mudfog+-第3节

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complete　suit　of　brass　armour；　of　gigantic　dimensions。



'I　want　you　to　wear　this　next　Monday；　Twigger；'　said　the　Mayor。



'Bless　your　heart　and　soul；　sir！'　replied　Ned；　'you　might　as　well

ask　me　to　wear　a　seventy…four　pounder；　or　a　cast…iron　boiler。'



'Nonsense；　Twigger；　nonsense！'　said　the　Mayor。



'I　couldn't　stand　under　it；　sir；'　said　Twigger；　'it　would　make

mashed　potatoes　of　me；　if　I　attempted　it。'



'Pooh；　pooh；　Twigger！'　returned　the　Mayor。　　'I　tell　you　I　have　seen

it　done　with　my　own　eyes；　in　London；　and　the　man　wasn't　half　such　a

man　as　you　are；　either。'



'I　should　as　soon　have　thought　of　a　man's　wearing　the　case　of　an

eight…day　clock　to　save　his　linen；'　said　Twigger；　casting　a　look　of

apprehension　at　the　brass　suit。



'It's　the　easiest　thing　in　the　world；'　rejoined　the　Mayor。



'It's　nothing；'　said　Mr。　Jennings。



'When　you're　used　to　it；'　added　Ned。



'You　do　it　by　degrees；'　said　the　Mayor。　　'You　would　begin　with　one

piece　to…morrow；　and　two　the　next　day；　and　so　on；　till　you　had　got

it　all　on。　　Mr。　Jennings；　give　Twigger　a　glass　of　rum。　　Just　try

the　breast…plate；　Twigger。　　Stay；　take　another　glass　of　rum　first。

Help　me　to　lift　it；　Mr。　Jennings。　　Stand　firm；　Twigger！　　There！　…

it　isn't　half　as　heavy　as　it　looks；　is　it？'



Twigger　was　a　good　strong；　stout　fellow；　so；　after　a　great　deal　of

staggering；　he　managed　to　keep　himself　up；　under　the　breastplate；

and　even　contrived；　with　the　aid　of　another　glass　of　rum；　to　walk

about　in　it；　and　the　gauntlets　into　the　bargain。　　He　made　a　trial

of　the　helmet；　but　was　not　equally　successful；　inasmuch　as　he

tipped　over　instantly；　…　an　accident　which　Mr。　Tulrumble　clearly

demonstrated　to　be　occasioned　by　his　not　having　a　counteracting

weight　of　brass　on　his　legs。



'Now；　wear　that　with　grace　and　propriety　on　Monday　next；'　said

Tulrumble；　'and　I'll　make　your　fortune。'



'I'll　try　what　I　can　do；　sir；'　said　Twigger。



'It　must　be　kept　a　profound　secret；'　said　Tulrumble。



'Of　course；　sir；'　replied　Twigger。



'And　you　must　be　sober；'　said　Tulrumble；　'perfectly　sober。'　　Mr。

Twigger　at　once　solemnly　pledged　himself　to　be　as　sober　as　a　judge；

and　Nicholas　Tulrumble　was　satisfied；　although；　had　we　been

Nicholas；　we　should　certainly　have　exacted　some　promise　of　a　more

specific　nature；　inasmuch　as；　having　attended　the　Mudfog　assizes　in

the　evening　more　than　once；　we　can　solemnly　testify　to　having　seen

judges　with　very　strong　symptoms　of　dinner　under　their　wigs。

However；　that's　neither　here　nor　there。



The　next　day；　and　the　day　following；　and　the　day　after　that；　Ned

Twigger　was　securely　locked　up　in　the　small　cavern　with　the　sky…

light；　hard　at　work　at　the　armour。　　With　every　additional　piece　he

could　manage　to　stand　upright　in；　he　had　an　additional　glass　of

rum；　and　at　last；　after　many　partial　suffocations；　he　contrived　to

get　on　the　whole　suit；　and　to　stagger　up　and　down　the　room　in　it；

like　an　intoxicated　effigy　from　Westminster　Abbey。



Never　was　man　so　delighted　as　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　never　was　woman

so　charmed　as　Nicholas　Tulrumble's　wife。　　Here　was　a　sight　for　the

common　people　of　Mudfog！　　A　live　man　in　brass　armour！　　Why；　they

would　go　wild　with　wonder！



The　day　…　THE　Monday　…　arrived。



If　the　morning　had　been　made　to　order；　it　couldn't　have　been　better

adapted　to　the　purpose。　　They　never　showed　a　better　fog　in　London

on　Lord　Mayor's　day；　than　enwrapped　the　town　of　Mudfog　on　that

eventful　occasion。　　It　had　risen　slowly　and　surely　from　the　green

and　stagnant　water　with　the　first　light　of　morning；　until　it

reached　a　little　above　the　lamp…post　tops；　and　there　it　had

stopped；　with　a　sleepy；　sluggish　obstinacy；　which　bade　defiance　to

the　sun；　who　had　got　up　very　blood…shot　about　the　eyes；　as　if　he

had　been　at　a　drinking…party　over…night；　and　was　doing　his　day's

work　with　the　worst　possible　grace。　　The　thick　damp　mist　hung　over

the　town　like　a　huge　gauze　curtain。　　All　was　dim　and　dismal。　　The

church　steeples　had　bidden　a　temporary　adieu　to　the　world　below；

and　every　object　of　lesser　importance　…　houses；　barns；　hedges；

trees；　and　barges　…　had　all　taken　the　veil。



The　church…clock　struck　one。　　A　cracked　trumpet　from　the　front

garden　of　Mudfog　Hall　produced　a　feeble　flourish；　as　if　some

asthmatic　person　had　coughed　into　it　accidentally；　the　gate　flew

open；　and　out　came　a　gentleman；　on　a　moist…sugar　coloured　charger；

intended　to　represent　a　herald；　but　bearing　a　much　stronger

resemblance　to　a　court…card　on　horseback。　　This　was　one　of　the

Circus　people；　who　always　came　down　to　Mudfog　at　that　time　of　the

year；　and　who　had　been　engaged　by　Nicholas　Tulrumble　expressly　for

the　occasion。　　There　was　the　horse；　whisking　his　tail　about；

balancing　himself　on　his　hind…legs；　and　flourishing　away　with　his

fore…feet；　in　a　manner　which　would　have　gone　to　the　hearts　and

souls　of　any　reasonable　crowd。　　But　a　Mudfog　crowd　never　was　a

reasonable　one；　and　in　all　probability　never　will　be。　　Instead　of

scattering　the　very　fog　with　their　shouts；　as　they　ought　most

indubitably　to　have　done；　and　were　fully　intended　to　do；　by

Nicholas　Tulrumble；　they　no　sooner　recognized　the　herald；　than　they

began　to　growl　forth　the　most　unqualified　disapprobation　at　the

bare　notion　of　his　riding　like　any　other　man。　　If　he　had　come　out

on　his　head　indeed；　or　jumping　through　a　hoop；　or　flying　through　a

red…hot　drum；　or　even　standing　on　one　leg　with　his　other　foot　in

his　mouth；　they　might　have　had　something　to　say　to　him；　but　for　a

professional　gentleman　to　sit　astride　in　the　saddle；　with　his　feet

in　the　stirrups；　was　rather　too　good　a　joke。　　So；　the　herald　was　a

decided　failure；　and　the　crowd　hooted　with　great　energy；　as　he

pranced　ingloriously　away。



On　the　procession　came。　　We　are　afraid　to　say　how　many

supernumeraries　there　were；　in　striped　shirts　and　black　velvet

caps；　to　imitate　the　London　watermen；　or　how　many　base　imitations

of　running…footmen；　or　how　many　banners；　which；　owing　to　the

heaviness　of　the　atmosphere；　could　by　no　means　be　prevailed　on　to

display　their　inscriptions：　　still　less　do　we　feel　disposed　to

relate　how　the　men　who　played　the　wind　instruments；　looking　up　into

the　sky　（we　mean　the　fog）　with　musical　fervour；　walked　through

pools　of　water　and　hillocks　of　mud；　till　they　covered　the　powdered

heads　of　the　running…footmen　aforesaid　with　splashes；　that　looked

curious；　but　not　ornamental；　or　how　the　barrel…organ　performer　put

on　the　wrong　stop；　and　played　one　tune　while　the　band　played

another；　or　how　the　horses；　being　used　to　the　arena；　and　not　to　the

streets；　would　stand　still　and　dance；　instead　of　going　on　and

prancing；　…　all　of　which　are　matters　which　might　be　dilated　upon　to

great　advantage；　but　which　we　have　not　the　least　intention　of

dilating　upon；　notwithstanding。



Oh！　it　was　a　grand　and　beautiful　sight　to　behold　a　corporation　in

glass　coaches；　provided　at　the　sole　cost　and　charge　of　Nicholas

Tulrumble；　coming　rolling　along；　like　a　funeral　out　of　mourning；

and　to　watch　the　attempts　the　corporation　made　to　look　great　and

solemn；　when　Nicholas　Tulrumble　himself；　in　the　four…wheel　chaise；

with　the　tall　postilion；　rolled　out　after　them；　with　Mr。　Jennings

on　one　side　to　look　like　a　chaplain；　and　a　supernumerary　on　the

other；　with　an　old　life…guardsman's　sabre；　to　imitate　the　sword…

bearer；　and　to　see　the　tears　rolling　down　the　faces　of　the　mob　as

they　screamed　with　merriment。　　This　was　beautiful！　and　so　was　the

appearance　of　Mrs。　Tulrumble　and　son；　as　they　bowed　with　grave

dignity　out　of　their　coach…window　to　all　the　dirty　faces　that　were

laughing　around　them：　　but　it　is　not　even　with　this　that　we　have　to

do；　but　with　the　sudden　stopping　of　the　procession　at　another　blast

of　the　trumpet；　whereat；　and　whereupon；　a　profound　silence　ensued；

and　all　eyes　were　turned　towards　Mudfog　Hall；　in　the　confident

anticipation　of　some　new　wonder。



'They　won't　laugh　now；　Mr。　Jennings；'　said　Nicholas　Tulrumble。



'I　think　not；　sir；'　said　Mr。　Jennings。



'See　how　eager　they　look；'　said　Nicholas　Tulrumble。　　'Aha！　the

laugh　will　be　on　our　side　now；　eh；　Mr。　Jennings？'



'No　doubt　of　that；　sir；'　replied　Mr。　Jennings；　and　Nicholas

Tulrumble；　in　a　state　of　pleasurable　excitement；　stood　up　in　the

four…wheel　chaise；　and　telegraphed　gratification　to　the　Mayoress

behind。



While　all　this　was　going　forward；　Ned　Twigger　had　descended　into

the　kitchen　of　Mudfog　Hall　for　the　purpose　of　indulging　the

servants　with　a　private　view　of　the　curiosity　that　was　to　burst

upon　the　town；　and；　somehow　or　other；　the　footman　was　so

companionable；　and　the　housemaid　so　kind；　and　the　cook　so　friendly；

that　he　could　not　resist　the　offer　of　the　first…mentioned　to　sit

down　and　take　something　…　just　to　drink　success　to　master　in。



So；　down　Ned　Twigger　sat　himself　in　his　brass　livery　on　the　top　of

the　kitchen…table；　and　in　a　mug　of　something　strong；　paid　for　by

the　unconscious　Nicholas