green mansions-第50节
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living and near？ Can it be； can it be that we shall meet again？ To look again into your divine eyesto hold you again in my arms at last！ I so changedso different！ But the old love remains； and of all that has happened in your absence I shall tell you nothingnot one word； all shall be forgotten nowsufferings； madness； crime； remorse！ Nothing shall ever vex you againnot Nuflo； who vexed you every day； for he is dead nowmurdered； only I shall not say thatand I have decently buried his poor old sinful bones。 We alone together in the woodOUR wood now！ The sweet old days again； for I know that you would not have it different； nor would I。
Thus I talked to myself； mad with the thoughts of the joy that would soon be mine； and at intervals I stood still and made the forest echo with my calls。 〃Rima！ Rima！〃 I called again and again； and waited for some response； and heard only the familiar night…soundsvoices of insect and bird and tinkling tree…frog； and a low murmur in the topmost foliage； moved by some light breath of wind unfelt below。 I was drenched with dew； bruised and bleeding from falls in the dark； and from rocks and thorns and rough branches； but had felt nothing； gradually the excitement burnt itself out； I was hoarse with shouting and ready to drop down with fatigue； and hope was dead： and at length I crept back to my hut； to cast myself on my grass bed and sink into a dull； miserable； desponding stupor。
But on the following morning I was out once more； determined to search the forest well； since； if no evidence of the great fire Kua…ko had described to me existed； it would still be possible to believe that he had lied to me； and that Rima lived。 I searched all day and found nothing； but the area was large； and to search it thoroughly would require several days。
On the third day I discovered the fatal spot； and knew that never again would I behold Rima in the flesh； that my last hope had indeed been a vain one。 There could be no mistake： just such an open place as the Indian had pictured to me was here； with giant trees standing apart； while one tree stood killed and blackened by fire； surrounded by a huge heap； sixty or seventy yards across； of prostrate charred tree…trunks and ashes。 Here and there slender plants had sprung up through the ashes； and the omnipresent small…leaved creepers were beginning to throw their pale green embroidery over the blackened trunks。 I looked long at the vast funeral tree that had a buttressed girth of not less than fifty feet； and rose straight as a ship's mast； with its top about a hundred and fifty feet from the earth。 What a distance to fall； through burning leaves and smoke； like a white bird shot dead with a poisoned arrow； swift and straight into that sea of flame below！ How cruel imagination was to turn that desolate ash…heap； in spite of feathery foliage and embroidery of creepers； into roaring leaping flames againto bring those dead savages back； men； women； and childreneven the little ones I had played withto set them yelling around me： 〃Burn！ burn！〃 Oh； no； this damnable spot must not be her last resting…place！ If the fire had not utterly consumed her； bones as well as sweet tender flesh； shrivelling her like a frail white…winged moth into the finest white ashes； mixed inseparably with the ashes of stems and leaves innumerable； then whatever remained of her must be conveyed elsewhere to be with me； to mingle with my ashes at last。
Having resolved to sift and examine the entire heap； I at once set about my task。 If she had climbed into the central highest branch； and had fallen straight； then she would have dropped into the flames not far from the roots； and so to begin I made a path to the trunk； and when darkness overtook me I had worked all round the tree； in a width of three to four yards； without discovering any remains。 At noon on the following day I found the skeleton； or； at all events； the larger bones； rendered so fragile by the fierce heat they had been subjected to； that they fell to pieces when handled。 But I was carefulhow careful！to save these last sacred relics； all that was now left of Rima！kissing each white fragment as I lifted it； and gathering them all in my old frayed cloak； spread out to receive them。 And when I had recovered them all； even to the smallest； I took my treasure home。
Another storm had shaken my soul； and had been succeeded by a second calm； which was more complete and promised to be more enduring than the first。 But it was no lethargic calm； my brain was more active than ever； and by and by it found a work for my hands to do； of such a character as to distinguish me from all other forest hermits； fugitives from their fellows； in that savage land。 The calcined bones I had rescued were kept in one of the big； rudely shaped； half…burnt earthen jars which Nuflo had used for storing grain and other food…stuff。 It was of a wood…ash colour； and after I had given up my search for the peculiar fine clay he had used in its manufacturefor it had been in my mind to make a more shapely funeral urn myselfI set to work to ornament its surface。 A portion of each day was given to this artistic labour； and when the surface was covered with a pattern of thorny stems； and a trailing creeper with curving leaf and twining tendril； and pendent bud and blossom； I gave it colour。 Purples and black only were used； obtained from the juices of some deeply coloured berries； and when a tint； or shade； or line failed to satisfy me I erased it； to do it again； and this so often that I never completed my work。 I might； in the proudly modest spirit of the old sculptors； have inscribed on the vase the words： Abel was doing this。 For was not my ideal beautiful like theirs； and the best that my art could do only an imperfect copya rude sketch？ A serpent was represented wound round the lower portion of the jar； dull…hued； with a chain of irregular black spots or blotches extending along its body； and if any person had curiously examined these spots he would have discovered that every other one was a rudely shaped letter； and that the letters； by being properly divided； made the following words：
Sin vos y siu dios y mi。
Words that to some might seem wild； even insane in their extravagance； sung by some ancient forgotten poet； or possibly the motto of some love…sick knight…errant； whose passion was consumed to ashes long centuries ago。 But not wild nor insane to me； dwelling alone on a vast stony plain in everlasting twilight； where there was no motion； nor any sound； but all things； even trees； ferns； and grasses； were stone。 And in that place I had sat for many a thousand years； drawn up and motionless； with stony fingers clasped round my legs； and forehead resting on my knees； and there would I sit； unmoving； immovable； for many a thousand years to comeI； no longer I； in a universe where she was not； and God was not。
The days went by； and to others grouped themselves into weeks and months； to me they were only daysnot Saturday； Sunday； Monday； but nameless。 They were so many and their sum so great that all my previous life； all the years I had existed before this solitary time； now looked like a small island immeasurably far away； scarcely discernible； in the midst of that endless desolate waste of nameless days。
My stock of provisions had been so long consumed that I had forgotten the flavour of pulse and maize and pumpkins and purple and sweet potatoes。 For Nuflo's cultivated patch had been destroyed by the savagesnot a stem； not a root had they left： and I； like the sorrowful man that broods on his sorrow and the artist who thinks only of his art； had been improvident and had consumed the seed without putting a portion into the ground。 Only wild food； and too little of that； found with much seeking and got with many hurts。 Birds screamed at and scolded me； branches bruised and thorns scratched me； and still worse were the angry clouds of waspish things no bigger than flies。 Buzzbuzz！ Sting… …sting！ A serpent's tooth has failed to kill me； little do I care for your small drops of fiery venom so that I get at the spoilgrubs and honey。 My white bread and purple wine！ Once my soul hungered after knowledge； I took delight in fine thoughts finely expressed； I sought them carefully in printed books： now only this vile bodily hunger； this eager seeking for grubs and honey； and ignoble war with little things！
A bad hunter I proved after larger game。 Bird and beast despised my snares； which took me so many waking hours at night to invent； so many daylight hours to make。 Once； seeing a troop of monkeys high up in the tall trees； I followed and watched them for a long time； thinking how royally I should feast if by some strange unheard…of accident one were to fall disabled to the ground and be at my mercy。 But nothing impossible happened； and I had no meat。 What meat did I ever have except an occasional fledgling； killed in its cradle； or a lizard； or small tree…frog detected； in spite of its green colour； among the foliage？ I would roast the little green minstrel on the coals。 Why not？ Why should he live to tinkle on his mandolin and clash his airy cymbals with no appreciative ear to listen？ Once I had a different and stra
