unconscious comedians-第6节

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all　glittering　like　a　jewel…case；　didn't　she　go　off　like　soda…water

and　fire　her　shot：　'When　people　spend　the　money　of　others　they　should

be　sober　and　not　give　dinner…parties。　Think　of　your　being　a　countess

and　owing　three　hundred　francs　to　a　poor　shoemaker　with　seven

children！'　You　can　guess　how　she　railed；　for　the　Mahuchet　hasn't　any

education。　When　the　countess　tried　to　make　an　excuse　（'no　money'）

Mahuchet　screamed　out：　'Look　at　all　your　fine　silver；　madame；　pawn　it

and　pay　me！''Take　some　yourself；'　said　the　countess　quickly；

gathering　up　a　quantity　of　forks　and　spoons　and　putting　them　into　her

hands。　Downstairs　we　rattled！heavens！　like　success　itself。　No；

before　we　got　to　the　street　Mahuchet　began　to　cryshe's　a　kind　woman！

She　turned　back　and　restored　the　silver；　for　she　now　understood　that

countess'　povertyit　was　plated　ware！〃



〃And　she　forked　it　over；〃　said　Leon；　in　whom　the　former　Mistigris

occasionally　reappeared。



〃Ah！　my　dear　monsieur；〃　said　Madame　Nourrisson；　enlightened　by　the

slang；　〃you　are　an　artist；　you　write　plays；　you　live　in　the　rue　du

Helder　and　are　friends　with　Madame　Anatolia；　you　have　habits　that　I

know　all　about。　Come；　do　you　want　some　rarity　in　the　grand　style；

Carabine　or　Mousqueton；　Malaga　or　Jenny　Cadine？〃



〃Malaga；　Carabine！　nonsense！〃　cried　Leon　de　Lora。　〃It　was　we　who

invented　them。〃



〃I　assure　you；　my　good　Madame　Nourrisson；〃　said　Bixiou；　〃that　we　only

wanted　the　pleasure　of　making　your　acquaintance；　and　we　should　like

very　much　to　be　informed　as　to　how　you　ever　came　to　slip　into　this

business。〃



〃I　was　confidential　maid　in　the　family　of　a　marshal　of　France；　Prince

d'Ysembourg；〃　she　said；　assuming　the　airs　of　a　Dorine。　〃One　morning；

one　of　the　most　beplumed　countesses　of　the　Imperial　court　came　to　the

house　and　wanted　to　speak　to　the　marshal　privately。　I　put　myself　in

the　way　of　hearing　what　she　said。　She　burst　into　tears　and　confided　to

that　booby　of　a　marshalyes；　the　Conde　of　the　Republic　is　a　booby！

that　her　husband；　who　served　under　him　in　Spain；　had　left　her　without

means；　and　if　she　didn't　get　a　thousand　francs；　or　two　thousand；　that

day　her　children　must　go　without　food；　she　hadn't　any　for　the　morrow。

The　marshal；　who　was　always　ready　to　give　in　those　days；　took　two

notes　of　a　thousand　francs　each　out　of　his　desk；　and　gave　them　to　her。

I　saw　that　fine　countess　going　down　the　staircase　where　she　couldn't

see　me。　She　was　laughing　with　a　satisfaction　that　certainly　wasn't

motherly；　so　I　slipped　after　her　to　the　peristyle　where　I　heard　her

say　to　the　coachman；　'To　Leroy's。'　I　ran　round　quickly　to　Leroy's；　and

there；　sure　enough；　was　the　poor　mother。　I　got　there　in　time　to　see

her　order　and　pay　for　a　fifteen…hundred…franc　dress；　you　understand

that　in　those　days　people　were　made　to　pay　when　they　bought。　The　next

day　but　one　she　appeared　at　an　ambassador's　ball；　dressed　to　please

all　the　world　and　some　one　in　particular。　That　day　I　said　to　myself：

'I've　got　a　career！　When　I'm　no　longer　young　I'll　lend　money　to　great

ladies　on　their　finery；　for　passion　never　calculates；　it　pays

blindly。'　If　you　want　subjects　for　a　vaudeville　I　can　sell　you

plenty。〃



She　departed　after　delivering　this　tirade；　in　which　all　the　phases　of

her　past　life　were　outlined；　leaving　Gazonal　as　much　horrified　by　her

revelations　as　by　the　five　yellow　teeth　she　showed　when　she　tried　to

smile。



〃What　shall　we　do　now？〃　he　asked　presently。



〃Make　notes；〃　replied　Bixiou；　whistling　for　his　porter；　〃for　I　want

some　money；　and　I'll　show　you　the　use　of　porters。　You　think　they　only

pull　the　gate…cord；　whereas　they　really　pull　poor　devils　like　me　and

artists　whom　they　take　under　their　protection　out　of　difficulties。

Mine　will　get　the　Montyon　prize　one　of　these　days。〃



Gazonal　opened　his　eyes　to　their　utmost　roundness。



A　man　between　two　ages；　partly　a　graybeard；　partly　an　office…boy；　but

more　oily　within　and　without；　hair　greasy；　stomach　puffy；　skin　dull

and　moist；　like　that　of　the　prior　of　a　convent；　always　wearing　list

shoes；　a　blue　coat；　and　grayish　trousers；　made　his　appearance。



〃What　is　it；　monsieur？〃　he　said　with　an　air　which　combined　that　of　a

protector　and　a　subordinate。



〃Ravenouillet　His　name　is　Ravenouillet；〃　said　Bixiou　turning　to

Gazonal。　〃Have　you　our　notebook　of　bills　due　with　you？〃



Ravenouillet　pulled　out　of　his　pocket　the　greasiest　and　stickiest　book

that　Gazonal's　eyes　had　ever　beheld。



〃Write　down　at　three　months'　sight　two　notes　of　five　hundred　francs

each；　which　you　will　proceed　to　sign。〃



And　Bixiou　handed　over　two　notes　already　drawn　to　his　order　by

Ravenouillet；　which　Ravenouillet　immediately　signed　and　inscribed　on

the　greasy　book；　in　which　his　wife　also　kept　account　of　the　debts　of

the　other　lodgers。



〃Thanks；　Ravenouillet；〃　said　Bixiou。　〃And　here's　a　box　at　the

Vaudeville　for　you。〃



〃Oh！　my　daughter　will　enjoy　that；〃　said　Ravenouillet；　departing。



〃There　are　seventy…one　tenants　in　this　house；〃　said　Bixiou；　〃and　the

average　of　what　they　owe　Ravenouillet　is　six　thousand　francs　a　month；

eighteen　thousand　quarterly　for　money　advanced；　postage；　etc。；　not

counting　the　rents　due。　He　is　Providenceat　thirty　per　cent；　which　we

all　pay　him；　though　he　never　asks　for　anything。〃



〃Oh；　Paris！　Paris！〃　cried　Gazonal。



〃I'm　going　to　take　you　now；　cousin　Gazonal；〃　said　Bixiou；　after

indorsing　the　notes；　〃to　see　another　comedian；　who　will　play　you　a

charming　scene　gratis。〃



〃Who　is　it？〃　said　Gazonal。



〃A　usurer。　As　we　go　along　I'll　tell　you　the　debut　of　friend

Ravenouillet　in　Paris。〃



Passing　in　front　of　the　porter's　lodge；　Gazonal　saw　Mademoiselle

Lucienne　Ravenouillet　holding　in　her　hand　a　music　score　（she　was　a

pupil　of　the　Conservatoire）；　her　father　reading　a　newspaper；　and

Madame　Ravenouillet　with　a　package　of　letters　to　be　carried　up　to　the

lodgers。



〃Thanks；　Monsieur　Bixiou！〃　said　the　girl。



〃She's　not　a　rat；〃　explained　Leon　to　his　cousin；　〃she　is　the　larva　of

the　grasshopper。〃



〃Here's　the　history　of　Ravenouillet；〃　continued　Bixiou；　when　the　three

friends　reached　the　boulevard。　〃In　1831　Massol；　the　councillor　of

state　who　is　dealing　with　your　case；　was　a　lawyer…journalist　who　at

that　time　never　thought　of　being　more　than　Keeper　of　the　Seals；　and

deigned　to　have　King　Louis…Philippe　on　his　throne。　Forgive　his

ambition；　he's　from　Carcassonne。　One　morning　there　entered　to　him　a

young　rustic　of　his　parts；　who　said：　'You　know　me　very　well；　Mossoo

Massol；　I'm　your　neighbour　the　grocer's　little　boy；　I've　come　from

down　there；　for　they　tell　me　a　fellow　is　certain　to　get　a　place　if　he

comes　to　Paris。'　Hearing　these　words；　Massol　shuddered；　and　said　to

himself　that　if　he　were　weak　enough　to　help　this　compatriot　（to　him

utterly　unknown）　he　should　have　the　whole　department　prone　upon　him；

his　bell…rope　would　break；　his　valet　leave　him；　he　should　have

difficulties　with　his　landlord　about　the　stairway；　and　the　other

lodgers　would　assuredly　complain　of　the　smell　of　garlic　pervading　the

house。　Consequently；　he　looked　at　his　visitor　as　a　butcher　looks　at　a

sheep　whose　throat　he　intends　to　cut。　But　whether　the　rustic

comprehended　the　stab　of　that　glance　or　not；　he　went　on　to　say　（so

Massol　told　me）；　'I've　as　much　ambition　as　other　men。　I　will　never　go

back　to　my　native　place；　if　I　ever　do　go　back；　unless　I　am　a　rich　man。

Paris　is　the　antechamber　of　Paradise。　They　tell　me　that　you　who　write

the　newspapers　can　make；　as　they　say；　〃fine　weather　and　foul〃；　that

is；　you　have　things　all　your　own　way；　and　it's　enough　to　ask　your　help

to　get　any　place；　no　matter　what；　under　government。　Now；　though　I　have

faculties；　like　others；　I　know　myself：　I　have　no　education；　I　don't

know　how　to　write；　and　that's　a　misfortune；　for　I　have　ideas。　I　am　not

seeking；　therefore；　to　be　your　rival；　I　judge　myself；　and　I　know　I

couldn't　succeed　there。　But；　as　you　are　so　powerful；　and　as　we　are

almost　brothers；　having　played　together　in　childhood；　I　count　upon　you

to　launch　me　in　a　career　and　to　protect　me　Oh；　you　MUST；　I　want　a

place；　a　place　suitable　to　my　capacity；　to　such　as　I　am；　a　place　were

I　can　make　my　fortune。'　Massol　was　just　about　to　put　his　compatriot

neck　and　crop　out　of　the　door　with　some　brutal　speech；　when　the　rustic

ended　his　appeal　thus：　'I　don't　ask　to　enter　the　administration　where

people　advance　like　tortoisesthere's　your　cousin；　who　has　stuck　in

one　post　for　twenty　years。　No；　I　only　want　to　make　my　debut。''On　the

stage？'　asked　Massol　only　too　happy　at　that　conclusion。'No；　though　I

have　gesture　enough；　and　figure；　and　memory。　But　there's　too　much　wear

and　tear；　I　prefer　the　career　of　PORTER。'　Massol　kept　his　countenance；

and　replied：　'I　think　there's　more　wear　and　tear　in　that；　but　as　your

choice　is　made　I'll　see　what　I　can　do'；　and　he　got　him；　as

Ravenouillet　says；　his　first　'cordon。'〃



〃I　was　the　first　master；〃　said　Leon；　〃to　consider　the　race　of　porter。

Y