pride and prejudice(傲慢与偏见)-第99节
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inexpressibly painful to me。 Your reproof； so well applied； I shall
never forget： “had you behaved in a more gentleman…like
manner。” Those were your words。 You know not； you can scarcely
conceive； how they have tortured me；—though it was some time； I
confess； before I was reasonable enough to allow their justice。’
‘I was certainly very far from expecting them to make so strong
an impression。 I had not the smallest idea of their being ever felt
in such a way。’
‘I can easily believe it。 You thought me then devoid of every
proper feeling； I am sure you did。 The turn of your countenance I
shall never forget； as you said that I could not have addressed you
in any possible way； that would induce you to accept me。’
‘Oh！ do not repeat what I then said。 These recollections will not
do at all。 I assure you； that I have long been most heartily ashamed
of it。’
Darcy mentioned his letter。 ‘Did it；’ said he； ‘did it soon make
you think better of me？ Did you； on reading it； give any credit to
its contents？’
She explained what its effect on her had been； and how
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gradually all her former prejudices had been removed。
‘I knew；’ said he； ‘that what I wrote must give you pain； but it
was necessary。 I hope you have destroyed the letter。 There was
one part especially； the opening of it； which I should dread your
having the power of reading again。 I can remember some
expressions which might justly make you hate me。’
‘The letter shall certainly be burnt； if you believe it essential to
the preservation of my regard； but； though we have both reason to
think my opinions not entirely unalterable； they are not； I hope；
quite so easily changed as that implies。’
‘When I wrote that letter；’ replied Darcy； ‘I believed myself
perfectly calm and cool； but I am since convinced that it was
written in a dreadful bitterness of spirit。’
‘The letter； perhaps； began in bitterness； but it did not end so。
The adieu is charity itself。 But think no more of the letter。 The
feelings of the person who wrote； and the person who received it；
are now so widely different from what they were then； that every
unpleasant circumstance attending it； ought to be forgotten。 You
must learn some of my philosophy。 Think only of the past as its
remembrance gives you pleasure。’
‘I cannot give you credit for any philosophy of the kind。 Your
retrospections must be so totally void of reproach； that the
contentment arising from them； is not of philosophy； but what is
much better； of innocence。 But with me； it is not so。 Painful
recollections will intrude； which cannot； which ought not to be
repelled。 I have been a selfish being all my life； in practice； though
not in principle。 As a child I was taught what was right； but I was
not taught to correct my temper。 I was given good principles； but
left to follow them in pride and conceit。 Unfortunately an only son；
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（for many years an only child） I was spoilt by my parents； who
though good themselves； （my father particularly； all that was
benevolent and amiable；） allowed； encouraged； almost taught me
to be selfish and overbearing； to care for none beyond my own
family circle； to think meanly of all the rest of the world； to wish at
least to think meanly of their sense and worth compared with my
own。 Such I was； from eight to eight and twenty； and such I might
still have been but for you； dearest； loveliest Elizabeth！ What do I
not owe you！ You taught me a lesson； hard indeed at first； but
most advantageous。 By you； I was properly humbled。 I came to
you without a doubt of my reception。 You shewed me how
insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of
being pleased。’
‘Had you then persuaded yourself that I should？’
‘Indeed I had。 What will you think of my vanity？ I believed you
to be wishing； expecting my addresses。’
‘My manners must have been in fault； but not intentionally I
assure you。 I never meant to deceive you； but my spirits might
often lead me wrong。 How you must have hated me after that
evening？’
‘Hate you！ I was angry perhaps at first； but my anger soon
began to take a proper direction。’
‘I am almost afraid of asking what you thought of me； when we
met at Pemberley。 You blamed me for coming？’
‘No indeed； I felt nothing but surprise。’
‘Your surprise could not be greater than mine in being noticed
by you。 My conscience told me that I deserved no extraordinary
politeness； and I confess that I did not expect to receive more than
my due。’
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‘My object then；’ replied Darcy； ‘was to shew you； by every
civility in my power； that I was not so mean as to resent the past；
and I hoped to obtain your forgiveness； to lessen your ill opinion；
by letting you see that your reproofs had been attended to。 How
soon any other wishes introduced themselves I can hardly tell； but
I believe in about half an hour after I had seen you。’
He then told her of Georgiana’s delight in her acquaintance；
and of her disappointment at its sudden interruption； which
naturally leading to the cause of that interruption； she soon learnt
that his resolution of following her from Derbyshire in quest of her
sister； had been formed before he quitted the inn； and that his
gravity and thoughtfulness there； had arisen from no other
struggles than what such a purpose must comprehend。
She expressed her gratitude again； but it was too painful a
subject to each； to be dwelt on farther。
After walking several miles in a leisurely manner； and too busy
to know any thing about it； they found at last； on examining their
watches； that it was time to be at home。
‘What could become of Mr。 Bingley and Jane！’ was a wonder
which introduced the discussion of their affairs。 Darcy was
delighted with their engagement； his friend had given him the
earliest information of it。
‘I must ask whether you were surprised？’ said Elizabeth。
‘Not at all。 When I went away； I felt that it would soon happen。’
‘That is to say； you had given your permission。 I guessed as
much。’ And though he exclaimed at the term； she found that it had
been pretty much the case。
‘On the evening before my going to London；’ said he； ‘I made a
confession to him； which I believe I ought to have made long ago。 I
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told him of all that had occurred to make my former interference
in his affairs； absurd and impertinent。 His surprise was great。 He
had never had the slightest suspicion。 I told him； moreover； that I
believed myself mistaken in supposing； as I had done； that your
sister was indifferent to him； and as I could easily perceive that his
attachment to her was unabated； I felt no doubt of their happiness
together。’
Elizabeth could not help smiling at his easy manner of directing
his friend。
‘Did you speak from your own observation；’ said she； ‘when you
told him that my sister loved him； or merely from my information
last spring？’
‘From the former。 I had narrowly observed her during the two
visits which I had lately made here； and I was convinced of her
affection。’
‘A
