green mansions-第52节
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d me； and I him。 Now I would be my own mule； patient； and long…suffering； and far…going； with naked feet hardened to hoofs； and a pack of provender on my back to make me independent of the dry； bitter grass on the sunburnt savannahs。
Part of that night and the next morning was spent in curing the flesh over a smoky fire of green wood and in manufacturing a rough sack to store it in； for I had resolved to set out on my journey。 How safely to convey Rima's treasured ashes was a subject of much thought and anxiety。 The clay vessel on which I had expended so much loving； sorrowful labour had to be left； being too large and heavy to carry； eventually I put the fragments into a light sack； and in order to avert suspicion from the people I would meet on the way； above the ashes I packed a layer of roots and bulbs。 These I would say contained medicinal properties； known to the white doctors； to whom I would sell them on my arrival at a Christian settlement； and with the money buy myself clothes to start life afresh。
On the morrow I would bid a last farewell to that forest of many memories。 And my journey would be eastwards； over a wild savage land of mountains； rivers； and forests； where every dozen miles would be like a hundred of Europe； but a land inhabited by tribes not unfriendly to the stranger。 And perhaps it would be my good fortune to meet with Indians travelling east who would know the easiest routes； and from time to time some compassionate voyager would let me share his wood…skin； and many leagues would be got over without weariness； until some great river； flowing through British or Dutch Guiana； would be reached； and so on； and on； by slow or swift stages； with little to eat perhaps； with much labour and pain； in hot sun and in storm； to the Atlantic at last； and towns inhabited by Christian men。
In the evening of that day； after completing my preparations； I supped on the remaining portions of the sloth； not suitable for preservation； roasting bits of fat on the coals and boiling the head and bones into a broth； and after swallowing the liquid I crunched the bones and sucked the marrow； feeding like some hungry carnivorous animal。
Glancing at the fragments scattered on the floor； I remembered old Nuflo； and how I had surprised him at his feast of rank coatimundi in his secret retreat。 〃Nuflo； old neighbour；〃 said I； 〃how quiet you are under your green coverlet； spangled just now with yellow flowers！ It is no sham sleep； old man； I know。 If any suspicion of these curious doings； this feast of flesh on a spot once sacred； could flit like a small moth into your mouldy hollow skull you would soon thrust out your old nose to sniff the savour of roasting fat once more。〃
There was in me at that moment an inclination to laughter； it came to nothing； but affected me strangely； like an impulse I had not experienced since boyhoodfamiliar； yet novel。 After the good…night to my neighbour； I tumbled into my straw and slept soundly； animal…like。 No fancies and phantoms that night： the lidless； white； implacable eyes of the serpent's severed head were turned to dust at last； no sudden dream…glare lighted up old Cla…cla's wrinkled dead face and white； blood…dabbled locks； old Nuflo stayed beneath his green coverlet； nor did my mournful spirit…bride come to me to make my heart faint at the thought of immortality。
But when morning dawned again； it was bitter to rise up and go away for ever from that spot where I had often talked with Rimathe true and the visionary。 The sky was cloudless and the forest wet as if rain had fallen； it was only a heavy dew； and it made the foliage look pale and hoary in the early light。 And the light grew； and a whispering wind sprung as I walked through the wood； and the fast…evaporating moisture was like a bloom on the feathery fronds and grass and rank herbage； but on the higher foliage it was like a faint iridescent mista glory above the trees。 The everlasting beauty and freshness of nature was over all again； as I had so often seen it with joy and adoration before grief and dreadful passions had dimmed my vision。 And now as I walked； murmuring my last farewell； my eyes grew dim again with the tears that gathered to them。
CHAPTER XXII
Before that well…nigh hopeless journey to the coast was half over I became illso ill that anyone who had looked on me might well have imagined that I had come to the end of my pilgrimage。 That was what I feared。 For days I remained sunk in the deepest despondence； then； in a happy moment； I remembered how； after being bitten by the serpent； when death had seemed near and inevitable； I had madly rushed away through the forest in search of help； and wandered lost for hours in the storm and darkness； and in the end escaped death； probably by means of these frantic exertions。 The recollection served to inspire me with a new desperate courage。 Bidding good…bye to the Indian village where the fever had smitten me； I set out once more on that apparently hopeless adventure。 Hopeless； indeed； it seemed to one in my weak condition。 My legs trembled under me when I walked； while hot sun and pelting rain were like flame and stinging ice to my morbidly sensitive skin。
For many days my sufferings were excessive； so that I often wished myself back in that milder purgatory of the forest； from which I had been so anxious to escape。 When I try to retrace my route on the map； there occurs a break herea space on the chart where names of rivers and mountains call up no image to my mind； although； in a few cases； they were names I seem to have heard in a troubled dream。 The impressions of nature received during that sick period are blurred； or else so coloured and exaggerated by perpetual torturing anxiety； mixed with half…delirious night…fancies； that I can only think of that country as an earthly inferno； where I fought against every imaginable obstacle； alternately sweating and freezing； toiling as no man ever toiled before。 Hot and cold； cold and hot； and no medium。 Crystal waters； green shadows under coverture of broad； moist leaves； and night with dewy fanning windsthese chilled but did not refresh me； a region in which there was no sweet and pleasant thing； where even the ita palm and mountain glory and airy epiphyte starring the woodland twilight with pendent blossoms had lost all grace and beauty； where all brilliant colours in earth and heaven were like the unmitigated sun that blinded my sight and burnt my brain。 Doubtless I met with help from the natives； otherwise I do not see how I could have continued my journey； yet in my dim mental picture of that period I see myself incessantly dogged by hostile savages。 They flit like ghosts through the dark forest； they surround me and cut off all retreat； until I burst through them； escaping out of their very hands； to fly over some wide； naked savannah； hearing their shrill； pursuing yells behind me； and feeling the sting of their poisoned arrows in my flesh。
This I set down to the workings of remorse in a disordered mind and to clouds of venomous insects perpetually shrilling in my ears and stabbing me with their small； fiery needles。
Not only was I pursued by phantom savages and pierced by phantom arrows； but the creations of the Indian imagination had now become as real to me as anything in nature。 I was persecuted by that superhuman man…eating monster supposed to be the guardian of the forest。 In dark； silent places he is lying in wait for me： hearing my slow； uncertain footsteps he starts up suddenly in my path； outyelling the bearded aguaratos in the trees； and I stand paralysed； my blood curdled in my veins。 His huge； hairy arms are round me； his foul； hot breath is on my skin； he will tear my liver out with his great green teeth to satisfy his raging hunger。 Ah； no； he cannot harm me！ For every ravening beast； every cold…blooded； venomous thing； and even the frightful Curupita； half brute and half devil； that shared the forest with her； loved and worshipped Rima； and that mournful burden I carried； her ashes； was a talisman to save me。 He has left me； the semi…human monster； uttering such wild； lamentable cries as he hurries away into the deeper； darker woods that horror changes to grief； and I； too； lament Rima for the first time： a memory of all the mystic； unimaginable grace and loveliness and joy that had vanished smites on my heart with such sudden； intense pain that I cast myself prone on the earth and weep tears that are like drops of blood。
Where in the rude savage heart of Guiana was this region where the natural obstacles and pain and hunger and thirst and everlasting weariness were terrible enough without the imaginary monsters and legions of phantoms that peopled it； I cannot say。 Nor can I conjecture how far I strayed north or south from my course。 I only know that marshes that were like Sloughs of Despond； and barren and wet savannahs； were crossed； and forests that seemed infinite in extent and never to be got through； and scores of rivers that boiled round the sharp rocks； threatening to submerge or dash in pieces the frail bark canoeblack and frightful to look on as rivers in hell； and nameless mountain after mountain to be toiled round or toiled over。 I m
