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Unconscious Comedians



by Honore de Balzac



Translated by Katharine Prescott Wormeley






DEDICATION



To Monsieur le Comte Jules de Castellane。











UNCONSCIOUS COMEDIANS







Leon de Lora; our celebrated landscape painter; belongs to one of the

noblest families of the Roussillon (Spanish originally) which;

although distinguished for the antiquity of its race; has been doomed

for a century to the proverbial poverty of hidalgos。 Coming;

light…footed; to Paris from the department of the Eastern Pyrenees;

with the sum of eleven francs in his pocket for all viaticum; he had

in some degree forgotten the miseries and privations of his childhood

and his family amid the other privations and miseries which are never

lacking to 〃rapins;〃 whose whole fortune consists of intrepid

vocation。 Later; the cares of fame and those of success were other

causes of forgetfulness。



If you have followed the capricious and meandering course of these

studies; perhaps you will remember Mistigris; Schinner's pupil; one of

the heroes of 〃A Start in Life〃 (Scenes from Private Life); and his

brief apparitions in other Scenes。 In 1845; this landscape painter;

emulator of the Hobbemas; Ruysdaels; and Lorraines; resembles no more

the shabby; frisky rapin whom we then knew。 Now an illustrious man; he

owns a charming house in the rue de Berlin; not far from the hotel de

Brambourg; where his friend Brideau lives; and quite close to the

house of Schinner; his early master。 He is a member of the Institute

and an officer of the Legion of honor; he is thirty…six years old; has

an income of twenty thousand francs from the Funds; his pictures sell

for their weight in gold; and (what seems to him more extraordinary

than the invitations he receives occasionally to court balls) his name

and fame; mentioned so often for the last sixteen years by the press

of Europe; has at last penetrated to the valley of the Eastern

Pyrenees; where vegetate three veritable Loras: his father; his eldest

brother; and an old paternal aunt; Mademoiselle Urraca y Lora。



In the maternal line the painter has no relation left except a cousin;

the nephew of his mother; residing in a small manufacturing town in

the department。 This cousin was the first to bethink himself of Leon。

But it was not until 1840 that Leon de Lora received a letter from

Monsieur Sylvestre Palafox…Castal…Gazonal (called simply Gazonal) to

which he replied that he was assuredly himself;that is to say; the

son of the late Leonie Gazonal; wife of Comte Fernand Didas y Lora。



During the summer of 1841 cousin Sylvestre Gazonal went to inform the

illustrious unknown family of Lora that their little Leon had not gone

to the Rio de la Plata; as they supposed; but was now one of the

greatest geniuses of the French school of painting; a fact the family

did not believe。 The eldest son; Don Juan de Lora assured his cousin

Gazonal that he was certainly the dupe of some Parisian wag。



Now the said Gazonal was intending to go to Paris to prosecute a

lawsuit which the prefect of the Eastern Pyrenees had arbitrarily

removed from the usual jurisdiction; transferring it to that of the

Council of State。 The worthy provincial determined to investigate this

act; and to ask his Parisian cousin the reason of such high…handed

measures。 It thus happened that Monsieur Gazonal came to Paris; took

shabby lodgings in the rue Croix…des…Petits…Champs; and was amazed to

see the palace of his cousin in the rue de Berlin。 Being told that the

painter was then travelling in Italy; he renounced; for the time

being; the intention of asking his advice; and doubted if he should

ever find his maternal relationship acknowledged by so great a man。



During the years 1843 and 1844 Gazonal attended to his lawsuit。 This

suit concerned a question as to the current and level of a stream of

water and the necessity of removing a dam; in which dispute the

administration; instigated by the abutters on the river banks; had

meddled。 The removal of the dam threatened the existence of Gazonal's

manufactory。 In 1845; Gazonal considered his cause as wholly lost; the

secretary of the Master of Petitions; charged with the duty of drawing

up the report; had confided to him that the said report would

assuredly be against him; and his own lawyer confirmed the statement。

Gazonal; though commander of the National Guard in his own town and

one of the most capable manufacturers of the department; found himself

of so little account in Paris; and he was; moreover; so frightened by

the costs of living and the dearness of even the most trifling things;

that he kept himself; all this time; secluded in his shabby lodgings。

The Southerner; deprived of his sun; execrated Paris; which he called

a manufactory of rheumatism。 As he added up the costs of his suit and

his living; he vowed within himself to poison the prefect on his

return; or to minotaurize him。 In his moments of deepest sadness he

killed the prefect outright; in gayer mood he contented himself with

minotaurizing him。



One morning as he ate his breakfast and cursed his fate; he picked up

a newspaper savagely。 The following lines; ending an article; struck

Gazonal as if the mysterious voice which speaks to gamblers before

they win had sounded in his ear: 〃Our celebrated landscape painter;

Leon de Lora; lately returned from Italy; will exhibit several

pictures at the Salon; thus the exhibition promises; as we see; to be

most brilliant。〃 With the suddenness of action that distinguishes the

sons of the sunny South; Gazonal sprang from his lodgings to the

street; from the street to a street…cab; and drove to the rue de

Berlin to find his cousin。



Leon de Lora sent word by a servant to his cousin Gazonal that he

invited him to breakfast the next day at the Cafe de Paris; but he was

now engaged in a matter which did not allow him to receive his cousin

at the present moment。 Gazonal; like a true Southerner; recounted all

his troubles to the valet。



The next day at ten o'clock; Gazonal; much too well…dressed for the

occasion (he had put on his bottle…blue coat with brass buttons; a

frilled shirt; a white waistcoat and yellow gloves); awaited his

amphitryon a full hour; stamping his feet on the boulevard; after

hearing from the master of the cafe that 〃these gentlemen〃 breakfasted

habitually between eleven and twelve o'clock。



〃Between eleven and half…past;〃 he said when he related his adventures

to his cronies in the provinces; 〃two Parisians dressed in simple

frock…coats; looking like NOTHING AT ALL; called out when they saw me

on the boulevard; 'There's our Gazonal!'〃



The speaker was Bixiou; with whom Leon de Lora had armed himself to

〃bring out〃 his provincial cousin; in other words; to make him pose。



〃'Don't be vexed; cousin; I'm at your service!' cried out that little

Leon; taking me in his arms;〃 related Gazonal on his return home。 〃The

breakfast was splendid。 I thought I was going blind when I saw the

number of bits of gold it took to pay that bill。 Those fellows must

earn their weight in gold; for I saw my cousin give the waiter THIRTY

SOUSthe price of a whole day's work!〃



During this monstrous breakfastadvisedly so called in view of six

dozen Osten oysters; six cutlets a la Soubise; a chicken a la Marengo;

lobster mayonnaise; green peas; a mushroom pasty; washed down with

three bottles of Bordeaux; three bottles of Champagne; plus coffee and

liqueurs; to say nothing of relishesGazonal was magnificent in his

diatribes against Paris。 The worthy manufacturer complained of the

length of the four…pound bread…loaves; the height of the houses; the

indifference of the passengers in the streets to one another; the

cold; the rain; the cost of hackney…coaches; all of which and much

else he bemoaned in so witty a manner that the two artists took a

mighty fancy to cousin Gazonal; and made him relate his lawsuit from

beginning to end。



〃My lawsuit;〃 he said in his Southern accent and rolling his r's; 〃is

a very simple thing; they want my manufactory。 I've employed here in

Paris a dolt of a lawyer; to whom I give twenty francs every time he

opens an eye; and he is always asleep。 He's a slug; who drives in his

coach; while I go afoot and he splashes me。 I see now I ought to have

had a carriage! On the other hand; that Council of State are a pack of

do…nothings; who leave their duties to little scamps every one of whom

is bought up by our prefect。 That's my lawsuit! They want my

manufactory! Well; they'll get it! and they must manage the best they

can with my workmen; a hundred of 'em; who'll make them sing another

tune before they've done with them。〃



〃Two years。 Ha! that meddling prefect! he shall pay dear for this;

I'll have his life if I have to give mine on the scaffold〃



〃Which state councillor presides over your section?〃



〃A former newspaper man;doesn't pay ten 

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