green mansions-第48节
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one out and dried the wood。 I felt no hunger； only a vague sense of bodily misery； and with it the fear that if I left my hiding…place I might meet some human creature face to face。 This fear prevented me from stirring until the twilight came； when I crept forth and made my way to the border of the forest； to spend the night there。 Whether sleep visited me during the dark hours or not I cannot say： day and night my condition seemed the same； I experienced only a dull sensation of utter misery which seemed in spirit and flesh alike； an inability to think clearly； or for more than a few moments consecutively； about anything。 Scenes in which I had been principal actor came and went； as in a dream when the will slumbers： now with devilish ingenuity and persistence I was working on Managa's mind； now standing motionless in the forest listening for that sweet； mysterious melody； now staring aghast at old Cla…cla's wide…open glassy eyes and white hair dabbled in blood； then suddenly； in the cave at Riolama； I was fondly watching the slow return of life and colour to Rima's still face。
When morning came again； I felt so weak that a vague fear of sinking down and dying of hunger at last roused me and sent me forth in quest of food。 I moved slowly and my eyes were dim to see； but I knew so well where to seek for small morselssmall edible roots and leaf…stalks； berries； and drops of congealed gumthat it would have been strange in that rich forest if I had not been able to discover something to stay my famine。 It was little； but it sufficed for the day。 Once more Nature was merciful to me； for that diligent seeking among the concealing leaves left no interval for thought； every chance morsel gave a momentary pleasure； and as I prolonged my search my steps grew firmer； the dimness passed from my eyes。 I was more forgetful of self； more eager； and like a wild animal with no thought or feeling beyond its immediate wants。 Fatigued at the end； I fell asleep as soon as darkness brought my busy rambles to a close； and did not wake until another morning dawned。
My hunger was extreme now。 The wailing notes of a pair of small birds； persistently flitting round me； or perched with gaping bills and wings trembling with agitation； served to remind me that it was now breeding…time； also that Rima had taught me to find a small bird's nest。 She found them only to delight her eyes with the sight； but they would be food for me； the crystal and yellow fluid in the gem…like； white or blue or red…speckled shells would help to keep me alive。 All day I hunted； listening to every note and cry； watching the motions of every winged thing； and found； besides gums and fruits； over a score of nests containing eggs； mostly of small birds； and although the labour was great and the scratches many； I was well satisfied with the result。
A few days later I found a supply of Haima gum； and eagerly began picking it from the tree； not that it could be used； but the thought of the brilliant light it gave was so strong in my mind that mechanically I gathered it all。 The possession of this gum； when night closed round me again； produced in me an intense longing for artificial light and warmth。 The darkness was harder than ever to endure。 I envied the fireflies their natural lights； and ran about in the dusk to capture a few and hold them in the hollow of my two hands； for the sake of their cold； fitful flashes。 On the following day I wasted two or three hours trying to get fire in the primitive method with dry wood； but failed； and lost much time； and suffered more than ever from hunger in consequence。 Yet there was fire in everything； even when I struck at hard wood with my knife； sparks were emitted。 If I could only arrest those wonderful heat… and light…giving sparks！ And all at once； as if I had just lighted upon some new； wonderful truth； it occurred to me that with my steel hunting…knife and a piece of flint fire could be obtained。 Immediately I set about preparing tinder with dry moss； rotten wood； and wild cotton； and in a short time I had the wished fire； and heaped wood dry and green on it to make it large。 I nursed it well； and spent the night beside it； and it also served to roast some huge white grubs which I had found in the rotten wood of a prostrate trunk。 The sight of these great grubs had formerly disgusted me； but they tasted good to me now； and stayed my hunger； and that was all I looked for in my wild forest food。
For a long time an undefined feeling prevented me from going near the site of Nuflo's burnt lodge。 I went there at last； and the first thing I did was to go all round the fatal spot； cautiously peering into the rank herbage； as if I feared a lurking serpent； and at length； at some distance from the blackened heap； I discovered a human skeleton； and knew it to be Nuflo's。 In his day he had been a great armadillo…hunter； and these quaint carrion…eaters had no doubt revenged themselves by devouring his flesh when they found him deadkilled by the savages。
Having once returned to this spot of many memories； I could not quit it again； while my wild woodland life lasted； here must I have my lair； and being here I could not leave that mournful skeleton above ground。 With labour I excavated a pit to bury it； careful not to cut or injure a broad…leafed creeper that had begun to spread itself over the spot； and after refilling the hole I drew the long； trailing stems over the mound。
〃Sleep well； old man；〃 said I； when my work was done； and these few words； implying neither censure nor praise； was all the burial service that old Nuflo had from me。
I then visited the spot where the old man； assisted by me； had concealed his provisions before starting for Riolama； and was pleased to find that it had not been discovered by the Indians。 Besides the store of tobacco leaf； maize； pumpkin； potatoes； and cassava bread； and the cooking utensils； I found among other things a choppera great acquisition； since with it I would be able to cut down small palms and bamboos to make myself a hut。
The possession of a supply of food left me time for many things： time in the first place to make my own conditions； doubtless after them there would be further progression on the old linesluxuries added to necessaries； a healthful； fruitful life of thought and action combined； and at last a peaceful； contemplative old age。
I cleared away ashes and rubbish； and marked out the very spot where Rima's separate bower had been for my habitation； which I intended to make small。 In five days it was finished； then； after lighting a fire； I stretched myself out in my dry bed of moss and leaves with a feeling that was almost triumphant。 Let the rain now fall in torrents； putting out the firefly's lamp； let the wind and thunder roar their loudest； and the lightnings smite the earth with intolerable light； frightening the poor monkeys in their wet； leafy habitations； little would I heed it all on my dry bed； under my dry； palm…leaf thatch； with glorious fire to keep me company and protect me from my ancient enemy； Darkness。
From that first sleep under shelter I woke refreshed； and was not driven by the cruel spur of hunger into the wet forest。 The wished time had come of rest from labour； of leisure for thought。 Resting here； just where she had rested； night by night clasping a visionary mother in her arms； whispering tenderest words in a visionary ear； I too now clasped her in my armsa visionary Rima。 How different the nights had seemed when I was without shelter； before I had rediscovered fire！ How had I endured it？ That strange ghostly gloom of the woods at night…time full of innumerable strange shapes； still and dark； yet with something seen at times moving amidst them； dark and vague and strange alsoan owl； perhaps； or bat； or great winged moth； or nightjar。 Nor had I any choice then but to listen to the night…sounds of the forest； and they were various as the day…sounds； and for every day…sound； from the faintest lisping and softest trill to the deep boomings and piercing cries； there was an analogue； always with something mysterious； unreal in its tone； something proper to the night。 They were ghostly sounds； uttered by the ghosts of dead animals； they were a hundred different things by turns； but always with a meaning in them； which I vainly strove to catchsomething to be interpreted only by a sleeping faculty in us； lightly sleeping； and now； now on the very point of awaking！
Now the gloom and the mystery were shut out； now I had that which stood in the place of pleasure to me； and was more than pleasure。 It was a mournful rapture to lie awake now； wishing not for sleep and oblivion； hating the thought of daylight that would come at last to drown and scare away my vision。 To be with Rima againmy lost Rima recoveredmine； mine at last！ No longer the old vexing doubt now〃You are you； and I am Iwhy is it？〃the question asked when our souls were near together； like two raindrops side by side； drawing irresistibly nearer； ever nearer： for now they had touched and were not two； but one inseparable drop； crystallized beyond change； not to be disintegrated by time； nor shattered by death's blow； nor resolved by any alchemy。
I had other company
