under western eyes-第14节

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gratification　of　some　passion；　love；　ambition；　hatehate　too

indubitably。　　Love　and　hate。　　And　to　escape　the　dangers　of

existence；　to　live　without　fear；　was　also　happiness。　　There　was

nothing　else。　　Absence　of　fear　looking　forward。　　〃Oh！　the

miserable　lot　　of　humanity！〃　he　exclaimed　mentally；　and　added　at

once　in　his　thought；　〃I　ought　to　be　happy　enough　as　far　as　that

goes。〃　　But　he　was　not　excited　by　that　assurance。　　On　the

contrary；he　yawned　again　as　he　had　been　yawning　all　day。　　He　was

mildly　surprised　to　discover　himself　being　overtaken　by　night。

The　room　grew　dark　swiftly　though　time　had　seemed　to　stand　still。

How　was　it　that　he　had　not　noticed　the　passing　of　that

day？　　Of　course；　it　was　the　watch　being　stopped。　。　。　。



He　did　not　light　his　lamp；　but　went　over　to　the　bed　and　threw

himself　on　it　without　any　hesitation。　　Lying　on　his　back；　he　put

his　hands　under　his　head　and　stared　upward。　　After　a　moment　he

thought；　〃I　am　lying　here　like　that　man。　　I　wonder　if　he　slept

while　I　was　struggling　with　the　blizzard　in　the　streets。　　No；　he

did　not　sleep。　　But　why　should　I　not　sleep？〃　and　he　felt　the

silence　of　the　night　press　upon　all　his　limbs　like　a　weight。



In　the　calm　of　the　hard　frost　outside；　the　clear…cut　strokes

of　the　town　clock　counting　off　midnight　penetrated　the　quietness

of　his　suspended　animation。



Again　he　began　to　think。　　It　was　twenty…four　hours　since　that　man

left　his　room。　　Razumov　had　　a　distinct　feeling　that　Haldin　in

the　fortress　was　sleeping　that　night。　　It　was　a　certitude　which

made　him　angry　because　he　did　not　want　to　think　of　Haldin；　but　he

justified　it　to　himself　by　physiological　and　psychological

reasons。　　The　fellow　had　hardly　slept　for　weeks　on　his　own

confession；　and　now　every　incertitude　was　at　an　end　for　him。　　No

doubt　he　was　looking　forward　to　the　consummation　of　his

martyrdom。　　A　man　who　resigns　himself　to　kill　need　not　go　very

far　for　resignation　to　die。　　Haldin　slept　perhaps　more　soundly

than　General　T…；　whose　taskweary　work　toowas　not　done；　and

over　whose　head　hung　the　sword　of　revolutionary　vengeance。



Razumov；　remembering　the　thick…set　man　with　his　heavy　jowl

resting　on　the　collar　of　his　uniform；　the　champion　of　autocracy；

who　had　let　no　sign　of　surprise；　incredulity；　or　joy　escape　him；

but　whose　goggle　eyes　could　express　a　mortal　hatred　of　all

rebellionRazumov　moved　uneasily　on　the　bed。



〃He　suspected　me；〃　he　thought。　〃I　suppose　he　must　suspect

everybody。　　He　would　be　capable　of　suspecting　his　own　wife；　if

Haldin　had　gone　to　her　boudoir　with　his　confession。〃



Razumov　sat　up　in　anguish。　　Was　he　to　remain　a　political　suspect

all　his　days？　　Was　he　to　go　through　life　as　a　man　not　wholly　to

be　trustedwith　a　bad　secret　police　note　tacked　on　to　his

record？　　What　sort　of　future　could　he　look　forward　to？



〃I　am　now　a　suspect；〃　he　thought　again；　but　the　habit　of

reflection　and　that　desire　of　safety；　of　an　ordered　life；　which

was　so　strong　in　him　came　to　his　assistance　as　the　night　wore

on。　　His　quiet；　steady；　and　laborious　existence　would　vouch　at

length　for　his　loyalty。　　There　were　many　permitted　ways　to　serve

one's　country。　　There　was　an　activity　that　made　for　progress

without　being　revolutionary。　　The　field　of　influence　was　great

and　infinitely　variedonce　one　had　conquered　a　name。



His　thought　like　a　circling　bird　reverted　after　fourand…twenty

hours　to　the　silver　medal；　and　as　it　were　poised　itself　there。



When　the　day　broke　he　had　not　slept；　not　for　a　moment；　but　he　got

up　not　very　tired　and　quite　sufficiently　self…possessed　for　all

practical　purposes。



He　went　out　and　attended　three　lectures　in　the　morning。　　But　the

work　in　the　library　was　a　mere　dumb　show　of　research。　He　sat　with

many　volumes　open　before　him　trying　to　make　notes　and　extracts。

His　new　tranquillity　was　like　a　flimsy　garment；　and　seemed　to

float　at　the　mercy　of　a　casual　word。　　Betrayal！　　Why！　　the　fellow

had　done　all　that　was　necessary　to　betray　himself。　　Precious

little　had　been　needed　to　deceive　him。



〃I　have　said　no　word　to　him　that　was　not　strictly　true。

Not　one　word；〃　Razumov　argued　with　himself。



Once　engaged　on　this　line　of　thought　there　could　be　no　question

of　doing　useful　work。　　The　same　ideas　went　on　passing　through　his

mind；　and　he　pronounced　mentally　the　same　words　over　and　over

again。　　He　shut　up　all　the　books　and　rammed　all　his　papers　into

his　pocket　with　convulsive　movements；　raging　inwardly　against　Haldin。



As　he　was　leaving　the　library　a　long　bony　student　in　a　threadbare

overcoat　joined　him；　stepping　moodily　by　his　side。　　Razumov

answered　his　mumbled　greeting　without　looking　at　him　at　all。



〃What　does　he　want　with　me？　　〃he　thought　with　a　strange　dread

of　the　unexpected　which　he　tried　to　shake　off　lest　it　should

fasten　itself　upon　his　life　for　good　and　all。　　And　the　other；

muttering　cautiously　with　downcast　eyes；　supposed　that　his

comrade　had　seen　the　news　of　de　P…'s　executionerthat　was

the　expression　he　usedhaving　been　arrested　the　night

before　last。　。　。　。



〃I've　been　illshut　up　in　my　rooms；〃　Razumov　mumbled

through　his　teeth。



The　tall　student；　raising　his　shoulders；　shoved　his　hands　deep

into　his　pockets。　　He　had　a　hairless；　square；　tallowy　chin　which

trembled　slightly　as　he　spoke；　and　his　nose　nipped　bright　red　by

the　sharp　air　looked　like　a　false　nose　of　painted　cardboard

between　the　sallow　cheeks。　　His　whole　appearance　was　stamped　with

the　mark　of　cold　and　hunger。　　He　stalked　deliberately　at

Razumov's　elbow　with　his　eyes　on　the　ground。



〃It's　an　official　　statement；〃　he　　continued　　in　　the　same

cautious　mutter。〃　　It　may　be　a　lie。　　But　there　was　somebody

arrested　between　midnight　and　one　in　the　morning　on　Tuesday。

This　is　certain。〃



And　talking　rapidly　under　the　cover　of　his　downcast　air；　he　told

Razumov　that　this　was　known　through　an　inferior　Government　clerk

employed　at　the　Central　Secretariat。　　That　man　belonged　to　one　of

the　revolutionary　circles。　　〃The　same；　in　fact；　I　am　affiliated

to；〃　remarked　the　student。



They　were　crossing　a　wide　quadrangle。　An　infinite　distress

possessed　Razumov；　annihilated　his　energy；　and　before　his　eyes

everything　appeared　confused　and　as　if　evanescent。　　He　dared　not

leave　the　fellow　there。　　〃He　may　be　affiliated　to　the　police；〃

was　the　thought　that　passed　through　his　mind。　　〃Who　could　tell？〃

But　eyeing　the　miserable　frost…nipped；　famine…struck　figure　of

his　companion　he　perceived　the　absurdity　of　his　suspicion。



〃But　Iyou　knowI　don't　belong　to　any　circle。　　I。　。　。〃



He　dared　not　say　any　more。　Neither　dared　he　mend　his　pace。　　The

other；　raising　and　setting　down　his　lamentably　shod　feet　with

exact　deliberation；　protested　in　a　low　tone　that　it　was　not

necessary　for　everybody　to　belong　to　an　organization。　　The　most

valuable　personalities　remained　outside。　　Some　of　the　best　work

was　done　outside　the　organization。　　Then　very　fast；　with　whispering；

feverish　lips



〃The　　man　arrested　in　the　street　was　Haldin。〃



And　accepting　Razumov's　dismayed　silence　as　natural　enough；　he

assured　him　that　there　was　no　mistake。　　That　Government　clerk　was

on　night　duty　at　the　Secretariat。　　Hearing　a　great　noise　of

footsteps　in　the　hall　and　aware　that　political　prisoners　were

brought　over　sometimes　at　night　from　the　fortress；　he　opened　the

door　of　the　room　in　which　he　was　working；　suddenly。　　Before　the

gendarme　on　duty　could　push　him　back　and　slam　the　door　in　his

face；　he　had　seen　a　prisoner　being　partly　carried；　partly　dragged

along　the　hall　by　a　lot　of　policemen。　　He　was　being　used　very

brutally。　　And　the　clerk　had　recognized　Haldin　perfectly。　　Less

than　half　an　hour　afterwards　General　T　　arrived　at　the

Secretariat　to　examine　that　prisoner　personally。



〃Aren't　you　astonished？〃　　concluded　the　gaunt　student。



〃No；〃　said　Razumov　roughlyand　at　once　regretted　his　answer。



〃Everybody　supposed　Haldin　was　in　the　provinces　with　his

people。　　Didn't　you？〃



The　student　turned　his　big　hollow　eyes　upon　Razumov；　who　said

unguardedly



〃His　people　are　abroad。〃



He　could　have　bitten　his　tongue　out　with　vexation。

The　student　pronounced　in　a　tone　of　profound　meaning

〃So！　　You　alone　were　aware。　。　。〃　and　stopped。



〃They　have　sworn　my　ruin；〃　thought　Razumov。〃　　Have　You　spoken　of

this　to　anyone　else？〃　he　asked　with　bitter　curiosity。



The　other　shook　his　head。



〃No；　only　to　you。　　Our　circle　thought　that　as　Haldin　had　been

often　heard　expressing　a　warm　appreciation　of　your　character。　。　。〃



Razumov　could　not　restrain　a　gesture　of　angry　despair　which　the

other　must　have　misunderstood　in　some　way；　because　he　ceased

speaking　and　turned　away　his　black；　lack…lustre　eyes。



They　moved　side　by　side　in　silence。　　Then　the　gaunt　student　began

to　whisper　again；　with　averted　gaze



〃As　we　have　at　present　no　one　affiliated　inside　the　fortress　so

as　to　make　it　possible　to　furnish　him　with　a　packet　of　poison；　we