mudfog+-第4节

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the　kitchen…table；　and　in　a　mug　of　something　strong；　paid　for　by

the　unconscious　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　and　provided　by　the

companionable　footman；　drank　success　to　the　Mayor　and　his

procession；　and；　as　Ned　laid　by　his　helmet　to　imbibe　the　something

strong；　the　companionable　footman　put　it　on　his　own　head；　to　the

immeasurable　and　unrecordable　delight　of　the　cook　and　housemaid。

The　companionable　footman　was　very　facetious　to　Ned；　and　Ned　was

very　gallant　to　the　cook　and　housemaid　by　turns。　　They　were　all

very　cosy　and　comfortable；　and　the　something　strong　went　briskly

round。



At　last　Ned　Twigger　was　loudly　called　for；　by　the　procession

people：　　and；　having　had　his　helmet　fixed　on；　in　a　very　complicated

manner；　by　the　companionable　footman；　and　the　kind　housemaid；　and

the　friendly　cook；　he　walked　gravely　forth；　and　appeared　before　the

multitude。



The　crowd　roared　…　it　was　not　with　wonder；　it　was　not　with

surprise；　it　was　most　decidedly　and　unquestionably　with　laughter。



'What！'　said　Mr。　Tulrumble；　starting　up　in　the　four…wheel　chaise。

'Laughing？　　If　they　laugh　at　a　man　in　real　brass　armour；　they'd

laugh　when　their　own　fathers　were　dying。　　Why　doesn't　he　go　into

his　place；　Mr。　Jennings？　　What's　he　rolling　down　towards　us　for？　he

has　no　business　here！'



'I　am　afraid；　sir　…　'　faltered　Mr。　Jennings。



'Afraid　of　what；　sir？'　said　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　looking　up　into　the

secretary's　face。



'I　am　afraid　he's　drunk；　sir；'　replied　Mr。　Jennings。



Nicholas　Tulrumble　took　one　look　at　the　extraordinary　figure　that

was　bearing　down　upon　them；　and　then；　clasping　his　secretary　by　the

arm；　uttered　an　audible　groan　in　anguish　of　spirit。



It　is　a　melancholy　fact　that　Mr。　Twigger　having　full　licence　to

demand　a　single　glass　of　rum　on　the　putting　on　of　every　piece　of

the　armour；　got；　by　some　means　or　other；　rather　out　of　his

calculation　in　the　hurry　and　confusion　of　preparation；　and　drank

about　four　glasses　to　a　piece　instead　of　one；　not　to　mention　the

something　strong　which　went　on　the　top　of　it。　　Whether　the　brass

armour　checked　the　natural　flow　of　perspiration；　and　thus　prevented

the　spirit　from　evaporating；　we　are　not　scientific　enough　to　know；

but；　whatever　the　cause　was；　Mr。　Twigger　no　sooner　found　himself

outside　the　gate　of　Mudfog　Hall；　than　he　also　found　himself　in　a

very　considerable　state　of　intoxication；　and　hence　his

extraordinary　style　of　progressing。　　This　was　bad　enough；　but；　as

if　fate　and　fortune　had　conspired　against　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　Mr。

Twigger；　not　having　been　penitent　for　a　good　calendar　month；　took

it　into　his　head　to　be　most　especially　and　particularly

sentimental；　just　when　his　repentance　could　have　been　most

conveniently　dispensed　with。　　Immense　tears　were　rolling　down　his

cheeks；　and　he　was　vainly　endeavouring　to　conceal　his　grief　by

applying　to　his　eyes　a　blue　cotton　pocket…handkerchief　with　white

spots；　…　an　article　not　strictly　in　keeping　with　a　suit　of　armour

some　three　hundred　years　old；　or　thereabouts。



'Twigger；　you　villain！'　said　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　quite　forgetting

his　dignity；　'go　back。'



'Never；'　said　Ned。　　'I'm　a　miserable　wretch。　　I'll　never　leave

you。'



The　by…standers　of　course　received　this　declaration　with

acclamations　of　'That's　right；　Ned；　don't！'



'I　don't　intend　it；'　said　Ned；　with　all　the　obstinacy　of　a　very

tipsy　man。　　'I'm　very　unhappy。　　I'm　the　wretched　father　of　an

unfortunate　family；　but　I　am　very　faithful；　sir。　　I'll　never　leave

you。'　　Having　reiterated　this　obliging　promise；　Ned　proceeded　in

broken　words　to　harangue　the　crowd　upon　the　number　of　years　he　had

lived　in　Mudfog；　the　excessive　respectability　of　his　character；　and

other　topics　of　the　like　nature。



'Here！　will　anybody　lead　him　away？'　said　Nicholas：　　'if　they'll

call　on　me　afterwards；　I'll　reward　them　well。'



Two　or　three　men　stepped　forward；　with　the　view　of　bearing　Ned　off；

when　the　secretary　interposed。



'Take　care！　take　care！'　said　Mr。　Jennings。　　'I　beg　your　pardon；

sir；　but　they'd　better　not　go　too　near　him；　because；　if　he　falls

over；　he'll　certainly　crush　somebody。'



At　this　hint　the　crowd　retired　on　all　sides　to　a　very　respectful

distance；　and　left　Ned；　like　the　Duke　of　Devonshire；　in　a　little

circle　of　his　own。



'But；　Mr。　Jennings；'　said　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　'he'll　be

suffocated。'



'I'm　very　sorry　for　it；　sir；'　replied　Mr。　Jennings；　'but　nobody　can

get　that　armour　off；　without　his　own　assistance。　　I'm　quite　certain

of　it　from　the　way　he　put　it　on。'



Here　Ned　wept　dolefully；　and　shook　his　helmeted　head；　in　a　manner

that　might　have　touched　a　heart　of　stone；　but　the　crowd　had　not

hearts　of　stone；　and　they　laughed　heartily。



'Dear　me；　Mr。　Jennings；'　said　Nicholas；　turning　pale　at　the

possibility　of　Ned's　being　smothered　in　his　antique　costume　…　'Dear

me；　Mr。　Jennings；　can　nothing　be　done　with　him？'



'Nothing　at　all；'　replied　Ned；　'nothing　at　all。　　Gentlemen；　I'm　an

unhappy　wretch。　　I'm　a　body；　gentlemen；　in　a　brass　coffin。'　　At

this　poetical　idea　of　his　own　conjuring　up；　Ned　cried　so　much　that

the　people　began　to　get　sympathetic；　and　to　ask　what　Nicholas

Tulrumble　meant　by　putting　a　man　into　such　a　machine　as　that；　and

one　individual　in　a　hairy　waistcoat　like　the　top　of　a　trunk；　who

had　previously　expressed　his　opinion　that　if　Ned　hadn't　been　a　poor

man；　Nicholas　wouldn't　have　dared　do　it；　hinted　at　the　propriety　of

breaking　the　four…wheel　chaise；　or　Nicholas's　head；　or　both；　which

last　compound　proposition　the　crowd　seemed　to　consider　a　very　good

notion。



It　was　not　acted　upon；　however；　for　it　had　hardly　been　broached；

when　Ned　Twigger's　wife　made　her　appearance　abruptly　in　the　little

circle　before　noticed；　and　Ned　no　sooner　caught　a　glimpse　of　her

face　and　form；　than　from　the　mere　force　of　habit　he　set　off　towards

his　home　just　as　fast　as　his　legs　could　carry　him；　and　that　was　not

very　quick　in　the　present　instance　either；　for；　however　ready　they

might　have　been　to　carry　HIM；　they　couldn't　get　on　very　well　under

the　brass　armour。　　So；　Mrs。　Twigger　had　plenty　of　time　to　denounce

Nicholas　Tulrumble　to　his　face：　　to　express　her　opinion　that　he　was

a　decided　monster；　and　to　intimate　that；　if　her　ill…used　husband

sustained　any　personal　damage　from　the　brass　armour；　she　would　have

the　law　of　Nicholas　Tulrumble　for　manslaughter。　　When　she　had　said

all　this　with　due　vehemence；　she　posted　after　Ned；　who　was　dragging

himself　along　as　best　he　could；　and　deploring　his　unhappiness　in

most　dismal　tones。



What　a　wailing　and　screaming　Ned's　children　raised　when　he　got　home

at　last！　　Mrs。　Twigger　tried　to　undo　the　armour；　first　in　one

place；　and　then　in　another；　but　she　couldn't　manage　it；　so　she

tumbled　Ned　into　bed；　helmet；　armour；　gauntlets；　and　all。　　Such　a

creaking　as　the　bedstead　made；　under　Ned's　weight　in　his　new　suit！

It　didn't　break　down　though；　and　there　Ned　lay；　like　the　anonymous

vessel　in　the　Bay　of　Biscay；　till　next　day；　drinking　barley…water；

and　looking　miserable：　　and　every　time　he　groaned；　his　good　lady

said　it　served　him　right；　which　was　all　the　consolation　Ned　Twigger

got。



Nicholas　Tulrumble　and　the　gorgeous　procession　went　on　together　to

the　town…hall；　amid　the　hisses　and　groans　of　all　the　spectators；

who　had　suddenly　taken　it　into　their　heads　to　consider　poor　Ned　a

martyr。　　Nicholas　was　formally　installed　in　his　new　office；　in

acknowledgment　of　which　ceremony　he　delivered　himself　of　a　speech；

composed　by　the　secretary；　which　was　very　long；　and　no　doubt　very

good；　only　the　noise　of　the　people　outside　prevented　anybody　from

hearing　it；　but　Nicholas　Tulrumble　himself。　　After　which；　the

procession　got　back　to　Mudfog　Hall　any　how　it　could；　and　Nicholas

and　the　corporation　sat　down　to　dinner。



But　the　dinner　was　flat；　and　Nicholas　was　disappointed。　　They　were

such　dull　sleepy　old　fellows；　that　corporation。　　Nicholas　made

quite　as　long　speeches　as　the　Lord　Mayor　of　London　had　done；　nay；

he　said　the　very　same　things　that　the　Lord　Mayor　of　London　had

said；　and　the　deuce　a　cheer　the　corporation　gave　him。　　There　was

only　one　man　in　the　party　who　was　thoroughly　awake；　and　he　was

insolent；　and　called　him　Nick。　　Nick！　　What　would　be　the

consequence；　thought　Nicholas；　of　anybody　presuming　to　call　the

Lord　Mayor　of　London　'Nick！'　　He　should　like　to　know　what　the

sword…bearer　would　say　to　that；　or　the　recorder；　or　the　toast…

master；　or　any　other　of　the　great　officers　of　the　city。　　They'd

nick　him。



But　these　were　not　the　worst　of　Nicholas　Tulrumble's　doings。　　If

they　had　been；　he　might　have　remained　a　Mayor　to　this　day；　and　have

talked　till　he　lost　his　voice。　　He　contracted　a　relish　for

statistics；　and　got　philosophical；　and　the　statistics　and　the

philosophy　together；　led　him　into　an　act　which　increased　his

unpopularity　and　hastened　his　downfall。



At　the　very　end　of　the　Mudfog　High…street；　and　abutting　on　the

river…side；　stands　the　Joll