ivanoff-第8节

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the　room。　PETER　is　standing　near　the　door。

LEBEDIEFF。　The　policy　of　France　is　clear　and　definite；　the　French
know　what　they　want：　it　is　to　skin　those　German　sausages；　but　the
Germans　must　sing　another　song；　France　is　not　the　only　thorn　in
their　flesh。

SHABELSKI。　Nonsense！　In　my　opinion　the　Germans　are　cowards　and
the　French　are　the　same。　They　are　showing　their　teeth　at　one
another；　but　you　can　take　my　word　for　it；　they　will　not　do　more
than　that；　they'll　never　fight！

BORKIN。　Why　should　they　fight？　Why　all　these　congresses；　this
arming　and　expense？　Do　you　know　what　I　would　do　in　their　place？　I
would　catch　all　the　dogs　in　the　kingdom　and　inoculate　them　with
Pasteur's　serum；　then　I　would　let　them　loose　in　the　enemy's
country；　and　the　enemies　would　all　go　mad　in　a　month。

LEBEDIEFF。　＇Laughing＇　His　head　is　small；　but　the　great　ideas　are
hidden　away　in　it　like　fish　in　the　sea！

SHABELSKI。　Oh；　he　is　a　genius。

LEBEDIEFF。　Heaven　help　you；　Misha；　you　are　a　funny　chap。　＇He
stops　laughing＇　But　how　is　this；　gentlemen？　Here　we　are　talking
Germany；　Germany；　and　never　a　word　about　vodka！　Repetatur！　＇He
fills　three　glasses＇　Here's　to　you　all！　＇He　drinks　and　eats＇　This
herring　is　the　best　of　all　relishes。

SHABELSKI。　No；　no；　these　cucumbers　are　better；　every　wise　man
since　the　creation　of　the　world　has　been　trying　to　invent
something　better　than　a　salted　cucumber；　and　not　one　has
succeeded。　＇To　PETER＇　Peter；　go　and　fetch　some　more　cucumbers。
And　Peter；　tell　the　cook　to　make　four　little　onion　pasties；　and
see　that　we　get　them　hot。

PETER　goes　out。

LEBEDIEFF。　Caviar　is　good　with　vodka；　but　it　must　be　prepared
with　skill。　Take　a　quarter　of　a　pound　of　pressed　caviar；　two
little　onions；　and　a　little　olive　oil；　mix　them　together　and　put
a　slice　of　lemon　on　topso！　Lord！　The　very　perfume　would　drive
you　crazy！

BORKIN。　Roast　snipe　are　good　too；　but　they　must　be　cooked　right。
They　should　first　be　cleaned；　then　sprinkled　with　bread　crumbs；
and　roasted　until　they　will　crackle　between　the　teethcrunch；
crunch！

SHABELSKI。　We　had　something　good　at　Martha's　yesterday：　white
mushrooms。

LEBEDIEFF。　You　don't　say　so！

SHABELSKI。　And　they　were　especially　well　prepared；　too；　with
onions　and　bay…leaves　and　spices；　you　know。　When　the　dish　was
opened；　the　odour　that　floated　out　was　simply　intoxicating！

LEBEDIEFF。　What　do　you　say；　gentlemen？　Repetatur！　＇He　drinks＇
Good　health　to　you！　＇He　looks　at　his　watch＇　I　must　be　going。　I
can't　wait　for　Nicholas。　So　you　say　Martha　gave　you　mushrooms？　We
haven't　seen　one　at　home。　Will　you　please　tell　me；　Count；　what
plot　you　are　hatching　that　takes　you　to　Martha's　so　often？

SHABELSKI。　＇Nodding　at　BORKIN＇　He　wants　me　to　marry　her。

LEBEDIEFF。　Wants　you　to　marry　her！　How　old　are　you？

SHABELSKI。　Sixty…two。

LEBEDIEFF。　Really；　you　are　just　the　age　to　marry；　aren't　you？　And
Martha　is　just　suited　to　you！

BORKIN。　This　is　not　a　question　of　Martha；　but　of　Martha's　money。

LEBEDIEFF。　Aren't　you　moonstruck；　and　don't　you　want　the　moon
too？

SHABELSKI。　Borkin　here　is　quite　in　earnest　about　it；　the　clever
fellow　is　sure　I　shall　obey　orders；　and　marry　Martha。

BORKIN。　What　do　you　mean？　Aren't　you　sure　yourself？

SHABELSKI。　Are　you　mad？　I　never　was　sure　of　anything。　Bah！

BORKIN。　Many　thanks！　I　am　much　obliged　to　you　for　the
information。　So　you　are　trying　to　fool　me；　are　you？　First　you　say
you　will　marry　Martha　and　then　you　say　you　won't；　the　devil　only
knows　which　you　really　mean；　but　I　have　given　her　my　word　of
honour　that　you　will。　So　you　have　changed　your　mind；　have　you？

SHABELSKI。　He　is　actually　in　earnest；　what　an　extraordinary　man！

BORKIN。　＇losing　his　temper＇　If　that　is　how　you　feel　about　it；　why
have　you　turned　an　honest　woman's　head？　Her　heart　is　set　on　your
title；　and　she　can　neither　eat　nor　sleep　for　thinking　of　it。　How
can　you　make　a　jest　of　such　things？　Do　you　think　such　behaviour
is　honourable？

SHABELSKI。　＇Snapping　his　fingers＇　Well；　why　not　play　her　this
shabby　trick；　after　all？　Eh？　Just　out　of　spite？　I　shall　certainly
do　it；　upon　my　word　I　shall！　What　a　joke　it　will　be！

Enter　LVOFF。

LEBEDIEFF。　We　bow　before　you；　Aesculapius！　＇He　shakes　hands　with
LVOFF　and　sings＇

　　　〃Doctor；　doctor；　save；　oh；　save　me；
　　　　I　am　scared　to　death　of　dying！〃

LVOFF。　Hasn't　Ivanoff　come　home　yet？

LEBEDIEFF。　Not　yet。　I　have　been　waiting　for　him　myself　for　over
an　hour。

LVOFF　walks　impatiently　up　and　down。

LEBEDIEFF。　How　is　Anna　to…day？

LVO　FF。　Very　ill。

LEBEDIEFF。　＇Sighing＇　May　one　go　and　pay　one's　respects　to　her？

LVOFF。　No；　please　don't。　She　is　asleep；　I　believe。

LEBEDIEFF。　She　is　a　lovely；　charming　woman。　＇Sighing＇　The　day　she
fainted　at　our　house；　on　Sasha's　birthday；　I　saw　that　she　had　not
much　longer　to　live；　poor　thing。　Let　me　see；　why　did　she　faint？
When　I　ran　up；　she　was　lying　on　the　floor；　ashy　white；　with
Nicholas　on　his　knees　beside　her；　and　Sasha　was　standing　by　them
in　tears。　Sasha　and　I　went　about　almost　crazy　for　a　week　after
that。

SHABELSKI。　＇To　LVOFF＇　Tell　me；　most　honoured　disciple　of　science；
what　scholar　discovered　that　the　frequent　visits　of　a　young
doctor　were　beneficial　to　ladies　suffering　from　affections　of　the
chest？　It　is　a　remarkable　discovery；　remarkable！　Would　you　call
such　treatment　Allopathic　or　Homeopathic？

LVOFF　tries　to　answer；　but　makes　an　impatient　gesture　instead；
and　walks　out　of　the　room。

SHABELSKI。　What　a　withering　look　he　gave　me！

LEBEDIEFF。　Some　fiend　must　prompt　you　to　say　such　things！　Why　did
you　offend　him？

SHABELSKI。　＇Angrily＇　Why　does　he　tell　such　lies？　Consumption！　No
hope！　She　is　dying！　It　is　nonsense；　I　can't　abide　him！

LEBEDIEFF。　What　makes　you　think　he　is　lying？

SHABELSKI。　＇Gets　up　and　walks　up　and　down＇　I　can't　bear　to　think
that　a　living　person　could　die　like　that；　suddenly；　without　any
reason　at　all。　Don't　let　us　talk　about　it！

KOSICH　runs　in　panting。

KOSICH。　Is　Ivanoff　at　home？　How　do　you　do？　＇He　shakes　hands
quickly　all　round＇　Is　he　at　home？

BORKIN。　No；　he　isn't。

KOSICH。　＇Sits　down　and　jumps　up　again＇　In　that　case　I　must　say
goodbye；　I　must　be　going。　Business；　you　know。　I　am　absolutely
exhausted；　run　off　my　feet！

LEBEDIEFF。　Where　did　you　blow　in　from？

KOSICH。　From　Barabanoff's。　He　and　I　have　been　playing　cards　all
night；　we　have　only　just　stopped。　I　have　been　absolutely　fleeced；
that　Barabanoff　is　a　demon　at　cards。　＇In　a　tearful　voice＇　Just
listen　to　this：　I　had　a　heart　and　he　＇He　turns　to　BORKIN；　who
jumps　away　from　him＇　led　a　diamond；　and　I　led　a　heart；　and　he　led
another　diamond。　Well；　he　didn't　take　the　trick。　＇To　LEBEDIEFF＇
We　were　playing　three　in　clubs。　I　had　the　ace　and　queen；　and　the
ace　and　ten　of　spades

LEBEDIEFF。　＇Stopping　up　his　ears＇　Spare　me；　for　heaven's　sake；
spare　me！

KOSICH。　＇To　SHABELSKI＇　Do　you　understand？　I　had　the　ace　and　queen
of　clubs；　the　ace　and　ten　of　spades

SHABELSKI。　＇Pushes　him　away＇　Go　away；　I　don't　want　to　listen　to
you！

KOSICH。　When　suddenly　misfortune　overtook　me。　My　ace　of　spades
took　the　first　trick

SHABELSKI。　＇Snatching　up　a　revolver＇　Leave　the　room；　or　I　shall
shoot！

KOSICH。　＇Waving　his　hands＇　What　does　this　mean？　Is　this　the
Australian　bush；　where　no　one　has　any　interests　in　common？　Where
there　is　no　public　spirit；　and　each　man　lives　for　himself　alone？
However；　I　must　be　off。　My　time　is　precious。　＇He　shakes　hands
with　LEBEDIEFF＇　Pass！

General　laughter。　KOSICH　goes　out。　In　the　doorway　he　runs　into
AVDOTIA。

AVDOTIA。　＇Shrieks＇　Bad　luck　to　you；　you　nearly　knocked　me　down。

ALL。　Oh；　she　is　always　everywhere　at　once！

AVDOTIA。　So　this　is　where　you　all　are？　I　have　been　looking　for
you　all　over　the　house。　Good…day　to　you；　boys！

＇She　shakes　hands　with　everybody。＇

LEBEDIEFF。　What　brings　you　here？

AVDOTIA。　Business；　my　son。　＇To　SHABELSKI＇　Business　connected　with
your　highness。　She　commanded　me　to　bow。　＇She　bows＇　And　to　inquire
after　your　health。　She　told　me　to　say；　the　little　birdie；　that　if
you　did　not　come　to　see　her　this　evening　she　would　cry　her　eyes
out。　Take　him　aside；　she　said；　and　whisper　in　his　ear。　But　why
should　I　make　a　secret　of　her　message？　We　are　not　stealing
chickens；　but　arranging　an　affair　of　lawful　love　by　mutual
consent　of　both　parties。　And　now；　although　I　never　drink；　I　shall
take　a　drop　under　these　circumstances。

LEBEDIEFF。　So　shall　I。　＇He　pours　out　the　vodka＇　You　must　be
immortal；　you　old　magpie！　You　were　an　old　woman　when　I　first　knew
you；　thirty　years　ago。

AVDOTIA。　I　have　lost　count　of　the　years。　I　have　buried　three
husbands；　and　would　have　married　a　fourth　if　any　one　had　wanted　a
woman　without　a　dowry。　I　have　had　eight　children。　＇She　takes　up
the　glass＇　Well；　we　have　begun　a　good　work；　may　it　come　to　a　good
end！　They　will　live　happily　ever　after；　and　we　shall　enjoy　their
happiness。　Love　and　good　luck　to　them　both！　＇She　drinks＇　This　is
strong　vodka！

SHABELSKI。　＇laughing　loudly；　to　LEBEDIEFF＇　The　funny　thing　is；
they　actually　think　I　am　in　earnest。　How　strange！　＇He　gets　up＇
And　yet；　Paul；　why　shouldn't　I　play　her　this　shabby　trick？　Just
out　of　spite？　To　give　the　devil　something　to　do；　eh；　Paul？

LEBEDIEFF。　You　are　talking　nonsense；　Count。　You　and　I　must　fix
our　thoughts　o