dream days(做梦的日子)-第4节
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DREAM DAYS
Billy would never come back any more； and I stared out of the window at
the sun which came back； right enough； every day； and their news
conveyed nothing whatever to me。 Martha's sorrow hit home a little； but
only because the actual sight and sound of it gave me a dull； bad sort of
pain low down insidea pain not to be actually located。 Moreover； I was
still wanting my bootlace。
This was a poor sort of a beginning to a day that； so far as outside
conditions went； had promised so well。 I rigged up a sort of jurymast of
a bootlace with a bit of old string； and wandered off to look up the girls；
conscious of a jar and a discordance in the scheme of things。 The
moment I entered the schoolroom something in the air seemed to tell me
that here； too； matters were strained and awry。 Selina was staring
listlessly out of the window； one foot curled round her leg。 When I spoke
to her she jerked a shoulder testily； but did not condescend to the civility
of a reply。 Charlotte； absolutely unoccupied； sprawled in a chair； and
there were signs of sniffles about her； even at that early hour。 It was but a
trifling matter that had caused all this electricity in the atmosphere； and the
girls' manner of taking it seemed to me most unreasonable。 Within the
last few days the time had come round for the despatch of a hamper to
Edward at school。 Only one hamper a term was permitted him； so its
preparation was a sort of blend of revelry and religious ceremony。 After
the main corpus of the thing had been carefully selected and safely
bestowedthe pots of jam； the cake； the sausages； and the apples that
filled up corners so nicelyafter the last package had been wedged in； the
girls had deposited their own private and personal offerings on the top。 I
forget their precise nature； anyhow； they were nothing of any particular
practical use to a boy。 But they had involved some contrivance and
labour； some skimping of pocket money； and much delightful cloud…
building as to the effect on their enraptured recipient。 Well； yesterday
there had come a terse acknowledgment from Edward； heartily
commending the cakes and the jam； stamping the sausages with the seal of
Smith major's approval； and finally hinting that； fortified as he now was；
nothing more was necessary but a remittance of five shillings in postage
stamps to enable him to face the world armed against every buffet of fate。
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DREAM DAYS
That was all。 Never a word or a hint of the personal tributes or of his
appreciation of them。 To usto Harold and me； that isthe letter seemed
natural and sensible enough。 After all； provender was the main thing；
and five shillings stood for a complete equipment against the most
unexpected turns of luck。 The presents were very well in their wayvery
nice； and so onbut life was a serious matter； and the contest called for
cakes and half crowns to carry it on； not gew… gaws and knitted mittens
and the like。 The girls； however； in their obstinate way； persisted in
taking their own view of the slight。 Hence it was that I received my
second rebuff of the morning。
Somewhat disheartened； I made my way downstairs and out into the
sunlight； where I found Harold playing conspirators by himself on the
gravel。 He had dug a small hole in the walk and had laid an imaginary
train of powder thereto； and； as he sought refuge in the laurels from the
inevitable explosion； I heard him murmur： 〃‘My God！' said the Czar；
‘my plans are frustrated！'〃 It seemed an excellent occasion for being a
black puma。 Harold liked black pumas； on the whole； as well as any
animal we were familiar with。
So I launched myself on him； with the appropriate howl； rolling him
over on the gravel。
Life may be said to be composed of things that come off and things
that don't come off。 This thing； unfortunately； was one of the things that
didn't come off。 From beneath me I heard a shrill cry of； 〃Oh； it's my
sore knee！〃 And Harold wriggled himself free from the puma's clutches；
bellowing dismally。 Now； I honestly didn't know he had a sore knee； and；
what's more； he knew I didn't know he had a sore knee。 According to
boy ethics； therefore； his attitude was wrong； sore knee or not； and no
apology was due from me。 I made half…way advances； however；
suggesting we should lie in ambush by the edge of the pond and cut off the
ducks as they waddled down in simple； unsuspecting single file； then hunt
them as bisons flying scattered over the vast prairie。 A fascinating
pursuit this； and strictly illicit。 But Harold would none of my overtures；
and retreated to the house wailing with full lungs。
Things were getting simply infernal。 I struck out blindly for the open
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DREAM DAYS
country； and even as I made for the gate a shrill voice from a window bade
me keep off the flower…beds。 When the gate had swung to behind me
with a vicious click I felt better； and after ten minutes along the road it
began to grow on me that some radical change was needed； that I was in a
blind alley； and that this intolerable state of things must somehow cease。
All that I could do I had already done。 As well…meaning a fellow as ever
stepped was pounding along the road that day； with an exceeding sore
heart； one who only wished to live and let live； in touch with his fellows；
and appreciating what joys life had to offer。 What was wanted now was a
complete change of environment。 Some where in the world； I felt sure；
justice and sympathy still resided。 There were places called pampas； for
instance； that sounded well。 League upon league of grass； with just an
occasional wild horse； and not a relation within the horizon！ To a bruised
spirit this seemed a sane and a healing sort of existence。 There were
other pleasant corners； again； where you dived for pearls and stabbed
sharks in the stomach with your big knife。 No relations would be likely
to come interfering with you when thus blissfully occupied。 And yet I
did not wishjust yetto have done with relations entirely。 They should
be made to feel their position first； to see themselves as they really were；
and to wishwhen it was too latethat they had behaved more properly。
Of all professions； the army seemed to lend itself the most thoroughly
to the scheme。 You enlisted； you followed the drum； you marched；
fought； and ported arms； under strange skies； through unrecorded years。
At last； at long last； your opportunity would come； when the horrors of
war were flickering through the quiet country…side where you were cradled
and bred； but where the memory of you had long been dim。 Folk would
run together； clamorous； palsied with fear； and among the terror…stricken
groups would figure certain aunts。 〃What hope is left us？〃 they would
ask themselves； 〃save in the clemency of the General； the mysterious；
invincible General； of whom men tell such romantic tales？〃 And the
army would march in； and the guns would rattle and leap along the village
street； and； last of all； youyou； the General； the fabled heroyou would
enter； on your coal…black charger； your pale set face seamed by an
interesting sabre…cut。 And thenbut every boy has rehearsed this familiar
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DREAM DAYS
