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第14节

50 bab ballads(50篇巴布歌谣)-第14节

小说: 50 bab ballads(50篇巴布歌谣) 字数: 每页4000字

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The agent said; 〃From what I hear; This living will not suit; I fear There 
are no poor; no sick at all; For services there is no call。〃 
The reverend gent looked grave; 〃Dear me! Then there is NO 'society'? 

… I mean; of course; no sinners there Whose souls will be my special care?〃 
The cunning agent shook his head; 〃No; none … except〃 … (the agent 
said) … 〃The DUKE OF A。; the EARL OF B。; The MARQUIS C。; and 
VISCOUNT D。 

〃But you will not be quite alone; For though they've chaplains of their 
own; Of course this noble well…bred clan Receive the parish clergyman。〃 

〃Oh; silence; sir!〃 said SIMON M。; 〃Dukes … Earls! What should I care 
for them? These worldly ranks I scorn and flout!〃 〃Of course;〃 the agent 
said; 〃no doubt!〃 

〃Yet I might show these men of birth The hollowness of rank on 
earth。〃 The agent answered; 〃Very true … But I should not; if I were you。〃 

〃Who sells this rich advowson; pray?〃 The agent winked … it was his 
way … 〃His name is HART; 'twixt me and you; He is; I'm grieved to say; a 
Jew!〃 

〃A Jew?〃 said SIMON; 〃happy find! I purchase this advowson; mind。 
My life shall be devoted to Converting that unhappy Jew!〃 

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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

THE other night; from cares exempt; I slept … and what d'you think I 
dreamt? I dreamt that somehow I had come To dwell in Topsy…Turveydom 


Where vice is virtue …virtue; vice: Where nice is nasty … nasty; nice: 
Where right is wrong and wrong is right … Where white is black and black 
is white。 

Where babies; much to their surprise; Are born astonishingly wise; 
With every Science on their lips; And Art at all their finger…tips。 

For; as their nurses dandle them They crow binomial theorem; With 
views (it seems absurd to us) On differential calculus。 

But though a babe; as I have said; Is born with learning in his head; He 
must forget it; if he can; Before he calls himself a man。 

For that which we call folly here; Is wisdom in that favoured sphere; 
The wisdom we so highly prize Is blatant folly in their eyes。 

A boy; if he would push his way; Must learn some nonsense every day; 
And cut; to carry out this view; His wisdom teeth and wisdom too。 

Historians burn their midnight oils; Intent on giant…killers' toils; And 
sages close their aged eyes To other sages' lullabies。 

Our magistrates; in duty bound; Commit all robbers who are found; 
But there the Beaks (so people said) Commit all robberies instead。 

Our Judges; pure and wise in tone; Know crime from theory alone; 
And glean the motives of a thief From books and popular belief。 

But there; a Judge who wants to prime His mind with true ideas of 
crime; Derives them from the common sense Of practical experience。 

Policemen march all folks away Who practise virtue every day … Of 
course; I mean to say; you know; What we call virtue here below。 

For only scoundrels dare to do What we consider just and true; And 
only good men do; in fact; What we should think a dirty act。 

But strangest of these social twirls; The girls are boys …the boys are 
girls! The men are women; too … but then; PER CONTRA; women all are 
men。 

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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

With them; as surely as can be; A sailor should be sick at sea; And not 
a passenger may sail Who cannot smoke right through a gale。 

A soldier (save by rarest luck) Is always shot for showing pluck (That 
is; if others can be found With pluck enough to fire a round)。 

〃How strange!〃 I said to one I saw; 〃You quite upset our every law。 
However can you get along So systematically wrong?〃 

〃Dear me!〃 my mad informant said; 〃Have you no eyes within your 
head? You sneer when you your hat should doff: Why; we begin where 
you leave off! 

〃Your wisest men are very far Less learned than our babies are!〃 I 
mused awhile … and then; oh me! I framed this brilliant repartee: 

〃Although your babes are wiser far Than our most valued sages are; 
Your sages; with their toys and cots; Are duller than our idiots!〃 

But this remark; I grieve to state; Came just a little bit too late For as I 
framed it in my head; I woke and found myself in bed。 

Still I could wish that; 'stead of here; My lot were in that favoured 
sphere! … Where greatest fools bear off the bell I ought to do extremely 
well。 

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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 
TI…
FOO AGAIN。 


I OFTEN wonder whether you Think sometimes of that Bishop; who 
From black but balmy Rum…ti…Foo Last summer twelvemonth came。 Unto 
your mind I p'r'aps may bring Remembrance of the man I sing To…day; by 
simply mentioning That PETER was his name。 

Remember how that holy man Came with the great Colonial clan To 
Synod; called Pan…Anglican; And kindly recollect How; having crossed the 
ocean wide; To please his flock all means he tried Consistent with a proper 
pride And manly self…respect。 

He only; of the reverend pack Who minister to Christians black; 
Brought any useful knowledge back To his Colonial fold。 In consequence 
a place I claim For 〃PETER〃 on the scroll of Fame (For PETER was that 
Bishop's name; As I've already told)。 

He carried Art; he often said; To places where that timid maid (Save by 
Colonial Bishops' aid) Could never hope to roam。 The Payne…cum…Lauri 
feat he taught As he had learnt it; for he thought The choicest fruits of 
Progress ought To bless the Negro's home。 

And he had other work to do; For; while he tossed upon the Blue; The 
islanders of Rum…ti…Foo Forgot their kindly friend。 Their decent clothes 
they learnt to tear … They learnt to say; 〃I do not care;〃 Though they; of 
course; were well aware How folks; who say so; end。 

Some sailors; whom he did not know; Had landed there not long ago; 
And taught them 〃Bother!〃 also; 〃Blow!〃 (Of wickedness the germs)。 No 
need to use a casuist's pen To prove that they were merchantmen; No 
sailor of the Royal N。 Would use such awful terms。 

And so; when BISHOP PETER came (That was the kindly Bishop's 
name); He heard these dreadful oaths with shame; And chid their want of 
dress。 (Except a shell … a bangle rare … A feather here … a feather there The 
South Pacific Negroes wear Their native nothingness。) 

He taught them that a Bishop loathes To listen to disgraceful oaths; He 

81 



Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

The Bishop's eyes with water fill; Quite overjoyed to find them still 
Obedient to his sovereign will; And said; 〃Good Rum…ti…Foo! Half…way I'll 
meet you; I declare: I'll dress myself in cowries rare; And fasten feathers in 
my hair; And dance the 'Cutch…chi…boo!'〃 (13) 

And to conciliate his See He married PICCADILLILLEE; The 
youngest of his twenty…three; Tall … neither fat nor thin。 (And though the 
dress he made her don Looks awkwardly a girl upon; It was a great 
improvement on The one he found her in。) 

The Bishop in his gay canoe (His wife; of course; went with him too) 
To some adjacent island flew; To spend his honeymoon。 Some day in 
sunny Rum…ti…Foo A little PETER'll be on view; And that (if people tell 
me true) Is like to happen soon。 

82 



Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense 

AN actor … GIBBS; of Drury Lane … Of very decent station; Once 
happened in a part to gain Excessive approbation: It sometimes turns a 
fellow's brain And makes him singularly vain When he believes that he 
receives Tremendous approbation。 

His great success half drove him mad; But no one seemed to mind him; 
Well; in another piece he had Another part assigned him。 This part was 
smaller; by a bit; Than that in which he made a hit。 So; much ill…used; he 
straight refused To play the part assigned him。 

* * * * * * * * 

THAT NIGHT THAT ACTOR SLEPT; AND I'LL ATTEMPT TO 
TELL YOU OF THE VIVID DREAM HE DREAMT。

 THE DREAM。 

In fighting with a robber band (A thing he loved sincerely) A sword 
struck GIBBS upon the hand; And wounded it severely。 At first he didn't 
heed it much; He thought it was a simple touch; But soon he found the 
weapon's bound Had wounded him severely。 

To Surgeon COBB he made a trip; Who'd just effected featly An 
amputation at the hip Particularly neatly。 A rising man was Surgeon COBB 
But this extremely ticklish job He had achieved (as he believed) 
Particularly neatly。 

The actor rang the surgeon's bell。 〃Observe my wounded finger; Be 
good enough to strap it well; And prithee do not linger。 That I; dear sir; 
may fill again The Theatre Royal Drury Lane: This very night I have to 
fight … So prithee do not linger。〃 

〃I don't strap fingers up for doles;〃 Replied the haughty surgeon; 〃To 
use your cant; I don't play ROLES Utility that verge on。 First amputation nothing 
less …That is my line of business: We surgeon nobs despise all 
jobs Utility that verge on 

〃When in your hip there lurks disease〃 (So dreamt this lively

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