under western eyes-第12节

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Eternity？　　Impossible。　　Whereas　life　is　full　of　them。　　There　are

secrets　of　birth；　for　instance。　　One　carries　them　on　to　the

grave。　　There　is　something　comical。　。　。but　never　mind。　　And　there

are　secret　motives　of　conduct。　　A　man's　most　open　actions　have　a

secret　side　to　them。　　That　is　interesting　and　so　unfathomable！

For　instance；　a　man　goes　out　of　a　room　for　a　walk。　　Nothing　more

trivial　in　appearance。　　And　yet　it　may　be　momentous。　　He　comes

backhe　has　seen　perhaps　a　drunken　brute；　taken　particular

notice　of　the　snow　on　the　groundand　behold　he　is　no　longer　the

same　man。　　The　most　unlikely　things　have　a　secret　power　over

one's　thoughtsthe　grey　whiskers　of　a　particular　personthe

goggle　eyes　of　another。〃



Razumov's　forehead　was　moist。　　He　took　a　turn　or　two　in　the　room；

his　head　low　and　smiling　to　himself　viciously。



〃Have　you　ever　reflected　on　the　power　of　goggle　eyes　and　grey

whiskers？　　Excuse　me。　　You　seem　to　think　I　must　be　crazy　to　talk

in　this　vein　at　such　a　time。　　But　I　am　not　talking　lightly。　　I

have　seen　instances。　　It　has　happened　to　me　once　to　be　talking　to

a　man　whose　fate　was　affected　by　physical　facts　of　that　kind。

And　the　man　did　not　know　it。　　Of　course；　it　was　a　case　of

conscience；　but　the　material　facts　such　as　these　brought　about

the　solution。　。　。　。　　And　you　tell　me；　Victor　Victorovitch；

not　to　be　anxious！　　Why！　　I　am　responsible　for　you；〃

Razumov　almost　shrieked。



He　avoided　with　difficulty　a　burst　of　Mephistophelian　laughter。

Haldin；　very　pale；　raised　himself　on　his　elbow。



〃And　the　surprises　of　life；〃　went　on　Razumov；　after　glancing　at

the　other　uneasily。　　〃Just　consider　their　astonishing　nature。　　A

mysterious　impulse　induces　you　to　come　here。　　I　don't　say　you

have　done　wrong。　　Indeed；　from　a　certain　point　of　view　you　could

not　have　done　better。　　You　might　have　gone　to　a　man　with

affections　and　family　ties。　　You　have　such　ties　yourself。　　As　to

me；　you　know　I　have　been　brought　up　in　an　educational　institute

where　they　did　not　give　us　enough　to　eat。　　To　talk　of　affection

in　such　a　connexionyou　perceive　yourself。　。　。　。　　As　to　ties；

the　only　ties　I　have　in　the　world　are　social。　　I　must　get

acknowledged　in　some　way　before　I　can　act　at　all。　　I　sit　here

working。　。　。　。　　And　don't　you　think　I　am　working　for　progress　too？

I've　got　to　find　my　own　ideas　of　the　true　way。　。　。　。　　Pardon　me；〃

continued　Razumov；　after　drawing　breath　and　with　a　short；　throaty

laugh；　〃but　I　haven't　inherited　a　revolutionary　inspiration

together　with　a　resemblance　from　an　uncle。〃



He　looked　again　at　his　watch　and　noticed　with　sickening　disgust

that　there　were　yet　a　good　many　minutes　to　midnight。　　He　tore

watch　and　chain　off　his　waistcoat　and　laid　them　on　the　table　well

in　the　circle　of　bright　lamplight。　　Haldin；　reclining　on　his

elbow；　did　not　stir。　　Razumov　was　made　uneasy　by　this　attitude。

〃What　move　is　he　meditating　over　so　quietly？〃　　he　thought。　　〃He

must　be　prevented。　　I　must　keep　on　talking　to　him。〃



He　raised　his　voice。



〃You　are　a　son；　a　brother；　a　nephew；　a　cousinI　don't　know

whatto　no　end　of　people。　　I　am　just　a　man。　　Here　I　stand　before

you。　　A　man　with　a　mind。　Did　it　ever　occur　to　you　how　a　man　who

had　never　heard　a　word　of　warm　affection　or　praise　in　his

life　would　think　on　matters　on　which　you　would　think　first　with

or　against　your　class；　your　domestic　traditionyour　fireside

prejudices？。　。　。　　Did　you　ever　consider　how　a　man　like　that　would

feel？　　I　have　no　domestic　tradition。　　I　have　nothing　to　think

against。　　My　tradition　is　historical。　What　have　I　to　look　back　to

but　that　national　past　from　which　you　gentlemen　want　to　wrench

away　your　future？　　Am　I　to　let　my　intelligence；　my　aspirations

towards　a　better　lot；　be　robbed　of　the　only　thing　it　has　to　go

upon　at　the　will　of　violent　enthusiasts？　　You　come　from　your

province；　but　all　this　land　is　mineor　I　have　nothing。　　No　doubt

you　shall　be　looked　upon　as　a　martyr　some　day　a　sort　of　heroa

political　saint。　But　I　beg　to　be　excused。　　I

am　content　in　fitting　myself　to　be　a　worker。　　And　what　can　you

people　do　by　scattering　a　few　drops　of　blood　on　the　snow？　　On

this　Immensity。　　On　this　unhappy　Immensity！　　I　tell　you；〃　he

cried；　in　a　vibrating；　subdued　voice；　and　advancing　one　step

nearer　the　bed；　〃that　what　it　needs　is　not　a　lot　of　haunting

phantoms　that　I　could　walk　throughbut　a　man！〃



Haldin　threw　his　arms　forward　as　if　to　keep　him　off　in　horror。



〃I　understand　it　all　now；〃　he　exclaimed；　with　awestruck　dismay。

〃I　understandat　last。〃



Razumov　staggered　back　against　the　table。　　His　forehead　broke　out

in　perspiration　while　a　cold　shudder　ran　down　his　spine。



〃What　have　I　been　saying？〃　he　asked　himself。　〃Have　I　let　him　slip

through　my　fingers　after　all？



〃He　felt　his　lips　go　stiff　like　buckram；　and　instead　of　a

reassuring　smile　only　achieved　an　uncertain　grimace。



〃What　will　you　have？〃　he　began　in　a　conciliating　voice　which　got

steady　after　the　first　trembling　word　or　two。　　〃What　will　you　have？

Considera　man　of　studious；　retired　habitsand　suddenly　like　this。　。　。　。

I　am　not　practised　in　talking　delicately。　But。　。　。



〃He　felt　anger；　a　wicked　anger；　get　hold　of　him　again。



〃What　were　we　to　do　together　till　midnight？　　Sit　here　opposite

each　other　and　think　of　youryour…shambles？〃



Haldin　had　a　subdued；　heartbroken　attitude。　　He　bowed　his　head；

his　hands　hung　between　his　knees。　His　voice　was　low　and　pained

but　calm。



〃I　see　now　how　it　is；　Razumovbrother。　　You　are　a　magnanimous

soul；　but　my　action　is　abhorrent　to　youalas。　。　。〃



Razumov　stared。　From　fright　he　had　set　his　teeth　so　hard　that　his

whole　face　ached。　　It　was　impossible　for　him　to　make　a　sound。



〃And　even　my　person；　too；　is　loathsome　to　you　perhaps；〃　Haldin

added　mournfully；　after　a　short　pause；　looking　up　for　a　moment；

then　fixing　his　gaze　on　the　floor。　　〃For　indeed；　unless　one。　。　。〃



He　broke　off　evidently　waiting　for　a　word。　　Razumov　remained

silent。　　Haldin　nodded　his　head　dejectedly　twice。



〃Of　course。　　Of　course；〃he　murmured。　。　。　。　　〃Ah！　weary　work！〃



He　remained　perfectly　still　for　a　moment；　then　made　Razumov's

leaden　heart　strike　a　ponderous　blow　by　springing　up　briskly。



〃So　be　it；〃　he　cried　sadly　in　a　low；　distinct　tone。　　〃Farewell　then。〃



Razumov　started　forward；　but　the　sight　of　Haldin's　raised　hand

checked　him　before　he　could　get　away　from　the　table。　　He　leaned

on　it　heavily；　listening　to　the　faint　sounds　of　some　town　clock

tolling　the　hour。　　Haldin；　already　at　the　door；　tall　and　straight

as　an　arrow；　with　his　pale　face　and　a　hand　raised　attentively；

might　have　posed　for　the　statue　of　a　daring　youth　listening

to　an　inner　voice。　　Razumov　mechanically　glanced　down　at　his

watch。　　When　he　looked　towards　the　door　again　Haldin　had

vanished。　　There　was　a　faint　rustling　in　the　outer　room；　the

feeble　click　of　a　bolt　drawn　back　lightly。　　He　was　gonealmost

as　noiseless　as　a　vision。



Razumov　ran　forward　unsteadily；　with　parted；　voiceless　lips。　　The

outer　door　stood　open。　　Staggering　out　on　the　landing；　he　leaned

far　over　the　banister。　　Gazing　down　into　the　deep　black　shaft

with　a　tiny　glimmering　flame　at　the　bottom；　he　traced　by　ear　the

rapid　spiral　descent　of　somebody　running　down　the　stairs　on

tiptoe。　　It　was　a　light；　swift；　pattering　sound；　which　sank　away

from　him　into　the　depths：　a　fleeting　shadow　passed　over　the

glimmera　wink　of　the　tiny　flame。　　Then　stillness。



Razumov　hung　over；　breathing　the　cold　raw　air　tainted　by　the　evil

smells　of　the　unclean　staircase。　　All　quiet。



He　went　back　into　his　room　slowly；　shutting　the　doors　after　him。

The　peaceful　steady　light　of　his　reading…lamp　shone　on　the　watch。

Razumov　stood　looking　down　at　the　little　white　dial。　　It　wanted　yet

three　minutes　to　midnight。　　He　took　the　watch　into　his　hand　fumblingly。



〃Slow；〃　he　muttered；　and　a　strange　fit　of　nervelessness　came　over

him。　　His　knees　shook；　the　watch　and　chain　slipped　through　his

fingers　in　an　instant　and　fell　on　the　floor。　　He　was　so　startled

that　he　nearly　fell　himself。　　When　at　last　he　regained　enough

confidence　in　his　limbs　to　stoop　for　it　he　held　it　to　his　ear　at

once。　　After　a　while　he　growled



〃Stopped；〃　and　paused　for　quite　a　long　time　before　he　muttered　sourly



〃It's　done。　。　。　。　　And　now　to　work。〃



He　sat　down；　reached　haphazard　for　a　book；　opened　it　in　middle　and

began　to　read；　but　after　going　conscientiously　over　two　lines　he　lost

his　hold　on　the　print　completely　and　did　not　try　to　regain　it。　　He　thought



〃There　was　to　a　certainty　a　police　agent　of　some　sort　watching

the　house　across　the　street。〃



He　imagined　him　lurking　in　a　dark　gateway；　goggle…eyed；　muffled

up　in　a　cloak　to　the　nose　and　with　a　General's　plumed；　cocked　hat

on　his　head。　　This　absurdity　made　him　start　in　the　chair　convulsively。

He　literally　had　to　shake　his　head　violently　to　get　rid　of　it。

The　man　would　be　disguised　perhaps　as　a　peasant　。　。　。a　beggar。　。　。