painted windows-第3节

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plantation　songs。　Now；　when　he　passed；
he　only　nodded。　When　I　spoke　to　him
about　his　not　giving　me　any　more　ap…
ples；　he　said：

〃Ah　reckon　they're　your　pa's　ap…
ples；　missy。　Why；　fo'　goodness'　sake；
don'　yo'　he'p　yo'se'f？〃

But　I　did　not　want　to　help　myself。
I　wanted　to　be　helped　　not　because　I
was　lazy；　but　because　I　wanted　to　be
adored。　I　was　really　a　sort　of　fairy
princess；　　misplaced；　of　course；　in　a
stupid　republic；　　and　I　wanted　life　con…
ducted　on　a　fairy…princess　basis。　It　was
a　game　I　wished　to　play；　but　it　was　one
I　could　not　play　alone；　and　not　a　soul
could　I　find　who　seemed　inclined　to　play
it　with　me。

Well；　things　went　from　bad　to　worse。
I　decided　that　if　mother　no　longer　loved
me；　I　would　no　longer　tell　her　things。
So　I　did　not。　I　got　a　hundred　in　spell…
ing　for　twelve　days　running；　and　did
not　tell　her！　I　broke　Edna　Grantham's
mother's　water…pitcher；　and　kept　the
fact　a　secret。　The　secret　was；　indeed；
as　sharp…edged　as　the　pieces　of　the
broken　pitcher　had　been；　I　cried　under
the　bedclothes；　thinking　how　sorry　Mrs。
Grantham　had　been；　and　that　mother
really　ought　to　know。　Only　what　was
the　use？　I　no　longer　looked　to　her　to
help　me　out　of　my　troubles。

I　had　no　need　now　to　have　father　and
mother　tell　me　to　hurry　up　and　finish
my　chatter；　for　I　kept　all　that　hap…
pened　to　myself。　I　had　a　new　〃intimate
friend；〃　and　did　not　so　much　as　men…
tion　her。　I　wrote　a　poem　and　showed
it　to　my　teacher；　but　not　to　my　unin…
terested　parents。　And　when　I　climbed
the　stairs　at　night　to　my　room；　I　swelled
with　loneliness　and　anguish　and　resent…
ment；　and　the　hot　tears　came　to　my　eyes
as　I　heard　father　and　mother　laughing
and　talking　together　and　paying　no　at…
tention　to　my　misery。　I　could　hear
Toot；　who　used　to　be　making　all　sorts
of　little　presents　for　me；　whistling　as
he　brought　in　the　wood　and　water；　and
then　〃cleaned　up〃　to　go　to　see　his
Tulula；　with　never　a　thought　of　me。
And　I　said　to　myself　that　the　best　thing
I　could　do　was　to　grow　up　and　get
away　from　a　place　where　I　was　no
longer　wanted。

No　one　noticed　my　sufferings　further
than　sometimes　to　say　impatiently；
〃What　makes　you　act　so　strange；
child？〃　And　to　that；　of　course；　I　an…
swered　nothing；　for　what　I　had　to　say
would　not；　I　felt；　be　understood。

One　morning　in　June　I　left　home　with
my　resentment　burning　fiercely　within
me。　I　had　not　cared　for　the　things　we
had　for　breakfast；　for　I　was　half…ill
with　fretting　and　with　the　closeness　of
the　day；　but　my　lack　of　appetite　had
been　passed　by　with　the　remark　that
any　one　was　likely　not　to　have　an　ap…
petite　on　such　a　close　day。　But　I　was
so　languid；　and　so　averse　to　taking　up
the　usual　round　of　things；　that　I　begged
mother　to　let　me　stay　at　home。　She
shook　her　head　decidedly。

〃You've　been　out　of　school　too　many
days　already　this　term；〃　she　said。
〃Run　along　now；　or　you'll　he　late！〃

〃Please　〃　I　began；　for　my　head
really　was　whirling；　although；　quite　as
much；　perhaps；　from　my　perversity　as
from　any　other　cause。　Mother　turned
on　me　one　of　her　〃lastword〃　glances。

〃Go　to　school　without　another　word；〃
she　said；　quietly。

I　knew　that　quiet　tone；　and　I　went。
And　now　I　was　sure　that　all　was　over
between　my　parents　and　myself。　I　be…
gan　to　wonder　if　I　need　really　wait　till
I　was　grown　up　before　leaving　home。
So　miserably　absorbed　was　I　in　think…
ing　of　this；　and　in　pitying　myself　with
a　consuming　pity；　that　everything　at
school　seemed　to　pass　like　the　shadow
of　a　dream。　I　blundered　in　whatever
I　tried　to　do；　was　sharply　scolded　for
not　hearing　the　teacher　until　she　had
spoken　my　name　three　times；　and　was
holding　on　to　myself　desperately　in　my
effort　to　keep　back　a　flood　of　tears；
when　I　became　aware　that　something
was　happening。

There　suddenly　was　a　perfect　silence
in　the　room　　the　sort　of　silence　that
makes　the　heart　beat　too　fast。　　The
mist　swimming　before　me　did　not；　I　per…
ceived；　come　from　my　own　eyes；　but
from　the　changing　colour　of　the　air；　the
usual　transparency　of　which　was　being
tinged　with　yellow。　The　sultriness　of
the　day　was　deepening；　and　seemed　to
carry　a　threat　with　it。

〃Something　is　going　to　happen；〃
thought　I；　and　over　the　whole　room
spread　the　same　conviction。　Electric
currents　seemed　to　snap　from　one　con…
sciousness　to　another。　We　dropped　our
books；　and　turned　our　eyes　toward　the
western　windows；　to　look　upon　a
changed　world。　It　was　as　if　we　peered
through　yellow　glass。　In　the　sky　soft…
looking；　tawny　clouds　came　tumbling
along　like　playful　cats　　or　tigers。　A
moment　later　we　saw　that　they　were
not　playful；　but　angry；　they　stretched
out　claws；　and　snarled　as　they　did　so。
One　claw　reached　the　tall　chimneys　of
the　schoolhouse；　another　tapped　at　the
cupola；　one　was　thrust　through　the　wall
near　where　I　sat。

Then　it　grew　black；　and　there　was　a
bellowing　all　about　us；　so　that　the　com…
mands　of　the　teacher　and　the　screams
of　the　children　barely　could　be　heard。
I　knew　little　or　nothing。　My　shoulder
was　stinging；　something　had　hit　me　on
the　side　of　the　head；　my　eyes　were　full
of　dust　and　mortar；　and　my　feet　were
carrying　me　with　the　others　along　the
corridor；　down　the　two　flights　of　wide
stairs。　I　do　not　think　we　pushed　each
other　or　were　reckless。　My　recollec…
tion　is　only　of　many　shadowy　figures
flying　on　with　sure　feet　out　of　the　build…
ing　that　seemed　to　be　falling　in　upon　us。

Presently　we　were　out　on　the　land…
ing　before　the　door；　with　one　more
flight　of　steps　before　us；　that　reached
to　the　street。　Something　so　strong　that
it　might　not　be　denied　gathered　me　up
in　invisible　arms；　whirled　me　round
once　or　twice　and　dropped　me；　not　un…
gently；　in　the　middle　of　the　road。　And
then；　as　I　struggled　to　my　knees　and；
wiping　the　dust　from　my　eyes；　looked
up；　I　saw　dozens　of　others　being　lifted
in　the　same　way；　and　blown　off　into　the
yard　or　the　street。　　The　larger　ones
were　trying　to　hold　on　to　the　smaller；
and　the　teachers　were　endeavouring　to
keep　the　children　from　going　out　of　the
building；　but　their　efforts　were　of　no
avail。　The　children　came　on；　and　were
blown　about　like　leaves。

Then　I　saw　what　looked　like　a　high
yellow　wall　advancing　upon　me　　a　roar…
ing　and　fearsome　mass　of　driven　dust；
sticks；　debris。　It　came　over　me　that　my
own　home　might　be　there；　in　strips　and
fragments；　to　beat　me　down　and　kill
me；　and　with　the　thought　came　a　swift
little　vision　out　of　my　geography　of　the
Arabs　in　a　sand…storm　on　the　desert。　I
gathered　up　my　fluttering　dress　skirt；
held　it　tight　about　my　head；　and　lay　flat
upon　the　ground。

It　seemed　as　if　a　long　time　passed；
a　time　in　which　I　knew　very　little　ex…
cept　that　I　was　fighting　for　my　breath
as　I　never　had　fought　for　anything。
There　were　more　hurts　and　bruises
now；　but　they　did　not　matter。　Just　to
draw　my　own　breath　in　my　own　way
seemed　to　be　the　only　thing　in　the
world　that　was　of　any　account。　And
then　there　was　a　shaft　of　flame；　an　ear…
splitting　roar；　and　the　rain　was　upon
us　in　sheets；　in　streams；　in　visible　riv…
ers。

I　imagined　that　it　would　last　a　long
time；　and　wondered　in　a　daze　how　I
could　get　home　in　a　rain　like　that　
for　I　should　have　to　face　it。　I　could
see　that　in　a　few　seconds　the　gutters
had　begun　to　race；　the　road　where　I
lay　was　a　stream；　and　then　　then　the
rain　ceased。　Never　was　anything　so
astonishing。　The　sky　came　out　blue；
tattered　rags　of　cloud　raced　across　it；
and　I　had　time　to　conclude　that；　whip…
ped　and　almost　breathless　though　I
was；　I　was　still　alive。

And　then　I　saw　a　curious　sight。　Down
the　street　in　every　direction　came　rush…
ing　hatless　men　and　women。　Here　and
there　a　wild…eyed　horse　was　being
lashed　along。　All　the　town　was　coming。
They　were　in　their　work　clothes；　in
their　slippers；　in　their　wrappers　　they
were　in　anything　and　everything。　Some
of　them　sobbed　as　they　ran；　some　called
aloud　names　that　I　knew。　They　were
fathers　and　mothers　looking　for　their
children。

And　who　was　that　　that　woman　with
a　white　face；　with　hair　falling　about　her
shoulders；　where　it　had　fallen　as　she
ran　　that　woman　whose　breath　came
between　her　teeth　strangely　and　who
called　my　name　over　and　over；　bleat…
ingly；　as　a　mother　sheep　calls　its　lamb？
At　first　I　did　not　recognise　her；　and
then；　at　last；　I　knew。　And　that　creature
with　the　rolling　eyes　and　the　curious
ash…coloured　face　who；　mumbling　some…
thing　over　and　over　in　his　throat；　came
for　me；　and　snatched　me　up　and　wiped
my　face　free　of　mud；　and　felt　of　me
here　and　there　with　trembling　hands　
who　was　he？

And　breaking　out　of　the　crowd　of
men　who　had　come　running　from　the
street　of　stores　and　offices；　was　an…
other　strange　being；　with　a　sort　of　bat…
tle　light　in　his　eyes；　who；　seeing　me；
gathered　me　to　him　and　bore　me　away
toward　home。　Looking　back；　I　could
see　the　woman　I　knew　following；　lean…
ing　on　the　arm　of　the　boy　with　the　roll…
ing　eyes；　whose　eyes　had　ceased　to　roll；
and　who　was　quite　recognisable　now　as
Toot。

A　happiness　that　was　almost　as　ter…
rible　as　sorrow　welled　up　in　my　heart。
I　did　not　weep；　or　laugh；　or　talk。　All
I　had　experienced　had　carried　me　be…
yond　mere　excitement　into　exultation。
I　exulted　in　life；　in　love。　My　conceit
and　sulkiness　died　in　that　storm