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第15节

50 bab ballads(50篇巴布歌谣)-第15节

小说: 50 bab ballads(50篇巴布歌谣) 字数: 每页4000字

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jobs Utility that verge on 

〃When in your hip there lurks disease〃 (So dreamt this lively dreamer); 
〃Or devastating CARIES In HUMERUS or FEMUR; If you can pay a 
handsome fee; Oh; then you may remember me … With joy elate I'll 

83 



Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

The disconcerted actor ceased The haughty leech to pester; But when 
the wound in size increased; And then began to fester; He sought a learned 
Counsel's lair; And told that Counsel; then and there; How COBB'S 
neglect of his defect Had made his finger fester。 

〃Oh; bring my action; if you please; The case I pray you urge on; And 
win me thumping damages From COBB; that haughty surgeon。 He 
culpably neglected me Although I proffered him his fee; So pray come 
down; in wig and gown; On COBB; that haughty surgeon!〃 

That Counsel learned in the laws; With passion almost trembled。 He 
just had gained a mighty cause Before the Peers assembled! Said he; 〃How 
dare you have the face To come with Common Jury case To one who 
wings rhetoric flings Before the Peers assembled?〃 

Dispirited became our friend … Depressed his moral pecker … 〃But stay! 
a thought! …I'll gain my end; And save my poor exchequer。 I won't be 
placed upon the shelf; I'll take it into Court myself; And legal lore display 
before The Court of the Exchequer。〃 

He found a Baron … one of those Who with our laws supply us … In wig 
and silken gown and hose; As if at NISI PRIUS。 But he'd just given; off 
the reel; A famous judgment on Appeal: It scarce became his heightened 
fame To sit at NISI PRIUS。 

Our friend began; with easy wit; That half concealed his terror: 
〃Pooh!〃 said the Judge; 〃I only sit In BANCO or in Error。 Can you 
suppose; my man; that I'd O'er NISI PRIUS Courts preside; Or condescend 
my time to spend On anything but Error?〃 

〃Too bad;〃 said GIBBS; 〃my case to shirk! You must be bad innately; 
To save your skill for mighty work Because it's valued greatly!〃 But here 
he woke; with sudden start。 

* * * * * * * * 

He wrote to say he'd play the part。 I've but to tell he played it well The 
author's words … his native wit Combined; achieved a perfect 〃hit〃 The 
papers praised him greatly。 

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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

AN excellent soldier who's worthy the name Loves officers dashing 
and strict: When good; he's content with escaping all blame; When 
naughty; he likes to be licked。 

He likes for a fault to be bullied and stormed; Or imprisoned for 
several days; And hates; for a duty correctly performed; To be slavered 
with sickening praise。 

No officer sickened with praises his CORPS So little as MAJOR LA 
GUERRE … No officer swore at his warriors more Than MAJOR 
MAKREDI PREPERE。 

Their soldiers adored them; and every grade Delighted to hear their 
abuse; Though whenever these officers came on parade They shivered and 
shook in their shoes。 

For; oh! if LA GUERRE could all praises withhold; Why; so could 
MAKREDI PREPERE; And; oh! if MAKREDI could bluster and scold; 
Why; so could the mighty LA GUERRE。 

〃No doubt we deserve it … no mercy we crave … Go on …you're 
conferring a boon; We would rather be slanged by a warrior brave; Than 
praised by a wretched poltroon!〃 

MAKREDI would say that in battle's fierce rage True happiness only 
was met: Poor MAJOR MAKREDI; though fifty his age; Had never 
known happiness yet! 

LA GUERRE would declare; 〃With the blood of a foe No tipple is 
worthy to clink。〃 Poor fellow! he hadn't; though sixty or so; Yet tasted his 
favourite drink! 

They agreed at their mess … they agreed in the glass … They agreed in 
the choice of their 〃set;〃 And they also agreed in adoring; alas! The 
Vivandiere; pretty FILLETTE。 

Agreement; you see; may be carried too far; And after agreeing all 
round For years … in this soldierly 〃maid of the bar;〃 A bone of contention 
they found! 

It may seem improper to call such a pet … By a metaphor; even … a bone; 

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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

〃On the day that you marry her;〃 muttered PREPERE (With a pistol he 
quietly played); 〃I'll scatter the brains in your noddle; I swear; All over the 
stony parade!〃 

〃I cannot do THAT to you;〃 answered LA GUERRE; 〃Whatever 
events may befall; But this I CAN do … IF YOU wed her; MON CHER! I'll 
eat you; moustachios and all!〃 

The rivals; although they would never engage; Yet quarrelled 
whenever they met; They met in a fury and left in a rage; But neither took 
pretty FILLETTE。 

〃I am not afraid;〃 thought MAKREDI PREPERE: 〃For country I'm 
ready to fall; But nobody wants; for a mere Vivandiere; To be eaten; 
moustachios and all! 

〃Besides; though LA GUERRE has his faults; I'll allow He's one of the 
bravest of men: My goodness! if I disagree with him now; I might disagree 
with him then。〃 

〃No coward am I;〃 said LA GUERRE; 〃as you guess … I sneer at an 
enemy's blade; But I don't want PREPERE to get into a mess For 
splashing the stony parade!〃 

One day on parade to PREPERE and LA GUERRE Came 
CORPORAL JACOT DEBETTE; And trembling all over; he prayed of 
them there To give him the pretty FILLETTE。 

〃You see; I am willing to marry my bride Until you've arranged this 
affair; I will blow out my brains when your honours decide Which marries 
the sweet Vivandiere!〃 

〃Well; take her;' said both of them in a duet (A favourite form of reply); 
〃But when I am ready to marry FILLETTE。 Remember you've promised 
to die!〃 

He married her then: from the flowery plains Of existence the roses 
they cull: He lived and he died with his wife; and his brains Are reposing 
in peace in his skull。 

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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 
; 
AND I。 A DERBY LEGEND。 


EMILY JANE was a nursery maid; JAMES was a bold Life Guard; 
JOHN was a constable; poorly paid (And I am a doggerel bard)。 

A very good girl was EMILY JANE; JIMMY was good and true; 
JOHN was a very good man in the main (And I am a good man too)。 

Rivals for EMMIE were JOHNNY and JAMES; Though EMILY liked 
them both; She couldn't tell which had the strongest claims (And I couldn't 
take my oath)。 

But sooner or later you're certain to find Your sentiments can't lie hid JANE 
thought it was time that she made up her mind (And I think it was 
time she did)。 

Said JANE; with a smirk; and a blush on her face; 〃I'll promise to wed 
the boy Who takes me to…morrow to Epsom Race!〃 (Which I would have 
done; with joy)。 

From JOHNNY escaped an expression of pain; But Jimmy said; 〃Done 
with you! I'll take you with pleasure; my EMILY JANE!〃 (And I would 
have said so too)。 

JOHN lay on the ground; and he roared like mad (For JOHNNY was 
sore perplexed); And he kicked very hard at a very small lad (Which I 
often do; when vexed)。 

For JOHN was on duty next day with the Force; To punish all Epsom 
crimes; Young people WILL cross when they're clearing the course (I do it 
myself; sometimes)。 

* * * * * * * * 

The Derby Day sun glittered gaily on cads; On maidens with gamboge 
hair; On sharpers and pickpockets; swindlers and pads; (For I; with my 
harp; was there)。 

And JIMMY went down with his JANE that day; And JOHN by the 
collar or nape Seized everybody who came in his way (And I had a narrow 
escape)。 

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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

JOHN dogged them all day; without asking their leaves; For his 
sergeant he told; aside; That JIMMY and JANE were notorious thieves 
(And I think he was justified)。 

But JAMES wouldn't dream of abstracting a fork; And JENNY would 
blush with shame At stealing so much as a bottle or cork (A bottle I think 
fair game)。 

But; ah! there's another more serious crime! They wickedly strayed 
upon The course; at a critical moment of time (I pointed them out to 
JOHN)。 

The constable fell on the pair in a crack …And then; with a demon 
smile; Let JENNY cross over; but sent JIMMY back (I played on my harp 
the while)。 

Stern JOHNNY their agony loud derides With a very triumphant sneer 

…They weep and they wail from the opposite sides (And I shed a silent 
tear)。 
And JENNY is crying away like mad; And JIMMY is swearing hard; 
And JOHNNY is looking uncommonly glad (And I am a doggerel bard)。 
But JIMMY he ventured on crossing again The scenes of our Isthmian 
Games … JOHN caught him; and collared him; giving him pain (I felt very 
much for JAMES)。 

JOHN led him away with a victor's hand; And JIMMY was shortly 
seen In the station…house under the grand Grand Stand (As many a time 
I'VE been)。 

And JIMMY; bad boy; was imprisoned for life; Though EMILY 
pleaded hard; And JOHNNY had EMILY JANE to wife (And I am a 
doggerel bard)。 

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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 
F 
INVISIBILITY。 


OLD PETER led a wretc

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