jeremy-第21节
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little with the tide; one light gleaming and swinging against the
pale glow of the dusky horizon。 The church clock struck four below
the hill; he was still on the high road waiting; his eyes straining
for figures。 。 。 He was prepared for some journey; because he had at
his feet a bundle。 And he knew that he ought not to be there。 He
knew that something awful was about to happen and that; when it had
occurred; he would be committed always to something or someone。 。 。
A little cold breeze then would rise in the hedges and against the
silence that followed the chiming of the clock he could hear first
the bleating of a sheep; then a sudden pounding of the sea as though
the breakers responded to the sudden rising of the wind; then the
hoofs of a horse; clear and hard; upon the road。 。 。 At that moment
the picture clouded and was dim。 Had this been a dream? Was it
simply a confusion of summer visits to Rafiel; stories told him by
Mary; pictures in books (a fine illustrated edition of 〃Redgauntlet〃
had been a treasure to him since he was a baby); the exciting figure
of the Captain; and the beginning of spring? And yet the vision was
so vividly detailed that it was precisely like a remembered event。
He had always seen things in pictures; punishment meant standing in
the corner counting the ships on the wallpaper; summer holidays
meant the deep green meadows of Cow Farm; or a purple pool under an
afternoon sun; religion meant walking up the great wide aisle of the
Cathedral in creaking boots and clean underclothes; and so on。 It
was nothing new for him to make a picture; and to let that picture
stand for a whole complex phase of life。 But this? What had it to do
with the Sea…Captain; aud why was it; as he knew in his heart that
it was; wicked and wrong and furtive? For this had begun as a high
adventurous romance。 There had been nothing wrong in that first talk
in the Meads; when the Captain had shown him the tatooes。 The
wickedness of it had developed partly with his growing longing to
see the Captain again; partly with the meeting that actually
followed; and partly with the sense that grew and grew as the days
passed that the Captain was always watching him。
The Captain; during these weeks; seemed to be everywhere。 Never was
there an afternoon that Jeremy walked out with Miss Jones and his
sisters that he did not appear。 It was not very difficult to snatch
a conversation with him。 Because the beauty of the spring weather
continued; the children went every day for a walk in the Meads; and
on at least three separate occasions Jeremy and the Captain enjoyed
quite long conversations together。 These were; none of them; so good
as that first one had been。 The Captain was not so genial; nor so
light…hearted; it seemed that he had something on his mind。
Sometimes he put his hand on Jeremy's shoulder; and the heavy
pressure of his great fingers made Jeremy tremble; partly with
terror; partly with pleasure。 His face; also; was scarcely so
agreeable as it had seemed at first sight。 His tremendous nose
seemed to burn down upon Jeremy like a malignant fire。 His eyes were
so small that sometimes they disappeared under his fat cheeks
altogether; or only gleamed like little sharp points of light from
under his heavy; shaggy eyebrows。 Then; although he tried to make
his voice pleasant; Jeremy felt that that complaisant friendliness
was not his natural tone。 Sometimes there would be a sharp; barking
note that made Jeremy jump and his cheek pale。 The Captain told him
no more fascinating stories; and when Jeremy wanted to know about
the ship with the diamonds and rubies and the little sea village
where she lay hid and the Caribbees natives; and the chances of
becoming a cabin boy; and the further exploitation of the tatooes
all these things the Captain brushed aside as though they no longer
interested him in the least。 He; on the other hand; wanted now to
know exactly where Jeremy lived; what the house was like; where the
back doors were; how the windows opened; where Jeremy slept; and so
on。 Jeremy; pleased at this interest in his daily life; told him as
many things as he could; hoping to pass on afterwards to more
exciting topics; how; for instance; the kitchen windows were
fastened always last thing at night; but you could undo them from
the garden if you liked with your knife; and Jeremy knew this
because Uncle Samuel had done it once on a Sunday afternoon when the
maids were all out and he'd forgotten his door key。 He would have
told the Captain all about the schoolroom and the toy village and
the Jampot and the fun they had had teasing Miss Jones had not; the
Captain fiercely told him that these things did not interest him;
and that he had better just answer the questions that were put to
him。 It was indeed strange to see how; with every interview; the
Captain grew fiercer and fiercer and sharper and sharper。 He made no
allusions now to 〃'is little nipper;〃 said nothing about that holy
soul his mother; and never mentioned his liking for Jeremy。 There
was evidently something on his mind; and if he had seemed mysterious
at their first meeting it was nothing to the secrecy that he
practised now。
And yet; in spite of all this; his hold over Jeremy grew and grew。
That dream of the bending white road was always with Jeremy。 He
could think of nothing but the Captain; and while he was certainly
afraid and would jump at the slightest sound; he was also certainly
excited beyond all earlier experience。 He longed; as he lay awake at
night; to see the Captain。 He seemed to have always in front of his
eyes the great wall of a chest with the blue ship on it; and the
bolster legs; and the gigantic hands。 Strangest of all was the sense
of evil that came with the attraction。
He longed to be in the man's company as he longed to do something
that he had been always told not to do; and when he caught sight of
him a sudden; hot; choking hand was pressed upon his heart; and he
was terrified; delighted; frightened; ashamed; all in one。 The
Captain always alluded to the things that he would tell him; would
show him one day〃When you come to my little place I'll teach yer a
thing or two〃and Jeremy would wonder for hours what this little
place would be like and what the Captain would teach him。 Meanwhile;
he saw him everywhere; even when he was not therebehind lamp…
posts; at street corners; behind the old woman's umbrella in the
market…place; peering round the statues in the Cathedral; jerking up
his head from behind chimney pots; looking through the nursery
windows just when dusk was coming on; in the passages; under stairs;
out in the dark gardenand always behind him that horrid dream of
the dead… white road and the shingly Cove。 。 。 Yes; poor Jeremy was
truly haunted。
IV
That Miss Jones suspected nothing of these meetings must be
attributed partly to that lady's habit of wrapping herself in her
own thoughts on her walks abroad; and partly to her natural short…
sightedness。 Once Mary said that she had noticed 〃a horrid man with
a red face〃 staring at them; but Miss Jones; although she was not a
vain woman; thought it nevertheless quite natural that men should
stare; and fancied more frequently that they did so than was
strictly the truth。
Jeremy; meanwhile; was occupied now with the thought as to what he
would do did the Captain really want him to go away with him。 He
discussed it with himself; but he did not doubt what he would do; he
would go。 And he would go; he knew; with fear and dread; and with a
longing to stay; and be warm in the schoolroom; and have jam for
tea; and half an hour before bedtime downstairs; and Yorkshire
pudding on Sundays。 But the Captain could make him do anything。 。 。
Yes; the Captain could make him do anything。 。 。
His afternoon walks now were prolonged agonies。 He would turn his
head at every moment; would stare into dark corners; would start at
the sound of steps。 His sleep now was broken with horrid dreams; and
he would jump up and cry out; and one night he actually dreamt of
his dead…white road and the sounds that came up from below the hill;
the bell and the sea; and the distant rattle of the little carts。
Then the Captain drew near to the very house itself。 He haunted
Orange Street; could be seen lounging against a lamp…post opposite
the High School; looked once into the very garden of the Coles;
Jeremy watching him with beating heart from the schoolroom window。
It was incredible to Jeremy that no one else of the house perceived
him; but no one ever mentioned him; and this made it appear all the
more a dream; as though the Captain were invisible to everyone save
himself。 He began to hate him even more than he feared him; and yet
with that hatred the pleasure and excitement remained。 I remember
how; years ago in Polchester; when I could not have been more than
six years old; I myself was haunted with exactly that same mixture
of pleasure and horror by the figure of a hunch…backed pedlar who
used to come to our town。 Many years after I heard that he had been
hung for the murder of some wretched woman who had accompanied him
on some of his journeys。 I was not surprised; but when I heard the