of stripes … But 
he cannot assume an affection for pipes。 

CLONGLOCKETY'S pipings all night and all day Quite frenzied poor 
PATTISON CORBY TORBAY; The girls were amused at his singular 
spleen; Especially ELLEN McJONES ABERDEEN; 

〃MACPHAIRSON CLONGLOCKETTY ANGUS; my lad; With 
pibrochs and reels you are driving me mad。 If you really must play on that 
cursed affair; My goodness! play something resembling an air。〃 

Boiled over the blood of MACPHAIRSON McCLAN … The Clan of 
Clonglocketty rose as one man; For all were enraged at the insult; I ween 


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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

〃Let's show;〃 said McCLAN; 〃to this Sassenach loon That the 
bagpipes CAN play him a regular tune。 Let's see;〃 said McCLAN; as he 
thoughtfully sat; 〃'IN MY COTTAGE' is easy … I'll practise at that。〃 

He blew at his 〃Cottage;〃 and blew with a will; For a year; seven 
months; and a fortnight; until (You'll hardly believe it) McCLAN; I declare; 
Elicited something resembling an air。 

It was wild … it was fitful … as wild as the breeze … It wandered about 
into several keys; It was jerky; spasmodic; and harsh; I'm aware; But still it 
distinctly suggested an air。 

The Sassenach screamed; and the Sassenach danced; He shrieked in 
his agony … bellowed and pranced; And the maidens who gathered rejoiced 
at the scene … Especially ELLEN McJONES ABERDEEN。 

〃Hech gather; hech gather; hech gather around; And fill a' ye lugs wi' 
the exquisite sound。 An air fra' the bagpipes … beat that if ye can! Hurrah 
for CLONGLOCKETTY ANGUS McCLAN!〃 

The fame of his piping spread over the land: Respectable widows 
proposed for his hand; And maidens came flocking to sit on the green Especially 
ELLEN McJONES ABERDEEN。 

One morning the fidgety Sass

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