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第5节

50 bab ballads(50篇巴布歌谣)-第5节

小说: 50 bab ballads(50篇巴布歌谣) 字数: 每页4000字

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HANCE had a mother; poor and old; A simple; harmless village dame; 
Who crowed and clapped as people told Of WINTERBOTTOM'S rising 
fame。 

She said; 〃I'll be upon the spot To see my TOMMY'S sabre…play;〃 And 
so she left her leafy cot; And walked to Dover in a day。 

PIERRE had a doating mother; who Had heard of his defiant rage; HIS 
Ma was nearly ninety…two; And rather dressy for her age。 

At HANCE'S doings every morn; With sheer delight HIS mother cried; 
And MONSIEUR PIERRE'S contemptuous scorn Filled HIS mamma with 

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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

But HANCE'S powers began to fail … His constitution was not strong And 
PIERRE; who once was stout and hale; Grew thin from shouting all 
day long。 

Their mothers saw them pale and wan; Maternal anguish tore each 
breast; And so they met to find a plan To set their offsprings' minds at rest。 

Said MRS。 HANCE; 〃Of course I shrinks From bloodshed; ma'am; as 
you're aware; But still they'd better meet; I thinks。〃 〃Assurement!〃 said 
MADAME PIERRE。 

A sunny spot in sunny France Was hit upon for this affair; The ground 
was picked by MRS。 HANCE; The stakes were pitched by MADAME 
PIERRE。 

Said MRS。 H。; 〃Your work you see … Go in; my noble boy; and win。〃 
〃En garde; mon fils!〃 said MADAME P。 〃Allons!〃 〃Go on!〃 〃En garde!〃 
〃Begin!〃 

(The mothers were of decent size; Though not particularly tall; But in 
the sketch that meets your eyes I've been obliged to draw them small。) 

Loud sneered the doughty man of France; 〃Ho! ho! Ho! ho! Ha! ha! 
Ha! ha! 〃The French for 'Pish'〃 said THOMAS HANCE。 Said PIERRE; 
〃L'Anglais; Monsieur; pour 'Bah。'〃 

Said MRS。 H。; 〃Come; one! two! three! … We're sittin' here to see all 
fair。〃 〃C'est magnifique!〃 said MADAME P。; 〃Mais; parbleu! ce n'est pas 
la guerre!〃 

〃Je scorn un foe si lache que vous;〃 Said PIERRE; the doughty son of 
France。 〃I fight not coward foe like you!〃 Said our undaunted TOMMY 
HANCE。 

〃The French for 'Pooh!'〃 our TOMMY cried。 〃L'Anglais pour 'Va!'〃 the 
Frenchman crowed。 And so; with undiminished pride; Each went on his 
respective road。 

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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 
D 
SUGAR BROKER。 


A GENTLEMAN of City fame Now claims your kind attention; East 
India broking was his game; His name I shall not mention: No one of 
finely…pointed sense Would violate a confidence; And shall I go And do it? 
No! His name I shall not mention。 

He had a trusty wife and true; And very cosy quarters; A manager; a 
boy or two; Six clerks; and seven porters。 A broker must be doing well (As 
any lunatic can tell) Who can employ An active boy; Six clerks; and seven 
porters。 

His knocker advertised no dun; No losses made him sulky; He had one 
sorrow … only one … He was extremely bulky。 A man must be; I beg to state; 
Exceptionally fortunate Who owns his chief And only grief Is … being very 
bulky。 

〃This load;〃 he'd say; 〃I cannot bear; I'm nineteen stone or twenty! 
Henceforward I'll go in for air And exercise in plenty。〃 Most people think 
that; should it come; They can reduce a bulging tum To measures fair By 
taking air And exercise in plenty。 

In every weather; every day; Dry; muddy; wet; or gritty; He took to 
dancing all the way From Brompton to the City。 You do not often get the 
chance Of seeing sugar brokers dance From their abode In Fulham Road 
Through Brompton to the City。 

He braved the gay and guileless laugh Of children with their nusses; 
The loud uneducated chaff Of clerks on omnibuses。 Against all minor 
things that rack A nicely…balanced mind; I'll back The noisy chaff And ill…
bred laugh Of clerks on omnibuses。 

His friends; who heard his money chink; And saw the house he rented; 
And knew his wife; could never think What made him discontented。 It 
never entered their pure minds That fads are of eccentric kinds; Nor would 
they own That fat alone Could make one discontented。 

〃Your riches know no kind of pause; Your trade is fast advancing; You 

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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

His mania soon got noised about And into all the papers; His size 
increased beyond a doubt For all his reckless capers: It may seem singular 
to you; But all his friends admit it true … The more he found His figure 
round; The more he cut his capers。 

His bulk increased … no matter that … He tried the more to toss it … He 
never spoke of it as 〃fat;〃 But 〃adipose deposit。〃 Upon my word; it seems 
to me Unpardonable vanity (And worse than that) To call your fat An 
〃adipose deposit。〃 

At length his brawny knees gave way; And on the carpet sinking; Upon 
his shapeless back he lay And kicked away like winking。 Instead of seeing 
in his state The finger of unswerving Fate; He laboured still To work his 
will; And kicked away like winking。 

His friends; disgusted with him now; Away in silence wended … I 
hardly like to tell you how This dreadful story ended。 The shocking sequel 
to impart; I must employ the limner's art … If you would know; This sketch 
will show How his exertions ended。 

MORAL。 

I hate to preach … I hate to prate … … I'm no fanatic croaker; But learn 
contentment from the fate Of this East India broker。 He'd everything a man 
of taste Could ever want; except a waist; And discontent His size anent; 
And bootless perseverance blind; Completely wrecked the peace of mind 
Of this East India broker。 

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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 
E 
〃SUPER〃 TO HIS MASK。 


VAST empty shell! Impertinent; preposterous abortion! With vacant 
stare; And ragged hair; And every feature out of all proportion! 
Embodiment of echoing inanity! Excellent type of simpering insanity! 
Unwieldy; clumsy nightmare of humanity! I ring thy knell! 

To…night thou diest; Beast that destroy'st my heaven…born identity! 
Nine weeks of nights; Before the lights; Swamped in thine own 
preposterous nonentity; I've been ill…treated; cursed; and thrashed diurnally; 
Credited for the smile you wear externally … I feel disposed to smash thy 
face; infernally; As there thou liest! 

I've been thy brain: I'VE been the brain that lit thy dull concavity! The 
human race Invest MY face With thine expression of unchecked depravity; 
Invested with a ghastly reciprocity; I'VE been responsible for thy 
monstrosity; I; for thy wanton; blundering ferocity … But not again! 

'T is time to toll Thy knell; and that of follies pantomimical: A nine 
weeks' run; And thou hast done All thou canst do to make thyself inimical。 
Adieu; embodiment of all inanity! Excellent type of simpering insanity! 
Unwieldy; clumsy nightmare of humanity! Freed is thy soul! 

(THE MASK RESPONDETH。) 

Oh! master mine; Look thou within thee; ere again ill…using me。 Art 
thou aware Of nothing there Which might abuse thee; as thou art abusing 
me? A brain that mourns THINE unredeemed rascality? A soul that weeps 
at THY threadbare morality? Both grieving that THEIR individuality Is 
merged in thine? 

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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

O'ER unreclaimed suburban clays Some years ago were hobblin' An 
elderly ghost of easy ways; And an influential goblin。 The ghost was a 
sombre spectral shape; A fine old five…act fogy; The goblin imp; a lithe 
young ape; A fine low…comedy bogy。 

And as they exercised their joints; Promoting quick digestion; They 
talked on several curious points; And raised this delicate question: 〃Which 
of us two is Number One … The ghostie; or the goblin?〃 And o'er the point 
they raised in fun They fairly fell a…squabblin'。 

They'd barely speak; and each; in fine; Grew more and more reflective: 
Each thought his own particular line By chalks the more effective。 At 
length they settled some one should By each of them be haunted; And so 
arrange that either could Exert his prowess vaunted。 

〃The Quaint against the Statuesque〃 … By competition lawful … The 
goblin backed the Quaint Grotesque; The ghost the Grandly Awful。 〃Now;〃 
said the goblin; 〃here's my plan … In attitude commanding; I see a stalwart 
Englishman By yonder tailor's standing。 

〃The very fittest man on earth My influence to try on … Of gentle; 
p'r'aps of noble birth; And dauntless as a lion! Now wrap yourself within 
your shroud … Remain in easy hearing … Observe … you'll hear him scream 
aloud When I begin appearing! 

The imp with yell unearthly … wild … Threw off his dark enclosure: His 
dauntless victim looked and smiled With singular composure。 For hours he 
tried to daunt the youth; For days; indeed; but vainly … The stripling smiled! 

… to tell the truth; The stripling smiled inanely。 
For weeks the goblin weird and wild; That noble stripling haunted; For 
weeks the stripling stood and smiled; Unmoved and all undaunted。 The 
sombre ghost exclaimed; 〃Your plan Has failed you; goblin; plainly: Now 

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Fifty 〃B

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