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第4节

unconscious comedians-第4节

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〃He is a rude fellow!〃 cried the Southerner as they left the room。



〃His paper has twenty…two thousand subscribers;〃 said Leon de Lora。

〃He is one of the five great powers of the day; and he hasn't; in the

morning; the time to be polite。 Now;〃 continued Leon; speaking to

Bixiou; 〃if we are going to the Chamber to help him with his lawsuit

let us take the longest way round。〃



〃Words said by great men are like silver…gilt spoons with the gilt

washed off; by dint of repetition they lose their brilliancy;〃 said

Bixiou。 〃Where shall we go?〃



〃Here; close by; to our hatter?〃 replied Leon。



〃Bravo!〃 cried Bixiou。 〃If we keep on in this way; we shall have an

amusing day of it。〃



〃Gazonal;〃 said Leon; 〃I shall make the man pose for you; but mind

that you keep a serious face; like the king on a five…franc piece; for

you are going to see a choice original; a man whose importance has

turned his head。 In these days; my dear fellow; under our new

political dispensation; every human being tries to cover himself with

glory; and most of them cover themselves with ridicule; hence a lot of

living caricatures quite new to the world。〃



〃If everybody gets glory; who can be famous?〃 said Gazonal。



〃Fame! none but fools want that;〃 replied Bixiou。 〃Your cousin wears

the cross; but I'm the better dressed of the two; and it is I whom

people are looking at。〃



After this remark; which may explain why orators and other great

statesmen no longer put the ribbon in their buttonholes when in Paris;

Leon showed Gazonal a sign; bearing; in golden letters; the

illustrious name of 〃Vital; successor to Finot; manufacturer of hats〃

(no longer 〃hatter〃 as formerly); whose advertisements brought in more

money to the newspapers than those of any half…dozen vendors of pills

or sugarplums;the author; moreover; of an essay on hats。



〃My dear fellow;〃 said Bixiou to Gazonal; pointing to the splendors of

the show…window; 〃Vital has forty thousand francs a year from invested

property。〃



〃And he stays a hatter!〃 cried the Southerner; with a bound that

almost broke the arm which Bixiou had linked in his。



〃You shall see the man;〃 said Leon。 〃You need a hat and you shall have

one gratis。〃



〃Is Monsieur Vital absent?〃 asked Bixiou; seeing no one behind the

desk。



〃Monsieur is correcting proof in his study;〃 replied the head clerk。



〃Hein! what style!〃 said Leon to his cousin; then he added; addressing

the clerk: 〃Could we speak to him without injury to his inspiration?〃



〃Let those gentlemen enter;〃 said a voice。



It was a bourgeois voice; the voice of one eligible to the Chamber; a

powerful voice; a wealthy voice。



Vital deigned to show himself; dressed entirely in black cloth; with a

splendid frilled shirt adorned with one diamond。 The three friends

observed a young and pretty woman sitting near the desk; working at

some embroidery。



Vital is a man between thirty and forty years of age; with a natural

joviality now repressed by ambitious ideas。 He is blessed with that

medium height which is the privilege of sound organizations。 He is

rather plump; and takes great pains with his person。 His forehead is

getting bald; but he uses that circumstance to give himself the air of

a man consumed by thought。 It is easy to see by the way his wife looks

at him and listens to him that she believes in the genius and glory of

her husband。 Vital loves artists; not that he has any taste for art;

but from fellowship; for he feels himself an artist; and makes this

felt by disclaiming that title of nobility; and placing himself with

constant premeditation at so great a distance from the arts that

persons may be forced to say to him: 〃You have raised the construction

of hats to the height of a science。〃



〃Have you at last discovered a hat to suit me?〃 asked Leon de Lora。



〃Why; monsieur! in fifteen days?〃 replied Vital; 〃and for you! Two

months would hardly suffice to invent a shape in keeping with your

countenance。 See; here is your lithographic portrait: I have studied

it most carefully。 I would not give myself that trouble for a prince;

but you are more; you are an artist; and you understand me。〃



〃This is one of our greatest inventors;〃 said Bixiou presenting

Gazonal。 〃He might be as great as Jacquart if he would only let

himself die。 Our friend; a manufacturer of cloth; has discovered a

method of replacing the indigo in old blue coats; and he wants to see

you as another great phenomenon; because he has heard of your saying;

'The hat is the man。' That speech of yours enraptured him。 Ah! Vital;

you have faith; you believe in something; you have enthusiasm for your

work。〃



Vital scarcely listened; he grew pale with pleasure。



〃Rise; my wife! Monsieur is a man of science。〃



Madame Vital rose at her husband's gesture。 Gazonal bowed to her。



〃Shall I have the honor to cover your head?〃 said Vital; with joyful

obsequiousness。



〃At the same price as mine;〃 interposed Bixiou。



〃Of course; of course; I ask no other fee than to be quoted by you;

messieurs Monsieur needs a picturesque hat; something in the style

of Monsieur Lousteau's;〃 he continued; looking at Gazonal with the eye

of a master。 〃I will consider it。〃



〃You give yourself a great deal of trouble;〃 said Gazonal。



〃Oh! for a few persons only; for those who know how to appreciate the

value of the pains I bestow upon them。 Now; take the aristocracy

there is but one man there who has truly comprehended the Hat; and

that is the Prince de Bethune。 How is it that men do not consider; as

women do; that the hat is the first thing that strikes the eye? And

why have they never thought of changing the present system; which is;

let us say it frankly; ignoble? Yes; ignoble; and yet a Frenchman is;

of all nationalities; the one most persistent in this folly! I know

the difficulties of a change; messieurs。 I don't speak of my own

writings on the matter; which; as I think; approach it

philosophically; but simply as a hatter。 I have myself studied means

to accentuate the infamous head…covering to which France is now

enslaved until I succeed in overthrowing it。



So saying he pointed to the hideous hat in vogue at the present day。



〃Behold the enemy; messieurs;〃 he continued。 〃How is it that the

wittiest and most satirical people on earth will consent to wear upon

their heads a bit of stove…pipe?as one of our great writers has

called it。 Here are some of the infections I have been able to give to

those atrocious lines;〃 he added; pointing to a number of his

creations。 〃But; although I am able to conform them to the character

of each wearerfor; as you see; there are the hats of a doctor; a

grocer; a dandy; an artist; a fat man; a thin man; and so forththe

style itself remains horrible。 Seize; I beg of you; my whole

thought〃



He took up a hat; low…crowned and wide…brimmed。



〃This;〃 he continued; 〃is the old hat of Claude Vignon; a great

critic; in the days when he was a free man and a free…liver。 He has

lately come round to the ministry; they've made him a professor; a

librarian; he writes now for the Debats only; they've appointed him

Master of Petitions with a salary of sixteen thousand francs; he earns

four thousand more out of his paper; and he is decorated。 Well; now

see his new hat。〃



And Vital showed them a hat of a form and design which was truly

expressive of the juste…milieu。



〃You ought to have made him a Punch and Judy hat!〃 cried Gazonal。



〃You are a man of genius; Monsieur Vital;〃 said Leon。



Vital bowed。



〃Would you kindly tell me why the shops of your trade in Paris remain

open late at night;later than the cafes and the wineshops? That fact

puzzles me very much;〃 said Gazonal。



〃In the first place; our shops are much finer when lighted up than

they are in the daytime; next; where we sell ten hats in the daytime

we sell fifty at night。〃



〃Everything is queer in Paris;〃 said Leon。



〃Thanks to my efforts and my successes;〃 said Vital; returning to the

course of his self…laudation; 〃we are coming to hats with round

headpieces。 It is to that I tend!〃



〃What obstacle is there?〃 asked Gazonal。



〃Cheapness; monsieur。 In the first place; very handsome silk hats can

be built for fifteen francs; which kills our business; for in Paris no

one ever has fifteen francs in his pocket to spend on a hat。 If a

beaver hat costs thirty; it is still the same thing When I say

beaver; I ought to state that there are not ten pounds of beaver skins

left in France。 That article is worth three hundred and fifty francs a

pound; and it takes an ounce for a hat。 Besides; a beaver hat isn't

really worth anything; the skin takes a wretched dye; gets rusty in

ten minutes under the sun; and heat puts it out of shape as well。 What

we call 'beaver' in the trade is neither more nor less than hare's…

skin。 The best qualities are made from 

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