the essays of montaigne, v1-第6节

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steady　resolution；　and　（after　all　said）　admirable。　　I　well　foresaw　that；
if　his　illness　permitted　him　to　express　himself；　he　would　allow　nothing
to　fall　from　him；　in　such　an　extremity；　that　was　not　replete　with　good
example。　　I　consequently　took　every　care　in　my　power　to　treasure　what　was
said。　　True　it　is；　Monseigneur；　as　my　memory　is　not　only　in　itself　very
short；　but　in　this　case　affected　by　the　trouble　which　I　have　undergone；
through　so　heavy　and　important　a　loss；　that　I　have　forgotten　a　number　of
things　which　I　should　wish　to　have　had　known；　but　those　which　I　recollect
shall　be　related　to　you　as　exactly　as　lies　in　my　power。　　For　to　represent
in　full　measure　his　noble　career　suddenly　arrested；　to　paint　to　you　his
indomitable　courage；　in　a　body　worn　out　and　prostrated　by　pain　and　the
assaults　of　death；　I　confess；　would　demand　a　far　better　ability　than
mine：　because；　although；　when　in　former　years　he　discoursed　on　serious
and　important　matters；　he　handled　them　in　such　a　manner　that　it　was
difficult　to　reproduce　exactly　what　he　said；　yet　his　ideas　and　his　words
at　the　last　seemed　to　rival　each　other　in　serving　him。　　For　I　am　sure
that　I　never　knew　him　give　birth　to　such　fine　conceptions；　or　display　so
much　eloquence；　as　in　the　time　of　his　sickness。　　If；　Monseigneur；　you
blame　me　for　introducing　his　more　ordinary　observations；　please　to　know
that　I　do　so　advisedly；　for　since　they　proceeded　from　him　at　a　season　of
such　great　trouble；　they　indicate　the　perfect　tranquillity　of　his　mind
and　thoughts　to　the　last。

On　Monday；　the　9th　day　of　August　1563；　on　my　return　from　the　Court；　I
sent　an　invitation　to　him　to　come　and　dine　with　me。　　He　returned　word
that　he　was　obliged；　but；　being　indisposed；　he　would　thank　me　to　do　him
the　pleasure　of　spending　an　hour　with　him　before　he　started　for　Medoc。
Shortly　after　my　dinner　I　went　to　him。　　He　had　laid　himself　down　on　the
bed　with　his　clothes　on；　and　he　was　already；　I　perceived；　much　changed。
He　complained　of　diarrhoea；　accompanied　by　the　gripes；　and　said　that　he
had　it　about　him　ever　since　he　played　with　M。　d'Escars　with　nothing　but
his　doublet　on；　and　that　with　him　a　cold　often　brought　on　such　attacks。
I　advised　him　to　go　as　he　had　proposed；　but　to　stay　for　the　night　at
Germignac；　which　is　only　about　two　leagues　from　the　town。　　I　gave　him
this　advice；　because　some　houses；　near　to　that　where　he　was　ping；　were
visited　by　the　plague；　about　which　he　was　nervous　since　his　return　from
Perigord　and　the　Agenois；　here　it　had　been　raging；　and；　besides；　horse
exercise　was；　from　my　own　experience；　beneficial　under　similar
circumstances。　　He　set　out；　accordingly；　with　his　wife　and　M。
Bouillhonnas；　his　uncle。

Early　on　the　following　morning；　however；　I　had　intelligence　from　Madame
de　la　Boetie；　that　in　the　night　he　had　fresh　and　violent　attack　of
dysentery。　　She　had　called　in　physician　and　apothecary；　and　prayed　me　to
lose　no　time　coming；　which　（after　dinner）　I　did。　　He　was　delighted　to　see
me；　and　when　I　was　going　away；　under　promise　to　turn　the　following　day；
he　begged　me　more　importunately　and　affectionately　than　he　was　wont　to
do；　to　give　him　as　such　of　my　company　as　possible。　　I　was　a　little
affected；　yet　was　about　to　leave；　when　Madame　de　la　Boetie；　as　if　she
foresaw　something　about　to　happen；　implored　me　with　tears　to　stay　the
night。　　When　I　consented；　he　seemed　to　grow　more　cheerful。　　I　returned
home　the　next　day；　and　on　the　Thursday　I　paid　him　another　visit。　　He　had
become　worse；　and　his　loss　of　blood　from　the　dysentery；　which　reduced　his
strength　very　much；　was　largely　on　the　increase。　　I　quitted　his　side　on
Friday；　but　on　Saturday　I　went　to　him；　and　found　him　very　weak。　　He　then
gave　me　to　understand　that　his　complaint　was　infectious；　and；　moreover；
disagreeable　and　depressing；　and　that　he；　knowing　thoroughly　my
constitution；　desired　that　I　should　content　myself　with　coming　to　see　him
now　and　then。　　On　the　contrary；　after　that　I　never　left　his　side。

It　was　only　on　the　Sunday　that　he　began　to　converse　with　me　on　any
subject　beyond　the　immediate　one　of　his　illness；　and　what　the　ancient
doctors　thought　of　it：　we　had　not　touched　on　public　affairs；　for　I　found
at　the　very　outset　that　he　had　a　dislike　to　them。

But；　on　the　Sunday；　he　had　a　fainting　fit；　and　when　he　came　to　himself；
he　told　me　that　everything　seemed　to　him　confused；　as　if　in　a　mist　and　in
disorder；　and　that；　nevertheless；　this　visitation　was　not　unpleasing　to
him。　　〃Death；〃　I　replied；　〃has　no　worse　sensation；　my　brother。〃　　〃None　so
bad；〃　was　his　answer。　　He　had　had　no　regular　sleep　since　the　beginning　of
his　illness；　and　as　he　became　worse　and　worse；　he　began　to　turn　his
attention　to　questions　which　men　commonly　occupy　themselves　with　in　the
last　extremity；　despairing　now　of　getting　better；　and　intimating　as　much
to　me。　　On　that　day；　as　he　appeared　in　tolerably　good　spirits；　I　took
occasion　to　say　to　him　that；　in　consideration　of　the　singular　love　I　bore
him；　it　would　become　me　to　take　care　that　his　affairs；　which　he　had
conducted　with　such　rare　prudence　in　his　life；　should　not　be　neglected　at
present；　and　that　I　should　regret　it　if；　from　want　of　proper　counsel；　he
should　leave　anything　unsettled；　not　only　on　account　of　the　loss　to　his
family；　but　also　to　his　good　name。

He　thanked　me　for　my　kindness；　and　after　a　little　reflection；　as　if　he
was　resolving　certain　doubts　in　his　own　mind；　he　desired　me　to　summon　his
uncle　and　his　wife　by　themselves；　in　order　that　he　might　acquaint　them
with　his　testamentary　dispositions。　　I　told　him　that　this　would　shock
them。　　〃No；　no；〃　he　answered；　〃I　will　cheer　them　by　making　out　my　case　to
be　better　than　it　is。〃　　And　then　he　inquired；　whether　we　were　not　all
much　taken　by　surprise　at　his　having　fainted？　　I　replied；　that　it　was　of
no　importance；　being　incidental　to　the　complaint　from　which　he　suffered。
〃True；　my　brother；〃　said　he；　〃it　would　be　unimportant；　even　though　it
should　lead　to　what　you　most　dread。〃　　〃For　you；〃　I　rejoined；　〃it　might　be
a　happy　thing；　but　I　should　be　the　loser；　who　would　thereby　be　deprived
of　so　great；　so　wise；　and　so　steadfast　a　friend；　a　friend　whose　place　I
should　never　see　supplied。〃　　〃It　is　very　likely　you　may　not；〃　was　his
answer；　〃and　be　sure　that　one　thing　which　makes　me　somewhat　anxious　to
recover；　and　to　delay　my　journey　to　that　place；　whither　I　am　already
half…way　gone；　is　the　thought　of　the　loss　both　you　and　that　poor　man　and
woman　there　（referring　to　his　uncle　and　wife）　must　sustain；　for　I　love
them　with　my　whole　heart；　and　I　feel　certain　that　they　will　find　it　very
hard　to　lose　me。　　I　should　also　regret　it　on　account　of　such　as　have；　in
my　lifetime；　valued　me；　and　whose　conversation　I　should　like　to　have
enjoyed　a　little　longer；　and　I　beseech　you；　my　brother；　if　I　leave　the
world；　to　carry　to　them　for　me　an　assurance　of　the　esteem　I　entertained
for　them　to　the　last　moment　of　my　existence。　　My　birth　was；　moreover；
scarcely　to　so　little　purpose　but　that；　had　I　lived；　I　might　have　done
some　service　to　the　public；　but；　however　this　may　be；　I　am　prepared　to
submit　to　the　will　of　God；　when　it　shall　please　Him　to　call　me；　being
confident　of　enjoying　the　tranquillity　which　you　have　foretold　for　me。
As　for　you；　my　friend；　I　feel　sure　that　you　are　so　wise；　that　you　will
control　your　emotions；　and　submit　to　His　divine　ordinance　regarding　me；
and　I　beg　of　you　to　see　that　that　good　man　and　woman　do　not　mourn　for　my
departure　unnecessarily。〃

He　proceeded　to　inquire　how　they　behaved　at　present。　　〃Very　well；〃　said
I；　〃considering　the　circumstances。〃　　〃Ah！〃　　he　replied；　〃that　is；　so　long
as　they　do　not　abandon　all　hope　of　me；　but　when　that　shall　be　the　case；
you　will　have　a　hard　task　to　support　them。〃　　It　was　owing　to　his　strong
regard　for　his　wife　and　uncle　that　he　studiously　disguised　from　them　his
own　conviction　as　to　the　certainty　of　his　end；　and　he　prayed　me　to　do　the
same。　　When　they　were　near　him　he　assumed　an　appearance　of　gaiety；　and
flattered　them　with　hopes。　　I　then　went　to　call　them。　　They　came；　wearing
as　composed　an　air　as　possible；　and　when　we　four　were　together；　he
addressed　us；　with　an　untroubled　countenance；　as　follows：　〃Uncle　and
wife；　rest　assured　that　no　new　attack　of　my　disease；　or　fresh　doubt　that
I　have　as　to　my　recovery；　has　led　me　to　take　this　step　of　communicating
to　you　my　intentions；　for；　thank　God；　I　feel　very　well　and　hopeful；　but
taught　by　observation　and　experience　the　instability　of　all　human　things；
and　even　of　the　life　to　which　we　are　so　much　attached；　and　which　is；
nevertheless；　a　mere　bubble；　and　knowing；　moreover；　that　my　state　of
health　brings　me　more　within　the　danger　of　death；　I　have　thought　proper
to　settle　my　worldly　affairs；　having　the　benefit　of　your　advice。〃　　Then
addressing　himself　more　particularly　to　his　uncle；　〃Good　uncle；〃　said　he；
〃if　I　were　to　rehearse　all　the　obligations　under　which　I　lie　to　you；　I　am
sure　that　I　never　should　make　an　end。　　Let　me　only　say　that；　wherever　I
have　been；　and　with　whomsoever　I　have　conversed；　I　have　represented　you
as　doing　for　me　all　that　a　father　could　do　for　a　son；　both　in　the　care
with　which　you　tended　my　education；　and　in　the　zeal　with　which　you　pushed
me　forward　int