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'You　will　easily　believe　that　this　intelligence　gave　me

considerable　surprise；　not　wholly　unmixed　with　anxiety；　and　that　I

lost　no　time　in　waiting　on　Professor　Pumpkinskull；　and　stating　the

object　of　my　visit。　　After　a　few　moments'　reflection；　the

Professor；　who；　I　am　bound　to　say；　behaved　with　the　utmost

politeness；　openly　avowed　（I　mark　the　passage　in　italics）　THAT　HE

HAD　REQUESTED　SOWSTER　TO　ATTEND　ON　THE　MONDAY　MORNING　AT　THE　BOOT…

JACK　AND　COUNTENANCE；　TO　KEEP　OFF　THE　BOYS；　AND　THAT　HE　HAD　FURTHER

DESIRED　THAT　THE　UNDER…BEADLE　MIGHT　BE　STATIONED；　WITH　THE　SAME

OBJECT；　AT　THE　BLACK　BOY　AND　STOMACH…ACHE！



'Now　I　leave　this　unconstitutional　proceeding　to　your　comments　and

the　consideration　of　your　readers。　　I　have　yet　to　learn　that　a

beadle；　without　the　precincts　of　a　church；　churchyard；　or　work…

house；　and　acting　otherwise　than　under　the　express　orders　of

churchwardens　and　overseers　in　council　assembled；　to　enforce　the

law　against　people　who　come　upon　the　parish；　and　other　offenders；

has　any　lawful　authority　whatever　over　the　rising　youth　of　this

country。　　I　have　yet　to　learn　that　a　beadle　can　be　called　out　by

any　civilian　to　exercise　a　domination　and　despotism　over　the　boys

of　Britain。　　I　have　yet　to　learn　that　a　beadle　will　be　permitted　by

the　commissioners　of　poor　law　regulation　to　wear　out　the　soles　and

heels　of　his　boots　in　illegal　interference　with　the　liberties　of

people　not　proved　poor　or　otherwise　criminal。　　I　have　yet　to　learn

that　a　beadle　has　power　to　stop　up　the　Queen's　highway　at　his　will

and　pleasure；　or　that　the　whole　width　of　the　street　is　not　free　and

open　to　any　man；　boy；　or　woman　in　existence；　up　to　the　very　walls

of　the　houses　…　ay；　be　they　Black　Boys　and　Stomach…aches；　or　Boot…

jacks　and　Countenances；　I　care　not。'



'NINE　O'CLOCK。



'I　have　procured　a　local　artist　to　make　a　faithful　sketch　of　the

tyrant　Sowster；　which；　as　he　has　acquired　this　infamous　celebrity；

you　will　no　doubt　wish　to　have　engraved　for　the　purpose　of

presenting　a　copy　with　every　copy　of　your　next　number。　　I　enclose

it。



＇Picture　which　cannot　be　reproduced＇



The　under…beadle　has　consented　to　write　his　life；　but　it　is　to　be

strictly　anonymous。



'The　accompanying　likeness　is　of　course　from　the　life；　and　complete

in　every　respect。　　Even　if　I　had　been　totally　ignorant　of　the　man's

real　character；　and　it　had　been　placed　before　me　without　remark；　I

should　have　shuddered　involuntarily。　　There　is　an　intense　malignity

of　expression　in　the　features；　and　a　baleful　ferocity　of　purpose　in

the　ruffian's　eye；　which　appals　and　sickens。　　His　whole　air　is

rampant　with　cruelty；　nor　is　the　stomach　less　characteristic　of　his

demoniac　propensities。'



'MONDAY。



'The　great　day　has　at　length　arrived。　　I　have　neither　eyes；　nor

ears；　nor　pens；　nor　ink；　nor　paper；　for　anything　but　the　wonderful

proceedings　that　have　astounded　my　senses。　　Let　me　collect　my

energies　and　proceed　to　the　account。





'SECTION　A。　…　ZOOLOGY　AND　BOTANY。

FRONT　PARLOUR；　BLACK　BOY　AND　STOMACH…ACHE。





PRESIDENT　…　Sir　William　Joltered。　　VICE…PRESIDENTS　…　Mr。

Muddlebranes　and　Mr。　Drawley。



'MR。　X。　X。　MISTY　communicated　some　remarks　on　the　disappearance　of

dancing…bears　from　the　streets　of　London；　with　observations　on　the

exhibition　of　monkeys　as　connected　with　barrel…organs。　　The　writer

had　observed；　with　feelings　of　the　utmost　pain　and　regret；　that

some　years　ago　a　sudden　and　unaccountable　change　in　the　public

taste　took　place　with　reference　to　itinerant　bears；　who；　being

discountenanced　by　the　populace；　gradually　fell　off　one　by　one　from

the　streets　of　the　metropolis；　until　not　one　remained　to　create　a

taste　for　natural　history　in　the　breasts　of　the　poor　and

uninstructed。　　One　bear；　indeed；　…　a　brown　and　ragged　animal；　…　had

lingered　about　the　haunts　of　his　former　triumphs；　with　a　worn　and

dejected　visage　and　feeble　limbs；　and　had　essayed　to　wield　his

quarter…staff　for　the　amusement　of　the　multitude；　but　hunger；　and

an　utter　want　of　any　due　recompense　for　his　abilities；　had　at

length　driven　him　from　the　field；　and　it　was　only　too　probable　that

he　had　fallen　a　sacrifice　to　the　rising　taste　for　grease。　　He

regretted　to　add　that　a　similar；　and　no　less　lamentable；　change　had

taken　place　with　reference　to　monkeys。　　These　delightful　animals

had　formerly　been　almost　as　plentiful　as　the　organs　on　the　tops　of

which　they　were　accustomed　to　sit；　the　proportion　in　the　year　1829

（it　appeared　by　the　parliamentary　return）　being　as　one　monkey　to

three　organs。　　Owing；　however；　to　an　altered　taste　in　musical

instruments；　and　the　substitution；　in　a　great　measure；　of　narrow

boxes　of　music　for　organs；　which　left　the　monkeys　nothing　to　sit

upon；　this　source　of　public　amusement　was　wholly　dried　up。

Considering　it　a　matter　of　the　deepest　importance；　in　connection

with　national　education；　that　the　people　should　not　lose　such

opportunities　of　making　themselves　acquainted　with　the　manners　and

customs　of　two　most　interesting　species　of　animals；　the　author

submitted　that　some　measures　should　be　immediately　taken　for　the

restoration　of　these　pleasing　and　truly　intellectual　amusements。



'THE　PRESIDENT　inquired　by　what　means　the　honourable　member

proposed　to　attain　this　most　desirable　end？



'THE　AUTHOR　submitted　that　it　could　be　most　fully　and

satisfactorily　accomplished；　if　Her　Majesty's　Government　would

cause　to　be　brought　over　to　England；　and　maintained　at　the　public

expense；　and　for　the　public　amusement；　such　a　number　of　bears　as

would　enable　every　quarter　of　the　town　to　be　visited　…　say　at　least

by　three　bears　a　week。　　No　difficulty　whatever　need　be　experienced

in　providing　a　fitting　place　for　the　reception　of　these　animals；　as

a　commodious　bear…garden　could　be　erected　in　the　immediate

neighbourhood　of　both　Houses　of　Parliament；　obviously　the　most

proper　and　eligible　spot　for　such　an　establishment。



'PROFESSOR　MULL　doubted　very　much　whether　any　correct　ideas　of

natural　history　were　propagated　by　the　means　to　which　the

honourable　member　had　so　ably　adverted。　　On　the　contrary；　he

believed　that　they　had　been　the　means　of　diffusing　very　incorrect

and　imperfect　notions　on　the　subject。　　He　spoke　from　personal

observation　and　personal　experience；　when　he　said　that　many

children　of　great　abilities　had　been　induced　to　believe；　from　what

they　had　observed　in　the　streets；　at　and　before　the　period　to　which

the　honourable　gentleman　had　referred；　that　all　monkeys　were　born

in　red　coats　and　spangles；　and　that　their　hats　and　feathers　also

came　by　nature。　　He　wished　to　know　distinctly　whether　the

honourable　gentleman　attributed　the　want　of　encouragement　the　bears

had　met　with　to　the　decline　of　public　taste　in　that　respect；　or　to

a　want　of　ability　on　the　part　of　the　bears　themselves？



'MR。　X。　X。　MISTY　replied；　that　he　could　not　bring　himself　to

believe　but　that　there　must　be　a　great　deal　of　floating　talent

among　the　bears　and　monkeys　generally；　which；　in　the　absence　of　any

proper　encouragement；　was　dispersed　in　other　directions。



'PROFESSOR　PUMPKINSKULL　wished　to　take　that　opportunity　of　calling

the　attention　of　the　section　to　a　most　important　and　serious　point。

The　author　of　the　treatise　just　read　had　alluded　to　the　prevalent

taste　for　bears'…grease　as　a　means　of　promoting　the　growth　of　hair；

which　undoubtedly　was　diffused　to　a　very　great　and　（as　it　appeared

to　him）　very　alarming　extent。　　No　gentleman　attending　that　section

could　fail　to　be　aware　of　the　fact　that　the　youth　of　the　present

age　evinced；　by　their　behaviour　in　the　streets；　and　at　all　places

of　public　resort；　a　considerable　lack　of　that　gallantry　and

gentlemanly　feeling　which；　in　more　ignorant　times；　had　been　thought

becoming。　　He　wished　to　know　whether　it　were　possible　that　a

constant　outward　application　of　bears'…grease　by　the　young

gentlemen　about　town　had　imperceptibly　infused　into　those　unhappy

persons　something　of　the　nature　and　quality　of　the　bear。　　He

shuddered　as　he　threw　out　the　remark；　but　if　this　theory；　on

inquiry；　should　prove　to　be　well　founded；　it　would　at　once　explain

a　great　deal　of　unpleasant　eccentricity　of　behaviour；　which；

without　some　such　discovery；　was　wholly　unaccountable。



'THE　PRESIDENT　highly　complimented　the　learned　gentleman　on　his

most　valuable　suggestion；　which　produced　the　greatest　effect　upon

the　assembly；　and　remarked　that　only　a　week　previous　he　had　seen

some　young　gentlemen　at　a　theatre　eyeing　a　box　of　ladies　with　a

fierce　intensity；　which　nothing　but　the　influence　of　some　brutish

appetite　could　possibly　explain。　　It　was　dreadful　to　reflect　that

our　youth　were　so　rapidly　verging　into　a　generation　of　bears。



'After　a　scene　of　scientific　enthusiasm　it　was　resolved　that　this

important　question　should　be　immediately　submitted　to　the

consideration　of　the　council。



'THE　PRESIDENT　wished　to　know　whether　any　gentleman　could　inform

the　section　what　had　become　of　the　d