the heir of redclyffe-第86节
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through the very worst; yet I can hardly believe it now。'
'Guy;' said Amy; looking up; with the gentle resolution that had lately
grown on her; 'you must not take me for more than I am worth; and I
should like to tell you fairly。 I did not speak last time; because it
was all so strange and so delightful; and I had no time to think;
because I was so confused。 But that is a long time ago; and this has
been a very sad winter; and I have thought a great deal。 I know; and
you know; too; that I am a foolish little thing; I have been silly
little Amy always; you and Charlie have helped me to all the sense I
have; and I don't think I could ever be a clever; strong…minded woman;
such as one admires。'
'Heaven forbid!' ejaculated Guy; moved; perhaps; by a certain
remembrance of St。 Mildred's。
'But;' continued Amy; 'I believe I do really wish to be good; and I
know you have helped me to wish it much more; and I have been trying to
learn to bear things; and so'out came something; very like a sunny
smile; though some tears followed'so if you do like such a silly
little thing; it can't be helped; and we will try to make the best of
her。 Only don't say any more about my being happier without you; for
one thing I am very sure of; Guy; I had rather bear anything with you;
than know you were bearing it alone。 I am only afraid of being foolish
and weak; and making things worse for you。'
'So much worse! But still;' he added; 'speak as you may; my Amy; I
cannot; must not; feel that I have a right to think of you as my own;
till you have heard all。 You ought to know what my temper is before
you risk yourself in its power。 Amy; my first thought towards Philip
was nothing short of murder。'
She raised her eyes; and saw how far entirely he meant what he said。
'The firstnot the second;' she murmured。
'Yes; the secondthe third。 There was a moment when I could have
given my soul for my revenge!'
'Only a moment!'
'Only a moment; thank Heaven! and I have not done quite so badly since。
I hope I have not suffered quite in vain; but if that shock could
overthrow all my wonted guards; it might; though I pray Heaven it may
not; it might happen again。'
'I think you conquered yourself then; and that you will again;' said
Amy。
'And suppose I was ever to be mad enough to be angry with you?'
Amy smiled outright here。 'Of course; I should deserve it; but I think
the trouble would be the comforting you afterwards。 Mamma said'she
added; after a long silence; during which Guy's feeling would not let
him speak'mamma said; and I think; that you are much safer and better
with such a quick temper as yours; because you are always struggling
and fighting with it; on the real true religious ground; than a person
more even tempered by nature; but not so much in earnest in doing
right。'
'Yes; if I did not believe myself to be in earnest about that; I could
never dare to speak to you at all。'
'We will help each other;' said Amy; 'you have always helped me; long
before we knew we cared for each other!'
'And; Amy; if you knew how the thought of you helped me last winter;
even when I thought I had forfeited you for ever。'
Their talk only ceased when; at one o'clock; Mrs。 Edmonstone; who had
pronounced in the dressing…room that three hours was enough for them at
once; came in; and asked Guy to go and help to carry Charles down…
stairs。
He went; and Amy nestled up to her mother; raising her face to be
kissed。
'It is very nice!' she whispered; and then arranged her brother's sofa;
as she heard his progress down…stairs beginning。 He was so light and
thin as to be very easily carried; and was brought in between Guy and
one of the servants。 When he was settled on the sofa; he began thus;
'There was a grand opportunity lost last winter。 I was continually
rehearsing the scene; and thinking what waste it was to go through such
a variety of torture without the dignity of danger。 If I could but
have got up ever so small an alarm; I would have conjured my father to
send for Guy; entreated pathetically that the reconciliation might be
effected; and have drawn my last breath clasping their hands; thus!
The curtain falls!'
He made a feint of joining their hands; put his head back; and shut his
eyes with an air and a grace that put Charlotte into an ecstasy; and
made even Amy laugh; as she quitted the room; blushing。
'But if it had been your last breath;' said Charlotte; 'you would not
have been much the wiser。'
'I would have come to life again in time to enjoy the 〃coup de
theatre〃。 I had some thoughts of trying an overdose of opium; but I
thought Dr。 Mayerne would have found me out。 I tell you; because it is
fair I should have the credit; for; Guy; if you knew what she was to me
all the winter; you would perceive my superhuman generosity in not
receiving you as my greatest enemy。'
'I shall soon cease to be surprised at any superhuman generosity;' said
Guy。 'But how thin you are; Charlie; you are a very feather to carry;
I had no notion it had been such a severe business。'
'Most uncommon!' said Charles; shaking his head; with a mock solemnity。
'It was the worst of all;' said Mrs。 Edmonstone; 'six weeks of constant
pain。'
'How very sorry Philip must have been!' exclaimed Guy。
'Philip?' said Charlotte。
'Why; was it not owing to him? Surely; your father told me so。 Did
not he let you fall on the stairs?'
'My dear father!' exclaimed Charles; laughing; every disaster that
happens for the next twelvemonth will be imputed to Philip。'
'How was it; then?' said Guy。
'The fact was this;' said Charles; 'it was in the thick of the
persecution of you; and I was obliged to let Philip drag me upstairs;
because I was in a hurry。 He took the opportunity of giving me some
impertinent advice which I could not stand。 I let go his arm;
forgetting what a dependent mortal I am; and down I should assuredly
have gone; if he had not caught me; and carried me off; as a fox does a
goose; so it was his fault; as one may say; in a moral; though not in a
physical sense。'
'Then;' said his mother; 'you do think your illness was owing to that
accident?'
'I suppose the damage was brewing; and that the shake brought it into
an active state。 There's a medical opinion for you!'
'Well; I never knew what you thought of it before;' said Mrs。
Edmonstone。
'Why; when I had a condor to pick on Guy's account with Philip; I was
not going to pick a crow on my own;' said Charles。 'Oh! is luncheon
ready; and you all going? I never see anybody now。 I want the story
of the shipwreck; though; of course; Ben What's…his…name was the hero;
and Sir Guy Morville not a bit of it。'
Laura wanted to walk to East Hill; and the other young people agreed to
go thither; too。
'It will be nice to go to church there to…day' said Amy; in a half…
whisper; heard only by Guy; and answered by a look that showed how well
he understood and sympathized。
'Another thing;' said Amy; colouring a good deal; 'shall you mind my
telling Mary? I behaved so oddly last night; and she was so kind to me
that I think I ought。'
Mary had seen enough last night to be very curious to…day; though
hardly expecting her curiosity to be gratified。 However; as she was
putting on her bonnet for church; she looked out of her window; and saw
the four coming across the fields from Hollywell。 Guy and Amy did not
walk into the village arm…in…arm; but; as they came under the church
porch; Guy; unseen by all held out his hand; sought hers; and; for one
moment; pressed it fervently。 Amy knew he felt this like their
betrothal。
After the service; they stood talking with Mr。 Ross and Mary; for some
little time。 Amy held apart; and Mary saw how it was。 As they were
about to turn homewards; Amy said quickly; 'Come and walk a little way
home with me。'
She went on with Mary before the rest; and when out of sight of them
all; said; 'Mary!' and then stopped short。
'I guess something; Amy;' said Mary。
'Don't tell any one but Mr。 Ross。'
'Then I have guessed right。 My dear little Amy; I am very glad! So
that was the reason you flew out of the room last evening; and looked
so bright and glowing!'
'It was so good of you to ask no questions!'
'I don't think I need ask any now; Amy; for I see in your face how
right and happy it all is。'
'I can't tell you all; Mary; but I must one thing;that the whole
terrible story arose from his helping a person in distress。 I like you
to know that。'
'Papa was always sure that he had not been to blame;' said Mary。
'Yes; so Charlie told me; and that is the reason I wanted you to know。'
'Then; Amy; something of this had begun last summer?'