ivanoff-第10节

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losing　her　strength　in　her　struggles　with　her　conscience；　God
knows　she　has　never　given　me　one　angry　look；　or　uttered　one　word
of　reproach。　What　is　the　result？　That　I　don't　love　her！　Why？　Is
it　possible？　Can　it　be　true？　I　can't　understand。　She　is
suffering；　her　days　are　numbered；　yet　I　fly　like　a　contemptible
coward　from　her　white　face；　her　sunken　chest；　her　pleading　eyes。
Oh；　I　am　ashamed；　ashamed！　＇A　pause＇　Sasha；　a　young　girl；　is
sorry　for　me　in　my　misery。　She　confesses　to　me　that　she　loves　me；
me；　almost　an　old　man！　Whereupon　I　lose　my　head；　and　exalted　as
if　by　music；　I　yell：　〃Hurrah　for　a　new　life　and　new　happiness！〃
Next　day　I　believe　in　this　new　life　and　happiness　as　little　as　I
believe　in　my　happiness　at　home。　What　is　the　matter　with　me？　What
is　this　pit　I　am　wallowing　in？　What　is　the　cause　of　this
weakness？　What　does　this　nervousness　come　from？　If　my　sick　wife
wounds　my　pride；　if　a　servant　makes　a　mistake；　if　my　gun　misses
fire；　I　lose　my　temper　and　get　violent　and　altogether　unlike
myself。　I　can't；　I　can't　understand　it；　the　easiest　way　out　would
be　a　bullet　through　the　head！

Enter　LVOFF。

LVOFF。　I　must　have　an　explanation　with　you；　Ivanoff。

IVANOFF。　If　we　are　going　to　have　an　explanation　every　day；
doctor；　we　shall　neither　of　us　have　the　strength　to　stand　it。

LVOFF。　Will　you　be　good　enough　to　hear　me？

IVANOFF。　I　have　heard　all　you　have　told　me　every　day；　and　have
failed　to　discover　yet　what　you　want　me　to　do。

LVOFF。　I　have　always　spoken　plainly　enough；　and　only　an　utterly
heartless　and　cruel　man　could　fail　to　understand　me。

IVANOFF。　I　know　that　my　wife　is　dying；　I　know　that　I　have　sinned
irreparably；　I　know　that　you　are　an　honest　man。　What　more　can　you
tell　me？

LVOFF。　The　sight　of　human　cruelty　maddens　me。　The　woman　is　dying
and　she　has　a　mother　and　father　whom　she　loves；　and　longs　to　see
once　more　before　she　dies。　They　know　that　she　is　dying　and　that
she　loves　them　still；　but　with　diabolical　cruelty；　as　if　to
flaunt　their　religious　zeal；　they　refuse　to　see　her　and　forgive
her。　You　are　the　man　for　whom　she　has　sacrificed　her　home；　her
peace　of　mind；　everything。　Yet　you　unblushingly　go　gadding　to　the
Lebedieffs'　every　evening；　for　reasons　that　are　absolutely
unmistakable！

IVANOFF。　Ah　me；　it　is　two　weeks　since　I　was　there！

LVOFF。　＇Not　listening　to　him＇　To　men　like　yourself　one　must　speak
plainly；　and　if　you　don't　want　to　hear　what　I　have　to　say；　you
need　not　listen。　I　always　call　a　spade　a　spade；　the　truth　is；　you
want　her　to　die　so　that　the　way　may　be　cleared　for　your　other
schemes。　Be　it　so；　but　can't　you　wait？　If；　instead　of　crushing
the　life　out　of　your　wife　by　your　heartless　egoism；　you　let　her
die　naturally；　do　you　think　you　would　lose　Sasha　and　Sasha's
money？　Such　an　absolute　Tartuffe　as　you　are　could　turn　the　girl's
　head　and　get　her　money　a　year　from　now　as　easily　as　you　can
to…day。　Why　are　you　in　such　a　hurry？　Why　do　you　want　your　wife　to
die　now；　instead　of　in　a　month's　time；　or　a　year's？

IVANOFF。　This　is　torture！　You　are　a　very　bad　doctor　if　you　think
a　man　can　control　himself　forever。　It　is　all　I　can　do　not　to
answer　your　insults。

LVOFF。　Look　here；　whom　are　you　trying　to　deceive？　Throw　off　this
disguise！

IVANOFF。　You　who　are　so　clever；　you　think　that　nothing　in　the
world　is　easier　than　to　understand　me；　do　you？　I　married　Annie
for　her　money；　did　I？　And　when　her　parents　wouldn't　give　it　to
me；　I　changed　my　plans；　and　am　now　hustling　her　out　of　the　world
so　that　I　may　marry　another　woman；　who　will　bring　me　what　I　want？
You　think　so；　do　you？　Oh；　how　easy　and　simple　it　all　is！　But　you
are　mistaken；　doctor；　in　each　one　of　us　there　are　too　many
springs；　too　many　wheels　and　cogs　for　us　to　judge　each　other　by
first　impressions　or　by　two　or　three　external　indications。　I　can
not　understand　you；　you　cannot　understand　me；　and　neither　of　us
can　understand　himself。　A　man　may　be　a　splendid　doctor；　and　at
the　same　time　a　very　bad　judge　of　human　nature；　you　will　admit
that；　unless　you　are　too　self…confident。

LVOFF。　Do　you　really　think　that　your　character　is　so　mysterious；
and　that　I　am　too　stupid　to　tell　vice　from　virtue？

IVANOFF。　It　is　clear　that　we　shall　never　agree；　so　let　me　beg　you
to　answer　me　now　without　any　more　preamble：　exactly　what　do　you
want　me　to　do？　＇Angrily＇　What　are　you　after　anyway？　And　with　whom
have　I　the　honour　of　speaking？　With　my　lawyer；　or　with　my　wife's
doctor？

LVOFF。　I　am　a　doctor；　and　as　such　I　demand　that　you　change　your
conduct　toward　your　wife；　it　is　killing　her。

IVANOFF。　What　shall　I　do？　Tell　me！　If　you　understand　me　so　much
better　than　I　understand　myself；　for　heaven's　sake　tell　me
exactly　what　to　do！

LVOFF。　In　the　first　place；　don't　be　so　unguarded　in　your
behaviour。

IVANOFF。　Heaven　help　me；　do　you　mean　to　say　that　you　understand
yourself？　＇He　drinks　some　water＇　Now　go　away；　I　am　guilty　a
thousand　times　over；　I　shall　answer　for　my　sins　before　God；　but
nothing　has　given　you　the　right　to　torture　me　daily　as　you　do。

LVOFF。　Who　has　given　you　the　right　to　insult　my　sense　of　honour？
You　have　maddened　and　poisoned　my　soul。　Before　I　came　to　this
place　I　knew　that　stupid；　crazy；　deluded　people　existed；　but　I
never　imagined　that　any　one　could　be　so　criminal　as　to　turn　his
mind　deliberately　in　the　direction　of　wickedness。　I　loved　and
esteemed　humanity　then；　but　since　I　have　known　you

IVANOFF。　I　have　heard　all　that　before。

LVOFF。　You　have；　have　you？

He　goes　out；　shrugging　his　shoulders。　He　sees　SASHA；　who　comes　in
at　this　moment　dressed　for　riding。

LVOFF。　Now；　however；　I　hope　that　we　can　understand　one　another！

IVANOFF。　＇Startled＇　Oh；　Sasha；　is　that　you？

SASHA。　Yes；　it　is　I。　How　are　you？　You　didn't　expect　me；　did　you？
Why　haven't　you　been　to　see　us？

IVANOFF。　Sasha；　this　is　really　imprudent　of　you！　Your　coming　will
have　a　terrible　effect　on　my　wife！

SASHA。　She　won't　see　me；　I　came　in　by　the　back　entrance；　I　shall
go　in　a　minute。　I　am　so　anxious　about　you。　Tell　me；　are　you　well？
Why　haven't　you　been　to　see　us　for　such　a　long　time？

IVANOFF。　My　wife　is　offended　already；　and　almost　dying；　and　now
you　come　here；　Sasha；　Sasha；　this　is　thoughtless　and　unkind　of
you。

SASHA。　How　could　I　help　coming？　It　is　two　weeks　since　you　were　at
our　house；　and　you　have　not　answered　my　letters。　I　imagined　you
suffering　dreadfully；　or　ill；　or　dead。　I　have　not　slept　for
nights。　I　am　going　now；　but　first　tell　me　that　you　are　well。

IVANOFF。　No；　I　am　not　well。　I　am　a　torment　to　myself；　and　every
one　torments　me　without　end。　I　can't　stand　it！　And　now　you　come
here。　How　morbid　and　unnatural　it　all　is；　Sasha。　I　am　terribly
guilty。

SASHA。　What　dreadful；　pitiful　speeches　you　make！　So　you　are
guilty；　are　you？　Tell　me；　then；　what　is　it　you　have　done？

IVANOFF　I　don't　know；　I　don't　know！

SASHA。　That　is　no　answer。　Every　sinner　should　know　what　he　is
guilty　of。　Perhaps　you　have　been　forging　money？

IVANOFF。　That　is　stupid。

SASHA。　Or　are　you　guilty　because　you　no　longer　love　your　wife？
Perhaps　you　are；　but　no　one　is　master　of　his　feelings；　and　you
did　not　mean　to　stop　loving　her。　Do　you　feel　guilty　because　she
saw　me　telling　you　that　I　love　you？　No；　that　cannot　be；　because
you　did　not　want　her　to　see　it

IVANOFF。　＇Interrupting　her＇　And　so　on；　and　so　on！　First　you　say　I
love；　and　then　you　say　I　don't；　that　I　am　not　master　of　my
feelings。　All　these　are　commonplace；　worn…out　sentiments；　with
which　you　cannot　help　me。

SASHA。　It　is　impossible　to　talk　to　you。　＇She　looks　at　a　picture
on　the　wall＇　How　well　those　dogs　are　drawn！　Were　they　done　from
life？

IVANOFF。　Yes；　from　life。　And　this　whole　romance　of　ours　is　a
tedious　old　story；　a　man　loses　heart　and　begins　to　go　down　in　the
world；　a　girl　appears；　brave　and　strong　of　heart；　and　gives　him　a
hand　to　help　him　to　rise　again。　Such　situations　are　pretty；　but
they　are　only　found　in　novels　and　not　in　real　life。

SASHA。　No；　they　are　found　in　real　life　too。

IVANOFF。　Now　I　see　how　well　you　understand　real　life！　My
sufferings　seem　noble　to　you；　you　imagine　you　have　discovered　in
me　a　second　Hamlet；　but　my　state　of　mind　in　all　its　phases　is
only　fit　to　furnish　food　for　contempt　and　derision。　My
contortions　are　ridiculous　enough　to　make　any　one　die　of
laughter；　and　you　want　to　play　the　guardian　angel；　you　want　to　do
a　noble　deed　and　save　me。　Oh；　how　I　hate　myself　to…day！　I　feel
that　this　tension　must　soon　be　relieved　in　some　way。　Either　I
shall　break　something；　or　else

SASHA。　That　is　exactly　what　you　need。　Let　yourself　go！　Smash
something；　break　it　to　pieces；　give　a　yell！　You　are　angry　with
me；　it　was　foolish　of　me　to　come　here。　Very　well；　then；　get
excited　about　it；　storm　at　me；　stamp　your　feet！　Well；　aren't　you
getting　angry？

IVANOFF。　You　ridiculous　girl！

SASHA。　Splendid！　So　we　are　smiling　at　last！　Be　kind；　do　me　the
favour　of　smiling　once　more！

IVANOFF。　＇Laughing＇　I　have　noticed　that　whenever　you　start
reforming　me　and　saving　my　soul；　and　teaching　me　how　to　be　good；
your　face　grows　naive；　oh　so　naive；　and　your　eyes　grow　as　wide　as
if　you　were　looking　at　a　comet。　Wait　a　moment；　your　shoulder　is
covered　with　dust。　＇He　brushes　her　shoulder＇　A　naive　man　is
nothing　better　than　a