the four horsemen of the apocalypse-第40节

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and　less　in　her　thoughts。　Why　think　about　such　remote　and　uncertain　events？　　More　immediate　things　were　occupying　her　mind。

The　farewell　to　her　brother　in　the　station　was　a　scene　which　had　fixed　itself　ineradicably　in　her　memory。　　Upon　going　to　the　studio　she　had　planned　not　to　speak　about　it；　foreseeing　that　she　might　annoy　her　lover　with　this　account；　but　alas；　she　had　only　to　vow　not　to　mention　a　thing；　to　feel　an　irresistible　impulse　to　talk　about　it。

She　had　never　suspected　that　she　could　love　her　brother　so　dearly。　Her　former　affection　for　him　had　been　mingled　with　a　silent　sentiment　of　jealousy　because　her　mother　had　preferred　the　older　child。　　Besides；　he　was　the　one　who　had　introduced　Laurier　to　his　home；　the　two　held　diplomas　as　industrial　engineers　and　had　been　close　friends　from　their　school　days。　。　。　。　　But　upon　seeing　the　boy　ready　to　depart；　Marguerite　suddenly　discovered　that　this　brother；　who　had　always　been　of　secondary　interest　to　her；　was　now　occupying　a　pre…eminent　place　in　her　affections。

〃He　was　so　handsome；　so　interesting　in　his　lieutenant's　uniform！　。　。　。　He　looked　like　another　person。　　I　will　admit　to　you　that　I　was　very　proud　to　walk　beside　him；　leaning　on　his　arm。　　People　thought　that　we　were　married。　　Seeing　me　weep；　some　poor　women　tried　to　console　me　saying；　'Courage；　Madame。　。　。　。　　Your　man　will　come　back。'　　He　just　laughed　at　hearing　these　mistakes。　　The　only　thing　that　was　really　saddening　him　was　thinking　about　our　mother。〃

They　had　separated　at　the　door　of　the　station。　　The　sentries　would　not　let　her　go　any　further；　so　she　had　handed　over　his　sword　that　she　had　wished　to　carry　till　the　last　moment。

〃It　is　lovely　to　be　a　man！〃　she　exclaimed　enthusiastically。　　〃I　would　love　to　wear　a　uniform；　to　go　to　war；　to　be　of　some　real　use！〃

She　tried　not　to　say　more　about　it；　as　though　she　suddenly　realized　the　inopportuneness　of　her　last　words。　　Perhaps　she　noticed　the　scowl　on　Julio's　face。

She　was；　however；　so　wrought　up　by　the　memory　of　that　farewell　that；　after　a　long　pause；　she　was　unable　to　resist　the　temptation　of　again　putting　her　thought　into　words。

At　the　station　entrance；　while　she　was　kissing　her　brother　for　the　last　time；　she　had　an　encounter；　a　great　surprise。　　〃He〃　had　approached；　also　clad　as　an　artillery　officer；　but　alone；　having　to　entrust　his　valise　to　a　good…natured　man　from　the　crowd。

Julio　shot　her　a　questioning　look。　　Who　was　〃he〃？　　He　suspected；　but　feigned　ignorance；　as　though　fearing　to　learn　the　truth。

〃Laurier；〃　she　replied　laconically；　〃my　former　husband。〃

The　lover　displayed　a　cruel　irony。　　It　was　a　cowardly　thing　to　ridicule　this　man　who　had　responded　to　the　call　of　duty。　　He　recognized　his　vileness；　but　a　malign　and　irresistible　instinct　made　him　keep　on　with　his　sneers　in　order　to　discredit　the　man　before　Marguerite。　　Laurier　a　soldier！He　must　cut　a　pretty　figure　dressed　in　uniform！

〃Laurier；　the　warrior！〃　he　continued　in　a　voice　so　sarcastic　and　strange　that　it　seemed　to　be　coming　from　somebody　else。　。　。　。　　〃Poor　creature！〃

She　hesitated　in　her　response；　not　wishing　to　exasperate　Desnoyers　any　further。　　But　the　truth　was　uppermost　in　her　mind；　and　she　said　simply：

〃No　。　。　。　no；　he　didn't　look　so　bad。　　Quite　the　contrary。　　Perhaps　it　was　the　uniform；　perhaps　it　was　his　sadness　at　going　away　alone；　completely　alone；　without　a　single　hand　to　clasp　his。　　I　didn't　recognize　him　at　first。　　Seeing　my　brother；　he　started　toward　us；　but　then　when　he　saw　me；　he　went　his　own　way　。　。　。　　Poor　man！　　I　feel　sorry　for　him！〃

Her　feminine　instinct　must　have　told　her　that　she　was　talking　too　much；　and　she　cut　her　chatter　suddenly　short。　　The　same　instinct　warned　her　that　Julio's　countenance　was　growing　more　and　more　saturnine；　and　his　mouth　taking　a　very　bitter　curve。　　She　wanted　to　console　him　and　added：

〃What　luck　that　you　are　a　foreigner　and　will　not　have　to　go　to　the　war！　　How　horrible　it　would　be　for　me　to　lose　you！〃　。　。　。

She　said　it　sincerely。　。　。　。　　A　few　moments　before　she　had　been　envying　men；　admiring　the　gallantry　with　which　they　were　exposing　their　lives；　and　now　she　was　trembling　before　the　idea　that　her　lover　might　have　been　one　of　these。

This　did　not　please　his　amorous　egoismto　be　placed　apart　from　the　rest　as　a　delicate　and　fragile　being　only　fit　for　feminine　adoration。　　He　preferred　to　inspire　the　envy　that　she　had　felt　on　beholding　her　brother　decked　out　in　his　warlike　accoutrement。　　It　seemed　to　him　that　something　was　coming　between　him　and　Marguerite　that　would　never　disappear；　that　would　go　on　expanding；　repelling　them　in　contrary　directions　。　。　。　far　。　。　。　very　far；　even　to　the　point　of　not　recognizing　each　other　when　their　glances　met。

He　continued　to　be　conscious　of　this　impalpable　obstacle　in　their　following　interviews。　　Marguerite　was　extremely　affectionate　in　her　speech；　and　would　look　at　him　with　moist　and　loving　eyes。　　But　her　caressing　hands　appeared　more　like　those　of　a　mother　than　a　lover；　and　her　tenderness　was　accompanied　with　a　certain　disinterestedness　and　extraordinary　modesty。　　She　seemed　to　prefer　remaining　obstinately　in　the　studio；　declining　to　go　into　the　other　rooms。

〃We　are　so　comfortable　here。　。　。　。　　I　would　rather　not。　。　。　。　　It　is　not　worth　while。　　I　should　feel　remorse　afterwards。　。　。　。　　Why　think　of　such　things　in　these　anxious　times！〃

The　world　around　her　seemed　saturated　with　love；　but　it　was　a　new　lovea　love　for　the　man　who　is　suffering；　desire　for　abnegation；　for　sacrifice。　　This　love　called　forth　visions　of　white　caps；　of　tremulous　hands　healing　shell…riddled　and　bleeding　flesh。

Every　advance　on　Julio's　part　but　aroused　in　Marguerite　a　vehement　and　modest　protest　as　though　they　were　meeting　for　the　first　time。

〃It　is　impossible；〃　she　protested。　　〃I　keep　thinking　of　my　brother；　and　of　so　many　that　I　know　that　may　be　dying　at　this　very　minute。〃

News　of　battles　were　beginning　to　arrive；　and　blood　was　beginning　to　flow　in　great　quantities。

〃No；　no；　I　cannot；〃　she　kept　repeating。

And　when　Julio　finally　triumphed；　he　found　that　her　thoughts　were　still　following　independently　the　same　line　of　mental　stress。

One　afternoon；　Marguerite　announced　that　henceforth　she　would　see　him　less　frequently。　　She　was　attending　classes　now；　and　had　only　two　free　days。

Desnoyers　listened；　dumbfounded。　　Classes？　。　。　。　　What　were　her　studies？　。　。　。

She　seemed　a　little　irritated　at　his　mocking　expression。　。　。　。　　Yes；　she　was　studying；　for　the　past　week　she　had　been　attending　classes。　Now　the　lessons　were　going　to　be　more　regular；　the　course　of　instruction　had　been　fully　organized；　and　there　were　many　more　instructors。

〃I　wish　to　be　a　trained　nurse。　　I　am　distressed　over　my　uselessness。　。　。　。　　Of　what　good　have　I　ever　been　till　now？〃　。　。　。

She　was　silent　for　a　few　moments　as　though　reviewing　her　past。

〃At　times　I　almost　think；〃　she　mused；　〃that　war；　with　all　its　horrors；　still　has　some　good　in　it。　　It　helps　to　make　us　useful　to　our　fellowmen。　　We　look　at　life　more　seriously；　trouble　makes　us　realize　that　we　have　come　into　the　world　for　some　purpose。　。　。　。　　I　believe　that　we　must　not　love　life　only　for　the　pleasures　that　it　brings　us。　　We　ought　to　find　satisfaction　in　sacrifice；　in　dedicating　ourselves　to　others；　and　this　satisfactionI　don't　know　just　why；　perhaps　because　it　is　newappears　to　me　superior　to　all　other　things。〃

Julio　looked　at　her　in　surprise；　trying　to　imagine　what　was　going　on　in　that　idolized　and　frivolous　head。　　What　ideas　were　forming　back　of　that　thoughtful　forehead　which　until　then　had　merely　reflected　the　slightest　shadow　of　thoughts　as　swift　and　flitting　as　birds？　。　。　。

But　the　former　Marguerite　was　still　alive。　　He　saw　her　constantly　reappearing　in　a　funny　way　among　the　sombre　preoccupations　with　which　war　was　overshadowing　all　lives。

〃We　have　to　study　very　hard　in　order　to　earn　our　diplomas　as　nurses。　Have　you　noticed　our　uniform？　。　。　。　　It　is　most　distinctive；　and　the　white　is　so　becoming　both　to　blondes　and　brunettes。　　Then　the　cap　which　allows　little　curls　over　the　earsthe　fashionable　coiffure　and　the　blue　cape　over　the　white　suit；　make　a　splendid　contrast。　With　this　outfit；　a　woman　well　shod；　and　with　few　jewels；　may　present　a　truly　chic　appearance。　　It　is　a　mixture　of　nun　and　great　lady　which　is　vastly　becoming。〃

She　was　going　to　study　with　a　regular　fury　in　order　to　become　really　useful　。　。　。　and　sooner　to　wear　the　admired　uniform。

Poor　Desnoyers！　。　。　。　　The　longing　to　see　her；　and　the　lack　of　occupation　in　these　interminable　afternoons　which　hitherto　had　been　employed　so　delightfully；　compelled　him　to　haunt　the　neighborhood　of　the　unoccupied　palace　where　the　government　had　just　established　the　training　school　for　nurses。　　Stationing　himself　at　the　corner；　watching　the　fluttering　skirts　and　quick　steps　of　the　feminine　feet　on　the　sidewalk；　he　imagined　that　the　course　of　time　must　have　turned　backward；　and　that　he　was　still　but　eighteenthe　same　as　when　he　used　to　hang　around　the　establishments　of　some　celebrated　modiste。　　The　groups　of　women　that　at　certain　hours　came　out　of　the　palace　suggested　these　former　days。　　They　were　dressed　extremely　quietly；　the　aspect　of　many　of　them　as　humble　as　that　of　the　seamstresses。　　But　they　were　ladi