painted windows-第7节
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nuts were falling！
When wild； ugly faces we carved in the skin；
Glaring out through the dark with a candle
within！
When we laughed round the corn…heap； with
hearts all in tune；
Our chair a broad pumpkin our lantern the
moon；
Telling tales of the fairy who travelled like
steam
In a pumpkin…shell coach； with two rats for her
team！
On all sides this poem was considered
very fitting； and I went to the festival
with that comfortable feeling one has
when one is moving with the majority
and is wearing one's best clothes。
I sat rigid with expectancy while my
schoolmates spoke their 〃pieces〃 and
sang their songs。 With frozen faces
they faced each other in dialogues； lost
their quavering voices； and stumbled
down the stairs in their anguish of
spirit。 I pitied them； and thought how
lucky it was that my memory never
failed me； and that my voice carried so
well that I could arouse even old Elder
Waite from his slumbers。
Then my turn came。 My crimps
were beautiful； the green harps danced
on my freshly…ironed frock； and I had
on my new chain and locket。 I relied
upon a sort of mechanism in me to say：
O greenly and fair in the lands of the sun；
The vines of the gourd and the rich melon run。
In this seemly manner Whittier's ode
to the pumpkin began。 I meant to go
on to verses which I knew would de…
light my audience to references to the
〃crook…necks〃 ripening under the Sep…
tember sun； and to Thanksgiving gath…
erings at which all smiled at the reun…
ion of friends and the bounty of the board。
What moistens the lip and brightens the eye！
What calls back the past like the rich pumpkin pie！
I was sure these lines would meet
with approval； and having 〃come down
to the popular taste；〃 I was prepared
to do my best to please。
After a few seconds； when the golden
pumpkins that lined the stage had
ceased to dance before my eyes； I
thought I ought to begin to 〃get hold
of my audience。〃 Of course； my mem…
ory would be giving me the right words；
and my facile tongue running along re…
liably； but I wished to demonstrate that
〃ability〃 which was to bring me fa…
vour and fame。 I listened to my own
words and was shivered into silence。 I
was talking about 〃dark Plutonian
shadows〃； I was begging 〃Egypt〃 to
let her arms enfold me I was； indeed；
in the very thick of the forbidden poem。
I could hear my thin； aspiring voice
reaching out over that paralysed audi…
ence with：
Though my scarred and veteran legions
Bear their eagles high no more；
And my wrecked and scattered galleys
Strew dark Actium's fatal shore。
My tongue seemed frozen； or some
kind of a ratchet at the base of it had
got out of order。 For a moment a
moment can be the little sister of eter…
nity I could say nothing。 Then I
found myself in the clutches of the in…
stinct for self…preservation。 I felt it in
me to stop the giggles of the girls on
the front seat； to take the patronising
smiles out of the tolerant eyes of the
grown people。 Maybe my voice lost
something of its piping insistence and
was touched with genuine feeling； per…
haps some faint； faint spark of the di…
vine fire which I longed to fan into a
flame did flicker in me for that one time。
I had the indescribable happiness of
seeing the smiles die on the faces of my
elders； and of hearing the giggles of my
friends cease。
I went to my seat amid what I was
pleased to consider 〃thunders of ap…
plause；〃 and by way of acknowledg…
ment； I spoke； with chastened propri…
ety； Whittier's ode to the pumpkin。
I cannot remember whether or not I
was scolded。 I'm afraid； afterward；
some people still laughed。 As for me；
oddly enough； my oratorical aspira…
tions died。 I decided there were other
careers better fitted to one of my
physique。 So I had to go to the trouble
of finding another career； but just what
it was I have forgotten。
V
REMORSE
IT is extraordinary； when you come
to think of it； how very few days；
out of all the thousands that have
passed； lift their heads from the grey
plain of the forgotten like bowlders in
a level stretch of country。 It is not
alone the unimportant ones that are for…
gotten； but； according to one's elders；
many important ones have left no mark
in the memory。 It seems to me； as I
think it over； that it was the days that
affected the emotions that dwell with
me； and I suppose all of us must be the
same in this respect。
Among those which I am never to
forget is the day when Aunt Cordelia
came to visit us my mother's aunt；
she was and when I discovered evil；
and tried to understand what the use
of it was。
Great…aunt Cordelia was； as I often
and often had been told； not only much
travelled； rich and handsome； but good
also。 She was； indeed； an important
personage in her own city； and it
seemed to be regarded as an evidence
of unusual family fealty that she
should go about； now and then； briefly
visiting all of her kinfolk to see how
they fared in the world。 I ought to
have looked forward to meeting her； but
this； for some perverse reason； I did
not do。 I wished I might run away
and hide somewhere till her visit was
over。 It annoyed me to have to clean
up the play…room on her account； and
to help polish the silver； and to comb
out the fringe of the tea napkins。 I
liked to help in these tasks ordinarily；
but to do it for the purpose of coming
up to a visiting and probably； a con…
descending goddess； somehow made
me cross。
Among other hardships； I had to take
care of my little sister Julie all day。 I
loved Julie。 She had soft golden…
brown curls fuzzing around on her
head； and mischievous brown eyes
warm； extra…human eyes。 There was a
place in the back of her neck； just below
the point of her curls； which it was a
privilege to kiss； and though she could
not yet talk； she had a throaty； beauti…
ful little exclamation； which cannot be
spelled any more than a bird note； with
which she greeted all the things she
liked a flower； or a toy； or mother。
But loving Julie as she sat in mother's
lap； and having to care for her all of
a shining Saturday； were two quite dif…
ferent things。 As the hours wore along
I became bored with looking at the
golden curls of my baby sister； I had
no inclination to kiss the 〃honey…spot〃
in the back of her neck； and when she
fretted from heat and teething and my
perfunctory care； I grew angry。
I knew mother was busy making cus…
tards and cakes for Aunt Cordelia； and
I longed to be in watching these pleas…
ing operations。 I thought but what
does it matter what I thought？ I was
bad！ I was so bad that I was glad I
was bad。 Perhaps it was nerves。 May…
be I really had taken care of the baby
too long。 But however that may be； for
the first time in my life I enjoyed the
consciousness of having a bad disposi…
tion or perhaps I ought to say that I
felt a fiendish satisfaction in the discov…
ery that I had one。
Along in the middle of the afternoon
three of the girls in the neighbourhood
came over to play。 They had their
dolls； and they wanted to 〃keep house〃
in the 〃new part〃 of our home。 We
were living in a roomy and comfortable
〃addition；〃 which had； oddly enough；
been built before the building to which
it was finally to serve as an annex。 That
is to say； it had been the addition be…
fore there was anything to add it to。
By this time； however； the new house
was getting a trifle old； as it waited for
the completion of its rather dispropor…
tionate splendours； splendours which
represented the ambitions rather than
the achievements of the family。 It tow…
ered； large； square； imposing； with hints
of M。 Mansard's grandiose architectu…
ral ideas in its style； in the very centre
of a village block of land。 From the
first； it exercised a sort of 〃I dreamt I
dwelt in marble halls〃 effect upon me；
and in a vague way； at the back of my
mind； floated the idea that when we
passed from our modest home into
this commanding edifice； well…trained
servants mysteriously would appear；
beautiful gowns would be found await…
ing my use in the closets； and father
and mother would be able to take their
ease； something after the fashion of the
〃landed gentry〃 of whom I had read
in Scotch and English books。 The ceil…
ings of the new house were so high； the
sweep of the stairs so dramatic； the size
of the drawing…rooms so copious； that
perhaps I hardly was to be blamed for
expecting a transformation scene。
But until this new life was realised；
the clean； bare rooms made the best of
all possible play…rooms； and with the
light streaming in through the trees；
and falling； delicately tinged with
green； upon the new floors； and with
the scent of the new wood all about； it
was a place of indefinable enchantment。
I was allowed to play there all I pleased
except when I had Julie。 There were
unguarded windows and yawning stair…
holes； and no steps as yet leading from
the ground to the great opening where
the carved front door was some time
to be。 Instead； there were planks； in…
clined at a steep angle； beneath which
lay the stones of which the foundation
to the porch were to be made。 Jagged
pieces of yet unhewn sandstone they
were； with
