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第41节

jeremy-第41节

小说: jeremy 字数: 每页4000字

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these rites and services because 〃she always made Barbara cry。〃

She was; therefore; very much alone; and felt all her injuries twice
as deeply as she had felt them before。 Hamlet began to be an
obsession with her。 She had always had a habit of talking to
herself; and now she could be heard telling herself that if it were
not for the dog; Jeremy would always be with her; would play with
her; walk with her; laugh with her as he used to do。 She acquired
now an awkward habit of gazing at him with passionate intensity。 He
would raise his eyes and find the great moon…faced spectacles fixed
upon him with a beseeching; reproachful glare in the light of them。
This would irritate him intensely。 He would say:

〃You'll know me next time; Mary。〃

She would blush crimson and then; with trembling mouth; answer:

〃I wasn't looking。〃

〃Yes; you were。〃

〃No; I wasn't。〃

〃Of course; you werestaring as though I were an Indian or
Chinaman。 If my face is dirty; say so。〃

〃It isn't dirty。〃

〃Well; then〃

〃You're always so cross。〃

〃I'm not crossonly you're so silly〃

〃You usen't always to say I was silly。 Now you always doevery
minute。〃

〃So you are。〃 Then as he saw the tears coming he would get up and go
away。 He didn't mean to be unkind to her; he was fond of herbut he
hated scenes。

〃Mary's always howling about something now;〃 he confided to Helen。

〃Is she?〃 Helen answered with indifference。 〃Mary's such a baby。〃

So Mary began to attribute everything to the dog。 It seemed to her
then that she met the animal everywhere。 Cow Farm was a rambling
building; with dark; uneven stairs; low…ceilinged rooms; queer; odd
corners; and sudden unexpected doors。 It seemed to Mary as though in
this place there were two Hamlets。 When; in the evening she went to
her room; hurrying through the passages for fear of what she might
see; stumbling over the uneven boards; sniffling the mice and straw
under the smell of her tallow candle; suddenly out of nowhere at all
Hamlet would appear scurrying along; like the White Rabbit; intent
on serious business。

He came so softly and with so sudden a flurry and scatter when she
did hear him that her heart would beat for minutes afterwards; and
she would not dare that night to search; as she usually did; for
burglars under her bed; but would lie; quaking; hot and staring;
unable to sleep。 When at last dreams came they would be haunted by a
monstrous dog; all hair and eyes; who; with padding feet; would
track her round and round a room from which there was no escape。
Hamlet; being one of the wisest of dogs; very quickly discovered
that Mary hated him。 He was not a sentimental dog; and he did not
devote his time to inventing ways in which he might placate his
enemy; he simply avoided her。 But he could not hinder a certain
cynical and ironic pleasure that he had of; so to speak; flaunting
his master in her face。 He clung to Jeremy more resolutely than
ever; would jump up at him; lick his hands and tumble about in front
of him whenever Mary was there; and then suddenly; very straight and
very grave; would stare at her as though he were the most devout and
obedient dog in the place。 Indeed; he bore her no malice; he could
afford to disregard the Marys of this world; and of women in general
he had a poor opinion。 But he loved to tease; and Mary was an easy
prey。 He had his fun with her。

After the affair of the sea…picnic; Jeremy was for some time under a
cloud。 It was felt that he was getting too big for anyone to manage。
It was not that he was wicked; not that he kept bad company with the
boys on the farm; or was dishonest; or told lies; or stole things
no; he gave no one that kind of anxietybut that he was developing
quite unmistakably a will of his own; and had a remarkable way of
doing what he wanted without being actually disobedient; which was
very puzzling to his elders。 Being a little in disgrace he went off
more than ever by himself; always appearing again at the appointed
time; but telling no one where he had been or what he had been
doing。 His father had no influence over him at all; whilst Uncle
Samuel could make him do whatever he wantedand this; as Aunt Amy
said; 〃was really a pity。〃

〃It's a good thing he's going to school in September;〃 sighed his
mother。 〃He's getting out of women's hands。〃

Mary longed with feverish longing to share in his adventures。 If
only he would tell her what he did on these walks of his。 But no;
only Hamlet knew。 Perhaps; if he did not go with the dog he would go
with her。 When this idea crept into her brain she seized it and
clutched it。 That was all he wanteda companion! Were Hamlet not
there he would take her。 Were Hamlet not there。 。 。 She began to
brood over this。 She wandered。 。 。 She considered。 She shuddered at
her own wickedness; she tried to drive the thoughts from her head;
but they kept coming。

After all; no one need know。 For a day or two Jeremy would be sorry
and then he would forget。 She knew the man who went round selling
dogsselling dogs and buying them。

She shuddered at her wickedness。




III


The last days of August came; and with them the last week of the
holiday。 Already there was a scent of autumn in the air; leaves were
turning gold and red; and the evenings came cool and sudden; upon
the hot summer afternoons。 Mary was not very well; she had caught a
cold somewhere; and existed in the irritating condition of going out
one day and being held indoors the next。 This upset her temper; and
at night she had nightmares; in which she saw clouds of smoke
crawling in at her window; snakes on the floor; and crimson flames
darting at her from the ceiling。 It was because she was in an
abnormal condition of health that the idea of doing something with
Hamlet had gained such a hold upon her。 She considered the matter
from every point of view。 She did not want to be cruel to the dog;
she supposed that after a week or two he would be quite happy with
his new master; and; in any case; he had strolled in so casually
upon the Cole family that he was accustomed to a wandering life。

She did not intend that anyone should know。 It was to be a deep
secret all of her own。

Jeremy was going to school in September; and before then she must
make him friendly to her again。 She saw stretching in front of her
all the lonely autumn without him and her own memories of the
miserable summer to make her wretched。 She was an extremely
sentimental little girl。

As always happens when one is meditating with a placated conscience
a wicked deed; the opportunity was suddenly offered to Mary of
achieving her purpose。 One morning Jeremy; after refusing to listen
to one of Mary's long romances; lost his temper。

〃I can't stop;〃 he said。 〃You bother and bother and bother。 Aunt Amy
says you nearly make her mad。〃

〃I don't care what Aunt Amy says;〃 Mary on the edge of tears
replied。

〃Hamlet and I are going out。 And I'm sick of your silly old
stories。〃 Then he suddenly stopped and gazed at Mary; who was
beginning; as usual; to weep。

〃Look here; Mary; what's been the matter with you lately?  You're
always crying now or something。 And you look at me as though I'd
done something dreadful。 I haven't done anything。〃

〃Ineversaid youhad;〃 Mary gulped out。 He rubbed his nose in a
way that he had when he was puzzled。

〃If it's anything I do; tell me。 It's so silly always crying。 The
holidays will be over soon; and you've done nothing but cry。〃

〃You'reneverwith menow;〃 Mary sobbed。

〃Well; I've been busy。〃

〃You haven't。 You can't be busy allby yourself。〃

〃Oh; yes; you can。〃 He was getting impatient。 〃Anyway; you might let
Hamlet and me alone。 You're always bothering one of us。〃

〃No; I'm not。〃 She choked an enormous sob and burst out with: 〃It's
always Hamlet now。 I wish he'd nevercome。 It was much nicer
before。〃

Then he lost his temper。 〃Oh; you're a baby! I'm sick of you and
your nonsense;〃 he cried; and stamped off。

In Mary's red…rimmed eyes; as she watched him go; determination
grew。

It happened that upon the afternoon of that same day Miss Jones
announced that she would take Mary for a walk; then; just as they
passed through the farm gates; Hamlet; rushing out; joined them。 He
did not often honour them with his company; despising women most
especially when they walked; but to…day his master was busy digging
for worms in the vegetable garden; and; after a quarter of an hour's
contemplation of this fascinating occupation; he had wandered off in
search of a livelier game。 He decided to join Miss Jones; he could
do what he pleased; he could amuse himself with her ineffectual
attempts to keep him in order; and he could irritate Mary; so he
danced along; with his tail in the air; barking at imaginary rats
and poking his nose into hedges。

Mary; with a sudden tightened clutching of the heart; realised that
her hour was upon her。 She felt so wicked as she realised this that
she wondered that the ground didn't open up and swallow her; as it
had done with those unfortunate people in the Bible。 But no; the
world was calm。 Little white milky clouds raced in lines and circles
across the sky; and once and again a leaf floated from a

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