50 bab ballads(50篇巴布歌谣)-第15节
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jobs Utility that verge on
〃When in your hip there lurks disease〃 (So dreamt this lively dreamer);
〃Or devastating CARIES In HUMERUS or FEMUR; If you can pay a
handsome fee; Oh; then you may remember me … With joy elate I'll
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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
The disconcerted actor ceased The haughty leech to pester; But when
the wound in size increased; And then began to fester; He sought a learned
Counsel's lair; And told that Counsel; then and there; How COBB'S
neglect of his defect Had made his finger fester。
〃Oh; bring my action; if you please; The case I pray you urge on; And
win me thumping damages From COBB; that haughty surgeon。 He
culpably neglected me Although I proffered him his fee; So pray come
down; in wig and gown; On COBB; that haughty surgeon!〃
That Counsel learned in the laws; With passion almost trembled。 He
just had gained a mighty cause Before the Peers assembled! Said he; 〃How
dare you have the face To come with Common Jury case To one who
wings rhetoric flings Before the Peers assembled?〃
Dispirited became our friend … Depressed his moral pecker … 〃But stay!
a thought! …I'll gain my end; And save my poor exchequer。 I won't be
placed upon the shelf; I'll take it into Court myself; And legal lore display
before The Court of the Exchequer。〃
He found a Baron … one of those Who with our laws supply us … In wig
and silken gown and hose; As if at NISI PRIUS。 But he'd just given; off
the reel; A famous judgment on Appeal: It scarce became his heightened
fame To sit at NISI PRIUS。
Our friend began; with easy wit; That half concealed his terror:
〃Pooh!〃 said the Judge; 〃I only sit In BANCO or in Error。 Can you
suppose; my man; that I'd O'er NISI PRIUS Courts preside; Or condescend
my time to spend On anything but Error?〃
〃Too bad;〃 said GIBBS; 〃my case to shirk! You must be bad innately;
To save your skill for mighty work Because it's valued greatly!〃 But here
he woke; with sudden start。
* * * * * * * *
He wrote to say he'd play the part。 I've but to tell he played it well The
author's words … his native wit Combined; achieved a perfect 〃hit〃 The
papers praised him greatly。
84
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
AN excellent soldier who's worthy the name Loves officers dashing
and strict: When good; he's content with escaping all blame; When
naughty; he likes to be licked。
He likes for a fault to be bullied and stormed; Or imprisoned for
several days; And hates; for a duty correctly performed; To be slavered
with sickening praise。
No officer sickened with praises his CORPS So little as MAJOR LA
GUERRE … No officer swore at his warriors more Than MAJOR
MAKREDI PREPERE。
Their soldiers adored them; and every grade Delighted to hear their
abuse; Though whenever these officers came on parade They shivered and
shook in their shoes。
For; oh! if LA GUERRE could all praises withhold; Why; so could
MAKREDI PREPERE; And; oh! if MAKREDI could bluster and scold;
Why; so could the mighty LA GUERRE。
〃No doubt we deserve it … no mercy we crave … Go on …you're
conferring a boon; We would rather be slanged by a warrior brave; Than
praised by a wretched poltroon!〃
MAKREDI would say that in battle's fierce rage True happiness only
was met: Poor MAJOR MAKREDI; though fifty his age; Had never
known happiness yet!
LA GUERRE would declare; 〃With the blood of a foe No tipple is
worthy to clink。〃 Poor fellow! he hadn't; though sixty or so; Yet tasted his
favourite drink!
They agreed at their mess … they agreed in the glass … They agreed in
the choice of their 〃set;〃 And they also agreed in adoring; alas! The
Vivandiere; pretty FILLETTE。
Agreement; you see; may be carried too far; And after agreeing all
round For years … in this soldierly 〃maid of the bar;〃 A bone of contention
they found!
It may seem improper to call such a pet … By a metaphor; even … a bone;
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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
〃On the day that you marry her;〃 muttered PREPERE (With a pistol he
quietly played); 〃I'll scatter the brains in your noddle; I swear; All over the
stony parade!〃
〃I cannot do THAT to you;〃 answered LA GUERRE; 〃Whatever
events may befall; But this I CAN do … IF YOU wed her; MON CHER! I'll
eat you; moustachios and all!〃
The rivals; although they would never engage; Yet quarrelled
whenever they met; They met in a fury and left in a rage; But neither took
pretty FILLETTE。
〃I am not afraid;〃 thought MAKREDI PREPERE: 〃For country I'm
ready to fall; But nobody wants; for a mere Vivandiere; To be eaten;
moustachios and all!
〃Besides; though LA GUERRE has his faults; I'll allow He's one of the
bravest of men: My goodness! if I disagree with him now; I might disagree
with him then。〃
〃No coward am I;〃 said LA GUERRE; 〃as you guess … I sneer at an
enemy's blade; But I don't want PREPERE to get into a mess For
splashing the stony parade!〃
One day on parade to PREPERE and LA GUERRE Came
CORPORAL JACOT DEBETTE; And trembling all over; he prayed of
them there To give him the pretty FILLETTE。
〃You see; I am willing to marry my bride Until you've arranged this
affair; I will blow out my brains when your honours decide Which marries
the sweet Vivandiere!〃
〃Well; take her;' said both of them in a duet (A favourite form of reply);
〃But when I am ready to marry FILLETTE。 Remember you've promised
to die!〃
He married her then: from the flowery plains Of existence the roses
they cull: He lived and he died with his wife; and his brains Are reposing
in peace in his skull。
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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
;
AND I。 A DERBY LEGEND。
EMILY JANE was a nursery maid; JAMES was a bold Life Guard;
JOHN was a constable; poorly paid (And I am a doggerel bard)。
A very good girl was EMILY JANE; JIMMY was good and true;
JOHN was a very good man in the main (And I am a good man too)。
Rivals for EMMIE were JOHNNY and JAMES; Though EMILY liked
them both; She couldn't tell which had the strongest claims (And I couldn't
take my oath)。
But sooner or later you're certain to find Your sentiments can't lie hid JANE
thought it was time that she made up her mind (And I think it was
time she did)。
Said JANE; with a smirk; and a blush on her face; 〃I'll promise to wed
the boy Who takes me to…morrow to Epsom Race!〃 (Which I would have
done; with joy)。
From JOHNNY escaped an expression of pain; But Jimmy said; 〃Done
with you! I'll take you with pleasure; my EMILY JANE!〃 (And I would
have said so too)。
JOHN lay on the ground; and he roared like mad (For JOHNNY was
sore perplexed); And he kicked very hard at a very small lad (Which I
often do; when vexed)。
For JOHN was on duty next day with the Force; To punish all Epsom
crimes; Young people WILL cross when they're clearing the course (I do it
myself; sometimes)。
* * * * * * * *
The Derby Day sun glittered gaily on cads; On maidens with gamboge
hair; On sharpers and pickpockets; swindlers and pads; (For I; with my
harp; was there)。
And JIMMY went down with his JANE that day; And JOHN by the
collar or nape Seized everybody who came in his way (And I had a narrow
escape)。
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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
JOHN dogged them all day; without asking their leaves; For his
sergeant he told; aside; That JIMMY and JANE were notorious thieves
(And I think he was justified)。
But JAMES wouldn't dream of abstracting a fork; And JENNY would
blush with shame At stealing so much as a bottle or cork (A bottle I think
fair game)。
But; ah! there's another more serious crime! They wickedly strayed
upon The course; at a critical moment of time (I pointed them out to
JOHN)。
The constable fell on the pair in a crack …And then; with a demon
smile; Let JENNY cross over; but sent JIMMY back (I played on my harp
the while)。
Stern JOHNNY their agony loud derides With a very triumphant sneer
…They weep and they wail from the opposite sides (And I shed a silent
tear)。
And JENNY is crying away like mad; And JIMMY is swearing hard;
And JOHNNY is looking uncommonly glad (And I am a doggerel bard)。
But JIMMY he ventured on crossing again The scenes of our Isthmian
Games … JOHN caught him; and collared him; giving him pain (I felt very
much for JAMES)。
JOHN led him away with a victor's hand; And JIMMY was shortly
seen In the station…house under the grand Grand Stand (As many a time
I'VE been)。
And JIMMY; bad boy; was imprisoned for life; Though EMILY
pleaded hard; And JOHNNY had EMILY JANE to wife (And I am a
doggerel bard)。
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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
F
INVISIBILITY。
OLD PETER led a wretc