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thrashing living subjects。



'MR。 COPPERNOSE submitted; that as the usual odds in such cases

were ten noblemen or gentlemen to one policeman or cab…driver; it

could make very little difference in point of excitement whether

the policeman or cab…driver were a man or a block。  The great

advantage would be; that a policeman's limbs might be all knocked

off; and yet he would be in a condition to do duty next day。  He

might even give his evidence next morning with his head in his

hand; and give it equally well。



'PROFESSOR MUFF。 … Will you allow me to ask you; sir; of what

materials it is intended that the magistrates' heads shall be

composed?



'MR。 COPPERNOSE。 … The magistrates will have wooden heads of

course; and they will be made of the toughest and thickest

materials that can possibly be obtained。



'PROFESSOR MUFF。 … I am quite satisfied。  This is a great

invention。



'PROFESSOR NOGO。 … I see but one objection to it。  It appears to me

that the magistrates ought to talk。



'MR。 COPPERNOSE no sooner heard this suggestion than he touched a

small spring in each of the two models of magistrates which were

placed upon the table; one of the figures immediately began to

exclaim with great volubility that he was sorry to see gentlemen in

such a situation; and the other to express a fear that the

policeman was intoxicated。



'The section; as with one accord; declared with a shout of applause

that the invention was complete; and the President; much excited;

retired with Mr。 Coppernose to lay it before the council。  On his

return;



'MR。 TICKLE displayed his newly…invented spectacles; which enabled

the wearer to discern; in very bright colours; objects at a great

distance; and rendered him wholly blind to those immediately before

him。  It was; he said; a most valuable and useful invention; based

strictly upon the principle of the human eye。



'THE PRESIDENT required some information upon this point。  He had

yet to learn that the human eye was remarkable for the

peculiarities of which the honourable gentleman had spoken。



'MR。 TICKLE was rather astonished to hear this; when the President

could not fail to be aware that a large number of most excellent

persons and great statesmen could see; with the naked eye; most

marvellous horrors on West India plantations; while they could

discern nothing whatever in the interior of Manchester cotton

mills。  He must know; too; with what quickness of perception most

people could discover their neighbour's faults; and how very blind

they were to their own。  If the President differed from the great

majority of men in this respect; his eye was a defective one; and

it was to assist his vision that these glasses were made。



'MR。 BLANK exhibited a model of a fashionable annual; composed of

copper…plates; gold leaf; and silk boards; and worked entirely by

milk and water。



'MR。 PROSEE; after examining the machine; declared it to be so

ingeniously composed; that he was wholly unable to discover how it

went on at all。



'MR。 BLANK。 … Nobody can; and that is the beauty of it。





'SECTION C。 … ANATOMY AND MEDICINE。

BAR ROOM; BLACK BOY AND STOMACH…ACHE。





PRESIDENT … Dr。 Soemup。  VICE…PRESIDENTS … Messrs。 Pessell and

Mortair。



'DR。 GRUMMIDGE stated to the section a most interesting case of

monomania; and described the course of treatment he had pursued

with perfect success。  The patient was a married lady in the middle

rank of life; who; having seen another lady at an evening party in

a full suit of pearls; was suddenly seized with a desire to possess

a similar equipment; although her husband's finances were by no

means equal to the necessary outlay。  Finding her wish ungratified;

she fell sick; and the symptoms soon became so alarming; that he

(Dr。 Grummidge) was called in。  At this period the prominent tokens

of the disorder were sullenness; a total indisposition to perform

domestic duties; great peevishness; and extreme languor; except

when pearls were mentioned; at which times the pulse quickened; the

eyes grew brighter; the pupils dilated; and the patient; after

various incoherent exclamations; burst into a passion of tears; and

exclaimed that nobody cared for her; and that she wished herself

dead。  Finding that the patient's appetite was affected in the

presence of company; he began by ordering a total abstinence from

all stimulants; and forbidding any sustenance but weak gruel; he

then took twenty ounces of blood; applied a blister under each ear;

one upon the chest; and another on the back; having done which; and

administered five grains of calomel; he left the patient to her

repose。  The next day she was somewhat low; but decidedly better;

and all appearances of irritation were removed。  The next day she

improved still further; and on the next again。  On the fourth there

was some appearance of a return of the old symptoms; which no

sooner developed themselves; than he administered another dose of

calomel; and left strict orders that; unless a decidedly favourable

change occurred within two hours; the patient's head should be

immediately shaved to the very last curl。  From that moment she

began to mend; and; in less than four…and…twenty hours was

perfectly restored。  She did not now betray the least emotion at

the sight or mention of pearls or any other ornaments。  She was

cheerful and good…humoured; and a most beneficial change had been

effected in her whole temperament and condition。



'MR。 PIPKIN (M。R。C。S。) read a short but most interesting

communication in which he sought to prove the complete belief of

Sir William Courtenay; otherwise Thorn; recently shot at

Canterbury; in the Homoeopathic system。  The section would bear in

mind that one of the Homoeopathic doctrines was; that infinitesimal

doses of any medicine which would occasion the disease under which

the patient laboured; supposing him to be in a healthy state; would

cure it。  Now; it was a remarkable circumstance … proved in the

evidence … that the deceased Thorn employed a woman to follow him

about all day with a pail of water; assuring her that one drop (a

purely homoeopathic remedy; the section would observe); placed upon

his tongue; after death; would restore him。  What was the obvious

inference?  That Thorn; who was marching and countermarching in

osier beds; and other swampy places; was impressed with a

presentiment that he should be drowned; in which case; had his

instructions been complied with; he could not fail to have been

brought to life again instantly by his own prescription。  As it

was; if this woman; or any other person; had administered an

infinitesimal dose of lead and gunpowder immediately after he fell;

he would have recovered forthwith。  But unhappily the woman

concerned did not possess the power of reasoning by analogy; or

carrying out a principle; and thus the unfortunate gentleman had

been sacrificed to the ignorance of the peasantry。





'SECTION D。 … STATISTICS。

OUT…HOUSE; BLACK BOY AND STOMACH…ACHE。



PRESIDENT … Mr。 Slug。  VICE…PRESIDENTS … Messrs。 Noakes and Styles。



'MR。 KWAKLEY stated the result of some most ingenious statistical

inquiries relative to the difference between the value of the

qualification of several members of Parliament as published to the

world; and its real nature and amount。  After reminding the section

that every member of Parliament for a town or borough was supposed

to possess a clear freehold estate of three hundred pounds per

annum; the honourable gentleman excited great amusement and

laughter by stating the exact amount of freehold property possessed

by a column of legislators; in which he had included himself。  It

appeared from this table; that the amount of such income possessed

by each was 0 pounds; 0 shillings; and 0 pence; yielding an average

of the same。 (Great laughter。)  It was pretty well known that there

were accommodating gentlemen in the habit of furnishing new members

with temporary qualifications; to the ownership of which they swore

solemnly … of course as a mere matter of form。  He argued from

these DATA that it was wholly unnecessary for members of Parliament

to possess any property at all; especially as when they had none

the public could get them so much cheaper。





'SUPPLEMENTARY SECTION; E。 … UMBUGOLOGY AND DITCHWATERISICS。





PRESIDENT … Mr。 Grub。  VICE PRESIDENTS … Messrs。 Dull and Dummy。



'A paper was read by the secretary descriptive of a bay pony with

one eye; which had been seen by the author standing in a butcher's

cart at the corner of Newgate Market。  The communication described

the author of the paper as having; in the prosecution of a

mercantile pursuit; betaken himself one Saturday morning last

summer from Somers Town to Cheapside; in the course of which

expedition he had beheld the extraordinary appearance above

described。  The pony had one distinct eye; and it had been po

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