the three taverns(三家酒店)-第15节
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We need not be afraid。 Will you not say To me that you are glad？ Look；
Lazarus！ Look at my face； and see me。 This is Mary。〃
She found his hands and held them。 They were cool； Like hers； but
they were not so calm as hers。 Through the white robes in which his
friends had wrapped him When he had groped out of that awful sleep； She
felt him trembling and she was afraid。 At last he sighed； and she prayed
hungrily To God that she might have again the voice Of Lazarus； whose
hands were giving her now The recognition of a living pressure That was
almost a language。 When he spoke； Only one word that she had waited for
Came from his lips； and that word was her name。
〃I heard them saying； Mary； that He wept Before I woke。〃 The words
were low and shaken； Yet Mary knew that he who uttered them Was
Lazarus； and that would be enough Until there should be more 。 。 。 〃Who
made Him come； That He should weep for me？ 。 。 。 Was it you； Mary？〃
The questions held in his incredulous eyes Were more than she would see。
She looked away； But she had felt them and should feel for ever； She
thought； their cold and lonely desperation That had the bitterness of all
cold things That were not cruel。 〃I should have wept；〃 he said； 〃If I had
been the Master。 。 。 。〃
Now she could feel His hands above her hair the same black hair
That once he made a jest of； praising it； While Martha's busy eyes had left
their work To flash with laughing envy。 Nothing of that Was to be theirs
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again； and such a thought Was like the flying by of a quick bird Seen
through a shadowy doorway in the twilight。 For now she felt his hands
upon her head； Like weights of kindness： 〃I forgive you； Mary。 。 。 。 You
did not know Martha could not have known Only the Master knew。 。 。 。
Where is He now？ Yes； I remember。 They came after Him。 May the good
God forgive Him。 。 。 。 I forgive Him。 I must； and I may know only from
Him The burden of all this。 。 。 。 Martha was here But I was not yet here。
She was afraid。 。 。 。 Why did He do it； Mary？ Was it you？ Was it for
you？ 。 。 。 Where are the friends I saw？ Yes； I remember。 They all went
away。 I made them go away。 。 。 。 Where is He now？ 。 。 。 What do I see
down there？ Do I see Martha Down by the door？ 。 。 。 I must have time
for this。〃
Lazarus looked about him fearfully； And then again at Mary； who
discovered Awakening apprehension in his eyes； And shivered at his feet。
All she had feared Was here； and only in the slow reproach Of his
forgiveness lived his gratitude。 Why had he asked if it was all for her That
he was here？ And what had Martha meant？ Why had the Master waited？
What was coming To Lazarus； and to them； that had not come？ What had
the Master seen before He came； That He had come so late？
〃Where is He； Mary？〃 Lazarus asked again。 〃Where did He go？〃
Once more he gazed about him； and once more At Mary for an answer。
〃Have they found Him？ Or did He go away because He wished Never to
look into my eyes again？ 。 。 。 That； I could understand。 。 。 。 Where is He；
Mary？〃
〃I do not know；〃 she said。 〃Yet in my heart I know that He is living； as
you are living Living； and here。 He is not far from us。 He will come
back to us and find us all Lazarus； Martha； Mary everything All as
it was before。 Martha said that。 And He said we were not to be afraid。〃
Lazarus closed his eyes while on his face A tortured adumbration of a
smile Flickered an instant。 〃All as it was before；〃 He murmured wearily。
〃Martha said that； And He said you were not to be afraid 。 。 。 Not you 。 。 。
Not you 。 。 。 Why should you be afraid？ Give all your little fears； and
Martha's with them； To me； and I will add them unto mine； Like a few
rain…drops to Gennesaret。〃
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〃If you had frightened me in other ways； Not willing it；〃 Mary said； 〃I
should have known You still for Lazarus。 But who is this？ Tell me again
that you are Lazarus； And tell me if the Master gave to you No sign of a
new joy that shall be coming To this house that He loved。 Are you afraid？
Are you afraid； who have felt everything And seen 。 。 。 ？〃
But Lazarus only shook his head； Staring with his bewildered shining
eyes Hard into Mary's face。 〃I do not know； Mary；〃 he said； after a long
time。 〃When I came back； I knew the Master's eyes Were looking into
mine。 I looked at His； And there was more in them than I could see。 At
first I could see nothing but His eyes； Nothing else anywhere was to be
seen Only His eyes。 And they looked into mine Long into mine； Mary；
as if He knew。〃
Mary began to be afraid of words As she had never been afraid before
Of loneliness or darkness； or of death； But now she must have more of
them or die： 〃He cannot know that there is worse than death；〃 She said。
〃And you 。 。 。〃
〃Yes； there is worse than death。〃 Said Lazarus； 〃and that was what He
knew； And that is what it was that I could see This morning in his eyes。 I
was afraid； But not as you are。 There is worse than death； Mary； and there
is nothing that is good For you in dying while you are still here。 Mary；
never go back to that again。 You would not hear me if I told you more； For
I should say it only in a language That you are not to learn by going back。
To be a child again is to go forward And that is much to know。 Many
grow old； And fade； and go away； not knowing how much That is to know。
Mary； the night is coming； And there will soon be darkness all around you。
Let us go down where Martha waits for us； And let there be light shining
in this house。〃
He rose； but Mary would not let him go： 〃Martha； when she came back
from here； said only That she heard nothing。 And have you no more For
Mary now than you had then for Martha？ Is Nothing； Lazarus； all you
have for me？ Was Nothing all you found where you have been？ If that be
so； what is there worse than that Or better if that be so？ And why
should you； With even our love； go the same dark road over？〃
〃I could not answer that； if that were so；〃 Said Lazarus； 〃not even if
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I were God。 Why should He care whether I came or stayed； If that were so？
Why should the Master weep For me； or for the world； or save
Himself Longer for nothing？ And if that were so； Why should a few years'
more mortality Make Him a fugitive where flight were needless； Had He
but held his peace and given his nod To an old Law that would be new as
any？ I cannot say the answer to all that； Though I may say that He is not
afraid； And that it is not for the joy there is In serving an eternal Ignorance
Of our futility that He is here。 Is that what you and Martha mean by
Nothing？ Is that what you are fearing？ If that be so； There are more weeds
than lentils in your garden。 And one whose weeds are laughing at his
harvest May as well have no garden； for not there Shall he be gleaning the
few bits and orts Of life that are to save him。 For my part； I am again with
you； here among shadows That will not always be so dark as this； Though
now I see there's yet an evil in me That made me let you be afraid of me。
No； I was not afraid not even of life。 I thought I was 。 。 。 I must have
time for this； And all the time there is will not be long。 I cannot tell you
what the Master saw This morning in my eyes。 I do not know。 I cannot yet
say how far I have gone； Or why it is that I am here again； Or where the
old road leads。 I do not know。 I know that when I did come back； I saw
His eyes again among the trees and faces Only His eyes； and they
looked into mine Long into mine long； long； as if He knew。〃
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