dream life and real life(梦境与现实)-第5节
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〃I couldn't tell my father or my mother； or any one else； but I can tell
you； though I know so little of you。 You know； last summer he came and
stayed with us a month。 I saw a great deal of him。 I don't know if he
liked me； I know he liked my singing； and we rode togetherI liked him
more than any man I have ever seen。 Oh； you know it isn't true that a
woman can only like a man when he likes her； and I thought； perhaps； he
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liked me a little。 Since we have been in town we have asked； but he has
never come to see us。 Perhaps people have been saying something to
him about me。 You know him； you are always meeting him； couldn't you
say or do anything for me？〃 She looked up with her lips white and
drawn。 〃I feel sometimes as if I were going mad！ Oh； it is so terrible to
be a woman！〃 The woman looked down at her。 〃Now I hear he likes
another woman。 I don't know who she is； but they say she is so clever；
and writes。 Oh； it is so terrible； I can't bear it。〃
The woman leaned her elbow against the mantelpiece； and her face
against her hand。 She looked down into the fire。 Then she turned and
looked at the younger woman。 〃Yes；〃 she said； 〃it is a very terrible thing
to be a woman。〃 She was silent。 She said with some difficulty： 〃Are
you sure you love him？ Are you sure it is not only the feeling a young
girl has for an older man who is celebrated； and of whom every one is
talking？〃
〃I have been nearly mad。 I haven't slept for weeks！〃 She knit her
little hands together； till the jewelled rings almost cut into the fingers。
〃He is everything to me； there is nothing else in the world。 You； who are
so great； and strong； and clever； and who care only for your work； and for
men as your friends； you cannot understand what it is when one person is
everything to you； when there is nothing else in the world！〃
〃And what do you want me to do？〃
〃Oh； I don't know！〃 She looked up。 〃A woman knows what she can
do。 Don't tell him that I love him。〃 She looked up again。 〃Just say
something to him。 Oh； it's so terrible to be a woman； I can't do anything。
You won't tell him exactly that I love him？ That's the thing that makes a
man hate a woman； if you tell it him plainly。〃
〃If I speak to him I must speak openly。 He is my friend。 I cannot
fence with him。 I have never fenced with him in my own affairs。〃 She
moved as though she were going away from the fireplace； then she turned
and said： 〃Have you thought of what love is between a man and a
woman when it means marriage？ That long； long life together； day after
day； stripped of all romance and distance； living face to face： seeing each
other as a man sees his own soul？ Do you realize that the end of
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marriage is to make the man and woman stronger than they were； and that
if you cannot； when you are an old man and woman and sit by the fire； say；
'Life has been a braver and a freer thing for us； because we passed it hand
in hand； than if we had passed through it alone；' it has failed？ Do you
care for him enough to live for him； not tomorrow； but when he is an old；
faded man； and you an old； faded woman？ Can you forgive him his sins
and his weaknesses； when they hurt you most？ If he were to lie a
querulous invalid for twenty years； would you be able to fold him in your
arms all that time； and comfort him； as a mother comforts her little child？〃
The woman drew her breath heavily。
〃Oh； I love him absolutely！ I would be glad to die； if only I could
once know that he loved me better than anything in the world！〃
The woman stood looking down at her。 〃Have you never thought of
that other woman； whether she could not perhaps make his life as perfect
as you？〃 she asked； slowly。
〃Oh； no woman ever could be to him what I would be。 I would live
for him。 He belongs to me。〃 She bent herself forward； not crying； but her
shoulders moving。 〃It is such a terrible thing to be a woman； to be able
to do nothing and say nothing！〃
The woman put her hand on her shoulder； the younger woman looked
up into her face； then the elder turned away and stood looking into the fire。
There was such quiet； you could hear the clock tick above the writing…
table。
The woman said： 〃There is one thing I can do for you。 I do not
know if it will be of any useI will do it。〃 She turned away。
〃Oh； you are so great and good； so beautiful； so different from other
women； who are always thinking only of themselves！ Thank you so
much。 I know I can trust you。 I couldn't have told my mother； or any
one but you。〃 〃Now you must go； I have my work to finish。〃
The younger woman put her arms round her。 〃Oh； you are so good
and beautiful！〃
The silk dress and the fur cloak rustled out of the room。
The woman who was left alone walked up and down； at last faster and
faster； till the drops stood on her forehead。 After a time she went up to
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the table； there was written illegibly in a man's hand on a fragment of
manuscript paper： 〃Can I come to see you this afternoon？〃 Near it was
a closed and addressed envelope。 She opened it。 In it were written the
words： 〃Yes； please； come。〃
She tore it across and wrote the words： 〃No； I shall not be at liberty。〃
She closed them in an envelope and addressed them。 Then she rolled
up the manuscript on the table and rang the bell。 She gave it to the
servant。 〃Tell the boy to give this to his master； and say the article ends
rather abruptly； they must state it is to be continued； I will finish it
tomorrow。 As he passes No。 20 let him leave this note there。〃 The
servant went out。 She walked up and down with her hands folded above
her head。
。。。
Two months after； the older woman stood before the fire。 The door
opened suddenly； and the younger woman came in。
〃I had to comeI couldn't wait。 You have heard； he was married this
morning？ Oh； do you think it is true？ Do help me！〃 She put out her
hands。
〃Sit down。 Yes； it is quite true。〃
〃Oh； it is so terrible； and I didn't know anything！ Did you ever say
anything to him？〃 She caught the woman's hands。
〃I never saw him again after the day you were here；so I could not
speak to him；but I did what I could。〃 She stood looking passively into
the fire。
〃And they say she is quite a child； only eighteen。 They say he only
saw her three times before he proposed to her。 Do you think it is true？〃
〃Yes； it is quite true。〃
〃He can't love her。 They say he's only marrying her for her rank and
her money。〃
The woman turned quickly。
〃What right have you to say that？ No one but I know him。 What
need has he of any one's rank or wealth？ He is greater than them all！
Older women may have failed him； he has needed to turn to her beautiful；
fresh； young life to compensate him。 She is a woman whom any man
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might have loved； so young and beautiful； her family are famed for their
intellect。 If he trains her； she may make him a better wife than any other
woman would have done。〃
〃Oh； but I can't bear itI can't bear it！〃 The younger woman sat
down in the chair。 〃She will be his
