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gruff voices on the river; the dogs on the shore; the snoring of

the passengers; and a constant creaking of every plank in the

vessel; are the only sounds that meet the ear。  With these

exceptions; all is profound silence。



'My curiosity has been within the last moment very much excited。

Mr。 Slug; who lies above Professor Grime; has cautiously withdrawn

the curtains of his berth; and; after looking anxiously out; as if

to satisfy himself that his companions are asleep; has taken up the

tin tube of which I have before spoken; and is regarding it with

great interest。  What rare mechanical combination can be contained

in that mysterious case?  It is evidently a profound secret to

all。'



'A QUARTER PAST ONE。



'The behaviour of Mr。 Slug grows more and more mysterious。  He has

unscrewed the top of the tube; and now renews his observations upon

his companions; evidently to make sure that he is wholly

unobserved。  He is clearly on the eve of some great experiment。

Pray heaven that it be not a dangerous one; but the interests of

science must be promoted; and I am prepared for the worst。'



'FIVE MINUTES LATER。



'He has produced a large pair of scissors; and drawn a roll of some

substance; not unlike parchment in appearance; from the tin case。

The experiment is about to begin。  I must strain my eyes to the

utmost; in the attempt to follow its minutest operation。'



'TWENTY MINUTES BEFORE TWO。



'I have at length been enabled to ascertain that the tin tube

contains a few yards of some celebrated plaster; recommended … as I

discover on regarding the label attentively through my eye…glass …

as a preservative against sea…sickness。  Mr。 Slug has cut it up

into small portions; and is now sticking it over himself in every

direction。'



'THREE O'CLOCK。



'Precisely a quarter of an hour ago we weighed anchor; and the

machinery was suddenly put in motion with a noise so appalling;

that Professor Woodensconce (who had ascended to his berth by means

of a platform of carpet…bags arranged by himself on geometrical

principals) darted from his shelf head foremost; and; gaining his

feet with all the rapidity of extreme terror; ran wildly into the

ladies' cabin; under the impression that we were sinking; and

uttering loud cries for aid。  I am assured that the scene which

ensued baffles all description。  There were one hundred and forty…

seven ladies in their respective berths at the time。



'Mr。 Slug has remarked; as an additional instance of the extreme

ingenuity of the steam…engine as applied to purposes of navigation;

that in whatever part of the vessel a passenger's berth may be

situated; the machinery always appears to be exactly under his

pillow。  He intends stating this very beautiful; though simple

discovery; to the association。'



'HALF…PAST TEN。



'We are still in smooth water; that is to say; in as smooth water

as a steam…vessel ever can be; for; as Professor Woodensconce (who

has just woke up) learnedly remarks; another great point of

ingenuity about a steamer is; that it always carries a little storm

with it。  You can scarcely conceive how exciting the jerking

pulsation of the ship becomes。  It is a matter of positive

difficulty to get to sleep。'



'FRIDAY AFTERNOON; SIX O'CLOCK。



'I regret to inform you that Mr。 Slug's plaster has proved of no

avail。  He is in great agony; but has applied several large;

additional pieces notwithstanding。  How affecting is this extreme

devotion to science and pursuit of knowledge under the most trying

circumstances!



'We were extremely happy this morning; and the breakfast was one of

the most animated description。  Nothing unpleasant occurred until

noon; with the exception of Doctor Foxey's brown silk umbrella and

white hat becoming entangled in the machinery while he was

explaining to a knot of ladies the construction of the steam…

engine。  I fear the gravy soup for lunch was injudicious。  We lost

a great many passengers almost immediately afterwards。'



'HALF…PAST SIX。



'I am again in bed。  Anything so heart…rending as Mr。 Slug's

sufferings it has never yet been my lot to witness。'



'SEVEN O'CLOCK。



'A messenger has just come down for a clean pocket…handkerchief

from Professor Woodensconce's bag; that unfortunate gentleman being

quite unable to leave the deck; and imploring constantly to be

thrown overboard。  From this man I understand that Professor Nogo;

though in a state of utter exhaustion; clings feebly to the hard

biscuit and cold brandy and water; under the impression that they

will yet restore him。  Such is the triumph of mind over matter。



'Professor Grime is in bed; to all appearance quite well; but he

WILL eat; and it is disagreeable to see him。  Has this gentleman no

sympathy with the sufferings of his fellow…creatures?  If he has;

on what principle can he call for mutton…chops … and smile?'



'BLACK BOY AND STOMACH…ACHE; OLDCASTLE; SATURDAY NOON。



'You will be happy to learn that I have at length arrived here in

safety。  The town is excessively crowded; and all the private

lodgings and hotels are filled with SAVANS of both sexes。  The

tremendous assemblage of intellect that one encounters in every

street is in the last degree overwhelming。



'Notwithstanding the throng of people here; I have been fortunate

enough to meet with very comfortable accommodation on very

reasonable terms; having secured a sofa in the first…floor passage

at one guinea per night; which includes permission to take my meals

in the bar; on condition that I walk about the streets at all other

times; to make room for other gentlemen similarly situated。  I have

been over the outhouses intended to be devoted to the reception of

the various sections; both here and at the Boot…jack and

Countenance; and am much delighted with the arrangements。  Nothing

can exceed the fresh appearance of the saw…dust with which the

floors are sprinkled。  The forms are of unplaned deal; and the

general effect; as you can well imagine; is extremely beautiful。'



'HALF…PAST NINE。



'The number and rapidity of the arrivals are quite bewildering。

Within the last ten minutes a stage…coach has driven up to the

door; filled inside and out with distinguished characters;

comprising Mr。 Muddlebranes; Mr。 Drawley; Professor Muff; Mr。 X。

Misty; Mr。 X。 X。 Misty; Mr。 Purblind; Professor Rummun; The

Honourable and Reverend Mr。 Long Eers; Professor John Ketch; Sir

William Joltered; Doctor Buffer; Mr。 Smith (of London); Mr。 Brown

(of Edinburgh); Sir Hookham Snivey; and Professor Pumpkinskull。

The ten last…named gentlemen were wet through; and looked extremely

intelligent。'



'SUNDAY; TWO O'CLOCK; P。M。



'The Honourable and Reverend Mr。 Long Eers; accompanied by Sir

William Joltered; walked and drove this morning。  They accomplished

the former feat in boots; and the latter in a hired fly。  This has

naturally given rise to much discussion。



'I have just learnt that an interview has taken place at the Boot…

jack and Countenance between Sowster; the active and intelligent

beadle of this place; and Professor Pumpkinskull; who; as your

readers are doubtless aware; is an influential member of the

council。  I forbear to communicate any of the rumours to which this

very extraordinary proceeding has given rise until I have seen

Sowster; and endeavoured to ascertain the truth from him。'



'HALF…PAST SIX。



'I engaged a donkey…chaise shortly after writing the above; and

proceeded at a brisk trot in the direction of Sowster's residence;

passing through a beautiful expanse of country; with red brick

buildings on either side; and stopping in the marketplace to

observe the spot where Mr。 Kwakley's hat was blown off yesterday。

It is an uneven piece of paving; but has certainly no appearance

which would lead one to suppose that any such event had recently

occurred there。  From this point I proceeded … passing the gas…

works and tallow…melter's … to a lane which had been pointed out to

me as the beadle's place of residence; and before I had driven a

dozen yards further; I had the good fortune to meet Sowster himself

advancing towards me。



'Sowster is a fat man; with a more enlarged development of that

peculiar conformation of countenance which is vulgarly termed a

double chin than I remember to have ever seen before。  He has also

a very red nose; which he attributes to a habit of early rising …

so red; indeed; that but for this explanation I should have

supposed it to proceed from occasional inebriety。  He informed me

that he did not feel himself at liberty to relate what had passed

between himself and Professor Pumpkinskull; but had no objection to

state that it was connected with a matter of police regulation; and

added with peculiar significance 〃Never wos sitch times!〃



'You will easily believe that this intelligence gave me

considerable surprise; not wholly unmixed with an

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