evergreens-第3节

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uncle。　　He　had　had　a　bulldoga　young　onegiven　to　him　by　a　friend。
It　was　a　grand　dog；　so　his　friend　had　told　him；　all　it　wanted　was
trainingit　had　not　been　properly　trained。　　My　uncle　did　not　profess
to　know　much　about　the　training　of　bull…dogs；　but　it　seemed　a　simple
enough　matter；　so　he　thanked　the　man；　and　took　his　prize　home　at　the
end　of　a　rope。

〃Have　we　got　to　live　in　the　house　with　_this？_〃　asked　my　aunt；
indignantly；　coming　in　to　the　room　about　an　hour　after　the　dog's
advent；　followed　by　the　quadruped　himself；　wearing　an　idiotically
self…satisfied　air。

〃That！〃　exclaimed　my　uncle；　in　astonishment；　〃why；　it's　a　splendid
dog。　　His　father　was　honorably　mentioned　only　last　year　at　the
Aquarium。〃

〃Ah；　well；　all　I　can　say　is；　that　his　son　isn't　going　the　way　to　get
honorably　mentioned　in　this　neighborhood；〃　replied　my　aunt；　with
bitterness；　〃he's　just　finished　killing　poor　Mrs。　McSlanger's　cat；　if
you　want　to　know　what　he　has　been　doing。　　And　a　pretty　row　there'll　be
about　it；　too！〃

〃Can't　we　hush　it　up？〃　said　my　uncle。

〃Hush　it　up？〃　retorted　my　aunt。　　〃If　you'd　heard　the　row；　you　wouldn't
sit　there　and　talk　like　a　fool。　　And　if　you'll　take　my　advice；〃　added
my　aunt；　〃you'll　set　to　work　on　this　'training；'　or　whatever　it　is；
that　has　got　to　be　done　to　the　dog；　before　any　human　life　is　lost。〃

My　uncle　was　too　busy　to　devote　any　time　to　the　dog　for　the　next　day
or　so；　and　all　that　could　be　done　was　to　keep　the　animal　carefully
confined　to　the　house。

And　a　nice　time　we　had　with　him！　　It　was　not　that　the　animal　was
bad…hearted。　　He　meant　wellhe　tried　to　do　his　duty。　　What　was　wrong
with　him　was　that　he　was　too　hard…working。　　He　wanted　to　do　too　much。
He　started　with　an　exaggerated　and　totally　erroneous　notion　of　his
duties　and　responsibilities。　　His　idea　was　that　he　had　been　brought
into　the　house　for　the　purpose　of　preventing　any　living　human　soul
from　coming　near　it　and　of　preventing　any　person　who　might　by　chance
have　managed　to　slip　in　from　ever　again　leaving　it。

We　endeavored　to　induce　him　to　take　a　less　exalted　view　of　his
position；　but　in　vain。　　That　was　the　conception　he　had　formed　in　his
own　mind　concerning　his　earthly　task；　and　that　conception　he　insisted
on　living　up　to　with；　what　appeared　to　us　to　be；　unnecessary
conscientiousness。

He　so　effectually　frightened　away　all　the　trades　people；　that　they　at
last　refused　to　enter　the　gate。　　All　that　they　would　do　was　to　bring
their　goods　and　drop　them　over　the　fence　into　the　front　garden；　from
where　we　had　to　go　and　fetch　them　as　we　wanted　them。

〃I　wish　you'd　run　into　the　garden；〃　my　aunt　would　say　to　meI　was
stopping　with　them　at　the　time〃and　see　if　you　can　find　any　sugar；　I
think　there's　some　under　the　big　rose…bush。　　If　not；　you'd　better　go
to　Jones'　and　order　some。〃

And　on　the　cook's　inquiring　what　she　should　get　ready　for　lunch；　my
aunt　would　say：

〃Well；　I'm　sure；　Jane；　I　hardly　know。　　What　have　we？　　Are　there　any
chops　in　the　garden；　or　was　it　a　bit　of　steak　that　I　noticed　on　the
lawn？〃

On　the　second　afternoon　the　plumbers　came　to　do　a　little　job　to　the
kitchen　boiler。　　The　dog；　being　engaged　at　the　time　in　the　front　of
the　house；　driving　away　the　postman；　did　not　notice　their　arrival。　　He
was　broken…hearted　at　finding　them　there　when　he　got　downstairs；　and
evidently　blamed　himself　most　bitterly。　　Still；　there　they　were；　all
owing　to　his　carelessness；　and　the　only　thing　to　be　done　now　was　to
see　that　they　did　not　escape。

There　were　three　plumbers　（it　always　takes　three　plumbers　to　do　a　job；
the　first　man　comes　on　ahead　to　tell　you　that　the　second　man　will　be
there　soon；　the　second　man　comes　to　say　that　he　can't　stop；　and　the
third　man　follows　to　ask　if　the　first　man　has　been　there）；　and　that
faithful；　dumb　animal　kept　them　pinned　up　in　the　kitchenfancy
wanting　to　keep　plumbers　in　a　house　longer　than　is　absolutely
necessary！for　five　hours；　until　my　uncle　came　home；　and　the　bill
ran：　　〃Self　and　two　men　engaged　six　hours；　repairing　boiler…tap；　18s。；
material；　2d。；　total　18s。　2d。〃

He　took　a　dislike　to　the　cook　from　the　very　first。　　We　did　not　blame
him　for　this。　　She　was　a　disagreeable　old　woman；　and　we　did　not　think
much　of　her　ourselves。　　But　when　it　came　to　keeping　her　out　of　the
kitchen；　so　that　she　could　not　do　her　work；　and　my　aunt　and　uncle　had
to　cook　the　dinner　themselves；　assisted　by　the　housemaida
willing…enough　girl；　but　necessarily　inexperiencedwe　felt　that　the
woman　was　being　subject　to　persecution。

My　uncle；　after　this；　decided　that　the　dog's　training　must　be　no
longer　neglected。　　The　man　next　door　but　one　always　talked　as　if　he
knew　a　lot　about　sporting　matters；　and　to　him　my　uncle　went　for　advice
as　to　how　to　set　about　it。

〃Oh；　yes；〃　said　the　man；　cheerfully；　〃very　simple　thing；　training　a
bull…dog。　　Wants　patience；　that's　all。〃

〃Oh；　that　will　be　all　right；〃　said　my　uncle；　〃it　can't　want　much　more
than　living　in　the　same　house　with　him　before　he's　trained　does。　　How
do　you　start？〃

〃Well；　I'll　tell　you；〃　said　next…door…but…one。　　〃You　take　him　up　into
a　room　where　there's　not　much　furniture；　and　you　shut　the　door　and
bolt　it。〃

〃I　see；〃　said　my　uncle。

〃Then　you　place　him　on　the　floor　in　the　middle　of　the　room；　and　you　go
down　on　your　knees　in　front　of　him；　and　begin　to　irritate　him。〃

〃Oh！〃

〃Yesand　you　go　on　irritating　him　until　you　have　made　him　quite
savage。〃

〃Which；　from　what　I　know　of　the　dog；　won't　take　long；〃　observed　my
uncle　thoughtfully。

〃So　much　the　better。　　The　moment　he　gets　savage　he　will　fly　at　you。〃

My　uncle　agreed　that　the　idea　seemed　plausible。

〃He　will　fly　at　your　throat；〃　continued　the　next…door…but…one　man；
〃and　this　is　where　you　will　have　to　be　careful。　　_As_　he　springs
toward　you；　and　_before_　he　gets　hold　of　you；　you　must　hit　him　a　fair
straight　blow　on　his　nose；　and　knock　him　down。〃

〃Yes；　I　see　what　you　mean。〃

〃Quite　sowell；　the　moment　you　have　knocked　him　down；　he　will　jump　up
and　go　for　you　again。　　You　must　knock　him　down　again；　and　you　must
keep　on　doing　this；　until　the　dog　is　thoroughly　cowed　and　exhausted。
Once　he　is　thoroughly　cowed；　the　thing's　donedog's　as　gentle　as　a
lamb　after　that。〃

〃Oh！〃　says　my　uncle；　rising　from　his　chair；　〃you　think　that　a　good
way；　do　you？〃

〃Certainly；〃　replied　the　next…door…but…one　man；　〃it　never　fails。〃

〃Oh！　　I　wasn't　doubting　it；〃　said　my　uncle；　〃only　it's　just　occurred
to　me　that　as　you　understand　the　knack　of　these　things；　perhaps
_you'd_　like　to　come　in　and　try　_your_　hand　on　the　dog？　　We　can　give
you　a　room　quite　to　yourselves；　and　I'll　undertake　that　nobody　comes
near　to　interfere　with　you。　　And　ifif；〃　continued　my　uncle；　with
that　kindly　thoughtfulness　which　ever　distinguished　his　treatment　of
others；　〃_if_；　by　any　chance；　you　should　miss　hitting　the　dog　at　the
proper　critical　moment；　or；　if　_you_　should　get　cowed　and　exhausted
first；　instead　of　the　dogwhy；　I　shall　only　be　too　pleased　to　take
the　whole　burden　of　the　funeral　expenses　on　my　own　shoulders；　and　I
hope　you　know　me　well　enough　to　feel　sure　that　the　arrangements　will
be　tasteful；　and；　at　the　same　time；　unostentatious！〃

And　out　my　uncle　walked。

We　next　consulted　the　butcher；　who　agreed　that　the　prize…ring　method
was　absurd；　especially　when　recommended　to　a　short…winded；　elderly
family　man；　and　who　recommended；　instead；　plenty　of　out…door　exercise
for　the　dog；　under　my　uncle's　strict　supervision　and　control。

〃Get　a　fairly　long　chain　for　him；〃　said　the　butcher；　〃and　take　him　out
for　a　good　stiff　run　every　evening。　　Never　let　him　get　away　from　you；
make　him　mind　you；　and　bring　him　home　always　thoroughly　exhausted。
You　stick　to　that　for　a　month　or　two；　regular；　and　you'll　have　him
like　a　little　child。〃

〃Um！seems　to　me　that　I'm　going　to　get　more　training　over　his　job
than　anybody　else；〃　muttered　my　uncle；　as　he　thanked　the　man　and　left
the　shop；　〃but　I　suppose　it's　got　to　be　done。　　Wish　I'd　never　had　the
d…　dog　now！〃

So；　religiously；　every　evening；　my　uncle　would　fasten　a　long　chain　to
that　poor　dog；　and　drag　him　away　from　his　happy　home　with　the　idea　of
exhausting　him；　and　the　dog　would　come　back　as　fresh　as　paint；　my
uncle　behind　him；　panting　and　clamoring　for　brandy。

My　uncle　said　he　should　never　have　dreamed　there　could　have　been　such
stirring　times　in　this　prosaic　nineteenth　century　as　he　had；　training
that　dog。

Oh；　the　wild；　wild　scamperings　over　the　breezy　commonthe　dog　trying
to　catch　a　swallow；　and　my　uncle；　unable　to　hold　him　back；　following
at　the　other　end　of　the　chain！

Oh；　the　merry　frolics　in　the　fields；　when　the　dog　wanted　to　kill　a
cow；　and　the　cow　wanted　to　kill　the　dog；　and　they　each　dodged　round　my
uncle；　trying　to　do　it！

And；　oh；　the　pleasant　chats　with　the　old　ladies　when　the　dog　wound　the
chain　into　a　knot　around　their　legs；　and　upset　them；　and　my　uncle　had
to　sit　down　in　the　road　beside　them；　and　untie　them　before　they　could
get　up　again！

But　a　crisis　came　at　last。　　It　was　a　Saturday　afternoonuncle　being
exercised　by　dog　in　usual　waynervous　children　playing　in　road；　see
dog；　scream；　and　runplayful　young　dog　thinks　it　a　game；　jerks　chain
out　of　uncle's　grasp；　and　flies　after　themuncle　flies　after　d