unconscious comedians-第13节

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can　do　what　you　like　with　the　Chamber；　and　be　master　of　the

situation。〃



〃Maxime　has　trapped　them　both；〃　said　Leon　to　his　cousin；　〃that　fellow

is　like　a　fish　in　water　among　the　intrigues　of　the　Chamber。〃



〃Who　is　he？〃　asked　Gazonal。



〃An　ex…scoundrel　who　is　now　in　a　fair　way　to　become　an　ambassador；〃

replied　Bixiou。



〃Giraud！〃　said　Leon　to　the　councillor　of　state；　〃don't　leave　the

Chamber　without　asking　Rastignac　what　he　promised　to　tell　you　about　a

suit　you　are　to　render　a　decision　on　two　days　hence。　It　concerns　my

cousin　here；　I'll　go　and　see　you　to…morrow　morning　early　about　it。〃



The　three　friends　followed　the　three　deputies；　at　a　distance；　into　the

lobby。



〃Cousin；　look　at　those　two　men；〃　said　Leon；　pointing　out　to　him　a

former　minister　and　the　leader　of　the　Left　Centre。　〃Those　are　two　men

who　really　have　'the　ear　of　the　Chamber；'　and　who　are　called　in　jest

ministers　of　the　department　of　the　Opposition。　They　have　the　ear　of

the　Chamber　so　completely　that　they　are　always　pulling　it。〃



〃It　is　four　o'clock；〃　said　Bixiou；　〃let　us　go　back　to　the　rue　de

Berlin。〃



〃Yes；　you've　now　seen　the　heart　of　the　government；　cousin；　and　you

must　next　be　shown　the　ascarides；　the　taenia；　the　intestinal　worm；

the　republican；　since　I　must　needs　name　him；〃　said　Leon。



When　the　three　friends　were　once　more　packed　into　their　hackney…coach；

Gazonal　looked　at　his　cousin　and　Bixiou　like　a　man　who　had　a　mind　to

launch　a　flood　of　oratorical　and　Southern　bile　upon　the　elements。



〃I　distrusted　with　all　my　might　this　great　hussy　of　a　town；〃　he　rolled

out　in　Southern　accents；　〃but　since　this　morning　I　despise　her！　The

poor　little　province　you　think　so　petty　is　an　honest　girl；　but　Paris

is　a　prostitute；　a　greedy；　lying　comedian；　and　I　am　very　thankful　not

to　be　robbed　of　my　skin　in　it。〃



〃The　day　is　not　over　yet；〃　said　Bixiou；　sententiously；　winking　at

Leon。



〃And　why　do　you　complain　in　that　stupid　way；〃　said　Leon；　〃of　a

prostitution　to　which　you　will　owe　the　winning　of　your　lawsuit？　Do　you

think　you　are　more　virtuous　than　we；　less　of　a　comedian；　less　greedy；

less　liable　to　fall　under　some　temptation；　less　conceited　than　those

we　have　been　making　dance　for　you　like　puppets？〃



〃Try　me！〃



〃Poor　lad！〃　said　Leon；　shrugging　his　shoulders；　〃haven't　you　already

promised　Rastignac　your　electoral　influence？〃



〃Yes；　because　he　was　the　only　one　who　ridiculed　himself。〃



〃Poor　lad！〃　repeated　Bixiou；　〃why　slight　me；　who　am　always　ridiculing

myself？　You　are　like　a　pug…dog　barking　at　a　tiger。　Ha！　if　you　saw　us

really　ridiculing　a　man；　you'd　see　that　we　can　drive　a　sane　man　mad。〃



This　conversation　brought　Gazonal　back　to　his　cousin's　house；　where

the　sight　of　luxury　silenced　him；　and　put　an　end　to　the　discussion。

Too　late　he　perceived　that　Bixiou　had　been　making　him　pose。



At　half…past　five　o'clock；　the　moment　when　Leon　de　Lora　was　making　his

evening　toilet　to　the　great　wonderment　of　Gazonal；　who　counted　the

thousand　and　one　superfluities　of　his　cousin；　and　admired　the

solemnity　of　the　valet　as　he　performed　his　functions；　the　〃pedicure　of

monsieur〃　was　announced；　and　Publicola　Masson；　a　little　man　fifty

years　of　age；　made　his　appearance；　laid　a　small　box　of　instruments　on

the　floor；　and　sat　down　on　a　small　chair　opposite　to　Leon；　after

bowing　to　Gazonal　and　Bixiou。



〃How　are　matters　going　with　you？〃　asked　Leon；　delivering　to　Publicola

one　of　his　feet；　already　washed　and　prepared　by　the　valet。



〃I　am　forced　to　take　two　pupils；two　young　fellows　who；　despairing　of

fortune；　have　quitted　surgery　for　corporistics；　they　were　actually

dying　of　hunger；　and　yet　they　are　full　of　talent。〃



〃I'm　not　asking　you　about　pedestrial　affairs；　I　want　to　know　how　you

are　getting　on　politically。〃



Masson　gave　a　glance　at　Gazonal；　more　eloquent　than　any　species　of

question。



〃Oh！　you　can　speak　out；　that's　my　cousin；　in　a　way　he　belongs　to　you；

he　thinks　himself　legitimist。〃



〃Well！　we　are　coming　along；　we　are　advancing！　In　five　years　from　now

Europe　will　be　with　us。　Switzerland　and　Italy　are　fermenting　finely；

and　when　the　occasion　comes　we　are　all　ready。　Here；　in　Paris；　we　have

fifty　thousand　armed　men；　without　counting　two　hundred　thousand

citizens　who　haven't　a　penny　to　live　upon。〃



〃Pooh；〃　said　Leon；　〃how　about　the　fortifications？〃



〃Pie…crust；　we　can　swallow　them；〃　replied　Masson。



〃In　the　first　place；　we　sha'n't　let　the　cannon　in；　and；　in　the　second；

we've　got　a　little　machine　more　powerful　than　all　the　forts　in　the

world；a　machine；　due　to　a　doctor；　which　cured　more　people　during　the

short　time　we　worked　it　than　the　doctors　ever　killed。〃



〃How　you　talk！〃　exclaimed　Gazonal；　whose　flesh　began　to　creep　at

Publicola's　air　and　manner。



〃Ha！　that's　the　thing　we　rely　on！　We　follow　Saint…Just　and

Robespierre；　but　we'll　do　better　than　they；　they　were　timid；　and　you

see　what　came　of　it；　an　emperor！　the　elder　branch！　the　younger　branch！

The　Montagnards　didn't　lop　the　social　tree　enough。〃



〃Ah　ca！　you；　who　will　be；　they　tell　me；　consul；　or　something　of　that

kind；　tribune　perhaps；　be　good　enough　to　remember；〃　said　Bixiou；　〃that

I　have　asked　your　protection　for　the　last　dozen　years。〃



〃No　harm　shall　happen　to　you；　we　shall　need　wags；　and　you　can　take　the

place　of　Barere；〃　replied　the　corn…doctor。



〃And　I？〃　said　Leon。



〃Ah；　you！　you　are　my　client；　and　that　will　save　you；　for　genius　is　an

odious　privilege；　to　which　too　much　is　accorded　in　France；　we　shall　be

forced　to　annihilate　some　of　our　greatest　men　in　order　to　teach　others

to　be　simple　citizens。〃



The　corn…cutter　spoke　with　a　semi…serious；　semi…jesting　air　that　made

Gazonal　shudder。



〃So；〃　he　said；　〃there's　to　be　no　more　religion？〃



〃No　more　religion　OF　THE　STATE；〃　replied　the　pedicure；　emphasizing　the

last　words；　〃every　man　will　have　his　own。　It　is　very　fortunate　that

the　government　is　just　now　endowing　convents；　they'll　provide　our

funds。　Everything；　you　see；　conspires　in　our　favour。　Those　who　pity

the　peoples；　who　clamor　on　behalf　of　proletaries；　who　write　works

against　the　Jesuits；　who　busy　themselves　about　the　amelioration　of　no

matter　what；the　communists；　the　humanitarians；　the　philanthropists；

you　understand；all　these　people　are　our　advanced　guard。　While　we　are

storing　gunpowder；　they　are　making　the　tinder　which　the　spark　of　a

single　circumstance　will　ignite。〃



〃But　what　do　you　expect　will　make　the　happiness　of　France？〃　cried

Gazonal。



〃Equality　of　citizens　and　cheapness　of　provisions。　We　mean　that　there

will　be　no　persons　lacking　anything；　no　millionaires；　no　suckers　of

blood　and　victims。〃



〃That's　it！maximum　and　minimum；〃　said　Gazonal。



〃You've　said　it；〃　replied　the　corn…cutter；　decisively。



〃No　more　manufacturers？〃　asked　Gazonal。



〃The　state　will　manufacture。　We　shall　all　be　the　usufructuaries　of

France；　each　will　have　his　ration　as　on　board　ship；　and　all　the　world

will　work　according　to　their　capacity。〃



〃Ah！〃　said　Gazonal；　〃and　while　awaiting　the　time　when　you　can　cut　off

the　heads　of　aristocrats〃



〃I　cut　their　nails；〃　said　the　radical　republican；　putting　up　his　tools

and　finishing　the　jest　himself。



Then　he　bowed　very　politely　and　went　away。



〃Can　this　be　possible　in　1845？〃　cried　Gazonal。



〃If　there　were　time　we　could　show　you；〃　said　his　cousin；　〃all　the

personages　of　1793；　and　you　could　talk　with　them。　You　have　just　seen

Marat；　well！　we　know　Fouquier…Tinville；　Collot　d'Herbois；　Robespierre；

Chabot；　Fouche；　Barras；　there　is　even　a　magnificent　Madame　Roland。〃



〃Well；　the　tragic　is　not　lacking　in　your　play；〃　said　Gazonal。



〃It　is　six　o'clock。　Before　we　take　you　to　see　Odry　in　'Les

Saltimbauques'　to…night；〃　said　Leon　to　Gazonal；　〃we　must　go　and　pay　a

visit　to　Madame　Cadine；an　actress　whom　your　committee…man　Massol

cultivates；　and　to　whom　you　must　therefore　pay　the　most　assiduous

court。〃



〃And　as　it　is　all　important　that　you　conciliate　that　power；　I　am　going

to　give　you　a　few　instructions；〃　said　Bixiou。　〃Do　you　employ　workwomen

in　your　manufactory？〃



〃Of　course　I　do；〃　replied　Gazonal。



〃That's　all　I　want　to　know；〃　resumed　Bixiou。　〃You　are　not　married；　and

you　are　a　great〃



〃Yes！〃　cried　Gazonal；　〃you've　guessed　my　strong　point；　I'm　a　great

lover　of　women。〃



〃Well；　then！　if　you　will　execute　the　little　manoeuvre　which　I　am　about

to　prescribe　for　you；　you　will　taste；　without　spending　a　farthing；　the

sweets　to　be　found　in　the　good　graces　of　an　actress。〃



When　they　reached　the　rue　de　la　Victoire　where　the　celebrated　actress

lived；　Bixiou；　who　meditated　a　trick　upon　the　distrustful　provincial；

had　scarcely　finished　teaching　him　his　role；　but　Gazonal　was　quick；　as

we　shall　see；　to　take　a　hint。



The　three　friends　went　up　to　the　second　floor　of　a　rather　handsome

house；　and　found　Madame　Jenny　Cadine　just　finishing　dinner；　for　she

played　that　night　in　an