ivanoff-第13节

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shall！　I　have　already　told　Borkin　to　announce　that　I　am　to　be
married。　＇He　laughs＇　Everybody　is　a　scoundrel　and　I　must　be　one
too！

LEBEDIEFF。　I　am　tired　of　you；　Matthew。　Look　here；　man　you　talk　in
such　a　way　that；　excuse　my　saying　so；　you　will　soon　find　yourself
in　a　lunatic　asylum！

SHABELSKI。　Could　a　lunatic　asylum　possibly　be　worse　than　this
house；　or　any　othe　r？　Kindly　take　me　there　at　once。　Please　do！
Everybody　is　wicked　and　futile　and　worthless　and　stupid；　I　am　an
object　of　disgust　to　myself；　I　don't　believe　a　word　I　say

LEBEDIEFF。　Let　me　give　you　a　piece　of　advice；　old　man；　fill　your
mouth　full　of　tow；　light　it；　and　blow　at　everybody。　Or；　better
still；　take　your　hat　and　go　home。　This　is　a　wedding；　we　all　want
to　enjoy　ourselves　and　you　are　croaking　like　a　raven。　Yes；
really。

SHABELSKI　leans　on　the　piano　and　begins　to　sob。

LEBEDIEFF。　Good　gracious；　Matthew；　Count！　What　is　it；　dear
Matthew；　old　friend？　Have　I　offended　you？　There；　forgive　me；　I
didn't　mean　to　hurt　you。　Come；　drink　some　water。

SHABELSKI。　I　don't　want　any　water。　＇Raises　his　head。＇

LEBEDIEFF。　What　are　you　crying　about？

SHABELSKI。　Nothing　in　particular；　I　was　just　crying。

LEBEDIEFF。　Matthew；　tell　me　the　truth；　what　is　it？　What　has
happened？

SHABELSKI。　I　caught　sight　of　that　violoncello；　andandI
remembered　the　Jewess。

LEBEDIEFF。　What　an　unfortunate　moment　you　have　chosen　to　remember
her。　Peace　be　with　her！　But　don't　think　of　her　now。

SHABELSKI。　We　used　to　play　duets　together。　She　was　a　beautiful；　a
glorious　woman。

SASHA　sobs。

LEBEDIEFF。　What；　are　you　crying　too？　Stop；　Sasha！　Dear　me；　they
are　both　howling　now；　and　Iand　I　Do　go　away；　the　guests　will
see　you！

SHABELSKI。　Paul；　when　the　sun　is　shining；　it　is　gay　even　in　a
cemetery。　One　can　be　cheerful　even　in　old　age　if　it　is　lighted　by
hope；　but　I　have　nothing　to　hope　fornot　a　thing！

LEBEDIEFF。　Yes；　it　is　rather　sad　for　you。　You　have　no　children；
no　money；　no　occupation。　Well；　but　what　is　there　to　be　done　about
it？　＇To　SASHA＇　What　is　the　matter　with　you；　Sasha？

SHABELSKI。　Paul；　give　me　some　money。　I　will　repay　you　in　the　next
world。　I　would　go　to　Paris　and　see　my　wife's　grave。　I　have　given
away　a　great　deal　of　money　in　my　life；　half　my　fortune　indeed；
and　I　have　a　right　to　ask　for　some　now。　Besides；　I　am　asking　a
friend

LEBEDIEFF。　＇Embarrassed＇　My　dear　boy；　I　haven't　a　penny。　All
right　though。　That　is　to　say；　I　can't　promise　anything；　but　you
understandvery　well；　very　well。　＇Aside＇　This　is　agony！

Enter　MARTHA。

MARTHA。　Where　is　my　partner？　Count；　how　dare　you　leave　me　alone？
You　are　horrid！　＇She　taps　SHABELSKI　on　the　arm　with　her　fan＇

SHABELSKI。　＇Impatiently＇　Leave　me　alone！　I　can't　abide　you！

MARTHA。　＇Frightened＇　How？　What？

SHABELSKI。　Go　away！

MARTHA。　＇Sinks　into　an　arm…chair＇　Oh！　Oh！　Oh！　＇She　bursts　into
tears。＇

Enter　ZINAIDA　crying。

ZINAIDA。　Some　one　has　just　arrived；　it　must　be　one　of　the　ushers。
It　is　time　for　the　ceremony　to　begin。

SASHA。　＇Imploringly＇　Mother！

LEBEDIEFF。　Well；　now　you　are　all　bawling。　What　a　quartette！　Come；
come；　don't　let　us　have　any　more　of　this　dampness！　Matthew！
Martha！　If　you　go　on　like　this；　IIshall　cry　too。　＇Bursts　into
tears＇　Heavens！

ZINAIDA。　If　you　don't　need　your　mother　any　more；　if　you　are
determined　not　to　obey　her；　I　shall　have　to　do　as　you　want；　and
you　have　my　blessing。

Enter　IVANOFF；　dressed　in　a　long　coat；　with　gloves　on。

LEBEDIEFF　This　is　the　finishing　touch！　What　do　you　want？

SHABELSKI。　Why　are　you　here？

IVANOFF。　I　beg　your　pardon；　you　must　allow　me　to　speak　to　Sasha
alone。

LEBEDIEFF。　The　bridegroom　must　not　come　to　see　the　bride　before
the　wedding。　It　is　time　for　you　to　go　to　the　church。

IVANOFF。　Paul；　I　implore　you。

LEBEDIEFF　shrugs　his　shoulders。　LEBEDIEFF；　ZINAIDA；　SHABELSKI；
and　MARTHA　go　out。

SASHA。　＇Sternly＇　What　do　you　want？

IVANOFF。　I　am　choking　with　anger；　I　cannot　speak　calmly。　Listen
to　me；　as　I　was　dressing　just　now　for　the　wedding；　I　looked　in
the　glass　and　saw　how　grey　my　temples　were。　Sasha；　this　must　not
be！　Let　us　end　this　senseless　comedy　before　it　is　too　late。　You
are　young　and　pure；　you　have　all　your　life　before　you；　but　I…

SASHA。　The　same　old　story；　I　have　heard　it　a　thousand　times　and　I
am　tired　of　it。　Go　quickly　to　the　church　and　don't　keep　everybody
waiting！

IVANOFF。　I　shall　go　straight　home；　and　you　must　explain　to　your
family　somehow　that　there　is　to　be　no　wedding。　Explain　it　as　you
please。　It　is　time　we　came　to　our　senses。　I　have　been　playing　the
part　of　Hamlet　and　you　have　been　playing　the　part　of　a　noble　and
devoted　girl。　We　have　kept　up　the　farce　long　enough。

SASHA。　＇Losing　her　temper＇　How　can　you　speak　to　me　like　this？　I
won't　have　it。

IVANOFF。　But　I　am　speaking；　and　will　continue　to　speak。

SASHA。　What　do　you　mean　by　coming　to　me　like　this？　Your
melancholy　has　become　absolutely　ridiculous！

IVANOFF。　No；　this　is　not　melancholy。　It　is　ridiculous；　is　it？
Yes；　I　am　laughing；　and　if　it　were　possible　for　me　to　laugh　at
myself　a　thousand　times　more　bitterly　I　should　do　so　and　set　the
whole　world　laughing；　too；　in　derision。　A　fierce　light　has
suddenly　broken　over　my　soul；　as　I　looked　into　the　glass　just
now；　I　laughed　at　myself；　and　nearly　went　mad　with　shame。　＇He
laughs＇　Melancholy　indeed！　Noble　grief！　Uncontrollable　sorrow！　It
only　remains　for　me　now　to　begin　to　write　verses！　Shall　I　mope
and　complain；　sadden　everybody　I　meet；　confess　that　my　manhood
has　gone　forever；　that　I　have　decayed；　outlived　my　purpose；　that
I　have　given　myself　up　to　cowardice　and　am　bound　hand　and　foot　by
this　loathsome　melancholy？　Shall　I　confess　all　this　when　the　sun
is　shining　so　brightly　and　when　even　the　ants　are　carrying　their
little　burdens　in　peaceful　self…content？　No；　thanks。　Can　I　endure
the　knowledge　that　one　will　look　upon　me　as　a　fraud；　while
another　pities　me；　a　third　lends　me　a　helping　hand；　or　worst　of
all；　a　fourth　listens　reverently　to　my　sighs；　looks　upon　me　as　a
new　Mahomet；　and　expects　me　to　expound　a　new　religion　every
moment？　No；　thank　God　for　the　pride　and　conscience　he　has　left　me
still。　On　my　way　here　I　laughed　at　myself；　and　it　seemed　to　me
that　the　flowers　and　birds　were　laughing　mockingly　too。

SASHA。　This　is　not　anger；　but　madness！

IVANOFF。　You　think　so；　do　you？　No；　I　am　not　mad。　I　see　things　in
their　right　light　now；　and　my　mind　is　as　clear　as　your
conscience。　We　love　each　other；　but　we　shall　never　be　married。　It
makes　no　difference　how　I　rave　and　grow　bitter　by　myself；　but　I
have　no　right　to　drag　another　down　with　me。　My　melancholy　robbed
my　wife　of　the　last　year　of　her　life。　Since　you　have　been　engaged
to　me　you　have　forgotten　how　to　laugh　and　have　aged　five　years。
Your　father；　to　whom　life　was　always　simple　and　clear；　thanks　to
me；　is　now　unable　to　understand　anybody。　Wherever　I　go；　whether
hunting　or　visiting；　it　makes　no　difference；　I　carry　depression；
dulness；　and　discontent　along　with　me。　Wait！　Don't　interrupt　me！
I　am　bitter　and　harsh；　I　know；　but　I　am　stifled　with　rage。　I
cannot　speak　otherwise。　I　have　never　lied；　and　I　never　used　to
find　fault　with　my　lot；　but　since　I　have　begun　to　complain　of
everything；　I　find　fault　with　it　involuntarily；　and　against　my
will。　When　I　murmur　at　my　fate　every　one　who　hears　me　is　seized
with　the　same　disgust　of　life　and　begins　to　grumble　too。　And　what
a　strange　way　I　have　of　looking　at　things！　Exactly　as　if　I　were
doing　the　world　a　favour　by　living　in　it。　Oh；　I　am　contemptible。

SASHA。　Wait　a　moment。　From　what　you　have　just　said；　it　is　obvious
that　you　are　tired　of　your　melancholy　mood；　and　that　the　time　has
come　for　you　to　begin　life　afresh。　How　splendid！

IVANOFF。　I　don't　see　anything　splendid　about　it。　How　can　I　lead　a
new　life？　I　am　lost　forever。　It　is　time　we　both　understood　that。
A　new　life　indeed！

SASHA。　Nicholas；　come　to　your　senses。　How　can　you　say　you　are
lost？　What　do　you　mean　by　such　cynicism？　No；　I　won't　listen　to
you　or　talk　with　you。　Go　to　the　church！

IVANOFF。　I　am　lost！

SASHA。　Don't　talk　so　loud；　our　guests　will　hear　you！

IVANOFF。　If　an　intelligent；　educated；　and　healthy　man　begins　to
complain　of　his　lot　and　go　down…hill；　there　is　nothing　for　him　to
do　but　to　go　on　down　until　he　reaches　the　bottomthere　is　no
hope　for　him。　Where　could　my　salvation　come　from？　How　can　I　save
myself？　I　cannot　drink；　because　it　makes　my　head　ache。　I　never
could　write　bad　poetry。　I　cannot　pray　for　strength　and　see
anything　lofty　in　the　languor　of　my　soul。　Laziness　is　laziness
and　weakness　weakness。　I　can　find　no　other　names　for　them。　I　am
lost；　I　am　lost；　there　is　no　doubt　of　that。　＇Looking　around＇　Some
one　might　come　in；　listen；　Sasha；　if　you　love　me　you　must　help
me。　Renounce　me　this　minute；　quickly！

SASHA。　Oh；　Nicholas！　If　you　only　knew　how　you　are　torturing　me；
what　agony　I　have　to　endure　for　your　sake！　Good　thoughtful
friend；　judge　for　yourself；　can　I　possibly　solve　such　a　problem？
Each　day　you　put　some　horrible　problem　before　me；　each　one　more
difficult　than　the　last。　I　wanted　to　help　you　with　my　love；　but
this　is　martyrdom！

IVANOFF。　And　when　you　are　my　wife　the　problems　will　be　harder
than　ever。　Understand　this：　it　is　not　love　that　is　urging　you　to