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小说: mrs. bullfrog 字数: 每页4000字

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hope that all would turn out a dream; and seized the opportunity;

as we raised the coach; to jam two of my fingers under the wheel;

trusting that the pain would awaken me。



〃Why; here we are; all to rights again!〃 exclaimed a sweet voice

behind。 〃Thank you for your assistance; gentlemen。 My dear Mr。

Bullfrog; how you perspire! Do let me wipe your face。 Don't take

this little accident too much to heart; good driver。 We ought to

be thankful that none of our necks are broken。〃



〃We might have spared one neck out of the three;〃 muttered the

driver; rubbing his ear and pulling his nose; to ascertain

whether he had been cuffed or not。 〃Why; the woman's a witch!〃



I fear that the reader will not believe; yet it is positively a

fact; that there stood Mrs。 Bullfrog; with her glossy ringlets

curling on her brow; and two rows of orient pearls gleaming

between her parted lips; which wore a most angelic smile。 She had

regained her riding habit and calash from the grisly phantom; and

was; in all respects; the lovely woman who had been sitting by my

side at the instant of our overturn。 How she had happened to

disappear; and who had supplied her place; and whence she did now

return; were problems too knotty for me to solve。 There stood my

wife。 That was the one thing certain among a heap of mysteries。

Nothing remained but to help her into the coach; and plod on;

through the journey of the day and the journey of life; as

comfortably as we could。 As the driver closed the door upon us; I

heard him whisper to the three countrymen;〃How do you suppose a

fellow feels shut up in the cage with a she tiger?〃



Of course this query could have no reference to my situation。

Yet; unreasonable as it may appear; I confess that my feelings

were not altogether so ecstatic as when I first called Mrs。

Bullfrog mine。 True; she was a sweet woman and an angel of a

wife; but what if a Gorgon should return; amid the transports of

our connubial bliss; and take the angel's place。 I recollected

the tale of a fairy; who half the time was a beautiful woman and

half the time a hideous monster。 Had I taken that very fairy to

be the wife of my bosom? While such whims and chimeras were

flitting across my fancy I began to look askance at Mrs。

Bullfrog; almost expecting that the transformation would be

wrought before my eyes。



To divert my mind; I took up the newspaper which had covered the

little basket of refreshments; and which now lay at the bottom of

the coach; blushing with a deep…red stain and emitting a potent

spirituous fume from the contents of the broken bottle of

Kalydor。 The paper was two or three years old; but contained an

article of several columns; in which I soon grew wonderfully

interested。 It was the report of a trial for breach of promise of

marriage; giving the testimony in full; with fervid extracts from

both the gentleman's and lady's amatory correspondence。 The

deserted damsel had personally appeared in court; and had borne

energetic evidence to her lover's perfidy and the strength of her

blighted affections。 On the defendant's part there had been an

attempt; though insufficiently sustained; to blast the

plaintiff's character; and a plea; in mitigation of damages; on

account of her unamiable temper。 A horrible idea was suggested by

the lady's name。



〃Madam;〃 said I; holding the newspaper before Mrs。 Bullfrog's

eyes;and; though a small; delicate; and thin…visaged man; I

feel assured that I looked very terrific;〃madam;〃 repeated I;

through my shut teeth; 〃were you the plaintiff in this cause?〃



〃Oh; my dear Mr。 Bullfrog;〃 replied my wife; sweetly; 〃I thought

all the world knew that!〃



〃Horror! horror!〃 exclaimed I; sinking back on the seat。



Covering my face with both hands; I emitted a deep and deathlike

groan; as if my tormented soul were rending me asunderI; the

most exquisitely fastidious of men; and whose wife was to have

been the most delicate and refined of women; with all the fresh

dew…drops glittering on her virgin rosebud of a heart!



I thought of the glossy ringlets and pearly teeth; I thought of

the Kalydor; I thought of the coachman's bruised ear and bloody

nose; I thought of the tender love secrets which she had

whispered to the judge and jury and a thousand tittering

auditors;and gave another groan!



〃Mr。 Bullfrog;〃 said my wife。



As I made no reply; she gently took my hands within her own;

removed them from my face; and fixed her eyes steadfastly on

mine。



〃Mr。 Bullfrog;〃 said she; not unkindly; yet with all the decision

of her strong character; 〃let me advise you to overcome this

foolish weakness; and prove yourself; to the best of your

ability; as good a husband as I will be a wife。 You have

discovered; perhaps; some little imperfections in your bride。

Well; what did you expect? Women are not angels。 If they were;

they would go to heaven for husbands; or; at least; be more

difficult in their choice on earth。〃



〃But why conceal those imperfections?〃 interposed I; tremulously。



〃Now; my love; are not you a most unreasonable little man?〃 said

Mrs。 Bullfrog; patting me on the cheek。 〃Ought a woman to

disclose her frailties earlier than the wedding day? Few

husbands; I assure you; make the discovery in such good season;

and still fewer complain that these trifles are concealed too

long。 Well; what a strange man you are! Poh! you are joking。〃



〃But the suit for breach of promise!〃 groaned I。



〃Ah; and is that the rub?〃 exclaimed my wife。 〃Is it possible

that you view that affair in an objectionable light? Mr。

Bullfrog; I never could have dreamed it! Is it an objection that

I have triumphantly defended myself against slander and

vindicated my purity in a court of justice? Or do you complain

because your wife has shown the proper spirit of a woman; and

punished the villain who trifled with her affections?〃



〃But;〃 persisted I; shrinking into a corner of the coach;

however;for I did not know precisely how much contradiction the

proper spirit of a woman would endure;〃but; my love; would it

not have been more dignified to treat the villain with the silent

contempt he merited?〃



〃That is all very well; Mr。 Bullfrog;〃 said my wife; slyly; 〃but;

in that case; where would have been the five thousand dollars

which are to stock your dry goods store?〃



〃Mrs。 Bullfrog; upon your honor;〃 demanded I; as if my life hung

upon her words; 〃is there no mistake about those five thousand

dollars?〃



〃Upon my word and honor there is none;〃 replied she。 〃The jury

gave me every cent the rascal had; and I have kept it all for my

dear Bullfrog。〃



〃Then; thou dear woman;〃 cried I; with an overwhelming gush of

tenderness; 〃let me fold thee to my heart。 The basis of

matrimonial bliss is secure; and all thy little defects and

frailties are forgiven。 Nay; since the result has been so

fortunate; I rejoice at the wrongs which drove thee to this

blessed lawsuit。 Happy Bullfrog that I am!〃


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